[franki_j]

OK, so I started therapy 3 months ago for eating related issues that have bothered me my whole life. Well, it's been incredibly helpful and my eating has normalized remarkably from when I've been in therapy, and it's nowhere near as big an issue as it was for me when I first started. Of course, I realize that my issues with food and my body have not completely disappeared, but they are nowhere near as bad as before, so I guess maybe I don't feel as much of a need to talk about them anymore.

The way that my therapist starts session is we first talk about how my week has gone, then we read the food records I bought for the week and she offers me her insights or suggestions. But I guess b/c it's not such a huge problem as it was for me in the past, I feel like our sessions will be moving more towards just talking about my life. Like in our last session, (and I had been away for 3 weeks), we talked about my vacation and how it felt like for me to be home, but I didn't really know what to say. Like, I guess b/c I came in originally for food issues, I don't know how much I'm supposed to talk about the other parts of my life. And it's not that I don't like talking to her (I actually really like her a lot), but I just feel weird babbling on about myself, especially when it's not really what her specialty is. So a lot of times I don't tell her things that maybe are not so superficial b/c I don't know what to say, and honestly, yes, there are some things I am dealing with, but not to the point where I feel the need to talk about them with her.
Like for example, I have been attracted to girls for awhile and have had sex a couple times with another girl. Last night my friend and I went out to a lesbian club and I made out with this one girl there and my friend and I talked about the fact that it's easier to by straight than it is to be gay. So am I supposed to say this to my therapist? But I don't really feel the urge to discuss this with anyone. For me, it's personal and something that isn't a top priority right now as I am busy trying to get into graduate school/doing an internship. I mean, it seems kind of silly to just throw it out there for the sake of saying something that isn't so superficial, as well as the fact that her specialty is very clearly eating disorders, not LGBT issues.
And it's not that I don't trust her, I actually like her a lot, I guess I am just struggling with how to be in therapy. Or, does this mean I am ready to stop therapy if my primary issue is on its way to being resolved? But she seems to want to continue seeing me, as she is asking me when would be a good time to do our appointments in Sept. once school starts. IDK, I am confused, please help!

[lastyearisblank]

Totally. I totally get this...

And it's not that I don't like talking to her (I actually really like her a lot), but I just feel weird babbling on about myself, especially when it's not really what her specialty is. So a lot of times I don't tell her things that maybe are not so superficial b/c I don't know what to say, and honestly, yes, there are some things I am dealing with, but not to the point where I feel the need to talk about them with her.

I think it depends on what you were upset about before starting having an eating disorder. It can take a while to figure that out. Be patient w/ yourself!

[franki_j]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Totally. I totally get this...


I think it depends on what you were upset about before starting having an eating disorder. It can take a while to figure that out. Be patient w/ yourself!

But that's the thing: what led up to me having an ED was just normal body image issues that started when I was 14. And then I went on a diet, and then I stopped eating, and then I started binging, and then I started purging and on and on and on...But I feel like now that I'm older and I've gone to therapy, I've been able to largely get out of that cycle. It's not like there was a specific traumatic moment that caused the ED. SO I don't really know where to go from here in my therapy, you know?

[eskielover]

There could be other issues & feelings that were going on inside of you that caused the ED....it's not always an event.....but there was something that caused you to have body image issues because having body image issues IS NOT NORMAL.

Also just because everyone around you are doing something & making it look normal or right doesn't mean that it is either. I think maybe you need to look deeper into yourself & where your values are coming from....because that is really what is at the bottom of everything including where your body image issues started in the first place. Understanding ones self better is important & therapy can help if you allow it to & if you want it to.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by franki_j

But that's the thing: what led up to me having an ED was just normal body image issues that started when I was 14. And then I went on a diet, and then I stopped eating, and then I started binging, and then I started purging and on and on and on...But I feel like now that I'm older and I've gone to therapy, I've been able to largely get out of that cycle. It's not like there was a specific traumatic moment that caused the ED. SO I don't really know where to go from here in my therapy, you know?

Yeah I see. It's a bit similar for me. I agree with what Eskie said that sometimes it's hard to see the connection but with food stuff, or with any addiction or compulsion, it is always tied at some basic, biological level to emotion regulation. There is something there.

I don't know how to approach this either in T. I basically just sit there and spew random stuff and watch her expression.. like is this boring you? Does this make sense? Sometimes what I say seems to engage her. And sometimes I just end up drawing back and trying to regroup. Like why am I here? What am I doing this for? I go back and forth a lot and have just basically settled on not quitting for a while.

Yesterday I was going through my old journals and something suddenly hit me. It was like a lightbulb moment. It's like I could break it down-- something happened in these years, something different could have happened here in this relationship, these are the skills I need to learn now. That couldn't have happened without the education my T has imparted to me in these... (6?) sessions. And I forgave myself for a lot of the mistakes of the past. It was all very clear and satisfying. I don't know if that makes sense.

I'm sorry it feels sort of pointless right now. But it's so so wonderful that you're seeing some changes already with the ED. That's a good sign. Do stick with it, at least for a while.

[franki_j]

Thanks for the support guys!
Well, one thing I was thinking was that I know a lot of my issues with my weight and body image stem from my family, and especially my dad. And because I was home with my parents over vacation, some of those issues came up, but I didn't discuss them with my therapist, I just made it sound like everything was great when I was away (which for the most part it was).
But for example, my dad and I had a discussion and he told me, in all seriousness, that women shouldn't be allowed to vote. And I asked him if that included me, and he looked at me and said "No I don't think you should be allowed to vote." So of course this turned into a huge argument that ended with me crying hysterically (I am getting my MA right now, and it is really hard dealing with men who think you are an idiot).
You see, I think my dad beleives that women should just be pretty objects to look at and intelligence comes second. So obviously this has somthing to do do with my body issues, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want to sound so dramatic or self-pitying, and I really do love my family a lot, and then I also think about some of the things that people are going thru that are a lot worse problems than mine, and I feel like my dad telling me that isn't really bad at all compared to other people's problems, and then I feel like I am fishing for sympathy from her. But I guess I should probably say something, right? I mean, what do you guys think?

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by franki_j

Thanks for the support guys!
Well, one thing I was thinking was that I know a lot of my issues with my weight and body image stem from my family, and especially my dad. And because I was home with my parents over vacation, some of those issues came up, but I didn't discuss them with my therapist, I just made it sound like everything was great when I was away (which for the most part it was).
But for example, my dad and I had a discussion and he told me, in all seriousness, that women shouldn't be allowed to vote. And I asked him if that included me, and he looked at me and said "No I don't think you should be allowed to vote." So of course this turned into a huge argument that ended with me crying hysterically (I am getting my MA right now, and it is really hard dealing with men who think you are an idiot).
You see, I think my dad beleives that women should just be pretty objects to look at and intelligence comes second. So obviously this has somthing to do do with my body issues, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want to sound so dramatic or self-pitying, and I really do love my family a lot, and then I also think about some of the things that people are going thru that are a lot worse problems than mine, and I feel like my dad telling me that isn't really bad at all compared to other people's problems, and then I feel like I am fishing for sympathy from her. But I guess I should probably say something, right? I mean, what do you guys think?

Hi franki - my father has distorted attitudes towards women - women should always wear skirts, have pretty nails, be financially looked after by men, shouldn't drive cars anywhere other than to the local shop, are unlovable if they are hold or over weight, shouldn't old certain jobs etc. etc. I grew up with this and amongst other issues in my life, I believe this has had a huge impact on my life. I hate dressing in a feminine way at work, always wear trousers and practical shoes, I am also cautious what I wear when I go out. I am 45 now and I have battled with the low self esteem issues I had as a result of that upbringing - these have led to binging, starving and self loathing - not wanting to see or touch my body and other stuff.

I loved my father very much and so wanted him to be proud of me - it felt like an impossible task. Until I realised that his attitudes were very warped and I was not better or worse than any other human being. However it is one thing to know that but much harder to really feel it inside as a truth.

What's important in the things you have shared are that they are issues for you - there is no measure of what is not such a big deal for people and what is significantly worse - the important thing is how it makes you feel, how it may impact on who you are or who you want to be.

Therapy is so very hard, I still don't totally understand it 15 months down the line, but recently I have started to notice some changes and I know that is a good thing.

People say to just be open with your T about your thoughts / feelings, if possible to share what you have written on here - that in itself may be something you can both explore and may speak volumes. However I know that talking with yoru T can be hugely difficult and can take time.

Good luck

[learning1]

Originally Posted by franki_j

Thanks for the support guys!
Well, one thing I was thinking was that I know a lot of my issues with my weight and body image stem from my family, and especially my dad. And because I was home with my parents over vacation, some of those issues came up, but I didn't discuss them with my therapist, I just made it sound like everything was great when I was away (which for the most part it was).
But for example, my dad and I had a discussion and he told me, in all seriousness, that women shouldn't be allowed to vote. And I asked him if that included me, and he looked at me and said "No I don't think you should be allowed to vote." So of course this turned into a huge argument that ended with me crying hysterically (I am getting my MA right now, and it is really hard dealing with men who think you are an idiot).
You see, I think my dad beleives that women should just be pretty objects to look at and intelligence comes second. So obviously this has somthing to do do with my body issues, but I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want to sound so dramatic or self-pitying, and I really do love my family a lot, and then I also think about some of the things that people are going thru that are a lot worse problems than mine, and I feel like my dad telling me that isn't really bad at all compared to other people's problems, and then I feel like I am fishing for sympathy from her. But I guess I should probably say something, right? I mean, what do you guys think?

Yeah, right, I guess you should tell that .

I totally identified with all the reasons you wrote for not telling- not sounding dramatic, self-pitying, loving your family, other people having it worse, and not fishing for sympathy. But that's with my issues. Reading what you wrote about your Dad from an outside perspective, that sounds like an obvious, important thing to tell your therapist about, even though I understand it feels awkward.

[franki_j]

Yes, this process is hard. I think what I will do is email her and tell her what my dad said, b/c she told me to email her and also b/c I would feel awkward saying it in person.
And yeah, it's funny but I know from an outsider's perspective it sounds like a pretty obvious thing to tell your therapist, but from my perspective it's like "eeh whatever, not a big deal," even tho it happened two weeks ago and I'm still thinking about it, so clearly I guess it is kind of a big deal for me.

[*doodles*]

I think a lot of people go into therapy for a certain issue and end up discovering a whole slew of things that need to be worked on. So unless your T is strictly for ED, then I wouldn't hesitate going off in other directions as well, even if it isn't her specialty. You could always ask her! Something along the lines of "I feel like most of my eating issues have stabilized since starting therapy, so where do we go from here?" or something. But I have a feeling she wants to help you become a better, more happy/satisfied, healed, confident person all around not just with the eating stuff!

[sunrise]

Do you want to talk about other things in therapy? It sounds like your T has been really helpful with the ED issue. If you want to keep therapy focused on this one issue, maybe you don't need to see her as frequently anymore. Perhaps you could see her every other week and keep focused on the ED. Or then go to once a month, and more frequently if you need extra support. There are lots of clients who go to therapy for a specific issue, get help with that, and then stop therapy or cut down the frequency. It all depends on what you want and need and if there are other issues you want to work on. I think this is a great discussion to have with your therapist!

[franki_j]

I emailed my therapist about what my dad had said and how this made me feel and she emailed me back saying that this was a really important issue and made her realize that she didn't know anything about my family and that we would talk about this in therapy next week. She also said that I am very intelligent but have trouble articulating myself (which is very true), and this is something she would like to help me with, as well as discussing how my dad's views on women affect the way I view myself. Also, she said that I was not being "dramatic or whiny," which is something I expressed worry over in the email.
So I guess like doodle said, she seems more than OK helping me with other things, which I am happy about, b/c I like her and don't really want to stop going to her just b/c my eating has stabilized.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by learning1

Yeah, right, I guess you should tell that .

I totally identified with all the reasons you wrote for not telling- not sounding dramatic, self-pitying, loving your family, other people having it worse, and not fishing for sympathy. But that's with my issues.

Ohhhhh heh heh it's not just your issues.

Glad she responded franki! She sounds like she has a good grasp on your therapy.

[franki_j]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Ohhhhh heh heh it's not just your issues.

LOL I think we all feel this way about our issues!

[*Defeated*]

Hi Franki J,

I will go ahead an admit this is hypocritical of me to say but it is only in your best interest that you be completely honest with your therapist. I have trouble with this, but that is what he/she is there for.This includes your thoughts about family, friends, relationships, LGBGTIQ, eating disorders ... the list could go on, infinitely. Your thoughts and feelings are just that ... YOUR thoughts and feelings. You needn't be ashamed of what they are - they're not wrong. Please keep in mind that the "norm" is based on a society where 1 out of every FOUR people develops a diagnosable mental illness at some point in their life. 25% is not enough to be considered abnormal/crazy/insane and/or ******** and that is no different than considering the 25% of Americans that utilize mobile apps are crazy. I mean, ****, statistics show that's 1 in 4 too, right?! Can I get a congregational, WTF?!

I apologize to anyone this may have offended ... just trying to make a point.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by franki_j

Yes, this process is hard. I think what I will do is email her and tell her what my dad said, b/c she told me to email her and also b/c I would feel awkward saying it in person.
And yeah, it's funny but I know from an outsider's perspective it sounds like a pretty obvious thing to tell your therapist, but from my perspective it's like "eeh whatever, not a big deal," even tho it happened two weeks ago and I'm still thinking about it, so clearly I guess it is kind of a big deal for me.

I'm glad you told her and she was interested to talk about it. Hope it's helpful