ANOTHER new T

I don't want to total up the therapists I've had over the years, but as of this morning it's one more. Yep, 9am, & I'm not a morning person.

A couple months ago, about the time I came here, I was going thru a very hard time. I had a regular mtg with my T on Tues at 3pm. I went at my regular time. T wasn't there. Neither was his car.

Okay. But T's sign wasn't there.

My therapist had moved. He hadnt told me. Yes, there was a small note on his former door saying where he had moved to, but he hadn't told me! I went home & waited for him to realize his mistake & call me.

I'm still waiting.

This morning I met with my new T. Here's my problem.

I make a really good first impression. I seem pretty okay, even presenting myself as mentally impaired. Functioning well. The thing is, I'm smart. I also have a PhD degree in Theatre. I'm a pretty adequate actress playing the part of a mostly mentally healthy person.

I can't help myself. "I clean up good," as my granddad used to say.

But I want this new T to see thru that. I've been processing this all day, & I'm worried that I've got him fooled. I don't know how to tell him what's wrong. Plenty is, but it's going to take forever for him to see thru the pretense & pull away the mask & we can get down to work.

I'm sick to death of new Ts.

I'm sorry you have to crank it up with another T. Shame on your other T, highly unprofessional. Must have been for the best because you don't need someone that callous.

Begging your pardon, I can be rather blunt.

You put the mask on, you can take it off. The only one you are hiding from is you. It will take time to get up to speed, but you are in charge. If you fight the real you then who are you left with?

One step at a time.

*gulp*

Blunt is good ... a little scary, but thanks, notz. I know you speak true. Just not sure how to get the mask off anymore. Where it starts. Where I start.

It's complicated. Okay. One step at a time.

Don't you think a good therapist would realize you were merely presenting a put-together facade? I sure hope so...if not, there goes my faith in the therapeutic community.

Just my humble O, but I think a highly competent tdoc would see through it and know intuitively how to chip away at the facade gradually. I wouldn't worry if tdoc is playing it close to the vest at the moment; they've probably already deduced that you need time to let down your guard.

I hope you've found the Right One this time!

Un-****ing-believable. Where the ******* do they find these worthless ****heads.

My thoughts exactly.

........

Hi Roadrunner,
I think that many of us hope that our Ts can see through our facade to deal with our real problems. In my mind, I believe I want my T to care enough to see the real me. In reality, I have found that I was frustrated at first with my T because she didn't treat the problems on my mind. I am now able to verbalize these, or at least some of it.
Today at my session, I plan on asking for a couple of minutes to vent-this is how I have been starting lately, and I find that somewhere in my jumble, she is able to identify my needs.
-Good luck!
Bluemountains

Good luck, roadrunner, with your new T! It's like you said: one step at a time! I tend to do the same thing. I want to make people around me feel good, so I always made jokes to see them laugh and used to hide behind a smile; the smiling depressed!
I hope this time you will connect with your new T and will find it more and more easy to drop your facade and show your true self, which I'm sure is wonderful!
No comments for your previous T; those people shouldn't be allowed to work as professional therapists.
Let us know how things are progressing.

Hello RoadRunner ... I hope this new T works out great for you. I think most of us know what you mean. You really want them to see what is going on deep inside and they know that they have to work for that information.

My T seems to get his most useful information by just asking general questions and when he gets an answer he is looking for he will drill down on that or he might even wait till the next visit to get more detail.

He once told me something about how he wants find out what is behind the person he is working with no matter how hard they try to act as if certain things do not bother them.

I told him that a lot of his patients have been training themselves to be perceived as normal much longer than most Ts have been learning how to get to the parts of them that are not normal. He told me that the key is that we (the Ts) know this. He said if they did not then we the patients might as well just talk to strangers in the park.

I truly hope you new TDoc is like this.

So about that mask. I had a mask on for the majority of my life. My mission?? To make sure no one found out how royally screwed up I am. I became a master at hiding and pretending I was happy, and good. Here's how I took that mask off after decades. I started out by one time telling T about my mask, that I had one. Then sloooooooooowly I would reveal one small fact about me that was true and real. In the beginning it was things like, "I really don't like honey nut cheerios." Then eventually after a few years in T, I started to say, "I'm doing awful today" instead of the usual "fine" when asked. Then that progressed to, finally, "When I was little this happened." and "I really want to do away with myself." when su*cidal.

I have been pretty much mask free with the majority of people in my life that now I only use it when it actually helps me. Well, at least most of the time. Big, big....HUGE progress. And still a long way to go. Wishing you the best and sending safe

Is it more than 40? I lost count around that number.

RoadRunner, I have a similar problem... mask = defense mechanisms... I cut to the chase around appt #3... I told my T. if you ask me how I am doing you will always hear fine... I will always minimize how I feel... I will always down play things... and if I can figure out how you want me to act... I will probably act that way...

I couldn't just make myself stop doing it...happened instinctively but I knew myself well enough to recognize it and tell him... I figured that gave him a 3 month jump on figuring me out. Hope you find a way of letting your new T. know ....

Oh good grief, no, pretty sure you've got me way beat!

Yay go me lol

That's real crummy that your old Therapist didn't tell you, that's really unprofessional. The last therapist I had moved, but she told me.
I'm about to get assigned a new therapist from my psychiatrists office- I'm nervous. I hate having to retell everything- it can be hard. I always come across as fine myself ntil I start opening up more. I'm sure it'll be easier with time. OR atleast that's what I tell myself.

((((roadrunner))))

Ugh, what a crappy thing to do!

I hope the new T works out well; I hate re-starting with a new person. This time I made a table with my life history on it, categories like family, school/work, behavior, rx/dx, other. Filled it in and just handed it over to the T and the pdoc. That saves a lot of time hashing out stuff that I hate to go into. Of course, as I mentioned to T, if I hate thinking/talking about it, then it's probably something I should deal with...

I also "present" fairly well, and I constantly get those comments that there must not be anything wrong because I seem just fine. But this morning, T said that he's never seen me appear happy. So at least this guy seems to be seeing through it. But I have no idea where to start or what needs attention. Once the meds smooth out mood swings, attention problems, and anxiety - then what? I don't know what issues I should open up once the organic stuff is being handled.

sorry to hear that roadrunner i would be a mess sending u hugs

Could you help him out a little with this? It kinda sounds like you're expecting HIM to do the work. Could you work with him on this, and say something like you know you're wearing a mask but you don't know how to remove it? That you're very aware that you're using pretense? That you're worried that you've got him fooled into thinking you're perfectly OK, when you know you're not? It sounds like you have plenty of self-awareness. Can you share some of that with him? He's supposed to be on your side - not an adversary.