please!!i dont know what to do

all these warnings are going off in my head.what my T calls the color red talking. i am so just spinning out of conrtole over yesterdays session.my head is screaming to quit to not trust her at all.saying she hates me so bad,she wants me to quit,she doesnt believe anything that is comming out of my mouth,she is angry.she will never help me,i am beyond help,dont deserve it and T knows this,next weeks session will be worse.etc....and on and on horrable thing after another.

she told me not to call her to quit over the phone but i dont know what to do i dont want to go next week im scared and i want to call her and let her know how bad things are .i want her to tell me it will be ok but i know she wont.i have never called her exsept to quit T that once.i dont know what she would do if i called her just to tell her how scared i am to come back is it a huge boundry i am crossing.i couldnt handle it if she told me never to call her it would be such a rejection or if she was so cold and uncaring about how i feel.i just want her to know how bad i am feeling.i dont know what to do.i dont even know if she would return a call for this reason.she did call me back when i asked her if i could come back and see her.

yikes, it seems that yesterday didn't go all that well

Might you feel a tad bit better if you call her and just tell her how awful you feel right now? Maybe the act of just calling will relieve you a little bit?

((((granite))))

Is there something you can do to distract yourself? A warm bath? A walk? A sweet treat?

Stay safe, please!

I don't see why you could call her for this reason or maybe email her what your thinking. I'm sorry you having a hard time right now. I think you brain is playing games with you. Do you believe what your head is telling you? Can you calm down all the negative thoughts? If so start righting a list of all the reason you should stay in counseling and all the reason you should leave. See which one is longer and which one has resonable answers down. I think she would be gladed you called her because maybe she can put some reason behind all the reason you thinking like this or feel like this. Don't give up!! (((Granite)))

(((((((granite)))))))

Maybe I'm wrong but calling your T to say "I feel so bad after the session; please help me" or something like that is different from calling to quit. Most Ts would allow a call like that, and would be compassionate. It's when you don't communicate with your T through words that she objects. If you honestly TELL her how you feel, that's what she wants. You can write it down so you don't panic when you call.

Honestly, that's what Ts are for. TELL her you're scared to come back. It's her job to hear you and to respond to you about it.

Call your T and tell her exactly what you wrote up top granite. It's perfect. You are in a really bad place right now, and she probably expects that you would be. Call her. She needs to hear it and you need to say it.

i am trying to get up the courage please rain can you tell me what is the worst that can happen she will not call me back or she will call and be cold and uncaring telling me to not call i don't know what would be worse i know i hate that i need her but i do and i don't know what i would do if she did this

all i really want is to know if it is ok to come next week or not and that things are ok

granite, if you tell your T what is in your heart, what you are posting, then she will repond the same way. Please trust her! Tell her you're scared but need to know it's okay to come back. The worst thing won't happen if you tell her how you really feel. But you have to use words and be honest. She doesn't hate you; she wants to help, but you have to tell her what you feel. Ts are not mind readers, though I wish they were!

I'm positive that it's ok for you to go next week- and I'll betcha anything that this has been WAY harder on you than it has on her granite. Call her. Explain all of your feeling to her. She needs to hear more than is it ok to come next week. She needs to know why you're feeling like it might not be. You wrote down your thought process brilliantly. Share it with her. I think she'll appreciate it. You are really suffering right now. Do you think your T would want you to suffer like this?

i think i am going to call but god i hope i can get the words out i'm sick even thinking about this but im sick also thinking about nextweek i really dont know what is worse.so what do i have to loose so the worst is she will say it is time to stop right???

My T and I talk about film sometimes, and I remembered Woody Allen's quote, that the secret to his success (well, before the bad part) was that HE SHOWED UP.
Poor t's, it must be like herding cats, just getting us to show up for our appointments. But I remember going through that with my first major t. She also said I was barely verbal my first few years with her, and I know I was sitting there thinking, "Well, I can't say THAT... I can't say THAT... I can't say THAT!" and that would be in response to like one fairly benign statement of hers. That was the dialogue in my head from my family - YOU CAN'T SAY THAT TO PEOPLE! Now when I tell my T's this story, they are like, Oh for the days of the quiet hankster! and cursing her for getting me started. Well, enough about me (as if!). So oh granite one - are we trying to get blood from a stone?

oh my GOD i called her and left a message i dont know what she will do but i did call i dont even remember what i said already how stupid of me i know i said i need to know if it is ok thats it GOD but i did it and now i so hope she doesnt hate me or yell at me for it

Yeah Granite! You go!

Leaving a message is a great thing - it lets your T know something is up. I don't think she'll yell at you, and she won't hate you. It's her job to be there for her clients, and whatever that looks like, leaving a message does not equal hating a client.

If she calls back, great, if she doesn't, at least you know you can call because you did it!!

panic is so much i am just thinking all of the horrible things that she could be thinking right now or when she gets this message.how she must think i am so full of crap i tried to be calm but my ridiculous voice was shaking like crazy.she has got to think i am just stupid and crazy.and ignoring all kinds of boundries .it was just stupid

Nope, she won't think your full of it - remember, this is her JOB. To help her clients work through the things that make your voice shake, to help you get grounded again when you're feeling so out of control. If she doesn't call back, she doesn't call back. I know my T won't call back unless I specifically ask her to - I have to speak up to get my needs met. If you really want her to call you back, tell her so!

You can do this - she isn't going to hate you or never want to see you again. She is there for you, right? She took you back no issue last time you quit, right?

(((Granite1)))

i didnt specifically tell her to call me back.i think all i said was that i need to know if it is ok if i come back monday that i am panicing or something like that but i didnt say i wanted her to call me back.so i guess she wont but i know i cant call her back

I'm really proud of you granite. You did the hard thing and the scarey thing- and no matter what, you can take great pride in the fact that you conquered a fear- and you will always have that to hold onto.

BIG HUGS ((((((((((GRANITE)))))))))! Try thinking about what good can come from this-ok? Ya know- it's just as possible that T will embrace you opening up to her and sharing your fears and your heart with her. Be open to that possibilty too- ok? Think of how that will make you feel!

she called me back .she said that i definately still have my appointment on monday and that hasnt changed and that she will see me then and that it was ok that i can call anytime i want to check things out or whatever i am still shaking but she didnt seen to be mad at all she was calm and seemed like she was in a good mood.

AWESOME GRANITE!!!

How doyou feel now?? Did her voice sound patient and kind?

it kind of did.she didnt seem angry at me at all but i was afraid to ask her for fear of what the answer might have been.but ill accept what i got.she told me that i could call to check things out for anything any timme i want

(((((( granite ))))))

I am SO GLAD that you called T and that she responded to your message in a compassionate way. I hope you are able to find some relief as a result of your HUGE effort.

My heart is warmed by the risk that you took. (( HUGS ))

thanks MUE i was so scared i have never called her for anything but to quit once.it the whole talking thing but i did it and it was ok.i didnt say much but ok and it is ok but that is ok i feel better about going to T next monday and it wont freak me out all week and now i can focus on my new job position

((granite!))wish one of us knew your T so we could just reassure you when things like this happen. it is so awful waiting for a response! hope you can really feel that she's not mad at you and wants to help.

granite, I am SO proud of you for calling!!!You did it!!! Plus she called you back AND told you that you can call any time you want to check things out!!! Hurray for granite, and your T!!!