<-- Me missing T and soon to see him?

ErinBear you have a good point ..still though my T has not always followed the rules...he has JUMPED over many boundary lines....I guess I will see this week maybe ..I am like going in a circle and can't seem to stop it. You would think he would email asking me something..anything...he has done so before..even just to chat on himself which is good with me ..I just feel way rejected and alone or something by him. I DO know he would see me all I can pay to see him.

Hi Sleeps,

Well, yes, my counselor is happy to see me as many times as I can pay for it too! I think a lot of counselors are! But I guess in my case, the boundaries have been a little clearer in terms of contact - my counselor wouldn't make contact unless I initiated it. The exception would be the rare cases when he had to cancel an appointment due to illness or something, which has happened once or twice.

If you do decide to go see your T, maybe you can talk with him about some of these issues, and about feeling rejected and abandoned...it sounds like a really hard place to be in. I know there are money issues, but if you were expecting him to call or email you, and he didn't, that sounds very upsetting. I hope you can talk about your thoughts and feelings with him if you do go to see him.

Thinking of you - take good care of yourself.

Take care,
ErinBear

This sounds very painful ugh Sometimes T's do change their boundaries....especially if they have been rather "loose"..... mine did, with all his patients/clients. When that happens it's very hurtful unless the T is skilled and professional, and truly cares. I am sorry you are feeling abandoned and I know how much that feeling hurts
(((((((((((((((((Sleeps))))))))))))))))))

Yeah ErinBear it's like both the money and the rejection I guess,....maybe thats why the circles I am going in..I have money for a session but then I think why go back....he doesnt care I could go blab at a stranger in a train station for free ...and sometimes I wonder how much my T really tried to keep me on...he broke a promise I cannot post on here...and well that haunts me

FuzzyBear thanks and yeah it stinks...cause he was NOT Mr Boundary for a very long time then he Dr Jeckle and Mr Hydes me and that leaves me very lost..and alone...I cannot post on here what he has said and done but he is so NOT like most of the T;s on here and I liked that....but it seems he took it all away

((( FUZZY )))

((Erinbear ))

bears must like those who sleep with butterflies

Coming VERY soon to a Sleeps near you

Hi Sleeps,

That's great !!!!! I'm sending you so many good wishes, and I hope the meeting goes really, really well. Hooray!

Take care,
ErinBear

Thank you ErinBear......even if I can just gaze at him it will go well

Hi Sleeps,

I know it will be great, even just seeing him....and still, I have my fingers crossed that you will actually *talk* to your T as well! I hope you can talk to him about some of the difficulties you've been facing since you were last there. I know that is tough, but it's been such a hard time for you. I hope you can try to talk with him about it. Sending you caring thoughts!

Take care,
ErinBear

LMAO ErinBear I am sure I will say something.....hahaha can you see me not saying a word but just staring at him like a fish hahahahaha....Thing is seriously I know I won't tell him how hard it's been not seeing him and how I don't FEEL like I am in therapy cause of these huge gaps btween sessions..I think it's been maybe 2 month? cause he is a nice dude and I don't THINK? he can help it ...so I would feel bad making him feel worse on it....BUT I would love to tell him a lot on how I feel it's an injustice and how he promised me this would never happen and he was wrong to do that...but I won't say it

Wow reading this I kinda know now I am maybe a tad angry ....avoiding it like crazy

((((((((((((((((Sleeps))))))))))))))))))


Fuzzy

((( Fuzzy ))) growl at my T for me ...cause I am too skiddish on my anger

Hi Sleeps,

I guess I still hope you can try to talk to your T about how hard it has been the past couple of months, because I think it is really important to have a place to be able to talk about it. I also think it is important to the relationship you have with your T. I think there are ways to talk about it without blaming your T. You can express anger at the situation itself, and express frustration just at not having enough money to go to counseling on a regular basis right now. You can express anger that there isn't better health insurance coverage in our country for mental health care needs. I think there are lots of ways to talk about it and get some of the angry feelings out. I also hope, if there are ways that you expected your T to be in touch with you while you were out of contact (and at times, it sounded like you expected that), that you will talk with him about that. It might be good to get an understanding of what he understands as his role in terms of contact outside of sessions right now. And if you are actually angry with him, it might be good to talk with him about it. I know it is very hard, but sometimes it helps to get that out, both for you and for your counselor.

The last session I had with my counselor, I was really, really angry with him. Anger is a hard and scary thing for me. But we talked about it, and I think it was a really good thing that we did. He was glad I was able to talk about it with him about that, and I am probably safer because I was able to talk about it. At least in my case, I am realizing I do worse and worse, and become less and less safe, when I just stew about angry feelings. So hard as it was, it was probably better - at least in my case - that we talked about it. It sounds to me like you've been feeling pretty angry with your T, as you wrote in one of the messages here. My guess is your T is a good T, and is used to talking with people about their angry feelings. He can take it! So I encourage you to consider talking with your T about those angry feelings.

Sending you good wishes, Sleeps....

Take care,
ErinBear

Thanks Erin Bear...I have a sore throat and sinus headache and all so I will reply better tomorrow..thats why I am kinda quiet ..for me ...today...I may HINT like at T on some of this but I dunno about straight out blasting him on how I feel...Yesterday some idiot I know threw vinager water all over my dog...grrrrrr...and I blew up BIG TIME..I didnt hit the dude but yelled at him..told him to SHUT UP and made him clean my dog then get the hell outta my house or Id call the cops..I was not talking low either I was pissed....I kinda hate to blow up at T.

Hi Sleeps,

I'm sure sorry to hear that you're not feeling well...hope you can have some chicken soup and get some rest! And I hope you'll be feeling better soon.

I'm also sure sorry to hear about the incident with your dog. It sounds like that was really, really hard. I hope today will be a better day for you and your dog, both!

I wonder if it is possible to talk with your T about the feelings you have without "blowing up" at him. At least when I was talking with my T, I told him I felt angry, and we talked about it, but there wasn't a big argument or yelling or anything. But we did talk quite a bit this time about what was going on. Your T may be able to help you find ways to talk about this, or write about it, without getting too upset if that is what worries you.

I also know you need to do what is best for you, and talking with your T about what has been happening might not be the best thing.

Do take care of yourself, and I sure hope you'll be feeling better soon....

Take care,
ErinBear

Hi Sleeps,

Just wondering how you are feeling - are you feeling any better? I sure hope so. I send get-well wishes your way.

Take care,
ErinBear

Thanks ERINBEAR.....I feel a tiny bit better I should have stayed in and rested but instead was out in the cold and snow walking the dog and running a few errands..I felt great until about 11 or 12 now I have my sinus pain again and headace but as its snowing that may be why......no soup but some chili

That stuff with my dog......the dude was outta line and had NO right to do that...and deserved to be yelled at....my dog even hit the floor when I blew up at him....he knew I was mad....Now on T I dunno I think he could PUSH me to blow up but I am very even tempered in real life so odds are I would be mad inside at T BUT NOT BLOW at him......I dunno..I sure hope he doesnt ever push me. For me I think its easier to ignore my anger....then be middle of the ground so I am either never angry or I blow...BUT I will say when I blow its over like something BIG like dog abuse or something..Once I blew up at a lady in WALMART shaking her kid in a cart to knock him out as a punishmnent for not sitting down..I told her very nasty tone of voice if she didnt stop icking on the kid I would get the guard...I DO SLOW BURN A LOT AND STUFF IT I guess

I hope YOU are ok

hugs

hi sleeps,

Sounds like you use your anger where it's needed. Glad you let both those people know their behavior was unacceptable. Neither one is fair.

I know it's none of my business...., but i hope you try to talk to your t about the anger and sense of betrayal, even if you show him the note above. For myself, when I don't talk about stuff, it becomes the white elephant in the room. Also, it leaves me feeling like I didn't really accomplish what I needed to. It justs seems so important when you only get to see him so few times, that he know exactly what this is doing to you. Then, if there were anything he could offer, any brainstorm that might come his way, maybe there could be something better for you. If you don't mention it, there's no way for it to go anywhere. Please don't be mad at me, I know I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but I want so much for this to get better for you.

Take care of that cold. And give your dog a big hug from me, glad he's okay. Quay

Lmao Quay it is kinda your business cause I posted it in here hahaha...I welcome what all have to say ...no you make sense and all ..it's just I will have x amount of time to cover so much and well I am a wimp I think I may kinda hint on it...strongly hint but I don't see myself saying I am pissed off because xyz I will no doubt see a neon orange elephant .....I will think on all this longer...Doggy is fine thats I wanted to take him with us today for a ride but the CREEP said no and my dog tried to hide under my coat like you would not notice a 90 pound dog hahahaha it was cute....I will post more later I got a dang phone call...grrrr

I saw T today and it was sooo cool to see him. We talked a lot..I DID talk He seemed to want to focus on the GOOD stuff that has happened. I mentioned about 4 times how hard it is to pick up after 8 weeks and he didn't seem to get it or hear me....I mean I said I am having a hard time with all this space and so on but ??? I tried to get around to like working slowly into some s/a talk but I dunno.....he didnt seem to stay there with me...he did say why he thinks this may be kicked up but that was it...then again I was kinda vague he knew sa but not what .....BUT I saw T and it was good and man I had a smile on alllll day....after I left...

:head spin:

Hi Sleeps,

I'm sure glad you got to see your T after all this time! It's been such a long wait! And even though some parts of the session sound like they were a bit difficult (it was hard to talk about some of the subjects and feel connected with the T?), it still sounds like you were really glad you got to see your T and you felt good the rest of the day. So I'm glad for you! Yay!

Sending good wishes your way -

Take care,
ErinBear

(((Petunia, Sky and ErinBear ))) thanks yes it rocked and he kinda said he wants to see me SOON so that helped to make me feel less rejected .....It was SO good to see him..I will admit I was tense cause I am guessing all the time and being out of practice plus I didnt know if he would forget a lot or I dunno...I DO know it was a blast I needed

I realize his saying he wants to see me asap means I am loopy but crazy as it is I dont care

Yeah it was a little hard to talk on some stuff because I felt a little maybe defensive cause of the distance time wise and his not what I think was paying the pain enough attention but maybe he had reasons for that