scary stuff...

how do you talk about scary stuff ... stuff you don't want to talk about but know it's necessary to heal?

I stare at the wall, hold my breath and let the word vomit fly out. I just keep going until it's all out. This tends to only happen when I'm really tired and worn out. I lose my "filter". Not sure if that helps or not, but it worked for me. lol

I say, "I've got something I want to tell you but I don't know how."
T says, "Take your time."
I sit in silent terror for a couple of minutes as my heartbeat gets faster and louder.
Then I grit my teeth and go!

I hug a pillow, stare at the floor and fumble my way through hoping tdoc can read between the lines

hi Rainbow Rose,

Man, that's a tough one...guess sometimes I sort of "ease him into it" lol by alluding to it...or just writing about it and handing it to him and pacing while he reads it, or emailing him part of it and then just getting the rest out in person, or sometimes I stare out the window and tell him the story. Sometimes I just grab the whole box of Kleenex and start telling him and hide behind my hair (it's long). Sometimes when I'm done I just reach out and touch his fingertips to know that he is real and someone heard me. He is always really great about hearing and responding anyway and letting me know he was listening for the real Truth in the tale. Just do it however you can and think of the weight that will be lifted off your shoulders when your T can shoulder part of the burden and help you heal..

Gently healing huggles,
Wysteria Blue

I have pushed myself also.

Slowly, over time, giving easier "examples"/memories in response to other discussions until the harder stuff gets a little easier because a lot of it is already out there.

A lot of the scary stuff gets talked about in third person when we do IFS, and that's easier for me. SHE felt that way--the child, not me. Also my eyes are closed so I don't have to look at T.

Other times when I want to be looking at her, I've started a sentence and stopped over and over. Then I look at the clock and see time is running out and I just blurt it out. Sometimes I have put a pillow over my face.

Often I first ask my T if it's okay to tell her anything and of course she says yes. I tell her it's hard and that I will be embarrassed or whatever. I don't cry so it's usually that I'll blush.

She's seen me lose control already--not crying but in weird positions on the couch, or the time I scribbled all over the papers, so it's not so scary.

What are you afraid of? Losing control? Crying and not being able to stop? Of your T judging you? Can you tell her what you're afraid will happen when you talk about the scary stuff? Then she can help you in her own way.

thanks every one for your wonderful suggestions, thoughts & hugs.

i always knew would need to talk about this, but didn't expect it to come up so soon in this process. i don't want to, but it won't leave me alone so I know now is the time. thought makes me want to hide.

i know my fears are not rational and that I'm projecting my feelings onto her ... but i'm still afraid. it's more of a generalized fear. logic and fear don't play well together.

I'm trying to hold on to a ridiculous image that came to mind earlier today... one that makes me laugh ... her running out of the room, leaving a 'T' shaped hole in the wall in a very cartoonish way.

i hate this. thursday is T-day.

Ha! That made me LOL for real. I can just see my T doing that! Ha ha!

how do i find the courage?

(((((((rainbow rose))))))))))) so far i've found that ..... when it becomes more unbearable to hold in than to let out, that's when it comes flying out and that the anticipation of it, as with so many times, is harder than the actually sharing ... the image of the T shaped hole makes me smile as well, but i don't really see your T doing that .... my hope would be instead that she makes it safe for you to share. Talking about your fear of sharing something before hand might make it feel safer as well

Remember we are with you (pocket riders) to help

I have done many things with my heart beating out of my chest, crying or my face white. You can cover your face if you need to. Being afraid isn't a reason to not do something (unless it is totally something you really shouldn't be doing). Once you do it, though, there is relief, at least it has always been this way for me.

You don't need to find it. It's already there. You just have to USE it.

It helps me to start by saying "This is hard to talk about." Takes some of the wind out of "its" sails, some of the punch out of the hardness.

Anne

My T and I planned for weeks for me to be able to talk about some scary stuff. She did everything she could to help me prepare for it. She asked me how she could make it easier for me. I had to think how things might be a bit easier and I asked her if we could sit on the floor and she agreed. We also planned a double session so that I wouldn't feel rushed. I also told her that I might need to stop and take a break and I would signal her with my hand so I wouldn't have to talk anymore.

So, maybe discuss this with your T so it is known how difficult it is and your T will be prepared to help you the best way possible.

thanks all for all the supportive comments.

skysblue: thanks for helping me see my all or nothing / now or never thinking.

3rdTimesTheCharm: you may be right about the courage. wish i could see it

Sannah: thanks for the words of encouragement

tigergirl: thank you thank you thank you. i very much appreciate your support.

my session was last night. while I wanted to hide under the furniture, my therapist was patient and very professional. the door to the topic has been opened. i still want to hide.

thanks again for the support. it made a difference.

My T lets me write it down. I may not be ready to talk about it when I give him the paper, but seeing that his reaction is accepting when he knows is what helps me feel more comfortable talking about it.

I'm glad to hear that you made progress in your session with the scary stuff, RR. Just starting it was brave of you and it sounds like your T was helpful. Good for you in getting started; next time should be a little easier, don't you think?

thanks, rainbow

the way i feel today? i don't think so.

How do you feel today?

i feel like i can't face my therapist. i want her to not look at me. i want to hide my face. the feelings are so big, i can't get beside them to examine this or even answer some of the questions she asked me.

I've been there. It's hard. You don't have to do it all at once. Maybe you can just work on it a little bit--answer one question, or if you can't, tell her that you can't. Talking about not being able to answer your T's questions and telling her the feelings are too big, is also a way of working on them. As far as hiding from your T, I have closed my eyes so I don't have to see her looking at me. I know that's childish and may not work for everyone, but it does for me. Or just telling her "I don't want you to look at me" helps. I also ask her "are you sure it's okay to talk about this" and get her reassurance. That helps.

It's okay to switch to another topic in therapy because you WILL get back to this. That's how therapy works. It may seem like a roundabout process but we do get to what bothers us, in baby steps, sometimes.

my session is Monday. this is big for me ... and it's in the way of anything else i wanna talk about.

think she'd mind if I showed up like this?

i just wanna take it all back.

rainbow thank you for talking to me and your support. makes me feel less alone. thank you.

Recently I told my T that I wish a session hadn't happened and that I wanted it to go away! I felt so embarrassed. It was a session where I was in agony and was squirming around on the couch trying to hide.

Once I put the pillow in front of my face, but not for the whole session. Can you write what you can't say, at least to start out with, or wouldn't that help? Do you feel safe with your T? Can you ask her to help make it safer for you to talk about this subject?

Just suggestions for you. I'll be a pocket rider if you want, and I'll whisper "you can do it", "you can do it" over and over, in your ear!

pocket rider support would be nice.....