sorry i couldn't help you

if your T said "I'm sorry i couldn't help you today would you feel like they want to give up on you.want you to leave and never come back.

this is what my T said before i left my session today.she said 'sorry i couldn't help you today. maybe next time"

right now all i want to do is quit my job because she can't help me with that ,i want to SI,hide forever,walk away from T.if i could talk i would have said I'm done when she said maybe next time but i couldn't say anything most of the session.i wanted to talk so bad.i said that i got in trouble at work again and she said what do you mean and that was it i couldn't come up with anything to say i just couldn't tell her any more of what was going on in my head.i was just to ashamed and didn't want to say anymore i didn't want her to know .maybe she is right i am just totally hopeless.can you believe this my whole session was like 4 sentences long 3 of them hers i hate me

No, I would NOT think my T wanted to give up on me if she said she's sorry she couldn't help me today. I wish your T would use other means when you don't talk, like mine does. She would say "what about drawing a picture of what you feel?" or "what does it look like"? or something like that. But, I think your T honestly was sorry she couldn't help you. If you can't talk to her, she feels like she can't help.

She said "maybe NEXT time". Does that sound like she's giving up? No! Please don't give up on yourself. You and I are both trying to change deeply ingrained behavior patterns. It's hard!!! You've talked before so you will again. Maybe next time is more hopeful, not hopeless, IMO.

please don't give up, granite. I don't think your therapist is giving up at all.

I guess i hear empathy underneath those words, first I hear "I really want to be able to help you" and then I hear "please come back so we can try again."

I am quite sure you are not the only client who has ever had trouble telling her T what she really needs to tell her. Part of therapy is getting to a place where you can do this, so even when you are frustrated that you are not there yet, remember that just by going and sitting there, you are closer than you were before.

I'm sorry it's so tough for you right now. See if you can find a tiny little space, a miniscule crack, between your overwhelming feelings and yourself. In that space is the possibility for you to get some distance from how lousy this feels. Imagine that you can gradually widen that space enough to breathe freely and find a little bit of peace.

Anne

it sounds like she wants to help you granite. keep trying please.

Granite.

I hear empathy in her words too.

Granite1 - I am sorry you are feeling so bad. From what you posted, I would not think she meant she had given up on you but rather was acknowledging that today's appointment was perhaps off, and she was a part of the offedness. One of mine used to say she did not judge each appointment but looked at how they went over time.

It sounds like she was feeling empathy for how you were doing. She said maybe next time things would work out better. That doesn't sound at all like she's giving up.

Sometimes things just don't click. Sometimes our T's know that haven't done much that session to help us feel better. It is great that she feels open and honest with you that she would share that with you.

The other thing, after reading the other replies on here - is that while they may be correct that she was doing empathy at you (and from what I have read, empathy is supposed to be a good thing and I hope it is what she was doing- others can tell you why empathy is supposed to help- I cannot), for what it is worth, if it had happened to me, I would not have identified it as empathy at all. I would have been enraged (I am not advocating for my probably response, just noting I probably would have not responded well to it).

I think I would be a bit hurt if my T used that exact phrasing, but I would also understand that she's expressing frustration that she couldn't help and a genuine desire to want to help. If she didn't want to really help, she wouldn't have said anything at all.

I am sorry you are struggling so much. I echo Rainbow's wish that your T would be able to find alternate methods to help you express yourself when you can't speak. Please hang in there!

I'm sorry things are so tough for you in therapy, Granite. I do know that I often get in that place where I have so much I want to say but I'm unable to articulate it because my head is in a whirlwind of a storm. I know that for myself, I often want to quit therapy when I feel as though my therapist wasn't able to help me "solve things" or make them less painful and unbearable. But one of the things I'm beginning to learn is that just sitting in the company of another when I'm in pain and stress can be soothing or comforting. I think that many of us who have been abused or traumatized in life often come to believe that attachment and relationships are about getting relief or release from our stress and pain, that if someone is truly "there" for us, they will bring us comfort and serenity. . . . but in reality, most people are really and truly alone with their pain and stress and it is only the quiet company and empathy of their therapist or solid companions that bring any degree of comfort. I have begun to recognize that the relief and/or release I seek is really right there in the room with me--my therapist sitting me quietly and calmly while my head reels and spins out of control. She can be my rock without solving things or making it all go away. She can contain and support me while I seek my own solutions.

But most importantly, I need to work toward learning how to take in the comfort and care that my therapist offers, even when it doesn't lead to her healing me or making the pain go away. And you know what? Some times that really really ticks me off, but quitting isn't going to get me where I want to go--a healthier place . . . a place where I'm able to stand up for myself and confidently deal with my own problems. I have to stick with the process and learn that I am the only one that holds the key. I know that might not sit too well right now when you're hurting so much but I really think it's the way out of this soul searing pain.

(((granite)))) It sounds to me as if she accepted your quietness in the session, and wanted you to leave without feeling bad about it, so you wouldn't leave there and beat yourself up about the session being a struggle for you. It sounds to me like she was letting you know that she is part of the therapy too, and cares how you feel after a hard session.

It doesnt sound like shes giving up. I agree with what everyone else has said. Im sorry you feel so badly. You arent alone. We all have trouble talking sometimes. My old T would sometimes just say tell me the first thing that pops into your head. Sending you hugs.

My t has said that to me before I left a session. He never meant it as giving up on me but just that he was truly sorry that he couldn't solve the issue or get to it and make me feel better that day. That next time maybe it will be better. I'm sure yours meant it in a similar way.

thanks for all the suport everyone i just dont have the energy to respond to you all but want you all to know that i have read every responce.you are all so patient with me.

i am finding iot so hard to care about getting better.i think i am just done all i have left to say is WTF why

I wish you could see MY T, granite. He is so different from the mother, you would never get them confused or feel the way the mother made you feel, when you're with him. He is so gentle, even when he is laughing at me, because I know he is holding me in his head, if that makes any sense. Not shutting me out and making me feel bad and ashamed and like I am just a big bother, just for talking and being, like the mother always made me feel. S0metimes T says "my kids" - he can mean his own real adult children, or his child patients - but whenever he says it, I like to think that he means me, too. he is thinking warmly of me, and he cares about you, because I told him you were one of my new friends and so smart, and how we both call her 'the mother'. I think I was so used to that name, that i didn't process how scary it really was until just recently, and still not completely. No answer required, granite, just feel the love we all have for you.

thinking of you today, granite.

Thinking about you too Granite. Don't give up yet. Remember a toddler weebles and wobbles before he can take those steady steps.

Hi granite. You've been on my mind today. How are you doing?

T week's off...wreak havoc within.

i made it through work todaythanks everone for thinking of me.i am trying to hold it together and i am asking my husband for a lot of help right now.things are really bad for me right now and work isnt going to be a good option for me as much as it was so i am wanting to go back to school and learn something that will make me feel good about myself.i need something.but i need some help from my husband in being able to figure all this stuff out and get something done.i cant keep going like i am.i feel so much like a failure at life

granite, you are creative and artistic. Can you take art classes? My former T always suggested I take a ceramics class but I got angry with her. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, though.

i think i want to get another degree so i can get out of the work i am doing and feel that i am doing something worth wile.i hate me and my life right now and if i dont do something to change this i dont know what will hapen

If you did go back to school granite, what would you study?