[PleaseHelp]

Yesterday was OK. I really didn't feel like doing much of anything. My daughter wanted to go out and get somethings. It was kind of nice to just go out with one of them. We did a bit of an actual shopping and then we went and looked at things. Just looked, it was nice. While we were out we picked up a few "party"things - hats, silly string, snacks, and caffeine free pop. We watched movies and snacked. After saying Happy New Years to everyone, we sent the girls off to bed. Everyone slept in, which was nice.

Its been a relaxing day. Haven't done much, I have no energy. Was a bit snappy with the girls, so I took a nap. Now we're just hanging out. I know there are things I should probably be having the girls do or helping them with things, but I just have no energy. Maybe tomorrow.

Hugs to everyone.

[beauflow]

happy new year everyone and hugs to everyone

i dont know about me. i have continued this aggravated, agitated, disapointed thing. keep trying to pick myaelf up from it. some situations harder than other. usually fall asleep these past days when in such a mood.

on the brighter side i made two bracelets and hopefully today with some stuffing i willl finish my bear that i was working on


sorry for type-os on my phone

[Unrigged64072835]

Kind of a weird but good day.

I was woken up at 1 am by h snoring. Not a good way to start the new year, but it happens once in a while. I just stagger out to the living room, collapse on the couch, and hope the cat doesn't crawl all over me while I try going back to sleep.

I then mustered up enough courage to try out the sewing machine I got for Christmas. It's set up differently than my broken old machine and looked really complicated so I was rather nervous. I managed to wind the bobbin although for some reason the spool decided to go airborne once. Everything else seemed to work out fine, and for the first time in a very long time I actually felt a little motivation to do something creative. Don't know what I'll do yet but I'll find something.

I think what gets me sometimes is that I always feel that things I buy for myself have to be practical. I won't buy clothes unless they are for work, etc. Even the sewing machine, while it does a lot of cool stuff, still has a practical purpose. (In fact I need to sew my daughter's favorite book bag back together soon.) I feel really guilty about buying anything that would just be fun for me, and I often talk myself out of those purchases. Well, today h and I were at a store looking at a lot of frivolous stuff, and I found something that I wanted for a long time, but would never buy. It wasn't expensive or anything, but it was just something fun to play with. I hemmed and hawed over buying it and h finally said, "Look, it *is* practical. It's practical for your emotional well-being. Just get the darn thing!" So I now have it, it's fun and it makes me smile. I just hope I'll have more time to play with it.

[nicoleb2]

I feel crappy today. I want to disappear. Still really nervous about going to see my t on tuesday

[crazycanbegood]

i tired of my digestive issues. i have so screwed up my body. it makes me so sad.

[delicatefade26]

Omg I've been up since 4 throwing up...so hard that I've broken blood vessels all over my face...and I'm still sore (back/leg) from a fall...so far this year sucks : (

[pianolady]

I had a mostly ok day, although my head hurts big time from the heat i think.

[mommyof2girls]

Well first day back to work for the New Year and I already can't take it..... People's voices are just annoying.....UGH!!!! Maybe I need to be isolated in my own room or office..... UGH!!!!!

[Evis]

Hello everyone... I am new to this thread. I'm going to see my therapist tomorrow. I've been seeing him for 2 months now and I'm still trying to 'suss' him out.

Lately I notice I've been feeling increasingly angry at him... because he's this perfect, super-intelligent, accomplished, Ivy-League educated, wealthy, smart, good-looking guy who has it all together. And he's one year younger than me. And during our sessions I can't help but sit there and think: compare him to me. Somewhat the same age and look at all his accomplishments and look at the empty mess of a life that is mine.

So, off I go tmo to see my perfect, rich good looking psychiatrist who has everything going for him in his life. Yeah.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Really fighting the urge to cancel tomorrow's appt.

I don't want to get into what I know is coming next (T has therapist-speak words for it, but comes down to talking me into accepting exposure therapy).

If sitting around with scary and dark is desirable (highly, highly doubtful), it comes around enough already, I see no need to trigger it myself just so I can write it down for T.

[Nelliecat]

STILL feeling physically crap. I can't shake this cold off, am hot, then cold, then achy, and absolutely worn out all the time.

Blah blah blah. Tired. Blah. Not feeling life at the moment. Just have this horrible feeling hanging over me, not sure I can explain it. Oh well, just one more day and then therapy starts up again and hopefully I can get in gear for 2012, yes?

[Unrigged64072835]

Dear internal mom and dad,

SHUT THE **** UP.

Thanks.

Me

Today was nice. Watched a movie and relaxed. Took down all the Christmas decorations. It almost felt like we never had Christmas. Not sure why, but it didn't feel very special this year.

[PleaseHelp]

Had a fairly relaxing day. Talked to SO about the girls' sewing projects and how I just wasn't into it. He said that if the girls can't do the majority of it themselves they don't need to be doing it. That its their projects and not mine. I guess I never thought of it like that before. I talked to the girls and told them I would help them with things, show them how to use the sewing machine (they've used it b4, but basically just pushed the pedal) if they couldn't do it on their own after help then they would need to go back to hand sewing. They looked a little shocked. But it worked out well. Took so much pressure off me and I could see how proud our one daughter was that she did 90% of the sewing on her own. Glad SO helped me see that I don't have to do everything or help them w/everything.

I think I have a T appointment tomorrow. I better check. I know she switch the day & time this week b/c of the holidays. Also should check to see when DBT starts again.

I think the increase in Lamictal is finally kicking in. My moods seem to be stabilizing a bit more. I didn't take my PRN Klonopin today (for the last week I've been taking it on a regular basis) and I can feel it. Not so much in mood and irritability but physically, I've got a bad headache.

[cin1]

been sad, had to take a pill to be able to go back to sleep. i do ok and then h is outside in the dark, drinking, he doesn't want to come in even though i fixed something to eat. he is oblivious to any one but himself

[kaliope]

Welcome to the tread Evis and pianolady.

So I didnt get out of bed till 5pm tonight. Yesterday it was 4. I woke up at my regular times, just had no reason to get out of bed. Its just so soft and snuggly in there and I compared that to going out in the living room and sitting in my chair doing what??? playing games on computer, trying to find things to watch on tv, I do that all night. I may as well just stay in bed. I have never in my life stayed in bed so long. it really bothers me, but i truly have nothing to do. my aloneness, my recluse lifestyle has never bothered me before but sleeping all day makes me feel guilty, like i am wasting the day. at least if i am on PC i am posting or interacting with others playing games. it just has me confused. i have never done this before. so why now?

well hugs to everyone........

It was back to work and school around here today (even though most of the world was still on vacation -- I'm not bitter though). I am exhausted, and it really wasn't a hard day today at all. I'm just ready to finish this semester up and move on to a fresh group of students. Not that this group has been a problem. They've been fine. I'm just ready to have a fresh start with a new batch of kids. Two more weeks.

I see T tomorrow. I'm really feeling the need to see him, but I haven't the foggiest idea why or what I need to talk about. I guess we'll wing it. Won't be the first time. Sometimes these mystery sessions bring the greatest insights. Let's hope it pans out that way tomorrow.

[mommyof2girls]

Today was an ok day....Just glad its one day closer to FRIDAY!!! YAHOO

[nicoleb2]

I am scared.

I see my t tomorrow, it's been 2 weeks since I have seen her, and I have SI'd twice in that time period.

I hope that my t can be gentle with me and understand why I did not call the on call therapist.
I'm scared I'm going to have a meltdown and not be able to put myself back together

[Nelliecat]

Well, I took down the christmas tree today and I have never, ever seen so many pine needles on my carpet!! There are decorations everywhere now because I refuse to go into the attic to get the boxes back down - too dark and too high!

My eldest went back to school today and the little two go back tomorrow. *Sigh of relief*

T thursday morning so now I'm starting to overthink about that. I'm sure it will be fine but can't stop your brain doing what it does can you?

Still feel wiped out and am going to book an appt with the doctor just to see if there may be an underlying condition that's causing it, otherwise I'm trying to ignore it.

[delicatefade26]

Today is my last day off before things get really crazy...I feel kinda blah-but also have a weird wild hope racing through me that everything is going to be okay...all I have is this moment...this day...I'm going to enjoy it!

[rainbow8]

I finally saw my podiatrist last Thursday for my heel pain. He gave me a cortisone shot, an orthotic for my shoe, and he wrapped up my foot. But it still hurts a lot! I called today and have an appointment for next week. I thought the shot would make the pain go away. Now I can't do yoga and it hurts to walk around or even stand. Plus I'm scared I'll need surgery if the shot didn't help!

[nicoleb2]

I saw my t today. She was much more accepting and gentle than I led myself to believe she would be (seems to be a common theme with me, catastrophizing).

Now, because of what I have been using to cut, and the fact that it is something my husband has on a regular basis because of his work, t wants me to bring my husband to my session next week.

We had discussed this a while ago, but I avoided it and then si'd less frequently.

T was nice and offered to use a different room than her office, which is good, because otherwise her office would no longer be my safe place.

Now, I just have to convince myself to actually bring my husband with.

SI urges right now are crazy bad

[delicatefade26]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I saw my t today. She was much more accepting and gentle than I led myself to believe she would be (seems to be a common theme with me, catastrophizing).

I'm always so glad when I see your posts after seeing your T and the relief you have about her being so much more gentle and accepting of you (all of you) than you imagined