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#1
Jun 02, 2011, 05:07 PM
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Hey guys,
I am just feeling really low today  ...I am being silly and letting things get ontop of me. I thought I was handling everything but today I feel crap. I am finding it hard without proper support. I feel I haven't had proper help in months because my T has been talking about ending for so long that it meant my sessions were more harmful than helpful. Its been almost 2 weeks since my last session were I told my therapist I didnt think I would be coming back. Today however I have made arrangements to have an appointment with my T on monday, to try and sort out things for ending. Monday may be my last session, I don't know. Either way my Therapist wants to end in a few weeks at the most. I don't want to end in a negative way but i am not sure a positive ending can happen for me. I have a mental health support worker but she's off "sick" and I haven't seen her in almost 2 and a half months  .I wish tomorrow was monday, I want to get things sorted, if my therapist is definately not going to be there for me which she has said shes not I need to ask her if she knows anyone else I can go to or ill need to find someone myself and start all over again .It feels like the next few days are going to last forever. I don't know why thats upsetting me when I have lasted the majority of 2 weeks already .I'm so fed up of living and breathing right now. Sorry Im just being stupid. xxx s. |
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#2
Jun 02, 2011, 05:12 PM
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Quote:
You already know how I feel about your situation. It totally sucks!! |
 dizgirl2011
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#3
Jun 02, 2011, 05:15 PM
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I am so sorry its so hard. I wish your T would give you more support.
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| dizgirl2011
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#4
Jun 02, 2011, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
 
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| dizgirl2011
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#5
Jun 02, 2011, 05:32 PM
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I'm sorry I don't mean to bum people out
I know you all have been so supportive already and that I can't ask for more
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#6
Jun 02, 2011, 05:32 PM
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It is hard having to wait for something so important. I think I would feel just like you, wishing for it to just come already.. and get over with.
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#7
Jun 02, 2011, 05:46 PM
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Thinking of you. Hoping the time passes
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#8
Jun 02, 2011, 06:10 PM
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You're not being silly or stupid!! It would be unbearable for me to go through what you have been doing. You're very strong!!
I hope you're going to ask your T for referrals. It seems like that's the least she can do for you. Have you thought of what you need to say or ask her to get closure on your therapy, so it won't leave a terrible "taste in your mouth" when you think of her? I know what you mean about days seeming to last forever!! I felt like last week was an eternity. I wish I could wave a magic wand to turn your T into someone else for you. I know that when I quit my last T she told me "I can't change who I am". I kept trying to get her to do therapy differently, but she wouldn't, not because she didn't care, but she just didn't believe in that kind of therapy. After she told me that, I thought better of her. She wasn't purposely being mean to me; it was just her beliefs and therapeutic orientation. Maybe you could accept that about your T too?
Last edited by rainbow8; Jun 02, 2011 at 06:11 PM. Reason: typos |
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#9
Jun 02, 2011, 06:18 PM
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I don't know how your therapist can call herself a therapist. Maybe she should change her title to 'Sadist'.
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#10
Jun 02, 2011, 07:11 PM
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Thanks for all the understanding.
I don't feel as angry with my T anymore, I have had to accept that, as rainbow has said, she has her own way of doing therapy and I can't make her change her way of working. If she doesn't want to work long term there's nothing I can do. It does hurt though and it's hard not to feel like ' if she cared she would' but I guess I have to accept things I dont like. I'm scared that monday will be a bad day and i'll leave feeling awful yet again
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#11
Jun 02, 2011, 08:06 PM
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(((((((((Dizgirl))))))))
You are dealing with the unknown........will Monday be your last day, how much longer do you, do you want to continue anyway, who will you be working with in the future, will it be a happy or sad ending, etc. etc. etc. It is overwhelming for me to even think about that. The unknown is the worst because you can't prepare yourself for it. It's like bad news. For me, bad news is never as bad as not knowing. Not knowing is hell and can drive you crazy(that's just been my experience) You are not stupid. I don't care if you are bumming me out(you're not). I'm miserable right now so I enjoy the company.  You are just anxious. I get it. Sending hugs your way hun. By the way, my last appt. with T is on Tuesday. I just got done writing down our final session. I had an appt. today, it went well but I was closed off.......had walls up.........he wanted to talk about how it felt like a death, I was grieving, etc. He was just trying to help but I wouldn't let him in. It's the first time I didn't on purpose. He understands why but I have promised myself that no matter how painful I will let him in on Tuesday. Sorry for hijacking your threat, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. You will get through this. Gripe away all you want. I am not going anywhere. 
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#12
Jun 02, 2011, 09:02 PM
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Sorry you are feeling so down. many safe hugs.
hang in there!
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~ 
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#13
Jun 02, 2011, 09:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
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| rainbow8
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#14
Jun 02, 2011, 10:33 PM
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always someone here for you! I am thinking of you!!! many huge hugs to you, I am sorry it's hard right now. and just wish it weren't so hard and that you could have the sort of T you need, soon!
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#15
Jun 03, 2011, 07:29 AM
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Thanks guys, you are all great! I adore you all
 Feeling a bit stronger today thankfully! ..just taking one day at a time!
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| rainbow_rose
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#16
Jun 03, 2011, 07:33 AM
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I hope today is a little better for you today. You are in my thoughts.
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#17
Jun 03, 2011, 02:24 PM
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I really hope MOnday goes better than you think it will. I am pretty sure it will. I'm just sorry this all hurts so much.
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#18
Jun 04, 2011, 03:21 PM
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thinking of you!
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#19
Jun 04, 2011, 03:27 PM
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I think you are doing great with no support! I know I would completely fall apart without T, so I think you should be proud of yourself for getting through the last couple of weeks, after all that has happened. I know what you mean about just wanting Monday to be here so you know what is going to happen- the unknown is scary. Really hope Monday gets here SOON and that you get something positive out of it, whatever that may be. Keep us updated!
__________________
Take a good look at my face You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears.. I need you, need you- Smokey Robinson |
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#20
Jun 04, 2011, 04:12 PM
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hope you are doing well today! please do keep us updated!
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
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#21
Jun 04, 2011, 04:24 PM
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Thank you so much nannypat, sarahmichelle, poetgirl, chronic and rainbow_rose the support you all have given me has been so helpful!! You are all so lovely
Thanks so much Chronic for saying that, it means a lot.
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| nannypat, rainbow_rose
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#22
Jun 05, 2011, 12:18 PM
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Well tomorrow's monday, at the moment I don't feel anxious but I know I will tomorrow. I think because of the two week break from T I have had time to forget how nice it is to be close to her so I think tomorrow after the session I am going to be in an awful state again. I hope not, I hope I can be strong but I also know how my feelings get triggered and I am pretty sure I will be upset at least after the session.At this point I don't even know if tomorrow may be the last session. I think I am blocking out the reality of my own situation right now.
All pocket riders welcome! xxxx |
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#23
Jun 05, 2011, 12:30 PM
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*hops in* me me me!
__________________
Happiness cannot be found through great effort and willpower, but is already present, in open relaxation and letting go. Don't strain yourself, there is nothing to do or undo. Whatever momentarily arises in the body-mind Has no real importance at all, has little reality whatsoever. Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences; they are today's ephemeral weather, like rainbows in the sky. ~Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche~
Last edited by rainbow_rose; Jun 05, 2011 at 12:43 PM. Reason: add a hug |
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#24
Jun 05, 2011, 12:42 PM
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Diz, I know how hard this entire thing has been on you. I'll be a pocket rider if you'll have me!
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#25
Jun 05, 2011, 01:19 PM
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Count me in! Hope it goes well
__________________
Take a good look at my face You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears.. I need you, need you- Smokey Robinson |
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