Originally Posted by farmergirl

Normally I go up to school about a week before this point to start getting ready, but this year I get to do it all in the few hours they actually give to work in our rooms this week. I AM STRESSED. I'm enlisting the help of my three sons tomorrow, so hopefully we'll get everything moved tomorrow and maybe I can start unpacking.

I totally understand your frustration! I hate those blasted meetings that we have to sit through the first few days we are back in school. Yes, they only give us a few hours to get our rooms unpacked!! Luckily, my room/hall was open for us to start working two weeks before school started.

I called two of my former students to come and help me get everything organized. They were a super help since they knew where everything went. It only took us a few hours to get it all unpacked and set up. Of course, I did have my sister and her three children to help as well.

I feel for you. I really do.

[SilentLucidity]

I don't really share feelings with anyone. I worked really hard with T all summer and thought I was making progress. In the past two weeks I have fallen off the wagon hard. I don't even think I bounced. I can't even pick my face up off the pavement to even see where the wagon stopped. I honestly don't even know what I feel at this point. I am back at work tomorrow after severe burn out last year that drove me into therapy and my T telling me I should not have even gone into work during finals week. I've spent the summer trying to fill a tool box with skills to help me cope this year and I don't feel like I am ready. I am sick to my stomach. I have never felt this way about the start of a school year. It's just too much right now. I hate that I feel this way. My T has been on vacation for two weeks so this is the most I have shared these feelings with anyone. To top it all off, I've read and re-read this paragraph at least 20 times already. Why is sharing thoughts, feelings, insecurities so hard? I hate me.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Another day, another struggle... Trying to get to Wednesday without any major incidents... Just waiting for the doctors appointment to know if things will be OK... Guess no matter what he says, they have to be OK. Been preparing for the news I don't want to hear for 2 weeks now, just hoping I don't have to hear it!

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by SilentLucidity

I don't really share feelings with anyone. I worked really hard with T all summer and thought I was making progress. In the past two weeks I have fallen off the wagon hard. I don't even think I bounced. I can't even pick my face up off the pavement to even see where the wagon stopped. I honestly don't even know what I feel at this point. I am back at work tomorrow after severe burn out last year that drove me into therapy and my T telling me I should not have even gone into work during finals week. I've spent the summer trying to fill a tool box with skills to help me cope this year and I don't feel like I am ready. I am sick to my stomach. I have never felt this way about the start of a school year. It's just too much right now. I hate that I feel this way. My T has been on vacation for two weeks so this is the most I have shared these feelings with anyone. To top it all off, I've read and re-read this paragraph at least 20 times already. Why is sharing thoughts, feelings, insecurities so hard? I hate me.

Are you going to be able to see your T before you start back up at work?

[nicoleb2]

Super anxious about seeing my t today. She's not going to be happy with me

[delicatefade26]

Well after a night of crying so hard I couldn't breathe...I woke up with a huge headache...I just want to hear from my T...family member still in the psych ward...I just don't know anymore

[SilentLucidity]

{{{delicate}}} (my niece calls those "squishy hugs" - a hug with a squeeze) Take care of yourself.

I don't get to see my T for two more days. One hour will not be enough.

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by SilentLucidity

{{{delicate}}} (my niece calls those "squishy hugs" - a hug with a squeeze) Take care of yourself.

I don't get to see my T for two more days. One hour will not be enough.

Thank you for the squishy hug

[delicatefade26]

Well I finally heard back from my T...and he said we could meet Wednesday...but it's going to be in a different office...I don't like that at all-I know I won't feel as comfortable...I don't even know if it's a couch or chairs...but I will go because I need it so bad this week-I have so much I want to say...I hope I can get it all in

[Rose76]

I stayed awake till 7 AM this morning. I was just so wound up, but going around the aprtment in circles not getting much done. I felt in a cheerful mood though. My gut is all cramped up. New med adds to that problem.

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I stayed awake till 7 AM this morning. I was just so wound up, but going around the aprtment in circles not getting much done. I felt in a cheerful mood though. My gut is all cramped up. New med adds to that problem.

Have you slept at all? sorry about the gut...that is never fun

[kaliope]

my chest aches from anxiety. i didnt bother going to work today. was supposed to have appt with new pdoc today but they cancelled that late on friday. now it is thurs. so four more anxious days waiting. see T on friday. this will make it three days now, sitting in my pjs, staring at this computer screen. i just couldnt get myself to get out of bed to go to work. i had already taken the morning off for the pdoc appt so it was like "what the heck" i have like 123 sick days built up. i may as well use them.

[FourRedheads]

I'm proud of myself today. The kids and I met up with some co-op friends and their kids at the park. It was okay--I didn't panic.

While we were sitting at a picnic table chatting, I saw the guy who does supervised visitation for my children while they are with their dad. Just a surreal feeling, as I'm talking with these other homeschooling moms, all married and seemingly very happy. Just so strange; this is my life. I don't even know how I feel. Emptiness, I think.

[Rose76]

To: DelicateFade, Thanks for your concern. I slept about 3 hours this morning and I feel fine now. Tonight I will get to bed at decent hour. I think I may need to learn hypomanic management strategies. It's just so good not to be depressed.

[WePow]

Wow. What a session today. My angry teen alter is actually starting to really talk to T. The dissociation was too intense. We ended up stuffing all the stuff back into the mental box in session. And T will be out of town until next week starting Wed. But he gave us a session for tommorow evening before he packs up shop the the week. I am so thankful he helps me. This was very bad week for that part of me trying to heal. I do need my T now. And there he is.

[rainbow8]

I don't need eye surgery, at least not retinal surgery. I can have cataract surgery when I feel I need it, but that's much simpler! Whew!

[Rose76]

I have to get more physical exercise. It's hard to do that in the awful heat of the summer. There has got to be something I could do somewhere that has air-conditioning. It costs nothing to walk around inside the shopping mall. Found out today that I have thinning bones. I don't want that to get worse. Emotionally, I have been feeling so much better - for over 3 weeks now.

Today was very long and tiring. Lots of stress at work. Nothing bad. Just getting back in the routine of having students again.

I survived my first day back. With my sons' help I got just about everything done. What a relief.

Tomorrow I see T in his brand new office. Looking forward to seeing his new digs.

[vaffla]

I am having a much better day than yesterday, that's for sure .
I am awaiting a decision that's going to affect my future, and I have no control over it right now, so this is a very trying time for me. On top of that, having T away right now is stressful. I love her and miss her so much, can't wait for her to return.

[nicoleb2]

Saw my T today and everything was ok. She didn't get angry with me for the cutting i did the last couple of weeks. DBT was awful though because people were getting angry and yelling at each other

[crazycanbegood]

A little less empty today.

[crazycanbegood]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

Saw my T today and everything was ok. She didn't get angry with me for the cutting i did the last couple of weeks. DBT was awful though because people were getting angry and yelling at each other

Glad your T was accepting of your slip up! I tried DBT once on an individual basis but then the therapist terminated me for being too difficult...I wonder how a DBT group goes. I would think that a mass of BPDers may sometimes create very heated situations.

[nicoleb2]

Originally Posted by crazycanbegood

Glad your T was accepting of your slip up! I tried DBT once on an individual basis but then the therapist terminated me for being too difficult...I wonder how a DBT group goes. I would think that a mass of BPDers may sometimes create very heated situations.

My DBT group usually isn't like this. The 2 therapists are usually quite good at keeping things calm, but a few people today were in very bad places emotionally and it just led to a lot of anger between them, and a LOT of stress for the rest of us.

I hate having to deal with so much tension and wanted to leave, but the therapists wanted us all to stay, so I did.

My dear dear friend George died last night at 9:42 He was so accepting of his illness and of his death. I want to handle it as gracefully as he handled it. So many people loved him.