[Overcastbutclearing]

My answer was I don't think I am depressed...others do.
I just hate life, hate myself, and hate living.
And it isn't depression saying that it is just a fact of life for me.
I have read some other posts tonight in Depression forum and one was about NOT FEELING anything. And I thought, yeah, wow, that is it.
I just don't FEEL.

Pdoc is nice and don't want to ruffle feathers because I know if I say the wrong things in the hospital I will go...
Quietly I wait my turn.

[JustBen]

I think that's a good question. Rather than trying to fit you into some category or another, the Pdoc wants to know what you're actually going through. Did you tell the Pdoc all the stuff you've told us?

[Overcastbutclearing]

Yes, I told Pdoc I think it is just a fact of life.
She took notes. Asked how many times a month I see T.

[(JD)]

(((hugs))) Well, I do think it's depression for you.. sigh but I could be wrong. Maybe the difference between the healthy "I hate my life." and the depressed one is: when you hate your life and you're not depressed, you can put your goals into focus and change your life; when you're depressed... you get more and more depressed because it's just the way life is and you can't and don't do anything really to be able to change it, and feel it won't do any good anyway... blah blah blah...?

Sounds like you have a good pdoc there, caring to ask questions!

[Junerain]

It is mind bending thinking of the tone, the texture, all the different aspects of people's depression. I tend to feel like you, just nothing at all. When I went into the hosptial the last time, I was crying and crying, yet I reported not feeling depressed, and they demanded why do I say I'm not depressed, yet crying? It was a cleansing process, my tears. I have a hard time admitting depression because for me the tone and texture is so different. How would other people describe their depression? Mine is like a movie that is only black and white, although it does have some hints of color.

[LMo]

((( SJ )))

It sounds like a very good discussion with your pdoc. Sometimes it helps to kind of start from scratch with a general description of what you feel inside. But yeah, whatever it is, depression or otherwise, it's awful that you feel it. I don't hate my life at all, but you and I started out with the same advantages/disadvantages as anyone else. Something IS happening inside your body that makes you feel so awful -- there is no doubt. It's just not right that you should hate your life and yourself and feel nothing positive. Life doesn't have to be so bad, and I'm so sad that it is that way for you