T and her email rule

After posting in the thread about contact with T, I realized I feel very bad about my T's rule. I liked it so much when she responded to each email (I never emailed more than 1 or 2 except once) in detail. It made me feel like she really cared. Now, no matter what or how much I email, she only responds once, and she doesn't address my concerns. She tries to be positive and give a generic response.

I feel sad about her rule. I don't have a choice, and I know she did it for me, not to punish me. At least I get my one email every Friday, but I read about others who get detailed answers like I used to do, and it hurts me.

I never talk about everything in my emails, either. There's too much, and no time in the session. My T doesn't like when I read from an email; she wants me to be in the present, with her, not back in the past week. I agree about that, but it's still frustrating. I have so much to say that doesn't get said, and I miss her responses. She always said the goal is that it will be more about MY hearing my feelings and not needing her to hear everything I write. But she does read all of my emails.

I don't know. I'm just feeling sorry for myself right now. I miss my T,(session is tomorrow) and I feel like a volcano waiting to erupt.

That's too bad, Rainbow. Your T did explain the reason for the change, right? Still, it must be hard to go back to a more restrictive communication via email.

I'm beginning to see that I'm probably lucky that I'm not able to have email contact with my T. Since I've never had it, I can't miss it as much as those of you who have. And, to be honest, I think it's best for me. I'm not sure I would be able to contain myself and probably would be emailing her all the time. And then I'd feel bad and embarrassed that I had gone over the line and then there'd be a new topic to discuss that didn't even exist before.

"Volcano waiting to erupt" - yes, I think most of us can relate.

Hi rainbow8, I'm sorry that things are so tough for you right now and that you have felt hurt.

When my T does respond to my e-mails, it too is very generic. The other week I sent 2 e-mails on different days - they were very different situations, but were things from the past that had been triggered by things on each of those days. I didn't get a response form the first, but after the 2nd my T just wrote how interestng the similarities and differences were between each. I was a little taken aback - where was the sympathy???? But on reflection I think my T was trying to get me not to be overwhelmed by my feelings, but just to be interested in them.

I also wonder if the lack of detailed respnses are an attempt to try to get me to share these things in the sessions instead.

I do get disappointed when I don't get a detailed reply and feel alone. I also wonder whether therefore part of the reason for me e-mailing is just to check theat my T is still there.

This si such a tough journey sometimes isn't it?

Hey Rainbow8,

I know this has been upsetting for you for a while now, have you talked with her much about how it has felt for you? Was it not the case that when you did get more emails that you found yourself always waiting for her responses, maybe worrying about why she hand't replied or worrying about what she meant by things she did or didn't say? I could be wrong.

I know it can be really difficult between sessions though.My T doesn't really respond to emails so I rarely email her and its only if I want to get the stuff off my chest or want to send it to her prior to a session. Some of times she didn't reply, in fact I was lucky to get 1 line acknowledging the email.

I do understand what it's like when you want something from your T and hear about others getting it, it can feel sad sometimes *huge hugs*

Do you see your T once per week?

Since coming to the forums is the very first time I ever heard about emailing your T. For me I would never have thought of that and being a Professional myself once would never want that to happen. With my job it would have been too much for me to deal with. It is nice some T's allow this. I can definately see though why she only responds once. There are just so many hours in one day. I think you still have a very nice and gracious T!!!

Hugs;
Dee

even though you would like her to respond more, it is still awesome all that your T does for you! she does respond.....my T doesn't even do email.....

Hey- you... I know how this feels. I feel really unclear about my own T's rules on emailing...so I keep it at a minimum as much as possible...Yes, I could mention this to her but, I KNOW she said a long, long, long, time ago that she didn't want me to email her... she implied it... didnt directly say it...or well, she kinda did... and at least if I'm unclear on her rule I can STILL email from time to time..but, if I asked for more clarification that would give her the opportunity to say that I can't email her and I rather not take that risk... anywho, got a little sidetracked...

just wanted to respond to say, I know how much it sucks to not get the response you feel you need... if its in your best interest however, I'm glad your T cares enough to create the boundaries... boundaries don't always feel that great but, idk if the point of a boundary is always about immediate feelings and feeling good... the key/importance of boundaries that kinda goes above and beyond the need of feeling good is SAFETY and consistency...sometimes those things are more important for us.... I'd say it might help to kinda think about the fact that you are at least able to continue emailing... I can't at all, for the most part, very rarely do I. so, savor those moments that you can keep in touch with T. I'm sure everything is for the best

Im not sure I understand this part of your post. therapy is in part about any problems that the client has had in the past week or two between one appointment and the next one. if you are not supposed to talk about things that went on in the past week since you saw her how are you supposed to work out any problems, feelings or issues that came up during that past week between appointments.

sometimes things that went on during the last session impacts how the client feels and reacts to things during the week from that session to the present one.

Does she want you to only deal with things you are doing that same day that you are seeing her? which would be the present moment during the time you are in the session with her.

if I had to live by that therapy rule of only dealing with the present moment my therapist and I would not be talking about anything because everything I bring to therapy has to do with what went on during the past week(s) from the last time I saw her to the present.

here we believe therapy isnt just about whats going on at this very moment. its also about what ever went on for our clients during the time since we last seen them.

So im confused as to why your therapist would place such a limiting rule that would prevent you from discussing what went on for you during the past ween between appointments.

I don't think that is what rainbow's T is saying. My T has said the same thing to me. She wants to know what has happened. But she wants to know about how I feel about what has happened when I am sitting with her. She doesn't want me to tell her how I was feeling a couple of days ago since my opinion/feelings might have changed since then. She wants me to bring up my feelings/opinions about a topic in relation to how I am feeling in the session. If rainbow were to read from a email she wrote earlier in the week, it might not reflect her current feelings about an issue as they can change with time.

I wonder if my T was reading this thread because I coudn't believe it just now that I got another email from her! I had asked her, in one of my original emails last week, to answer one question, whether she thought I was making progress these past few weeks that have been so difficult. I said parts want to change but they don't want to. In my subject I asked her to please answer that one question in her email for the week. She didn't.

So, today she wrote that she forgot to answer that question and that, yes, she thinks it's progress that parts want to change and others don't. Anyway, I had lost a little faith in her when she didn't answer this question but I figured she probably forgot or didn't want to. I feel better now, because it was very important to me.

Suratji, thanks. Yes, my T did explain for reasons for the change.

SoupDragon, thank you. Yes, my T said if I write it all out then what's to talk about in sessions. Not that I can't talk about what I wrote, but it's not the same as telling it the first time. Not sure if that's clear.

dizgirl, yes it was frustrating when my T didn't reply to my emails the way I wanted her to. She tried to answer everything, but it got too much for her. Then once we got into this back and forth email situation and she said that was too much and we had to discuss it in the session. She does not want to do therapy via email and that's what it felt like to her. She is also very much concerned about my reactions and says face to face you can explain what you meant better, etc.

missbelle, thank you! I agree with you about email and about my T.

poetgirl, thank you.

jazzy, you're right about consistency and safety. I have to admit my T is a little inconsistent, but there's always a good reason, like answering the question I asked her last week, though she doesn't answer other questions I ask her. Basically, it's one brief email per week and that's what I expect.

amandalouise, sometimes I have trouble finding the right words though I understand it perfectly clear in my mind! Like googley said, it's not that my T doesn't want to hear about what went on during the week or what I felt last session. But she doesn't want me to read from my emails about it. She wants me to relate to her in the session. It's true that she does emphasize mindfulness and how I feel today, not yesterday. Yesterday is over, but if I have feelings about yesterday, certainly I can tell her. But she's been trying to get me to be aware of my feelings during the session--how my body feels, what it's like for me right there with her, even when we talk about the past. She will ask "what are you feeling right now?" Where in your body do you feel it? Questions like that. But if I want to talk about a conversation I had with a friend or my husband, and talk about my feelings, that's fine too. I hope I made it clearer. Thanks for your question.

googley, do we have the same T?

rain i'm glad you T finely answered your question.

i was just wondering about something.i think a lot about my T and why i wanted to e-mail her instead of write her letters and have her read them in session .why did i choose e-mail.i know it is hard for me to talk to her but i can write if i want as long as i dont mail it to her .i would wonder what is the difference between even mailing it or bringing it in and having her read it if she is willing.sometimes i think it is because i think if she is reading this she is thinking of me and i exsist to her outside of that room.just wondering if some of this is mixed in for you also with the needing to e-mail.IDK just thinking.i guess for me it doesnt matter because i cant e-mail.