<-- Me missing T and soon to see him?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Petunia said:
I feel he just don't care much at all

I understand why you are feeling that way, Sleeps.

It sucks all around. It hurts.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

yes exactly its very frustrating and and I am stupidish

and I am stupidish

No sweetie. You are human.

Sleeps, I am validating that you are amazing to learn all of these living skills. I am also validating that you are a wonderful person and the T is not unavailable due to you or anything you have done.

Sleeps Though I haven't been posting here I have been following this thread. I am not tired of hearing about it. See its better to write about it then to keep it bottled up inside. So keep writing. Also I can't remember and Im being lazy and aking instead of searching your posts - was there ever a plan to see this therapist again? Im wondering if its time to start looking for a new therapist so that you don't lose ground in all of this. Hang in there.

Hi Sleeps. I know that you have a lot of friends here, but if you ever run out of them(highly doubtful) I am here for you. You are a very caring person and I would have to kick myself in the butt if I learned that I left you alone. Good luck my good friend.

Brian

Hi Sleeps. I know that you have a lot of friends here, but if you ever run out of them(highly doubtful) I am here for you. You are a very caring person and I would have to kick myself in the butt if I learned that I left you alone. Good luck my good friend.

Brian

Thank you ((((Petunia, Wisewoman, Brian and Myself...and um someone who JUST PMed me but has PM off )))))) thank you all..I am ok don't think I am way messed up or in tears or anything just and confused and *feel played a bit by him* and miss him and just I know you all care and are validationg me and I appreciate it ...still I am all over this continual T lament that never ends cause there can and never will be any closure..I will never and when I say will never you can bet the farm on it see a T again I do not want to see another and well I was just left out in the rain I can go see him when I have the money and all.....and a odd flip side I cannot go into...but...when/should I come into the money I will never have a chance to see him EVER again ..I know, lol I know, I am being my vague self again but he is just needed...missed..cared for and I am just a buncha bills to him I think or feel...And it doesnt matter and maybe it should but that I am smart and pretty and can do many things...I wanna see T and can't I feel like a number....(insert song)

Thank you ((((Petunia, Wisewoman, Brian and Myself...and um someone who JUST PMed me but has PM off )))))) thank you all..I am ok don't think I am way messed up or in tears or anything just and confused and *feel played a bit by him* and miss him and just I know you all care and are validationg me and I appreciate it ...still I am all over this continual T lament that never ends cause there can and never will be any closure..I will never and when I say will never you can bet the farm on it see a T again I do not want to see another and well I was just left out in the rain I can go see him when I have the money and all.....and a odd flip side I cannot go into...but...when/should I come into the money I will never have a chance to see him EVER again ..I know, lol I know, I am being my vague self again but he is just needed...missed..cared for and I am just a buncha bills to him I think or feel...And it doesnt matter and maybe it should but that I am smart and pretty and can do many things...I wanna see T and can't I feel like a number....(insert song)

oh man. I am sooo sorry sleeps. I wish that I could take all this away from you. I hope that you know that you have many friends here. I for one will always be here for you know matter what you decide to do......

I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers tonight.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((sleeps)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

oh man. I am sooo sorry sleeps. I wish that I could take all this away from you. I hope that you know that you have many friends here. I for one will always be here for you know matter what you decide to do......

I wish you the best and you will be in my prayers tonight.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((sleeps)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks Brian I know ..and I appreciate you ...Its just frustrating

I found the song

Words and music by bob seger

I take my card and I stand in line
To make a buck I work overtime
Dear sir letters keep coming in the mail
I work my back till it’s racked with pain
The boss can’t even recall my name
I show up late and I’m docked
It never fails
***I feel like just another
Spoke in a great big wheel
Like a tiny blade of grass
In a great big field
To workers I’m just another drone
To ma bell I’m just another phone
I’m just another statistic on a sheet
To teachers I’m just another child
To irs I’m just another file
I’m just another consensus on the street
Gonna cruise out of this city
Head down to the sea
Gonna shout out at the ocean
Hey it’s me
And I feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like a stranger
A stranger in this land
I feel like a number***
I’m not a number
I’m not a number
Dammit I’m a man
I said I’m a man

I reckon I am gonna go to bed ...Night all and thanks

Thanks Brian I know ..and I appreciate you ...Its just frustrating

I found the song

Words and music by bob seger

I take my card and I stand in line
To make a buck I work overtime
Dear sir letters keep coming in the mail
I work my back till it’s racked with pain
The boss can’t even recall my name
I show up late and I’m docked
It never fails
***I feel like just another
Spoke in a great big wheel
Like a tiny blade of grass
In a great big field
To workers I’m just another drone
To ma bell I’m just another phone
I’m just another statistic on a sheet
To teachers I’m just another child
To irs I’m just another file
I’m just another consensus on the street
Gonna cruise out of this city
Head down to the sea
Gonna shout out at the ocean
Hey it’s me
And I feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like a stranger
A stranger in this land
I feel like a number***
I’m not a number
I’m not a number
Dammit I’m a man
I said I’m a man

I reckon I am gonna go to bed ...Night all and thanks

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel like a number***
I’m not a number
I’m not a number
Dammit I’m a man
I said I’m a man

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, in my book you're 'the woman'. I wish you well sleeps. Goodnite.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I feel like a number***
I’m not a number
I’m not a number
Dammit I’m a man
I said I’m a man

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Well, in my book you're 'the woman'. I wish you well sleeps. Goodnite.

((((((((( sleeps )))))))))))) I've been thinking about you alot.

I don't know much about the USA system. But is there like an emergency fund or charity that could help you to pay for this?

I wish I had the money to give you, I know how much a T means.

Hugs from pegs.

((((((((( sleeps )))))))))))) I've been thinking about you alot.

I don't know much about the USA system. But is there like an emergency fund or charity that could help you to pay for this?

I wish I had the money to give you, I know how much a T means.

Hugs from pegs.

Woooowwwwwww

I've been missing this all along!

Sleeps my favourite foxy lady - *hugs*

Woooowwwwwww

I've been missing this all along!

Sleeps my favourite foxy lady - *hugs*

((((((((((((((((((Sleeps)))))))))))))))))

You are such a great person. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could take it all away, ggrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

((((((((((((((((((Sleeps)))))))))))))))))

You are such a great person. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could take it all away, ggrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Sleeps its never easy losing a therapist no matter the reason be it money, therapist went on vacation and decided not to come back, therapist fired, professional burn out or even one or the other moves out of town/state. Never easy. I too not so long ago said Id never choose another therapist. Then I did so even though I didn't plan on plan on keeping that therapist or even remaining in therapy after I saw her for the required one year. I even went into just tolorating the terapist and then into hating her and coiuldnt wait til the one year was up, counting days months and weeks, not hiding my hostility in my journals that the therapist read, floated in la la land so that I didn't have to be near that therapist, which left her with me in memory pieces that contained swearing and mouthing off content. LL (therapist) made it clear on the few chances she caught me aware, that she had never had any client call her clueless and swear at her and she did not like it. When I was aware I knew it irritated the hell out of her that I was not talking to her about my feelings on the past therapist and this transitional process so I irritated her even more by quoting an ethics law time frame and contined to not discuss anything in detail. You might say I was a definate B...... on a mission to submarine this broad as fast as I could without her seeing it coming. I was only there to accomplish that one year time frame and that was it. Especially after LL trying to make sure everything went perfect with me and a new DHS caseworker yelled at me after a court appointed hearing for using the guys first name, and for doing a background search on the guy before I even met him. I went into full out background search on LL to find out more about her. I knew there had to be a deep dark secret she was hiding and I was going to find it. But you know even though I found out something that her other clients most likely did not know because of the personal nature of it the more I found on her the more I started to like her. I didn't even realise it either until one day in therapy she asked me "so have I grown on you yet?" I told her "you might say that." all the while I was thinking oh man I do like her at least a little don't I. When I found out I was no longer court mandated to stay in therapy, my first reaction was good by therapy.. but logic kicked in I have come too far and have worked too hard to leave that up to chance. My son may not be coming home to live until he is 18 but hye will be coming home and he deserves to have a mother who is not acting out the unconscious memories of abuse, a mother that can remain fully aware while spending time with him. He's also going to need alot of help when he ages out of the foster care system and Im his closest relative and I always told him no matter how long he is in residential and foster care his home is going to be here. If I can't do what is best for me then I have to do what is best for him and continue on with what has been started. So I still see LL though now without the submarine plans. LOL have made sure that during my time with her I remain aware and don't float off completely to la la land. Thats a bit of a challege now that I have decided that our sessions are on my hardest day of the week. but for the most part Im still in ther fighting that urge to just follow the music away with my clouds.

All things considered I am now two years later glad that I do have LL backing things up just in case I come up against something I can't do on my own or run into something beyond my control.

It took me along time and many discussions with my past therapist before I was ready to let go of the therapy side of our relationship. Alot of things had to be taken care of first.

So I understand that you haven't had closure and NEVER want therapy again. And yea Ive had some cases with therapists where I was just a checkbook number. That one of the reasons why before usually enter therapy I find out if that agency has a sliding fee scale. if so most of those therapists don't see their clients as just check book numbers.

Someday when you are ready if that day comes when you have no choice know here in the US there are agencies like Department of human services, St vincent Du paul, catholic charities, and so on that can give vouchers for bills. I have been known a time or two to take a bill to them so that my own money I would normally use for that bill could go for paying a therapist. Its not very honest but it works. It may not fix the problem permanently but it does give me a month to look for other options like free services at a crisis center (sometimes they also have funds that can help with the therapy costs of seeing a nearby therapist in the community)

Take care. ((((((((sleeps)))))))))))

Sleeps its never easy losing a therapist no matter the reason be it money, therapist went on vacation and decided not to come back, therapist fired, professional burn out or even one or the other moves out of town/state. Never easy. I too not so long ago said Id never choose another therapist. Then I did so even though I didn't plan on plan on keeping that therapist or even remaining in therapy after I saw her for the required one year. I even went into just tolorating the terapist and then into hating her and coiuldnt wait til the one year was up, counting days months and weeks, not hiding my hostility in my journals that the therapist read, floated in la la land so that I didn't have to be near that therapist, which left her with me in memory pieces that contained swearing and mouthing off content. LL (therapist) made it clear on the few chances she caught me aware, that she had never had any client call her clueless and swear at her and she did not like it. When I was aware I knew it irritated the hell out of her that I was not talking to her about my feelings on the past therapist and this transitional process so I irritated her even more by quoting an ethics law time frame and contined to not discuss anything in detail. You might say I was a definate B...... on a mission to submarine this broad as fast as I could without her seeing it coming. I was only there to accomplish that one year time frame and that was it. Especially after LL trying to make sure everything went perfect with me and a new DHS caseworker yelled at me after a court appointed hearing for using the guys first name, and for doing a background search on the guy before I even met him. I went into full out background search on LL to find out more about her. I knew there had to be a deep dark secret she was hiding and I was going to find it. But you know even though I found out something that her other clients most likely did not know because of the personal nature of it the more I found on her the more I started to like her. I didn't even realise it either until one day in therapy she asked me "so have I grown on you yet?" I told her "you might say that." all the while I was thinking oh man I do like her at least a little don't I. When I found out I was no longer court mandated to stay in therapy, my first reaction was good by therapy.. but logic kicked in I have come too far and have worked too hard to leave that up to chance. My son may not be coming home to live until he is 18 but hye will be coming home and he deserves to have a mother who is not acting out the unconscious memories of abuse, a mother that can remain fully aware while spending time with him. He's also going to need alot of help when he ages out of the foster care system and Im his closest relative and I always told him no matter how long he is in residential and foster care his home is going to be here. If I can't do what is best for me then I have to do what is best for him and continue on with what has been started. So I still see LL though now without the submarine plans. LOL have made sure that during my time with her I remain aware and don't float off completely to la la land. Thats a bit of a challege now that I have decided that our sessions are on my hardest day of the week. but for the most part Im still in ther fighting that urge to just follow the music away with my clouds.

All things considered I am now two years later glad that I do have LL backing things up just in case I come up against something I can't do on my own or run into something beyond my control.

It took me along time and many discussions with my past therapist before I was ready to let go of the therapy side of our relationship. Alot of things had to be taken care of first.

So I understand that you haven't had closure and NEVER want therapy again. And yea Ive had some cases with therapists where I was just a checkbook number. That one of the reasons why before usually enter therapy I find out if that agency has a sliding fee scale. if so most of those therapists don't see their clients as just check book numbers.

Someday when you are ready if that day comes when you have no choice know here in the US there are agencies like Department of human services, St vincent Du paul, catholic charities, and so on that can give vouchers for bills. I have been known a time or two to take a bill to them so that my own money I would normally use for that bill could go for paying a therapist. Its not very honest but it works. It may not fix the problem permanently but it does give me a month to look for other options like free services at a crisis center (sometimes they also have funds that can help with the therapy costs of seeing a nearby therapist in the community)

Take care. ((((((((sleeps)))))))))))

I know you all care and are validating me and I appreciate it ...still I am all over this continual T lament that never ends cause there can and never will be any closure.

Getting back to you and your lament, Sleeps.

I have always listened.

I'm listening now.

I will continue to listen for as long as you need me too.

You are grieving. I hear you. I hurt with you.

I know you all care and are validating me and I appreciate it ...still I am all over this continual T lament that never ends cause there can and never will be any closure.

Getting back to you and your lament, Sleeps.

I have always listened.

I'm listening now.

I will continue to listen for as long as you need me too.

You are grieving. I hear you. I hurt with you.

(((((((((((((((((( Sleeps ))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))))))))))

I wish so much I could fix all this for both of you.

Love and hugs,

Jan