Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

Dear T,

My session is tomorrow and I have nothing prepared. I did not do my homework. Its not because I didn't try. I just can't seem to do it right now. I don't know what to write. I know you wanted me to write a letter expressing my feelings of hurt, sadness, rejection and abandonment from past relationships, but when I try, nothing happens.

I am sorry if this lets you down. I am sure you will tell me that it is okay, but I feel like I am disappointing you.

Squiggle

Dear T,

Last time I saw you, you asked me how long it had been since I invited my DH to go to couples counseling with me and I said maybe a year. You didn't say anything but the look on your face (raising flame shield, to risk accusations of "mindreading") was that I should try again.

I didn't tell you that twice in the last two months he has expressed opinions that psychology / psychotherapy is all BS, and that all the practitioners are phonies, just manipulators of the weak, who convince impressionable people that They Need Help so they'll fork over the $$$. Of course I asked him what scientific basis he had for this (outrageous) opinion, and he admitted he had none, it was a personal conviction.

I wonder if I really ought to tell you this......................................

sounds like my H but he did go anyway. Yes, tell your T!

Question for everyone posting here: Do you want comments? At first I thought this was kind of private, between us and T, or maybe that's the "Dear T" thread which kind of overlaps.

Sometimes I feel like I'm intruding if I post to someone but maybe that's just me. For myself, I always welcome comments, even in the "Dear T" thread.

Rainbow, I think it is open to whatever. I have wondered the same about putting a 'thanks' on these. For me, a 'thanks' means that I read it. Since I started this thread, can I help make up the rules? I say that anything goes as long as it is helpful to those who post in here. I guess if someone does not want a comment, they can put, "No comments needed" at the end of their post. That way, we would know.

It is okay not to want a comment. To me, that is a personal preference.

Having this thread has helped me tremendously!! It keeps me from having the urge to email my therapist as much. I can get my feelings out in here. It helps bring down my anxiety. I can post as much as I want! I can talk things through and see if I really need to 'bother' her with this between sessions. I actually print these off at times and take them with me to my sessions. Of course, I do tweek them a bit sometimes!

Yes, I love this thread and the Dear T one too. Plus the "roll call". They also cut down on my emailing T, or at least get me to wait and think about it! Thanks SO much for starting them. Maybe we could make this one a "sticky" so it's always there, except I don't think stickies get so many new posts and I think this thread will always be around anyway!

oops, Improving started "Dear T". Thank you, Improving! Sometimes that fits more than this one and I appreciate both.

Not sure about the sticky thing. Wish we could have somehow combined these two threads "Dear T" and this one, but I guess it is what it is at this point. It seems to meet needs on both sides.

Therapist,

Please don't hate me, but I know you are only in it for the money. You gave up on me when the road got a little bumpy, and that is a shame. I understand that your finances are run by positive outcomes, and I am a challenge, therefore I was not worth your time. I am very disappointed in you. I expected more from someone who has 30 years experience in the field. When you told me all those times to "Just go get a job", I was quite offended, considering you are well aware that I cannot shower, wash my clothes, leave the house, etc. I'm sorry it isn't just that easy. I am scouring the web for reasons to keep going to psychotherapy, because my experience with you was dismal, to put it mildly. Everything you promised was a lie. Everything i read on the web was a lie. I wasted 2.5 years on this therapy. Just trusting you did not help in the least, as you claimed. Everything I read on the web is similar to what you told me, so I know every time I read it that it is all lies. So that makes a grand total of 19 years of my life that have been wasted (including your 2 years) on this damn depression that will NOT go away. 19 years of lies, false hopes, of BS. Your years were only 2 but the whole total weighs my back like a 900 lb gorilla every time I wake up each day. I guess i am just angry at you because psychotherapy was my last opportunity to fix myself (since I have tried everything else to death) and you just messed me around for TWO YEARS! Even if I got a little benefit, I would have been grateful. But all I got was you dumping me as a client. What a waste of time and money. SO in summary, I would like to say: FU. Actually I don't care if you DO hate me, because I sure as hell hate you.

Regards,
Disgrunted person you used to know

I'm relieved I was able to email you last night and was pleased with your "are you coming to see me this week" reply.

It really isn't easy being me

dear t, i feel like i need to lose alot of weight so i can have a different problem, i am tired of dealing with the depression.

i know this sounds stupid, but....

I want to say "I love you" without all of my "disclaimers" first. Just want to say it. I want to tell you about saying "help, T" and knowing that it means I can't stand feeling so good and I wish you could help me at that moment.
Everything else I tell you, except about reading what your relative said about you which is just something I want to have for myself, knowing how highly he thinks of you! I tell you everything else, or else I email it, like about my reaction to the session a few weeks ago. You know how scared I am about you dying before I'm finished with therapy. I want to die first.

Dear T.,
Well, I am now starting the second week without you as you are on vacation.
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and hoping you are having a wonderful time. Sometimes, before I go to bed, I imagine I am in a session with you, telling you all about my day. I envision that you smile and tell me to keep up the good work. I love you.

There are so many things

T,
I want to know what "work" looks like when it comes to this therapy business. I am good at working, but I can't figure out what this kind of work looks like! I am a little afraid to ask you, too, because I have a feeling you'll just ask me what I think it looks like. Sometimes I really don't have an answer to your questions!!

(And Rainbow - yes, I think it is your preference whether you want to answer or not - me, I always love when people chime in, gives me different perspectives when I'm stuck!)

'Dear' T

You have been horribly erratic since you came back from holiday. Even when you're there you're not really 'there'. I am trying not to react to the constant broken promises. I am letting it go and letting it go and holding on to what I know about you and about us.

Monday night is our scheduled phonecall. Every Monday I go through a horrible cycle of anticipation and anxiety and downright dread that you won't call. It lasts for hours, until finally your child goes to sleep, five minutes before the last time you would have called, and you call. I knew I couldn't go through that today, so I told you I didn't want the phonecall. You said 'I think you are cancelling because you are worried I won't be able to call. But I will be able to call'.

You didn't call, T.

I don't tell you my negative feelings about your behaviour anymore. Because I know you are not going to validate them or acknowledge anything. In response to this ^^, you would say that I have to learn that even when people let me down, they still care about me and the relationship is still solid. You would imply that the problem is that I need to learn to deal.

When I asked you to make up the phonecall another time, you told me you had to have limits, and when you say you can't, it means you can't. The thing is, I have limits too in what I can cope with. And when I say "I can't", it means I can't.

It's me, T. I am kicking constantly just to keep my head above water. My grief over the loss of my partner and our life together is overwhelming. I am losing hope that there is any kind of life ahead of me. I have no money. In under three weeks I will have nowhere to live. I know you're busy. I know you have to sort out childcare and argue with your husband and lose the baby weight and work two jobs and look after your daughter. I get that. But it's me. And you promised.

Enough, T.

I love you but you really, really suck sometimes!

Improving, I hope you work things out with T. I feel for you, as I hear your pain. I can relate to T not being there when she is really needed, despite her promises ALWAYS to be there. I too understand them having limits, but sometimes stuff happens, like your breaking up with your partner and my being stressed about my exam and health, where we need them to give just a little. It is SO heartbreaking when they don't.

want to know what your really thinking and not the lies you tell me, underneath that veneer of proffessionalism,

when you say im worth knowing and caring about. i dont believe it. theres no reason to. all i see is the opposite.

Sometimes I wish you would not just tell me to stop a particular behavior but would actually tell me HOW. If I could stop, I wouldn't need so much damn therapy...

I wish I could talk about my body issues with you, T. But, girly, you weigh half as much as I do! I know it's shallow of me to think like this, but it feels strange to share something so private and embarrassing with someone who has obviously never felt the same. You've never been fat. I don't resent you - I'd hate myself if I were to resent you. I just want to talk about it without the embarrassment.

Indie, I feel that way too. My T is a toothpick, I'm overweight, and I'm supposed to talk about my body. It would be easier if she weren't so skinny. But, remember just because a T doesn't have our particular problem doesn't mean they can't understand and empathize with us.

T, I'm surprised every week when the city picks up my garbage bags on collection day. I always expect that there's something wrong with my bags and they'll be left on the curb, an embarrassing and revealing eyesore... the bags ripped open by wild animals, my trash along the sidewalk... torn and exposed and messy for the world to see and judge while I'm oblivious in my apartment, sleeping the day away. How long until this fantasy becomes reality?

I wonder if I'm having this huge pity party for myself when others with similar circumstances seemingly cope so much better. And, I'm scared, truly scared.

Dear T
I want to know where I stand in therapy. how well do you think I am? I think i am doing great, yet every other week, you make me another appt. I know you wouldnt keep me in counseling if i didnt need it, the state just wouldnt allow for it. Im afraid to talk to you about this because I am afraid to hear that I am not doing as well as I think I am, like in that letter you wrote for me several months back where you described me as fragile. I thought maybe you said that so that I could continue services with your agency after i moved. On the other hand, if we talk about this, you may agree I am doing well and discontinue services and I dont think I could handle that either. So here I sit in limbo.

Also, there is that online support board i frequent. so many people there have deep attachments with their therapist. Phonecalls, emails, text messaging, pictures, etc, its a challenge to be away from their T. It makes me wonder if our relationship is missing something. I have never had the urge to google you or anything like that. Im afraid to talk to you about this that you will tell me maybe i would be better served with antoher T, so I guess that feeling of rejection means something is there. I dont want to lose you, i just dont miss you between sessions. But attachment is one of my issues in the first place. Maybe we should work on that.