Update to: think im going to have to switch. T said...

So saw T this morning. I was crying in waiting room and all the words just came spilling out as he asked me why im so depressed.

I felt like we finally had a deeper convo n he asked me some deeper questions
Too.

But the only thing is he said again i need to fight my depression. But this time i told him straight up i feel like i cant. He said you HAVE to then gave me ideas like get outta house, do activity i enjoy, EXERCISE he saids a big one.

But again i told him all good ideas, but i feel so depressed and tired and worthless i dont know if i can muster up n do those things

He said well, you'll die-meaning you'll just be a vegetable laying on the couch....there are plenty ppl like that u dnt wanna be like that do u?

I get hes trying to help me overcome this major depression, but i feel he doesnt really understand how debilitating it is. If the cure was just doing activties, wouldnt everyone be cured??! I cried and cried n told him how i feel i'd be better off dead since im no use to anyone, not even my kids....

In some ways our visit was great. We got into deeper stuff, but idk iy irritates me hes like your depressed get up and do something! Fight it! I felt like asking him has HE ever dealt with this??

I have been there. I was like, if I could pull myself up by my bootstraps, then my bootstraps would be up! What works for me is to start REALLY SMALL. Also, Moodscope really helped me. I went online and have been doing it for many months and find it helps. I hope you can find some support here, as well. I'm pulling for you!

There is a great book called, "The Noonday Demon - An Atlas of Depression" by Andrew Solomon. I've just begun reading it. He talks of his own experience but also covers the history, the politics, the treatments, etc. for depression. But what thing he does great in this book is describing what depression feels like. This book was on the New York Times Bestseller list and has also received the National Book Award. It is a compelling read.

If your T doesn't understand how debilitating depression can be, he may not be the best person to be talking with. From what I'm understanding from reading this book is that sometimes talk therapy should be helped along by medications. Are you taking any anti-depressants? Like everything else with our bodies and minds, depression is also chemical and can be helped by correcting some chemical imbalances.

I kind of get both sides because most counselors, will tell you those things hoping that you might try one of those things. No counselor wants to loose a patient to depression. You may be very depressed but he can't be with you all the time. So that means he unable to work threw the deeper problems with you. Are issues we have take time to get over. So he's not going to beable to flick a switch, to make you realize that you are worthy of more then you can a imagine. He wants you to fight because he can't fight for you.
The way you heard him say it, seemed alittle hard but maybe he thought that stuff love with help. I do think he could of said it in a different way. I hope you realize that your worth more then you can imagine. I hope that you realize that your kids need you and love you. I hope you see the light out the tunnel and take it. Please take care!!!

I've heard that same message many times from my T and from my Pdoc too. It isn't that they don't understand; they do. But they are absolutely right in telling us to get moving. The hard part about depression is that what you need to do is the exact opposite of what you feel capable of doing. It really is a fight to muster the energy and motivation to do what we really need to do. What they know is that all the talking and medication in the world isn't going to do a thing to get us out of our depression if we don't add the additional element of movement and activity to increase the serotonin in our brain and get us out of our heads from time to time. And that takes fight.

My T had me start small. Just get out of the house and sit at Starbucks and read for an hour. Or, walk to the corner and back. Go the park and sit under a tree. Little things just to get out of the house a little bit each day. I'm not saying it is easy. I know it is not. But it truly is what we have to do to begin winning this battle against depression. And no, it isn't a cure, but it is an important element in fighting depressive illness.

I'm so glad you got an appt with your T today. It's a struggle to get over depression, and there's only so much he can do in one session. Sounds like you were able to communicate, and he heard you. The advice is good, though, but I know it takes so much effort. Try just one - I can vouch that exercise can make a TREMENDOUS difference. It has for me. You'll have to force yourself at first, but you WILL feel a little better, and then it will get easier. It will take time and effort, but you are just at the beginning. Things WILL get better. In the meantime, you can be planning your next session and what you want to talk about. Just have faith that this will work, and keep plugging away at it. Come here to share any time you want. We're always here, and we DO have an idea what you're going through. Hugs

I will check that book out. I am on the antidepressant emsam patch 12 mg and on lithium and just added lamictal. Still no relief. I wonder if i should stick with him then?! I like him n i felt like we just made progress but gahh i dont know if he understands about my depression....... Doesnt seem like he does.

I cant get up. Why cant he friggen understand??!! i DONT wanna be like this either but the past 6 months its been overcoming me with each episode getting worse.
Im not up 'doing things i enjoy outta the house right now'
Im lying in bed crying wishing i was dead so my pain will go away.

And he wants me to do something. I hvnt showered in 3 days. The ONLY thing that sounds appealing is me being in a hospital bed hooked up to an IV with meds to knock my *** out for like a week!

So much for my therapist understanding.

Just read your guys other posts.... So you do think hes right for that advice?
It helps to hear from you guys cause im so irrational right now i cant think straight.

Maybe baby steps is wat i can try. Maybe a walk around the block... Idk. I will try n push myself. I do want to get better.... I really do. The pain i feel i side is debilitating yet i look completley fine on the outside....crazy

I totally agree with skysblue. I really believe that sometimes meds are needed along with therapy. Its not easy to just fight depression granted you can start off with little things and maybe that is what he wants to see. However if you really feel that hes not getting your depression...personally I would find someone else. Dont wait on him...there are times when depression is just too much and when I was where youare at that is exactly what depression was...TOO MUCH. Unfortunately some people dont get it including therapists. There is a therapist out there who will understand, be helpful, and compassionate. Best of luck in your journey.

But, for right now, go take a walk. Force yourself to move. It's not like it will eliminate the sad feelings but may make them a bit more bearable for now. We understand.

I will say that exercise has definitely helped me. It was harder than hell (mentally) to start but I am so incredibly happy that I did. I didn't want to do ANYTHING. Start small. Any tiny thing you can do will help yourself. Anything that takes effort is progress.

I went to the library.... Checked out night falls fast, the up and down life, and get it done when your depressed. Im home now started reading night falls fasr.... Pretty interesting. Still feel horrible.... But im trying.

@ pbutton- my gf went thru a breakup and is somewhat depressed but she wants to join a gym with me.... So maybe ill do that. I hope i can make it consistently tho...

((((vanessaG)))))

I know it's hard to hear, but your T is right. Whilst none of us can just 'snap out of it', it's true that you do have to participate in fighting your depression. That's not saying it isn't difficult, it is (I know!) and I'm sure your T understands this too.
The last thing you want to do is get out of bed and do something, right? But I'm told that shutting yourself away from the world is apparently the worst thing to do -- so says my T, and I think it's pretty much the consensus... (Doesn't mean I still don't stay in bed some days! Some days I win, some days I don't.)

Going to the library is a win! Joining the gym with your friend sounds like a great idea, too Any little thing you can think of to get you out of the house and around people. Sometimes I drive to the supermarket just for the heck of it, just so I have to get dressed, do my makeup, and do something - even though it's just to go buy a magazine or whatever.

Thank you sooo much. Gosh you all are so supportive and give such good advice i find myself addicted to this place! On and off here all day

Im reading this book and in some sick way it makes me feel better knowing someone waz actually in a deep dark place like im feeling

I dont feel like goin out or doing anything for that matter but i must mske myself shower tonite and my friend wants to have lunch so that will force me outta the house. I thought bout cxl on her but think i should just force myself. I really am trying its so hard right now. I do appreciate all your kind words . Ive read them over n over today

I think you sound like you're doing great. I can see that you're listening and open to trying new things. That is so very important. I can relate to how you're currently feeling. I spent several days doing nothing but sitting in a recliner rocking and crying. But to be honest, I really didn't want to do THAT either because it certainly wasn't a great deal of fun.

Ya i can relate! Ive been on the couch 90% of the day.
I do think i actually should stop reading this book as im getting deeper into it.... Triggering reading all the suicide notes. Its making me think of going down the street and buying a gun 'just in case' which i cant do.... That would just be stuoid!!!! I think its time for me to pop a couple klonopin n knock myself out 4 my own good. Jeez what a day. Thank u so much for being there