something T said

Something she said is just bothering me.

We'd spoken about my ex. And I said to her, look maybe I need to take a break from dating. Maybe I just don't have as much to bring to the table as other women (I was thinking of my mental health issues, I don't know how she took it). And I was like yeah, it's just so frustrating and dumb to deal with people sometimes.

And she (who is married) was like, yeah that's a strong argument. But of course as a therapist I don't want to give up too soon.

It really really hurt me-- and I just wonder like am I being too sensitive?

Any feedback would be apprecaited.

Sounds like a lot going on in those simple statements.

She responded but you are not sure which of two or three statements she responded to but your head is saying the, "maybe I don't have as much to bring to the table as other women" statement.

That you are hurt that someone "agreed" with you when you made a negative comment about yourself implies that you weren't "serious" about it and were fishing for a compliment or reassurance that it wasn't true?

That you made a negative comment about yourself, hoping it wasn't true (but perhaps believing it since you are hurt that someone else is "confirming" it) AND that you assumed that statement was what your therapist was responding to when she could very easily have been responding to the "it's just so frustrating to deal with people sometimes" statement (like I did), a very "true" statement, AND that you know you don't know what your therapist was responding to but are not either giving her the benefit of the doubt or waiting until you see her again and can ask her about it, discuss it with her. . .

And then there's always the thought that maybe you don't have as much to bring to the table as "other women" (kind of vague but I bet it is true since there will always be other women with more as well as less to "bring to the table" as we do?) and why that potential fact being confirmed hurts your feelings? What other women are doing and what tables they are bringing their stuff to is not our problem!

I fear that my T might see me in the light of less good/less talented/ less loveable than a lot of her patients, so I agree perna, I was sort of provoking her to come up with the "right" response to reassure me. It is important to me to do reality testing, because I've legimiately had a lot of periods where i've lost contact with reality (from the depression) and I want to learn to get better adjusted to reality--- and I don't know how to signal her if this might be one of those times and I don't know if I can trust her to get me out. so i wanted to make sure i'm not reading more hate than is actually there in that statement.

Er. Um. I'm not so sure she fully understood you. Her response doesn't seem to fit your comments really.
Try that one again next session and ask her about what she said.

that IS valid argument. dating sucks and its almost just simpler to not have to deal with it. and if youre feeling like you dont "bring enough to the table," then you REALLY start to feel like youre just setting yourself up for disappointment after disappointment. yeah, its definitely simpler to just not deal with dating. avoidance works! (for a time, at least...)

i get the impression she was commiserating with you as a woman on the one hand...understanding the frustration and demoralizing nature of singleness and dating today. but on the other hand reassuring you that she didnt think you were a lost cause who should just hang up her "dating shoes" and look into monastery living.

Oh it's nonsense I guess, I thought of trump and other pompous busienss men when I thought of the idea of "Bringing things to the table." Like the idea that a relationship is a monetary engageent contract and my female body exists to look pefect, flatter, please and make jelaous other men. That perhaps in this economic world my life is valued at less because I care about arts and philosophy, whreas my T seems very interesting in worldly things like "nice homes" and "nice boats." and.... and maybe even sees being atttractive and well connected a short ticket to gething thse things.
I just wanted to open up a dialogue she sort of discmissively was just like, "yeah.... can't disagree wit you... you fail on a number of these counts for issues comging from your uprbiringing....

Can I ever trust a T again if most of them are so annoying sexist, old school, and shallow?

I don't remember writing any of that above. Not a single thing.
Was this a blackout?
That is really really scary.
I also just came home from hanging out with some people. I've never met them before. I can't remember exactly how I met them.
NO alcohol was involved in this.

I'm really scared.

I am honestly very very frightened right now.
I have no recollection of having written any of that stuff above.

It doesn't even make sense to me.

if you are loosing time this badly maybe you should call your T.please keep yourself safe

Hey lastyearisblank,

I understand why you feel hurt, It is hard to know what her response was
to, it may have been to the fact it would be better not to date as its frustrating dealing with people sometimes and she could think that as a therapist it wouldnt be right for her to give up and allow you to back away from people and give up on relationships.

My therapist made a comment a while back which really upset me in a very similar way, I felt so judged and hurt. It ended up that she agreed with what i said (which like you was something negative about myself) so that she was validating my feelings and saying she understood why i felt that way but wasnt infact criticising me, This is likely what your T was doing, saying "its a strong argument" - in other words I understand what you are saying but then she doesnt want to giev up on yourself so shes gonna keep trying to help you.

again these are just different views, you will probably need to ask her to get the exact reasons behind what she said but i understand how it can feel hurtful *hugs*

I just saw your other messages,

its ok hun stay calm. Do you have someone with you at home? If so please let them know whats happened(that youve lost time and are disorientated etc) if there is no one at home please call a family member or friend to come to you. Its not a good idea to be alone. I think you need to then ring your therapist or an out of hours gp and explain this and ask if theres someone you can speak to in mental health. I wouldnt want you to be alone at this time.

It could be something like extra stress causing this but just to be on the safe side you need to tell someone whats happening hun

How are you lyib?

Oh, I just overreacted!!! I took an ambien and apparently I just found out it causes blackouts? So not cracking up! Nothing to see here folks

P.S. Apparently I sleep-posted, sleep-ordered dinner, and sleep-socialized. So all in all, a pretty good day.... for being asleep! haha.....

Ah. Ambien can do that to you. Let your doctor know. You probably need to take something different.

Yes it was intensely scary. I now definitely understand what people are talking about when they say they lose time. I apparently hung out with someone for like 6 hours yesterday and could tell you where we went, but that's it. I can't even remember their name. I don't recognize the outfit that I put on, used a different purse than I usually use, and think I remember hopping a metro booth (and I am a law abiding citizen!!). I don't even know if I ate any food the whole day, except for this takeout in my house that I don't remember ordering!! Lol!!!!!!! Ambien is a hell of a drug. I usually just go straight to sleep, this has never happened before.

I think you better talk to your doc about the Ambien. That is scary stuff.

With your T, I would ask for better clarification. I have perception problems. What someone says and what I hear, can be 2 VERY different things. When this happens and I'm not really sure about what was said, I try to ask the other person. Ex "I just want to make sure I heard you right. What I heard you say was "this." Is that what you meant?" Now granted the only 2 people I feel comfortable doing that with is my BF and my T. And sometimes they will notice a confused look on my face and ask me "what did you just hear me say?" I hope that helps some.

I'm like 100% sure she meant that in her eyes, yeah maybe I have less to bring to the table. So I want to know what that means, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction to talk about it more. I just want to go and live my own life on vacation for a while.

Wow, that's amazing and scary. tg you figured out what it was. I agree with everyone who suggested talking to your t, and maybe a regular doctor about it.

I really don't think she meant that. From what you wrote, I thought she was just agreeing that it's frustrating to deal with people sometimes.

I also wondered if maybe she was agreeing with you to keep from having to have an argument with you, so you could work together to figure out solutions instead.

I know.

It just would have been totally awesome if she'd just said "yeah you're fine." I grew up with a mom who would literally scream at me and my sister that we didn't love her enough and nobody would ever love us, and it was all our fault because we were terrible terrible terrible terrible children. (And I see myself in her a little too, with the asking for confirmation of basic stuff, like my value!!!). I kind of wonder if I even need therapy or just you know a little reassurance sometimes! I hate that there's this extra layer now and for me it sort of feels like a new game.

I think therapy has helped me. I do get that extra validation (reassurance) that I need so badly. It has helped me work through some of the issues with my family. I'm still working on that. But I know its not going to be an easy process.