Have you ever got angry with/towards T...

and how did they react?

I'm interested because I am feeling angry and hurt and upset with T right now and am worried I might shout at him next session Obviously I don't want to, but if I did I am scared he will terminate me. I have never got angry with him before. Anyone ever laid in to T and lived to tell the tale with T?

No, but my T does try and encourage me to express myself and has said to me it is OK to get angry. My T said if I was angry every week for 4 -5 weeks, it may be an opportunity to review things and disucss whether the relationship is working and whether I may be better suited to someone else, but it is OK and "good" to be able to express how I feel.

Oh definitely. My old T though...when i got mad at her, she would get defensive, because she never thought she did anything wrong.
I bet that new T would LOVE it if i got mad at her. That whole "you're making progress" kinda thing

I have a sarcastic personality, and when I'm angry I just throw sarcasm at people (unless it's my mum or brother, then I full out blow up).
She got that- and once she actually smiled when I got mad and said, "Well, look, you CAN feel something. Now, what yah gonna do about it?"

I have raged with T on several occasions. Each time she let me completely have my say, and if she felt she was in the wrong somewhere she would apologize.
I inevitably end up saying, I shouldn't have said that, and she always always tells me, it is OK for you to say whatever you need to say. And she has never, never become punitive over it in the least. She says, I am glad that you told me; I needed to know.

That said, I must add that in time it began to become clear to me that my rages are NOT against her, even if I think I can make a list of why they are; they're really not. And little by little (very little by little) I am beginning to catch the anger before it spills over, and am able to ask myself, where is this really coming from? and a couple of times I have actually been able to trace back, and the anger has left. It may not seem like much but to me it is victory.

I am very grateful that my T is well adjusted enough to know that it's not really about her. So Chronic - tell T - with anger and hurt if you have it, without anger & hurt if they have subsided - you are going to learn so much from it. and your relationship with T will NOT be damaged. to you

As a matter of fact yesterday my T made me feel P'O'ed. I said to her "you're p@#$ing me off". her reply "good then we both know Im doing my job, Im not here to be your friend, Im here to make you feel P@##ed off and a whole lot of other things, face those problems you cant or wont on your own, thats what you pay me for isnt it, so stop whining, get to work and tell me why you are p@#$ed off" and I told her everything that was p@#$ing me off that day including her. LOL

felt a whole lot better afterwards.

Oh yeah, a couple of months ago I vented my anger at T because I believed she 'allowed' me to get attached to her. I told her that she should have seen it coming and that she should have prevented it. I was mad because I was feeling so ridiculous by this dependency I had on her. Anyways, I went on and on and she took it very well.

She was great. We were able to have a good discussion about my feelings and how my attachment was part of the healing process. I really believe a good T will not be upset or react to our anger. They understand that we're just flailing here trying to figure stuff out.

I have been upset and irritable and she remains unflappable.....consistent attitude/demeanor.....

i've haven't let loose face to face with him yet (because my childhood taught me rage is uncontrolled so it terrifies me to let go enough to test that). but i HAVE screamed absolutely vile things at him in the journal. when he reads it he doesn't even bat an eyelid and jumps straight in to talk about it. he doesn't take it as a personal attack (even if i try to make it a personal attack). he knows it isn't about him, it is about whatever issue i am dealing with. he has NEVER gotten mad back, upset, hurt, threatened to terminate, withdrawn, sarcastic, nasty, etc. He has ALWAYS remained steady and gently pushed to explore the problem. I have also been afraid of physically attacking him if i ever let go. I don't yet know what he would do about that, but I suspect he still wouldn't terminate/etc. He would simply work on making things safe to talk it out.

Good luck with your t

I find it hard to express anger. For me, If I am like overwhelmed with anger, then it's time to reevaluate the relationship. But I am currently irritated with my therapist and I think it's a good sign, like a sign of engagement. Just sickly sweet therapy with lots of back patting doesn't work for me!!! It stresses me out, also because I have social anxiety and don't want to work so hard to get along in a personal place like therapy. I want to like let it all out, all that stuff that's bottled up under this demeanor! If that makes sense.

There's also something really special about knowing that you can push someone sometimes and they will push back but not withdraw or make you feel guilty. Or take a swing at you (I have had people do this!) I do think that's a basic condition for a relationship that separates a friend from a T. It can't be a constant aggression fest but I think the relationship needs to be able to take a little strain or else it's not really a vehicle for change.

Gosh, I have fought with every T I have ever known! Psychiatrists, psychologists, psych nurses......the lot.

If you express anger, rage even, and your T terminates your sessions, then they are not the T for you. If you are angry with them for a specific reason, tell them. It is likely they will want to talk to you about it. Be honest. For therapy to be beneficial, we sometimes have to take the great leap in to the unknown and test it out. Do not fear.

My current psychiatrist and I argue all the time. As long as I am logical and have done my research, he ALWAYS listens to me. Then we share Monty Python quotes, laugh our guts out, call each other loons and then I am on my way.

I do not mean to make light of it, but after many years of T's and Psychs, I do not take it so seriously anymore. Sometimes the path to wellness, is to be light about the darkness, and stand up for what we feel, no matter how it sounds or what it looks like.

Take care and tell your T how you feel. In order to build trust, one must take risks.

Michah

Thanks for your encouragement guys

I'm glad that you all had positive experiences with T after you expressed your anger. I have told him via email before that I was angry with him, but I store all my hurt and anger up and when it does finally come out its like a volcano exploding so I worry it will be too much for T to tolerate- that I will be really pushing his limits.

I have also sent him nasty emails telling him how much I hate him, and he has still been there and wanted to know why I felt like that. So I guess there is evidence that he will be ok with it, but I am always quite passive and never really speak up so its quite scary.

I just have this image in my mind that I am standing in his office yelling and screaming at him and not being able to control myself, and he is sitting in his chair just watching the horror unfold and he says that he cannot tolerate such behaviour and that he has all he can for me and that I need to leave.

I really need to get this out because I have been holding it in, so maybe I could tell him at the beginning of the session that I feel very angry and hurt by him and that I feel like shouting and screaming at him. Maybe if I warn him how I feel he will be able to help me. I dont know.

I really need to get this out because I have been holding it in, so maybe I could tell him at the beginning of the session that I feel very angry and hurt by him and that I feel like shouting and screaming at him. Maybe if I warn him how I feel he will be able to help me. I dont know

Sounds like you are saying you know what you need to do and you are finding a way to do it. So IMO that sounds a really good place to be. Let us know how it goes.

I get mad at mine often. When I talk to him about it, he always thanks me and we work out the problem together. So, I think for me, it's part of the process.

I haven't shouted, but I have been angry, sure. It is human to feel anger.

I sense you feel like this is 'too much' anger, and that telling him face to face means something different than emailing him. So this is new, being able to and wanting to tell him face to face. That's brave to do. It will be helpful to him to hear what you have to say, what you are feeling. And you're giving him the opportunity to reply in person. And you're giving you the opportunity to hear his response in his voice.

I have been angry with my therapist, but I usually can't access that anger in the moment. When I was angry with her for talking too much, I suffered between sessions, then went in and talked about it. Her memory of it was very different from mine (because I was suffering from anger in silence and she was attempting to salvage the session with talking) but we explored it and learned from it. At one point, when talking about how hard it is to do this in the moment, she said matter of factly, "Yeah, it would be hard to tell your therapist so shut up." Ha! I loved that she said that, as if to say that she can handle anything I might toss her way.

So you are brave and courageous in my eyes. It is hard to do this. Sometimes it is easier to just let it sit and not address it, to avoid it completely. But you are not doing that.
You are standing up for your feelings by taking your anger to therapy
Good luck and if you wish to share, let us know how it goes!

I haven't felt anger towards my T, but I have felt hurt and scared, and still have trouble telling her that stuff.

BUT, one day she said to me, " You can say I hate you, and it would be ok"

I was kind of dumbfounded. I told her I would never say that! It made me uncomfortable just to hear HER say it.

maybe you could ask your T how he would react if you showed your anger to him?

I have been totally "ticked off" at my T. I once sent a really really mean email to him in a fit rage. At our next visit, he was still the same caring, understanding and compassinate person he has always been. We had a great session on how I was feeling when I sent it. ( I read what I sent him, and had I been my "own T", I would have terminated myself)

The first time I was super angry at him in session, you would have thought him a proud "papa". I mean he had the silly little grin on his face and he thought it was great that I now trusted him enough to "chew" him out

In a fit of rage one day (my psychiatrist was running an hour late and I had been sitting there all that time waiting for him), I yelled at the receptionist and all the people in the waiting room, them I grabbed my father and stormed out screaming "that if I wanted to wait an hour to see my psych I would go through the public mental health system". And that "if I was going to fork out all this money to see him, then he could damn well be on time!!'. By this stage, my Dad was trying to calm me and then I started crying. So then I am yelling and crying in the car park and screaming at people to stop looking at me. I was having a REALLY bad day.

About an hour and a half later, I got a phone call at home from my psych. He had heard everything I said(even from the car park) and wanted to see if I was okay. So then I let him have it......sign of disrespect to me for him being so late, someone should have called me and told me he was running late and so on and so forth. He just took it on the chin and gave me an hour session over the phone for free. Thankfully, he did not suggest increasing my Olanzapine and we talked about my issues with being heard, the feeling that I am never validated and about the things I can change and the things that I can't. I apologised for my terrible behaviour and hoped that I had not traumatised other clients that were in the waiting room. We got off the phone friends again

If the T is worth it, they will never turn their back on you if you are angry with them. They will try and work it out and discuss some of the deeper issues. I mean, I was right to be angry about the fact that my appointment was not on time, but there were better ways I could have dealt with it. And my psych helped me to see that.

Just a little story out of the many......

Take care.

Michah

I have to honestly say that no, I have not...never in ten years. I guess I'm just pretty easy-going. Beats me

Thanks again everyone. I do believe my T is a "good one", and hearing your stories gives me some confidence that it might be ok to be angry with him and that he might still be my T at the end of it. Still scary though- the risk is a big one and I just pray that it does not prove a regretful experience and ruin everything

I get angry with my T as often as the tide changes sometimes. She handles my moods well. She only dislikes when I express my anger through email, rather than in person where she feels she can better address my concerns. She always tries to understand what went wrong and accept any role she might have had in the situation. Or, she very politely infers that my thinking is distorted.

okay a long time ago, the session was almost over and i was just mad as hell and so i started to storm out of the office and im in the hallway then t yells "call for an appointment" and i yell back "f&%K off" seriously and then i slammed the door. he never even got mad. amazing what i have put the poor guy threw and i am worried about him kicking me out. he should!

but thanks goodness he hasn't

i have gotten angry at her sometimes but i have never said anything to her becaust i feel it is better to just not deal and let it pass.most times it is probibly from stuff in my head

I can only remember being angry with my t once. He knew it, but it was one of those times we just had to agree to disagree. I really don't get angry with him. If I'm angry in therapy, it's all about me, not him.