[skysblue]

Well, maybe it is the art of dance, maybe not. Dance requires music which requires an ear for rhythm and a sense of movement. Or am I just the fledging playwright who needs to also direct the action? Choreography not necessary because the "action" is where the action is.

Going into session I am well prepared. I have written the dialogue and I have rehearsed well. Usually my plot is well-grounded in necessity and reality and normally the play goes on without a hitch.

The actors involved know their roles well. The playwright has written their lines with a keen understanding of the 'real' dynamics between them and can deftly arrange the movement so as to more easily move the plot forward.

My preparation for session is almost bullet-proof. I have my lists of topics; I already know what T will say (although she isn't given much of a speaking role); I push through my agenda with an expertise that most would admire.

The couple of times in which I have not had the latest installment of the plot developed have resulted in a languishing and stumbling episode - a session that does not seem fruitful at all.

So, I've learned to always have my play up-to-date before entering T's office but sometimes I wonder...

[sunrise]

It doesn't really sound like therapy to me.

I understand 'rehearsing sessions' and going in with this plan of how it will go and what I will and most importantly what I *won't* say in session. I am well guarded and my walls are firm. But, the stuff that I've rehearsed, takes away the true emotional piece of therapy. And the firm walls are blocking out what really has to be tackled. Thus I DO leave feeling like I didn't get much done because my walls blocked it all.

My BEST sessions have been when I walked in ready to talk about one thing that's been well rehearsed, and T blind-sides me with a completely different topic that I wasn't ready for. Because then truth comes out and real work begins.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by sunrise

It doesn't really sound like therapy to me.

Yes, but..

"The couple of times in which I have not had the latest installment of the plot developed have resulted in a languishing and stumbling episode - a session that does not seem fruitful at all."

It feels like I need to be in control so that we can address fully that which I think needs addressing. Otherwise it seems like we are just throwing darts in the dark hoping that we'll hit the target. I would love T to lead but then she'd have to know where I am at that moment.

Therapy seems like a school where the students must be fully prepared and engaged in order to learn anything. But in this school, the student must be self-directed and learn to ask the right questions. The new knowledge does not flow from some proverbial fountain ready to be ingested without effort and self-propulsion.

[dismantle.repair]

Sometimes I walk in well rehearsed... but I've noticed that it never goes how I plan it to.... And I think that's the way it should be.
I need her to try to break down the walls I have up. And the only way to do that is to surprise me.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

Sometimes I walk in well rehearsed... but I've noticed that it never goes how I plan it to.... And I think that's the way it should be.
I need her to try to break down the walls I have up. And the only way to do that is to surprise me.

Yeah, sometimes T yanks control from me and I really really appreciate that. But one time I asked her if this is what I should be doing and she said that it seems to work for me so I should continue on.

[dismantle.repair]

The thing is, why therapy is such a valuable profession is because there is no ONE set way in which to do ANYTHING.
We are all unique and the way that we approach therapy will be unique... So too will the appropriate response from the therapist be unique.
If it works for you, well, hey, go for it.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

If it works for you, well, hey, go for it.

Well, I don't know if it works for me best. i want to access the best approach to maximize benefit but I'm just not that sure.

[Wren_]

Sky, I know that I would do better to be more prepared often .... coming with things I want to talk about and some sense of what I want to achieve; I wonder though if while still choreographing you could try coming with a little less to see what flows naturally as well? Just a little loosening of the dance reins; not enough that you stumble but enough that you can both have a little more freedom to test other dance steps that may work beautifully in the scene?

[Gently1]

skyblue,

I have somewhat of a plan, ongoing notes between appointments- what has come up for me, and this has been as effective as the unexpected question. IF it were a dance for me, it would be learning new steps everytime.

G1

[ECHOES]

I rarely go 'prepared' and often don't know what I'll talk about/focus on.
It's pure joy to see what develops

[lastyearisblank]

It definitely depends on the T's personality and your personality. I definitely enjoy letting things go, though. Just seeing what develops. We get less done, but you get to see what they really have to offer.

Originally Posted by skysblue

Yes, but..

"The couple of times in which I have not had the latest installment of the plot developed have resulted in a languishing and stumbling episode - a session that does not seem fruitful at all."

It feels like I need to be in control so that we can address fully that which I think needs addressing. Otherwise it seems like we are just throwing darts in the dark hoping that we'll hit the target. I would love T to lead but then she'd have to know where I am at that moment.

Therapy seems like a school where the students must be fully prepared and engaged in order to learn anything. But in this school, the student must be self-directed and learn to ask the right questions. The new knowledge does not flow from some proverbial fountain ready to be ingested without effort and self-propulsion.

[lacey12345]

i'm way too guarded in T. i try to be a few steps ahead of the conversation so i can direct where it is going...

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

Sky, I know that I would do better to be more prepared often .... coming with things I want to talk about and some sense of what I want to achieve; I wonder though if while still choreographing you could try coming with a little less to see what flows naturally as well? Just a little loosening of the dance reins; not enough that you stumble but enough that you can both have a little more freedom to test other dance steps that may work beautifully in the scene?

Yeah, I think I do that. I am not that rigid. But sometimes I think I give T an easy session by me doing all the work. (it seems...) Of course, it is MY work so why do I complain? I guess that sometimes I just wish she could lead me exactly where I should be going. Ahhh, but we're playing in the playground of the mind and it's not that simple, right? Oh, well - let's continue to play the game and not worry so much about it. I just want things to be solved and this meandering route can be frustrating sometimes.

[rainbow8]

I've never had a T who directed the sessions before this one. I like it, sometimes! When we do IFS or EMDR she takes over. I feel protected and cared about when she leads the session. On the other hand, when I know what I want to talk about, or when I knew I wanted to sing, I hardly let her get a word in edgewise! It definitely has gotten me more in touch with my feelings not to plan too much. My T would rather see what develops except when we do EMDR. There's a protocol to follow, but even that isn't cut in stone. The unexpected things that happen in the session are usually the most productive, I think.

[skysblue]

I'm tempted to go into session tomorrow without my script. Somehow or another that feels really scary. If I did that I would have to try to be open more and feel more and I don't know where that will lead.

[rainbow8]

I'm tempted to go into session tomorrow without my script. Somehow or another that feels really scary. If I did that I would have to try to be open more and feel more and I don't know where that will lead.

YES!!! Therapy without a script is VERY scary and no, you don't know where it will lead. But it can be the most amazing experience if you let it happen!! I hope you try it tomorrow.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

YES!!! Therapy without a script is VERY scary and no, you don't know where it will lead. But it can be the most amazing experience if you let it happen!! I hope you try it tomorrow.

Yeah, right - but what will we talk about? Do I just ignore what i already know is in the script or what...?

[rainbow8]

I usually have a general idea of what I want to talk about. Like tomorrow, it's going to be about how I felt about last session, and what that part feels about my "pattern". I'll bring all of my emails but probably I won't ever read them. Or maybe I will. What is important to me is to try to be mindful in the session. I need to look at my T and feel that connection, and discuss how it is for me. So I know it's going to be about the t-relationship. But, if we finish that--fat chance, but you never know, maybe we will finally get to the EMDR. Or, could be I won't be able to talk and I will color again.

So I have some ideas but who knows? The session will play out the way it needs to. IF I don't like the way it's heading, I can change direction. It's like doing an improvisation instead of following the script, but you can have an idea of what you want to talk about.

I intellectualize everything and my T knows this. Or, at least I used to with all my other Ts. This time, if I feel something in the session, she wants to know more about it. It's more about feelings than getting an agenda met.

My former T used to tell me that I came in with my list/agenda, I spent most of the time reading it, not looking at her, and then the 50 minutes was up, and I left feeling frustrated! That's not therapy. I learned not to do that, though. Then the 50 minutes seemed longer. Stopping to look at my T and feel something made the session slow down. Hard to explain, but that's the way it was.

I don't go into session with an agenda. I think that's because as a teacher I have to plan out everything in advance, and I just don't like to do that once I'm off work. I just let things transpire organically. Might as well. Even if I think I may have a topic, the session almost never goes that way anyway. T always starts by asking me generally how I am doing. Because I have bipolar disorder, monitoring my mood is just standard practice. Usually that will lead into something that really needs to be worked on. Things just move from there in whatever direction the winds take us. Even though I don't do much planning though, my T clearly puts a lot of thought into my major issues, skills I need to work on, and he always masterfully directs the session right to the meat of things. (The sly devil.) Always amazes me how well he knows me.

[learning1]

My T is more of a natural conversation leader than I am. I can interrupt and force the conversation onto topics I want, but it is awkward. He does ask what's going on each time, so I get some chance to bring up topics. T is just more talkative than me and starts talking before I have time to think of what I'd say next if it was up to me, or to finish where I was going. If I can remember where I was going after he talks, I will go back to it.

All of this probably sounds like he's not a good t. But it is helpful for me in a lot of ways to have a talkative t. I don't know why, but with more reserved or passive t's I didn't feel like I got anywhere. The conversation just doesn't go enough. I need enough input that there are things that seem relevant to talk about or else I'm just lost. Sometimes the topics current t brings up are off base and sometimes not. I think he tends to just go for any random topics that are usually taboo for the purpose of encouraging clients to talk about things one normally couldn't talk about. Hopefully as we get to know each other longer, this will work better and he won't keep bringing up the topics that don't connect too well with me. He's not usually very off base anyway. I do like it that he pushes to talk about things that are challenging sometimes.

I do have an agenda when I go in. Sometimes I manage to bring it up gracefully, sometimes awkwardly, sometimes not at all. My agenda isn't usually too specific and there are plenty of variations that will fulfill it. There are tons of things I've considered talking about and gone through a conversation in my head about. I know conversation won't go the way I rehearse, so I don't really rehearse. Tomorrow, three topics on my mind are 1. difficult things going on with my friend and 2. how embarrassed I am about something t said last session and how obsessed I am with therapy, 3. dealing better with stress when i have too much to do, or something like that. I wonder if we will talk about those things, or what will happen. I don't feel I have to accomplish bringing these topics up. There are other difficult topics that would feel like an accomplishment if we discussed them too. If t is being very supportive, like he was last session, I will probably let that happen and not mind if I don't get any difficult topics out. If he's supportive and stops pushing the pointed questions for a while, maybe I'll feel more able to lead the conversation more often, and maybe I'd like that. If he does have any difficult topics he wants to bring up, maybe they'll be helpful too, and I'd guess they'd be some of the same topics I have in mind. Or who knows, maybe he will lead less and I will feel I lead more, which happens sometimes. I think I'm even more open to any of these possibilities atm than usual.

[skysblue]

I think I'll take in my notebook just in case. There are things that happened this past week that could use discussing because they affect the stuff I'm trying to learn/change. But instead of focusing on some specific events/behavior, etc., I think I want to address a global kind of 'existential angst'. But, geez, that's planning too, isn't it? I guess I'll see what pops into my mind at the moment. But that feels like playing the lottery or something - will I 'win' or not?

[elliemay]

Sometimes there are obvious things that I want to talk about. Other times not so much.

Overall, I agree with the others who suggested that the scripted sessions seem to be an attempt to keep walls up, sort of maintain control.

On the other hand, you seem to want your therapist to assume some control as well. It's almost as though you're afraid to let it go, for fear of losing something.

Ah ambivalence.

I've said it before and I will say it again, I'm an advocate of the blurt and in so many situations. By saying whatever seems ready to bubble out at the time, my therapy has vaulted forward on occasion.

Other times we've ended up talking about lions or something. It's all good fodder I guess.

[learning1]

lol, lions or something? hehe.

[skysblue]

I think the way my T begins sessions leads me to believe that I am required to have 'the floor' and conduct the session. She just sits and looks at me expectantly waiting for me to begin after we've said our hellos. And me, having a teaching background easily steps up and begins the 'instruction'.

Today I'm going to try to go in 'blank', clear my mind beforehand and let emerge what emerges. I doubt we'll get to the most important issues this way but, hey, why not experiment, right?