<-- Me missing T and soon to see him?

I THINK I will be making an appointment to see T...I shall maybe make the call on Monday...this is...unbearable

But idiot that I am..I know I won't tell him how hard this is for me ..I am a dunce

Hi Sleeps,

You're no dunce or idiot. You're just trying hard to show him how independent you can be and how well you're coping with all this. Maybe like trying to be the 'good' patient? I find it's hard for me not to want to please my T. He keeps pointing that out to me, that it's not about doing or saying stuff because I think it's what he wants, it's supposed to be about what I want and need.

Do what you need to do. Make the appt. If you need to, go rant and rave at him, or just sit quietly and let him know you're hurting, or tell him to come here and look at what you're saying... But remember, it's not fair... what the system is doing is not fair to you. That doesn't make you bad or foolish or silly cause you're having difficulty coping ~~ it means the system is bad and it's not helping you. The system is idiotic and ridiculous.

I think you've been tough and courageous thru all this. You've dealt as best you could. You're still posting to us. You're trying as hard as you know how. You get an A.

Thinking of you, Quay

Hi Sleeps,

I hope it works out for you to see your T - I know you've really been missing the opportunity to see him. And I hope you can really talk with him about how things are going, and the difficulties you've been experiencing, as hard as that might be. Think of it as making good use of your money, and getting the most out of your fees! If you are honest with your T about how things are going for you, you'll be getting good mileage out of the money you pay to him. Or that's how I look at it when I go to see my counselor. I work towards being honest, even though it's really hard. If I go there and don't talk about things, and leave without talking about how bad things are, I leave feeling yucky, scared, and lonely and that's not a good deal. But maybe that's just me.

Anyway, I hope you can see your T and have that appointment, one way or another - I know it's been a very long wait!

Take care,
ErinBear

(((((((((Sleeps)))))))))) You are not a dunce!!! Please talk nicely about my friend.

Awww Quay thanks I think you really get it..I am mad at the system and am getting a raw deal...Only thing is its not his fault..Right now I think if I go it will JUST be to SEE and BE with him...and gawk at him ....I don't think I can work with soooo much time between visits...I end up feeling kind of like I don't know him and he don't know me anymore..I am working on a way to express that in better words but don't seem to be able to...I would rather go see him once in a while and gak at him than go cold turkey but as far as THERAPY I think that part is maybe over

Ozzie I am honored to be just that..your friend ...who would have guessed hahahaha ...think back shhhhh

I remember well. shhhhhh

HAHAHA I find that way funny when you think of it Ozzie who would have guessed

I sure wouldn't have thought it!!! Guess sometimes things really do turn out for the best.

Exactly Erinbear I have walked out feeling cheated in a way because I didnt cover key things and or we got side tracked...and yes money being tight you would think I would want to get my moneys worth (I am trying soooo hard to not call myself a dunce or idiot) still I find I MAY be just going to get a FIX of him because I find that I may not be able to really work therapy cause I feel like he don't know me anymore and I dont feel like he is my Threapist anymore..just some dude I adore..if this makes sense?

Funny you wrote cause this A.M I woke and was thinking I wonder what happened to ERINBEAR ..I don't see you on often..though that may mean youre healthy and do more things offline

hugs

yes it did and adds color to the story

Maybe you would want to let me proof read the story. lol

LMAO NO OZZIE...Gimme my paper back

Though I am very down cause it seems so hopeless at times

I am thinking I am going to end in a screeching halt

Hi Sleeps,

I'm here - I just don't post unless I think I have something to contribute, so I don't post too often. But I'm here.

Sounds like you are doing worse again...what happened?

Take care,
ErinBear

Hey ya ErinBear...nothing new really happened its just I think I am realizing how this time apart from T is making me feel like light years away from him and why bother cause I doubt he cares either

HUGS

(((((((((((((((((((sleeps)))))))))))))))))))))))

my t will be moving more than likely within the next year. i can so imagine what you're feelings.

warm thoughts,

KD

Thanks Kimmy start backing out of there now...trust me on this..I didnt get time to wean off..one month I am going twice a week the next I am in once a month at best..its shattered me

sleeps, my stomach just jumps reading this...for you because i can relate so much. i will so grieve. i know this. i feel so much for you here.

i'm sure that t will get me started on a "weaning" before they move (he'll have notice).

i hope something is able to work out for you soon. have you checked with the county board to see if they might help with funding? what about the local NAMI?

i hurt for you right now. i hope something works out.

KD

Hi Sleeps,

I can imagine it feels very lonely without the sessions with your counselor, and I know this is a very, very hard time. I don't think that necessarily means he has stopped caring about you though. Just because you can't meet right now doesn't mean somebody stops caring. I would imagine if you could somehow resume your sessions, he would be happy to see you....my bet is that he still cares for you just the same as before. It's just very hard not to be able to have the same sort of schedule and contact as before, and I hear what you say about feeling a sense of distance between you and your T when you can't have that contact. I'm thinking of you....wish I had some better ideas or suggestions. I'll just send caring thoughts your way. That's about the best idea I have.....

Take care,
ErinBear

ErinBear and Kimmy..thanks....see that's the thing I feel so broken and just lost like a kid left in an abandoned car or something. I can go back but part of me wonders why ...all it will amount to is prolonging the inevitable...Kim use that year plus wisely..I will reply more tomorrow cause tonight I am too tense

Hi Sleeps,

Well, whether you go to see him now or not, you need to do whatever is best for you...I know it is a very difficult situation. I'll still be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. Take good care of you.

Take care,
ErinBear

erinbear....YOU DO all you can and I am grateful for that....it's just not easy..or even close. I know just because he cannot see me nor I see him that he can still care..its just he hasnt done anything to contact me and that makes me think....he dont care....Its very sad

Hi Sleeps,

It is hard to be out of touch for so long like this, Sleeps, I know. If your T is like mine, he can't make contact unless you initiate it....except if he has to cancel an appointment or something, I suppose. He can't just call you out of the blue to check up on you, for instance. It's different than not caring, but that's part of their professional boundaries and conduct. Therapists can still care, and care a lot, and maintain their professional boundaries. I guess I'm wondering if you might still like to go see him, even if you can only go to see him occasionally. I know it's not the same as it was before, but I still wonder if it might help to talk with him and see him even once in awhile? You might also be able to talk with him about other things you can do inbetween times....maybe you can email him? or have periodic phone contact? or see if he runs a support group you can attend? Maybe you can see if he can suggest other ideas in your area too. I don't know. You may not want to go back at all, but I guess I wonder if it might be worth going back to touch bases with him.

THinking of you,
ErinBear