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#1
Aug 22, 2011, 02:15 PM
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I recently was hospitalized at my pdoc's mental facility for a few days to get safe and to heal. I had some horrible experience there and it was filthy and unsafe there. I put in a 4 hour letter and finally got released the next day. Because I complained, I felt the staff was hostile, and I was really scared. The pdoc on call was dismissive but I know he went down the hall later and saw/smelt some of what I was talking about. Now I'm more afraid and full of anger too. Came home very sick from hospital and germs.
Now I don't want to trust anyone on my team and just feel like nothing matters, and it can only get worse, and feel very hopeless and helpless, which I would never admit to in the past. Maybe hopeless, but not helpless. If I complain any further to any regulatory boards, I know I will lose my pdoc forever if I haven't already. I inappropriately called him late last night about how sick I was and worried about geriatric patients there getting sick too. He was not happy with me that I had called him so late. I have no safe place to go and don't know how to soothe or heal myself right now and feel sick at heart for those left inside that place. Now having new nightmares about some experiences there. I don't even want to talk to T because he is friends with pdoc. Really aching inside and feel abandoned and confused but I'm the one running away. Does anyone have any suggestions?
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 Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#2
Aug 22, 2011, 03:13 PM
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I would talk to your T, he has an obligation to keep things professional. He can only discuss you with your pdoc if it's medically relevant to your treatment. I had a very bad experience getting hospitalized also and I ended up filing a formal grievance with a patient right's advocate.
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Bipolar Disorder I, PTSD, GAD When it is darkest, we can see the stars. –Ralph Waldo Emerson |
 Wysteria
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#3
Aug 22, 2011, 03:20 PM
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I PMed you.
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| Wysteria
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#4
Aug 23, 2011, 01:58 AM
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 that sounds so terrible wysteria, i'm so sorry you had to go through that and that it is making it difficult for you with pdoc. I hope you do share what's going on with T, and that farmergirl has good suggestion for you as well
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| Wysteria
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#5
Aug 23, 2011, 06:40 AM
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I just don't know what to say to anyone right now. Farmergirl had some good suggestions, but just nothing feels safe anymore. I just need to figure out how to heal myself. I have an appt with T in a few hours and just want to cancel and hide. Trust is really hard for me. Hope you have a good week and thanks for your kindness. WB
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Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#6
Aug 23, 2011, 08:28 AM
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So sorry you are going through such a tough time.
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| Wysteria
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#7
Aug 23, 2011, 08:46 AM
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If your pdoc does not own the facility, then do not worry. File a report with a patients rights advocate or if the conditions were so bad and unhealthy call the health department where the facility is located. When the health department gets involved administrators are forced to correct the problem and face serious fines. Your pdoc has little or no control over the care you received if he does not own the facility. You must make a report that is detailed with times and dates and names as best you can. Start with making a complete list of all the good and bad stuff you experienced during your stay. Talk it over with T and then decide what report to make. This stuff is all online and consumers can look up reports that the facility has and the patient ratings. Fill out the survey also if you get one. I am sorry you had that experience. Professionals at a facility seem to be the least compassionate to the very people who need it most. Myself, I developed a fear of T's due to hospital stuff."Manhandling" is not acceptable and change will not occur if a report is not filed. PEACE TO YOU!
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 laceyluHiding Hurts, Sharing Helps 
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| Wysteria
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#8
Aug 23, 2011, 07:18 PM
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how did the appointment go, were you able to share some of this? and I hope you didn't cancel
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| Wysteria
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#9
Aug 23, 2011, 10:20 PM
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The appointment went really weird. I so did not want to talk to him and I guess was sort of blaming him too...but I went and the more I said it didn't matter and I didn't care...the more he did. Damnedest thing. I broke down and told him most of it...then just broke down because he gave a damn. He wants to call pdoc but I don't want him to. It's kind of a mess. I'm glad I went after all even though it was really hard... Thanks for asking after me. It's been a long day emotionally... I've noticed you've been asking some interesting questions lately...I've learned a lot reading the answers to your questions. You've got a quick mind and a big heart and it shows....   Wysteria Blue
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Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
| rainbow_rose, skysblue
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#10
Aug 25, 2011, 12:44 AM
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I'm really glad that you went and that although you kept trying to push T away you ended up sharing a lot of what was going on and that more importantly he let you know he cared and was willing to help further. And ... thanks Was today any easier after talking to him yesterday?
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| Wysteria
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#11
Aug 25, 2011, 03:23 PM
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You're very welcome..wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it...I can be kind of blunt I'm afraid....but I don't lie nor say stuff I don't mean.  It was ok. He wants me to go back this afternoon and of course my mind is in overdrive and been having bad nightmares that are linking to old nightmares. Not helping... Now of course feel awkward... and stupid... and embarrassed... I went and got a short massage to see if I could stand to be touched. It was really hard to go, and I was all in knots and jumpy...shouldn't have tried it. Don't know where that bright idea came from. I don't get them but 2 or 3 times a year (massages not ideas unfortunately..lol). I just thought if I could replace a bad memory with a good one... I don't know what I was thinking.. I feel naked. Does that make sense? Kind of like last weekend made me feel my vulnerability and powerlessness again, and then visit with T did it again on Tuesday, but on the inside and when I thought my walls were back up..and now I'm all skittishery...there's your technical term for the day...lol Still feel like somthing has "broken" inside me. Don't have a clue what it is or how to fix it.. It's just broke, even from before the hospital. Sorry...rambling...nervous about appt today. Trying to do some bookeeping and keep making idiotic mistakes. Want to jump out of my skin. Don't even know if he talked to pdoc against my wishes or not... Talked to on-line therapist the other night because it gets so incredibly hard to keep bad thoughts out at night...I was digging holes and planting bushes at 10:30 last night...just glad I didn't hit the gas line to the house, which would have been fun to explain...  This sucks. I'm such a Wendy-whiner. Sorry. Got to finish these stupid reconciliations and stuff... Take care and see you around.. Thanks for asking after me.. Wish me luck this afternoon that I don't either go flying away or turn into a burbling crackpot. I probably ought to call him and warn him to wear a helmet.  WB
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Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#12
Aug 27, 2011, 11:36 PM
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i read your post the other day ...... so did think of you before the appointment, just haven't been able to write until today .... have thought of you though how did it go? did he wear a helmet and was it needed? what you wrote did make sense to me .... especially about the massage; it was a good idea to try. Do you think it helped at all, or did it just make things worse? .... i'm thinking of trying one soon - emphasis on thinking
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#13
Sep 01, 2011, 04:29 PM
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well, yes and no..he said it was a good idea and I was brave to try it and that he was proud of me for thinking outside the box to try it...I just think it was a little too fast..but glad it was a female and I was so stressed that it was good to try but worthless because I was a mess. No, he didn't end up needing a cup, pad and helmet, because I ended up falling apart and totally depersonalized and he ended up sending me to the hospital for a week to get safe. This time it was a "better" experience after I had some di#$head moved to another unit for walking in my room every night and freaking me and my roomates out...lovely...and finally I began to feel safer and began to heal up some and finally got out today. My T called me every day to help me maintain and to make sure I was safe and had a better experience. That was the only way I could have made it through...He has really come through for me in a huge way, and I couldn't be more grateful to him.... I hope you'll try the massage with someone you trust in a safe place when you are ready...I think I'll try it again soon too. Let me know how it goes! Huggles!! WB
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Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#14
Sep 01, 2011, 04:35 PM
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Did breaking down at least release some of those stress feelings from what you have dealt with? T cares, it sounds like. I'm thinking of you. Did you know that Wisteria is my favorite flower? It is a tough and quick growing vine...hangs in there like you do and can grow inches in a day. A summer bloomer..be safe and know how precious you are!
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| Wysteria
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#15
Oct 29, 2011, 03:26 PM
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Quote:
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You've had a very unpleasant experience and have every right to be upset. |
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#16
Oct 31, 2011, 10:13 AM
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Thanks Can't Explain,
Yes, I did feel very betrayed and had to resolve those feelings with my wonderful pdoc and that took some time and we have healed our relationship of 8 years. I trust him very much and ended up having to go to another hospital. It has been a long road that I'm still on. I really appreciate your comments and empathy for my situation. It is very hard at times to see that things can change and twist so very suddenly. I have forgiven and moved on and that is the best for me. Gentle huggles, and Happy Halloween to each and all, Wysteria Blue
__________________
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
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#17
Oct 31, 2011, 10:33 AM
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Thinking of you. So sorry you had to go through that.
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| Wysteria
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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