Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

Therapist,
I want you to know that I've been raped three times. I never wanted to tell you this because I thought that you would think that I'm weak, that I'm pitiful, that I need someone's sorrow to make me feel better. I will never feel better about these incidences. I'm going to be scared forever. Another reason I haven't told you this is because every time I talk about it, I want to die. I just want to hide in a cold, dark, damp corner and slowly pull the life out of my body.
Sincerely,
Life

Dear pdoc,

I'm stuck in a place I really don't want to be. It's cold and throwing up way too many memories for me. I can't wait to get home and I really miss your comforting voice.

F

Dear T,

I had the "Do I still need to go to therapy?" talk with my husband. He said "Yes! You need it." I asked him why and he said, "You just do. Why are we having this conversation again!"

I then asked him how he would feel if I chose to stop going. His reply was, "Scared!" He said that she helps to keep me sane.

Well, maybe she does?

Squiggle

Dear T,
Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and am glad I am able to continue to work through my father issues. You are the best!

Dear T, i have an appt, have to cancel. feeling w a y t o o vulnerable. i wish i had more courage...
i feel like i got my feelings hurt and i know you were trying to help, but i don't understand how you helped? i do know how i felt hurt and what you said was true. but now what???? feeling lost and confused...

Dear T, I missed you today. I shared a lot about what my life is like outside of therapy and it felt good for you to know more about my worldly situation but those facts do not represent my inner life and in the end it felt kinda empty today. I did plan it that way. I really want to try another approach to therapy because all this emotion seems not to be getting us anywhere. And it's just too hard to wait 7 days to do follow up on tough emotional stuff. I feel a bit sad now. Although we laughed and had some fun during session, we didn't get into any deep stuff. I have mixed feelings about that. For a few weeks I had sessions 2x a week with you and now I have to go back to once a week for financial reasons. It almost feels like a death (stupid stupid stupid over reaction I know) So, now I have to wait for a whole week for us to have another intellectual discussion and I've already planned what the topic will be. It seemed like we had it really really good for awhile and now we have just an ordinary good. But, that's o.k. I need to get real in my life again and not put so much of my attention on my weekly meetings with you. I will prepare for our sessions with a plan like I'm going to a financial advisor or something with specific questions that I need help answering. I can learn a lot and learn how to apply those lessons in my life. It was nice knowing you and I'll miss you but I understand now that such an intensity in a relationship should not continue. The cool down will be beneficial for us both. See you next Wednesday

to my therapist,

don't. ever. leave.

Dear T,

I'm sorry. I think the tools you gave me to cope with my SI are ineffective. I laugh more than anything else. It's getting worse. And I'm scared. I know you think it's not a big deal. But it is to me. I'm sorry, I've disappointed you. I know if I tell you, you're gonna say it's up to me to try to stop... I just don't know what to do...

Crash

Why did you have to tell me when I called tonight, that you couldn't talk or call me tomorrow because you have 10 clients to see?! When will you eat lunch? You're too skinny and you HAVE to eat! I don't want you to see so many others. Can you still care about me when you have so many clients in one day?

Dear T,
I miss you terribly-I'm so upset that it didn't work out to see each other this week-I feel myself slipping away from this...I'm not in a good place again-and I really could have used your touch and support and your prayer...I'm find myself getting angry at you for being so busy (even though you are willing to see me over your lunch) you tried..I guess I'm just sad...I feel pathetic for needing you so much-I need to see you soon-I need to tell you so much

Dear T,

I am trying not to think too much about our new location. I mean, I know the time and day are much better for me. But I am nervous about being in a different room with you. That is going to be so strange! I mean, we have always met in that office.

I am tempted to email you about it (again), but I am trying not to. I know that I need to be a 'big girl' and see that this is just a minor thing and not something that I need to make a huge ordeal out of.

Squiggle

These two weeks without you have not been much fun. We have so much to talk about when you get back so I hope you are well rested. I know we won't have time to even talk about everything that has happened in the past two weeks on Tuesday. I thought I would feel better by now and I don't and I hate it.

This is for everyone about this thread. I told my T how I find it sad that so many can't tell their Ts what is on their mind. I told her about this thread and the Dear T one. She seemed surprised and asked why they can't tell their T? I said it was hard. I didn't know what to say. I'm a little surprised that she wouldn't understand why we have trouble telling our Ts our private "stuff".

T, why don't you understand? I know you're very open and probably didn't have any trouble talking in therapy, but I think you should know how it is for me and others. Don't you? I'm only this honest with you and it's taken years to work up to that (with other Ts). It's also because you make it so easy to tell you anything!

Dear T,
I'm scared to tell you what I need to tell you. I'm ashamed because I let it happen again. I wish you would just figure it out and guess already.

dr beverly, help.....

Dear T,

I hope you reply to my email this weekend. If you don't, I will worry myself sick about the changes that are happening in our therapy right now. Yes, I know this is just plain ridiculous to be so worried about something that is no big deal. I may need you to help me the next few days to prepare for when we meet in the new location.

Squiggle

I need you to help me with this adjustment, S***. I feel like I've forced myself into something I'll later regret.

Dear T,
I think I'm weaning myself from you a bit. I believe this is a healthy step. Being obsessed with therapy and with you is too emotionally draining. I believe we're entering a new productive stage in our relationship - one that is going to be more fruitful because I do not need you as much. I can focus on my issues instead of our relationship.

therapist,

...whatever

Dear T,

I have been thinking about the 'hugging thing' that seems to be a topic discussed by many. I am not really a 'huggy' person, but there have been times I think I would have liked that from you. Yes, I understand the boundaries and why a lot of therapists do not hug.

But you know what? You say that you will hug a client at the last session. I mean, like when therapy is over. To me, that will be so strange that I don't know if I could handle it. You have kept your distance for so long that if you actually 'touched' me, I don't know if I would know what to do.

I would feel totally weirded out. You have made me 'untouchable'. We have NEVER so much as accidentally touched hands when I gave you my check. Yes, you move closer to me to show support when I need it, and that is good. But, when you keep me at a distance for our entire time together, I don't know that I even want a hug at the last session.

I don't know where this anger is coming from, but IF you tried to hug me at the last session, I would feel like saying, "No, thanks. You can't touch me. I am deciding not to let you touch me. Just as you have made the decision all along that you won't touch me. I am in the driver's seat now."

I know this sounds mean, but that is the way I feel about it. Why are hugs reserved to be at a time when we may never see each other again? What is the point?

Squiggle

Dear T,
I really don't think making alternative mechanisms will help me. I want to be able to 'experience' it. I don't know how to tell you I want to talk about why I do it. I know you're an objective person, I know that you're a problem/solution kind of person, but I need to talk about this now. I know I disregarded it in the past, because it was way too hard to talk about. I shrugged it off. How do I tell you??

dis.repair

dear pdoc
we havent even met yet and you have already cancelled our first appointment. what does that say about you. i have been suffering so much anxiety waiting to get this appointment over with, like i am having a heart attack anxiety, and now i have to wait four extra days to get in. i am so worried that you are going to be a jerk. please i want you to be a nice doctor. i want you to talk to me with kindness and consideration. i want to be treated with respect, like i am worth your time. although my last pdoc was an odd duck and a bit unreliable, he was very respectful of me. he understood my anxiety. i wasnt afraid around him. i could talk to him. you, i dont know what to expect. please be a good guy.

Dear t, i am glad i cancelled my appt. you were getting too close again and more important, you hurt my feelings. i don't have the courage to tell you. i also have set my phone so that if you call, it will go directly to voicemail. your last message was waaaay to weird for me.

i will call when i have forgotten why you hurt my feelings. hopefully you will let me come back again?

oh yea, i have to lose ten more pounds first too. helps me hide better.

Dear T,
I am glad you are going on vacation and recharging your batteries. I hope you have a wonderful time. I will miss you when you are gone. I hope it was clear last session that I wanted you to go on vacation, just that I would miss you when you are gone.

i dont want you to associate something bad with the day your grandson was born. so i need to find a way to get over this by myself. so im gonna just keep shoving it away. until it works.