Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

Dear T, this too will pass. Eventually it will not bother me that you don't like me. I actually understand more than you even realize.
I am not my sister. I am not my brother. I am me. the one that faced reality a long time ago. the one that knows better when to quit fighting and put down the shield. the mask will remain in place, it needs to be there for protection.
here's me wishing for peace with no pain.
thank you for all your help.

I like you

T-
You rock. I know that you know this, but I want to tell you anyway. I've never met anyone who is able to be as patient with me as you are, and who is able to see through all my baloney the way you do. I didn't realize it until today, but your office is the only place where I don't have to filter at all - neither my thoughts nor my words - as you are the only person in the world who doesn't judge me. And that's the best gift I've gotten, probably, ever. Thanks for being my rock. Can't wait till my next appointment.

((((((((jbmomg))))))))

I like you too. I feel worried about you. I'm afraid you are guessing that T is thinking things that he really isn't thinking. Can you call him?

You deserve love and caring and support and comfort. Really, truly. You are a good person.

Pleeez email me.

Thank you learning1, i like you too, just don't like me right now.

thank you Tree, i am not in a very good place right now. t spaced appt over six weeks out.. not sure why.. and yes, i am definitely guessing on what t is saying. trying to prepare myself for the worst.

Dear T, I seen you in town with your child today and my inner child felt like someone stabbed her in the heart repeatedly even though I have told her you will never be her mom.
The session we had today did not help at all and I don't want to face the week ahead.

dizgirl: That happened to me when I used to see my former T with her kids or grandkids. Like arrows piercing my heart. Even though we know the reality, our hearts don't, and that inner child knows what she wants. I'm sorry you're hurting.

Dear T. Why did you ask what the "boogey man" was in the big pile of mess if you were just going to give me a lecture and not listen to what I said...... You just need to SHUT UP!!!!!

JBmomg I too am worried about you and was thinking on posting to you some days ago. I hope you can have a talk with this therapist. I don't see why anyone would have appointments only every 6 weeks unless it was a clearly we are done and lets just check in. I don't think that is the case here. Or am I wrong? It is painful to see you type these letters saying you understand and that you are a burden and that others need his time. You are an important client too! If for some reason he can not reassure you of that than please find another t that will give you the support and attention that you need not to mention deserve from a therapist. I get the image like you are being thrown out with yesterday's paper. Is that how you feel? And if so, I am truly sorry for you to experience that my dear.

Dear T,

I am not doing well. I am taking Ambien when I get home to block out my life. What am I going to do? Why can't I be happy? I feel like such a failure. I want to be successful in all that I do, but I keep messing up. Or others keep throwing stuff on me that I really don't think I deserve.

Why can't I be strong? I don't know what I am anymore. I just want to be happy.

Squiggle

Tdoc,
I don't think I really can/need/want to terminate therapy with you. Yes you pissed me right off but I can't keep repeating the same pattern of running from myself for the rest of my life can I?
I so desperately want to open up to you but faaaaaark it's so hard to talk about my e******s. Look, I can't even type or say the word. Totally retarded aren't I?
It's because I see needy people as sad and pathetic and I NEVER want to be that way - EVER.
I can barely make out the words on the screen thanks to all the Xanax I have taken so I hope my spelling and grammar are up to my usual standard..

I'm wondering if I should be emailing this to you rather than writing on an internet forum. God that is really pathetic.

I don't think my husband is too happy that I've said I don't think I'm coming back to you. Don't be too surprised if you get a phone call from him. I think he knows as well as I do that you're my last chance.

F

I wish i could find comfort in interacting with you and that I did not find it just an exercise in my being complicit with your humiliation and mocking of me by giving you the abilility and ammunition and money to do so.

dear pdoc
i have done a lot of cussing over the last week and a half and finally reached resolution over you, so now you choose to call. wake me up an hour and a half early. THANK U. It made me feel really special tht you spent a half hour with me on the phone, telling me how good I am doing, but that i have pushed myself too far. you would make a great T, so encouraging, lots of positive feedback,( but you still suck as a pdoc wanting to change my meds. we still have that issue to deal with.) but thanks again.

Dear T.,
I know you're trying so hard.
I know you care-- something I've not had such an experience with ever
before.....
just...
I've never had a "connection" with another human(most can't fathom such a thing, but I know you do) I am shakey!
I'm used to fluttering, lonely through life-- no connections-- no close friends. I share very little outside of your office.
I sensed your "emotional step" closer towards me today .... I so want to bolt and run...
feel sick to my stomach.... all I've known yells to me-- "RUN IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE".....
I'm scared.....nervous....

dear t
please dont get upset when pdoc emails you. i understand he is crossing a boundary by doing therapy with me but he is only trying to help me. dont you see that? cant you understand? i feel stuck in the middle, in a loyalty bind because you are my t and have been helping me for so long, but you are so gentle and slow and subtle and he is coming in and really shaking things up. i got more positive affirmation from him in one half hour phone call from him today than i have got from you in all our time together i think. you help me understand things, sort thru things as they happen, he is making things happen. its a whole differnt approach. please dont make me feel guilty for working with him. i feel like i am cheating on you. you have to let me talk to you about this. its your job.

It took me a long time to trust my therapist. Then when I did I was taken advantage of. I am not in therapy now but should be and I know I should. I just have trust issues now and am afraid to really tell the things I need to talk about. I have found that trusting to much and telling the truth usally bites me in the well you know. Having a therapist gain your trust then use your vunerabilty to have sex with you can blow any trust of getting help out of the water.

Hey are you a therapist or just a member. I am confused.

Hi Morningdove,

No I am not a therapist. If you read enough of my posts you will see that I am no where near a therapist.

Squiggle

Dr ******* I am sorry. I am afraid. I am confused about what to do or who to trust. I don't want to terminate but feel forced. I'd rather die than terminate with you. I've pushed you so much now you are fading away. Dr ******* I am afraid.

Dear T,

YOU ARE MEAN AND HARD-HEARTED! You keep pushing me to 'forgive'? I am sick to death of it. What sign do I have to show you to make you know that I have forgiven others? I will never forget. That is another story. It is much different than forgiveness.

Why can't we have one session where you actually show your damn feelings about me and what I live with everyday? Why do you always stay so neutral and have that same look on your face? Are you ever sympathetic at all?

You say that I am projecting my anger on you, yet it is really not you that I am angry with? Well, then who the heck am I angry with? Are you implying that I am really angry with myself, yet I cannot face that, so I make it all about being angry with you?

You know what I think about that? It is all a bunch of crap! That is what I think about it. Why can't you ever be wrong? Are therapists always right? Do they ever make a mistake or misinterpret things?

I hate you right now. I hate you because I need you so damn much that I can't just tell you off and never come back into your office.

Squiggle

Dear T,
I'm not going to be seeing you this week...but the amazing email you sent me about the first night in my new apartment is enough to get me through-and the fact that you set me up for two weeks in a row at the same time-which you know makes me feel better! I will miss ya this week...but it will be okay! Also-I'm more ready to talk about "her" now-she is feeling like she wants to tell you some things

Hey T,
Thank you for telling me that while I may see it as hopeless you do not. It has stuck in my head and lifted me a bit this week once I started thinking about whose opinion I should trust right now. The person educated in this stuff or the person who cuts. I feel better enough to do some of the homework and it actually proved helpful. Sorry I doubted it and laughed about imagining a positive outcome.

Dear T,

I crossed a boundary with you again and I am afraid to tell you about it. I know you will just want us to be curious and you won't be angry, but I know you won't like it. I feel like I let you down and I'm terribly sorry. Please forgive me.