[WePow]

Well, I just "saw" "my" T...

I left feeling very alone and even sat outside the offices in the sun for 10 min just collecting myself and grounding so I could drive home. But I wanted to know what others would feel maybe???
Am I being TOO hoggy of my T?

My T is a senior psychological examiner in addition to being a "normal" T. So he gives tests to people and such for jobs or whatever. lots of police officers use him. I never thought much about it and it has happened several times before, but today at the start of session he said he was running late and asked me if I was "OK" ... I was. And I waited.

Then 10 min after the hour he came out and put the guy he was with in his other room (to fill out the question thing they have to do) and he called me into his office. We talked, but it was so distant. And then 5 min early it was over!

Now I know I was not with it (due to medication I am on today) ... but seriously?? After last session!!??? And when he was getting rid of me, I mentioned how I felt like canceling next Monday when I am set to see him because I have to work all weekend and only get Monday off. But he was like "ok! Just send me an email" I said when I left "Will see you Monday" and he said "Or not if you cancel" (or something to that same effect).

I feel so hurt inside ... I actually emailed him when I got home and asked for a reply. But am I just being hyper sensitive??? I really so much NEEDED my T to be mine today for that one hour. But I felt like I was forced to share him. And I feel so defeated.

[WePow]

OMG ! I am seriously medicated now and guess what... I just sent this post TO MY T~!!!

[Sannah]

I can see how you would feel minimized. That time should have been yours - all of it, 100%.

[skysblue]

Yeah, it would bother me BIG time.

[*doodles*]

Yeah, that would bother me too. Something similar happened to me, and I totally felt rejected and angry. ((((hugs))))
I don't think it is a bad thing you sent that to your T...did he email back yet?

Yeup. MAJORLY bothered. I would be upset/angry. That's my emotional mind.

When my logical mind kicked on line - I'd have to face the fact that stuff comes up that even T don't have complete control of.

But I'd still address it and say I'm pissed...

[Indie'sOK]

Seen 10 minutes late and then cut off another 5 minutes? Yeah it would bother me - it did, I should say, because that's what happened to me last session ((((((Pow))))))))) You've a right to be upset.

[ECHOES]

(((WePow))) I would feel devastated! Dismissed, and angry.
It sounds like he was rushed and preoccupied. AND he cut the session short. I could never do it, but I'd be fantasizing about asking for a free make-up session after that one.

"saw" "my"

Yet, I admire your presence of mind that you put the words saw and my in separate quotes.

[Omers]

I'm glad you sent it to T. My T locks the door at the start of each of our sessions and it feels like she is locking out the rest of the world. I LOVE that feeling. I am not sure I would take it well if I didn't think she was "all with me". Although there are some days when she is "more there" than others... just being human.

[crazycanbegood]

I'd be very hurt and pissed off and knowing myself, I'd promptly send an email to my T explaining how her neglect has wounded me.

[rainbow8]

Yes, it would bother me!! I'm glad you emailed your post to your T. I wonder what he will say!

[WePow]

Well... my T wrote me right back

It was actually a long email (for him!) and explained that he was running behind a few hours. Then he said this:
"When you are in my office you are NEVER a second thought or ever in my way."

And he said that he was just trying to honor my decision about Monday either way - that it was my choice and he respected that.

You guys all made me feel so much better!!

I answered T back just now and shared something with him that dawned on me a few min ago when I was taking my shower...

"
When I was a kid, I remember TRYING to tell my mom about some stuff that happened to me. I remember that more than once she would be acting like she was listening to me.. but then one of my brothers would need something from her... and you know what happened, she would put me on PAUSE and go run to them. I felt that this was a norm when I was a child. And I never realized that until just now. Like it was another punishment for me being a girl!

It is difficult for me to accept that while I am in your office that I could in any way be important to you if there is a male around.... or in the same building... or world... LOL. That if a male needed you, that you would by default drop me to rush to their side. Like how my mom did ... wow. "

It is amazing to me how our past imacts how we feel about things in the NOW.

[unaluna]

What a great insight. My mom told my first ex-husband that she "had" to listen to me talk after school, and that I would say stuff like, "You remember X, I told you about him yesterday" and she would just say yes, yes, she remembered, but she LAUGHED and told him she never remembered any names because she never listened, she just pretended, ha ha ha. So I have been torturing T's and forcing them to listen to me and remember my friends' names for the past 40 years.

[purple_fins]

When I was a kid, I remember TRYING to tell my mom about some stuff that happened to me. I remember that more than once she would be acting like she was listening to me.. but then one of my brothers would need something from her... and you know what happened, she would put me on PAUSE and go run to them. I felt that this was a norm when I was a child.

YEP! I so relate to this Wepow. same thing happened to me but with older brothers AND sisters...... I didn't matter coz I was too young, too little, too ignorant-- whatever.... never could make the "grade" to be worthy of being heard or noticed.
so so sorry you experienced similar

traumas/abuses happened to me coz others always took presidence...

Quite fearful I don't even matter here at PC....
I read almost daily .. but.... to speak up shear terror....
too afraid of not being heard. (it feels so overwhelmingly terrifying........) People are so scary.

I think you're very brave to post and speak up
Way to go!

fins

[unaluna]

I'm sorry to hear that, fins. I've missed you.

[laceylu]

he should give you a 15 minute discount

[mixedup_emotions]

((((( WePow )))))

I'm so glad you emailed T and that T emailed you back, providing you with what you needed in order to work through this...and glad that it helped bring you some incredible insight and make connections with the past. I went through a bit of discovery as well today during my session that I will post about shortly....I too am realizing how much of our past affects our present.

[vaffla]

sure it would have bothered me! But i don't understand his response. So he was a few hours behind, does it justify cutting your session short by 15 minutes?

[skysblue]

Your thread has brought to my attention how highly sensitive I am to whether people are really listening to me or not. I am very attuned to any sign that their minds are wandering and when i sense that I immediately stop talking. I find this happens in my life more often than not. And it seems like I interact with people who love to engage in monologues about themselves and it wouldn't really matter if I'm there or not.

So, that's probably why seeing T is so important to me. For once in my life someone is actually listening to me. It WAS on my list that I took to her on first session that I wanted to be HEARD but I'm just now realizing, thanks to this thread, how pervasive that feeling is that I have. I actually feel invisible most of the time in my life. I feel that I'm only valued if I get my work done and tasks completed.

[unaluna]

OMG! (whispering) you guys got me all goofed up! I got to T's at 9:30 and I'm wondering what's going on! It's 9:45 and I'm still sitting out here! Turns out I'm half an hour early, I had planned to sit in Starbucks, only I forgot! Finally I got out my phone to see if he left me a message, and there I see my ACTUAL appointment time is TEN!. WHAT A DOOFUS! This is all in our head, people, work it out, it is NOT about the actual minutes, it's the FEEEEELINGS behind the minutes. I am SO embarrassed! Unfortunately, I only know the code for

[Rose76]

I don't think you are being the least bit oversensitive. I would be very angry. I really like Echoes' idea about asking for a free make-up session. If he agreed that was fair, then it would be some attempt on his part to be a "stand-up guy" about his responsibilities.

Sounds like he's spread himself too thin. He is not providing all that he is being paid for, and wanting to make as much money as he can might be the his motivation. And to top it off, you say "it has happened several times before". He's got some nerve!

You had every right to email him. I hope you expressed that you feel he has been under-serving you. There is no way, no excuse, that what he is pulling is okay. AND he should affirm your dissatisfaction as being legitimate and apologize to you. If he tries to turn it around that you are unreasonable, then he is a total creep. He is being very non-therapeutic in setting you up to be accepting of what is not acceptable. One of the goals of therapy is to learn to have appropriate expectations of others. Don't be suckered by this guy. He is taking advantage of your self-doubt. He is very unprofessional.

[Rose76]

Just read your last post, written while I was typing. So he was "several hours behind." In no way is that your problem. Then he smooth talks you with how you are never not important to him. What a freakin' con-artist.

[WePow]

((((All))) You guys are wonderful. Actually, he has gone over in session TONS of times. And he has given me free phone calls when I needed them. So this really was not a problem about the money or time. It was more about the fact that there was a MALE in the other room that I felt was taking away the subconscious energy of my T. He is a very wonderful T. I just needed to run this by you guys. As always, you guys helped me greatly!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Your thread has brought to my attention how highly sensitive I am to whether people are really listening to me or not. I am very attuned to any sign that their minds are wandering and when i sense that I immediately stop talking. I find this happens in my life more often than not. And it seems like I interact with people who love to engage in monologues about themselves and it wouldn't really matter if I'm there or not.

Been there, done that! It is funny how our tuning into if people are listening to us or not is totally subconscious. Once I made the EXACT stuff up there ^ that you wrote conscious, it didn't happen again. Now if I am talking with a self centered monologuer I get away ASAP. Also, after I became aware that I super tuned into if people are paying attention to me speaking or not, it removed my feeling upset about it. You can't beat awareness and bringing things to conscious awareness! Now if a person isn't interested in listening to me, then they aren't interested and it doesn't bother me that much anymore.

[Rose76]

WePow, Thanks for the clarification. I was getting worried about you. I'm sure glad it is not as bad as I was imagining.

Human society does have a long history of males often being thought more important than females. It sounds like that was your experience as a daughter, and that's too bad, especially since we can't re-do our childhoods.

Often, though, it is individuals with more dominant personalities who seem to take precedence. When you feel you are being minimized as a person, don't forget to consider other reasons why someone might do that. There are a lot of other reasons why some individuals get more than their share of attention. (economic status, physical beauty, dominant personality, persistence, social status, ability to intimidate, manipulativeness, etc. etc.) I do understand that the way in which we were hurt as children is probably what we go on to be most alert for and sensitive to.