Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

No, it was during my vacation. I had suggested to her that we consider my messages to her during my vacation as kind of an extended session and that I would pay her for it. We only talked once for about 5 minutes - just left messages normally. I had expected to pay but not so much, that's all. It wouldn't have felt right to not pay her. It would have inhibited my ability to call her while I was gone.

skysblue, i apologize if my outrage made you more conscious of the fees you had to pay to your T. i do hope you discuss the fees with your T to come to a better understanding of how she calculated them and how she'd handle outside contact in the future.

No I get it. (sorry to be going out of thread!) Prev T, TOTALLY against ANY out of session contact. THIS T, complete opposite. I am sorry your T wasn't more clear ahead of time, I feel the same about contact and payment.

But did she write you back? You still paid $200 for one 5 minute phone call? I think that if it was considered a 'session', you should have gotten your 50 minutes on the phone each time you called her. You paid $80 twice? That would mean you should have gotten two 50 minute phone sessions.

And then you paid her $40 to read some letters? I still do not understand this at all. If I were going to have a phone session, and pay the same price as a face to face session, I would have expected to get the same amount of time.

As to reading the letters? With no reply at all? I would be broke right now if I paid my therapist for every email she read and replied to!! I have only talked to her twice on the phone. Those phone calls were about 30 minutes. She does not charge me for those since I am not suppose to call her unless I am in a real crisis. She considers 'crisis calls' and just part of my therapy.

I am way too shy to bring up this issue. That's why it's post under, "Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist..." It would feel way too confrontational for me to bring up and it would hurt my feelings even more to hear her justification. We're already discussing another incident where she hurt my feelings. I guess it's just going to be something that keeps a small wedge between us.

Dear T, i know you are hating me again and it's okay. i don't want to talk about the abuse anymore. the past is in the past. that is what you said, that is what i have to remember.

feeling very alone. not wanting to go back to t. maybe time for another break. seems when i come in too often you feel the need to pull back. like you see the real me again. i am sorry

I want to sing some of my favorite songs in the session. Can I do that? Do you think I only want to do that so I can get closer to you? Is it wrong to want to be close to you? I know the goal is to stop wanting therapy so much, but I've always thought I have to get it "all out" first. The parts who want to share with you are crying because they don't want to be told "no". They want to be allowed to love you. You said it's not pathetic to love you and I know the "it's not allowed" comes from me, not you. If I sing and/or cry, it will get rid of the "it's not allowed" feelings. I don't know how to find the middle ground. I have to love you with all my parts and have you accept me before I can move on. You always say to go with my gut. That's what my gut is telling me but how do I know if I'm just in denial about this whole therapy relationship and that it's NOT okay to care so much about you?

Dear T,

I am in a good place at the moment. I know that I had an episode last week, but can we not talk about that when we meet tomorrow? I would rather just ignore it and move on to the good things that are going on for me. Would you call that avoidance? Yes, I know you will.

Part of me wants to email you and say something like, "Will you send me a quick email just to let me know you are still around? That would give me a kick start into my week."

I am not going to do that because it sounds dumb and I am sure it would appear to show some dependence on you to calm my anxiety outside of our sessions. Its not a bad anxiety. Just that of going back to work and all the pressure that goes along with that.

I know that I should be able to get that from my family and friends, or just from myself. Actually, I am doing that. But, it would give me a spark to hear something from you.

Squiggle

I don't mean to keep dragging this out, but this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of!! $200.00???

I get it, skysblue. I am often shy about stuff too, especially when it comes to money, even if it's asking for a reimbursement I am owed. It's just that this seems capable of creating resentment in you and affecting the effectiveness of her treatment of you. Think about it some more. Email maybe? Perhaps, it would help if you said you're not necessarily asking for a refund, just understanding.

Those small wedges matter. Yes it was more "work" than some Ts would agree to during vacation but she should have been up front about how much it would cost beforehand. Our T's put more thought into treatment than the actual 50 minutes of the session but typically that is already reflected in their fees. In addition I agree with Squiggle that the sessions should have been longer esp. if it was going to cost that much.

Dear T, okay, i called friday and you haven't called me back yet. i think it is because you are hating me again. it seems like when i start to come in every week, you start seeing how really bad i am and how much damage there really is and realize i am just unfixable. i understand. it hurts, but i do understand. you are not a miracle worker!!!

please just leave me alone now! thank you

Dear T, if you read all my posts about you here on this forum, you might get the idea I don't like you but the truth is is that I do still love you and I hope we can continue on with therapy even with my weird reactions. I still feel really really lucky that you're my T and all the crap I'm posting is about me and not you. I think you're great.

Skysblue, I liked your post but I also want to say that your T could be flawed (like overcharging) but still good for you.

I talked with my therapist about this today. She said that this is why it is so important to set clear boundaries and understandings about fees. I asked her about her fees for this and that. She does not charge for emails or crisis calls, but she does charge for a phone session. But the phone session would be 45 minutes.

She didn't say one way or the other how she felt about skysblue's therapist charging $200.00 for a 5 minute phone call and to read some letters. She is very cautious about talking negative about another therapist. I am glad that she is that way. It makes me respect her more.

Dear T,

Thank you for explaining some things to me today. I have often wondered if you allowed all of your clients to have 90 minute sessions for the same price as a 60 minute one. Well, you obviously don't do that for all of your clients. When you said that not all clients stay 90 minutes, I asked you why you didn't set that for me, you said, "Because you need more time."

This worried me a bit at first, but I controlled my anxiety. I accepted it for what it is. I DO need more time. I just don't want to be taking advantage of you. You seem to be fine with me staying longer, so I just need to accept that and not worry myself to death about it.

Thank you for meeting that need for me. I know that you don't have to do that. But if you didn't, I don't think I could make it in therapy. One hour is just not long enough for me. You could be charging me more, but you don't. You know my financial situation, and you are willing to work with me on that.

I am glad that you are trying to work with me on getting a later appointment so that I don't have to take off work early. You know how stressful that is for me to have to rush to an appointment. You have gone above and beyond to accomodate me. That shows the dedication you have for helping people. You try to meet their needs.

Thank you for being such a great therapist. I am so blessed to have found you. I am sorry for all the times I was ugly to you. I know you don't take that personal, but I still feel bad when I act out in a session.

Squiggle

Dear T,
I am sorry that I am causing you so much frustration because of my lack of ability to actually sit with my emotions. I am terrified that you will give up on me like several psychiatrists have. You are my only person to talk to. I fear that you will abandon me. I feel like I am a failure.

Dear T,

Why won't you just give up on me?! I know I am annoying and that you probably regret agreeing to see me in the first place...I know you are so busy-and don't have time for my back and forth attitude towards therapy and how I find it so hard to believe that you are going to make sure this works out...so please just tell me it's going to have to stop now-before I get too hurt -I will understand-its how it always is...I should have never thought it would be any different with you

p.s. Please don't give up on me....don't leave me...help me

Dear T,
I am so happy you're willing to see me during my lapse in insurance, that you even suggested I pay only $20 per session. I so feel that you love me, especially since you brought up reducing your fee when I was ready to wait out the lapse and you said that you wanted to continue seeing me because it was important to you. I've never had someone to love me as much as you do. I feel bad about reducing your fee for me because that's the only thing I concretely give you in return, though you do say I give back to you so much. I also think the insurance company doesn't compensate you as much as it should already. You are truly awesome, and I thank the gods everyday for bringing you into my (messed up) life.
Love,
Crazy

Hey Delicatefade, you sound a lot like me. Your T won't give up on you. Continue to work hard during your sessions and she'll notice your progress and commitment. Ts know that we run for the hills when things get tough or when we feel too vulnerable. Hang in there!

Dear T,

Sometimes I just want to sit near you, to be in your presence, when I can't be. Just to be near you, the person I care about, the person who makes me feel safe.

I don't want that to be something that goes away, something that is confined to such a short space of time, something I will lose.

Night

Thank you Crazy...I'm hanging in

Dear T,

I am so glad that you got our new location confirmed and I can change my regular appointment time. I know that you went out of your way to accommodate me. But I know that this also helps you with some childcare issues.

I am worried about where we will sit. I finally got comfortable sitting on the couch and being able to relax. That took months!!! I don't think I would do well sitting in a chair. That is way too uncomfortable for me. A beanbag on the floor would be better.

You know that I am going to be anxious about it for awhile. Just getting used to the new surroundings. But I think I can handle it. I hope that I can, but if I have some shut down/mute sessions at the beginning, don't be surprised!

Overall, I see this as a great thing for me in so many ways. I won't have to take off work early anymore, and the new location is about 10 miles closer to me. I do wonder if I am going to run into the other client that comes before me since you are scheduling us back to back. Maybe we can figure something out for me to do if I get there before you finish? You can tell me a location that I can go to and sit where I won't see her come out? I know this is silly, but I don't like seeing someone come out of your office. That hasn't happened but a few times in 17 months, but I don't want it to happen again if I can avoid it.

Squiggle

Squiggle, I'm glad you can see T and not worry about leaving work!

Dear T,

Well I didn't hear back from you today...you probably have no idea how much this throws me into a state of complete anxiety and worry...I almost emailed you again to tell you to not worry about trying to fit me in this week...I HATE this...I feel like the thing that is suppose to be making me better mentally is the thing destroying me mentally...my anxiety is worse b/c of this...I don't know how much longer I can stand it...