Text T how I feel...

WOW sounds like she hada bad day.i'm so sorry cats.

To say the very least-huh?? But why the heck does she take it out on Cats? That's just so NOT right!

Cats, that sounds so horrible. I really want to believe that everything she has done is in your best interests. Have you seen a big improvement from when you started with her up to today? Has your need to contact her increased substantially recently? Everyones needs are different and each of our needs change as we heal, if I were to hazard a guess, Id say she believes you can handle less dependancy on her now. But before she saw it as useful to the treatment. Unfortunately she should have handled it differently, its very possible you caught her on a bad day, not that thats an excuse. I would have trouble handling that phone call you had last night. Hang in there.

She definitely crossed boundaries and now she is placing it on you! If she tells you you can call/text and then is pissed when you do, well, she set the situation up herself, so she has no reason to be pissed if she made it seem to you as though that was something she gave you the permission to do!
It probably wasn't great timing with something else she had going on, so she wished you hadn't called right then......and maybe was actually irritated with herself for setting herself up in a situation like that, seeing the consequences of her actions toward you but taking the irritation out on you. But it isn't your fault precisely that you were doing what she gave you permission to do......you didn't cross any boundary you didn't have permission to cross, no matter her irritation at having given you that permission!

Cats t is inconsistent. One day, she is nice and supportive. The next day, she acts irritated and says, "OK, what do you want now?!" Cats never knows what to expect from her t. T also seems not to have good control of her own emotions.

I would be very hurt by several of the things her t says. I would not be able to work with a t who talked to me like that. However, Cats has been with this t for a long time, so i understand why quitting therapy with her would be a very hard decision to make. Cats, does therapy with your t feel rewarding most of the time, or does it feel painful most of the time?"

It sounds like t cares about you, Cats, and wants to help you. But maybe she gives to you emotionally when she doesn't really feel able to give to you. Then afterward, she feels angry or resentful. ??? It's not your fault. It's t's fault for setting up the dynamic in the first place. It doesn't sound like t knows how to maintain boundaries.

I'm so sorry things have gotten to this point. I know how extremely hard it can be when you've become really dependent on t's care and then the rules change.

Flooded: As someone with BPD I find it kind of demeaning that you ask if cats T has BPD in relation to how she acted because I know I would never treat someone how cats T did. People with BPD are not characteristically outto hurt others and it tars everyone with the same brush and causes stigma when people do.

Cats: Massive hugs! I think a big point in her message that is very telling that it is definately not all your fault at all is the fact she said "I am angry at myself for letting this happen" - and that is a fact, she has encouraged the type of relationship you have with her and is now taking it out on you.
If she wants a more boundaried and professional relationship then she needs to set and hold more boundaries and be more professional - swearing at your client and being so rude is neither! She is not setting any good modeling for you to follow. I can understand your anger at her. I think you have attachment and dependancy issues and she has actually made them worse, not better!
She would be in major trouble if you reported how she speaks to you alone, never mind the boundaries that she crosses. How can she expect you to keep boundaries when she doesnt. Any good therapist would have not called you back when in that state of rage because they knew it would harm the client. IF she felt that way the professional way to respond would have been to either call back when she was more in control of her emotions or not call back and speak to you at the next appointment. This therapist really has a nerve to call herself a therapist and treat someone this way. I am not saying that perhaps you have no ownership in the situation but I think she has made a lot of mistakes which have lead you to be even more vulnerable, not less.

Cats I am so sorry your mum is unwell but I hope it is treatable and that she can beat it!

So, Cats, you keep saying that the relationship with your T works for you. Can you explain why, again. I suppose it works if you like to be abused. Maybe she has helped with some of your issues but, dang, do you have to pay such an incredible high price for that 'help'?

Cats, I'm sorry you had such a terrible interaction with your T. Do you like this therapist? She sounded like she had so much hostility built up towards you and then let it all come out splat at once. She doesn't sound professional or able to handle "her own stuff." My gut feeling when I read it, and this may sound severe, is to leave this T. The relationship sounds mucked up and I would ask, is it worth repairing?

From what you wrote, it sounds like one of your challenges is respecting boundaries that other people set. One of your T's issues sounds like she doesn't know how to set or maintain boundaries for clients. Her issue combined with your issue is no good! She is just what you don't need. That's why I suggest leaving her. It is not your responsibility to have to sit by while she figures out how to be a T, how to set boundaries for clients, etc. You deserve someone who already knows her job!

Anyway, Cats, that's my gut reaction.

I'm sorry this happened.

I'm really sorry about your Mom.

Cats, I've been following your threads and my heart goes out to you. I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. I know how scary family illnesses are, especially when there are few details and lots of uncertainty. About your T... personally I would feel hurt and betrayed if my T said those things to me. I don't understand the things your T does, and maybe you see it differently, but to me it seems like she is having difficulty setting and maintaining boundaries then blaming you. From here the dynamic she's set up looks unhealthy and I hope that the two of you can correct that or that you find the strength to see a new T. Neither option sounds easy, but I think you deserve to be treated better than she is treating you now. I'm glad to see that you have so much support here and I hope that you feel less alone. Sending an abundance of positive energy your way. Stay safe and strong. -CoY

yeesh. I hope you find a new T, Cats...I don't like her. I find her to be unprofessional (from what you've posted).

Also, sorry about your mom.

With all the respect for your therapist, but I just need to LOL at somebody who, in the past, besides all the other things, texted YOU late at night cause she drunk too much (I clearly remember that one), only to throw in your face this boundaries stuff now that she feel like this.

I don't want to be too rude but according to everything you said she should have just choosed another career. You are clearly NOT the one who is in fault here. If she set/allowed so opened boundaries (which, on first place, is totally unethic) only to take them back cause she suddenly was not "in the mood" (which now is even worse), well, then she got some serious problems.

Also... I can't just believe how she treated you on phone after you told her about your mum... you were clearly shocked and in fear, was it really necessary to tell you she were irritated and such?

Sorry, but I think that she would deserve to be reported to her superior or to whoever gives her permission to be a therapist. And I also think, of course, you should find someone else before other damages are made to your person.

p.s. i'm sorry for your mum...

It's starting to look that way now isn't it?

My need to contact her has not changed at all.

Right now it seems a lot less rewarding and a lot more painful.

I'm sorry but no I can't explain again...

I thought that I liked her...

Thanks to all of you for you support, I really appreciate it.

I don't want to go see T tomorrow and it's not like I can call her and tell her because she won't call me back.

Can you call her office and cancel cats?

Probably, but I don't want to leave a message. I want to talk to her on the phone and tell her myself that I don't want to go and have her ask why and then tell her it is because she Fu--ing hurt my feelings that's why. -sigh-

I phoned and left a message with my old Psychologist this afternoon asking him if it would be possible to see him sometime next week. I think that I need to talk to him about all of this stuff. Now I am waiting for him to call me back. -sigh-

Wow this thread has had almost 6,000 views! Crazy.

***huge hugs***

that was brave and took a lot of courage! I hope he gets back to you soon. xxx

That's an amazing, taking-care-of-Cats decision. Very brave. Hope he calls soon!

So sorry to hear about your mom.

Cats, for some reason I feel very protective of you. You have an established voice in my head. I am angry with your T too, and if I were able, I'd stomp on her foot for you!