[yang0868]

I need some input badly on this issue. My T works in a very large group practice. There are several receptionists there and unforunately, most of them are crabby, grumpy, and not very welcoming. I get so anxious just checking in to see her. This frustrates me. I get so worked up that by the time I see T, I just can't focus during session because I'm still thinking about how rude the receptionists were. The energy there is just very bad. It's even worse when I have to go see them to schedule a follow up appointment to see T again. Apparently there is this policy where clients/patients are only allowed to have three preappointed appointments due to no shows in the past. The problem is I have to give work a 90 day notice if I need some time off. If I give work less than a 90 day notice, I have to find a temp to take my place at work and then let the patients in my schedule know that I'm not going to be there. If they are not ok with that then they have to be rescheduled. This pisses work off sometimes because if the schedule is not filled, then no mula is coming in for them. How frustrating. Anywho, I told T this and she's ok with me having more than three appointments preappointed. She said "You have been very consistent with showing up so it's fine." I have yet to miss even a single appointment. So when I go see the receptionists to schedule a few weeks out, they start giving me an attitude saying I have so many appointments scheduled already and I'm "not allowed to have that many." I explained my situation to them many times and stated that my T was cool with it too but still I continue to be faced with this crap they give me. It is SUCH a trigger for me wanting to stop seeing T because I dislike her receptionists. If I didn't like T, I wouldn't tolerate all this hosility her receptionists continue to do to me. I just can't find it in my heart to tell T about it because I don't want to be seen as a tatal teller or a complainer. On top of it all, I don't want to get people in trouble. I'm just thinking T's receptionists must hate there job but what or who gives them the right to be mean to people when the people have done nothing to offend them? I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this mistreatment. I feel like I have to choose between T or my job. If it really comes down to it, it would have to be my job. This greatly saddens me. I like my T so much and having to let her go for this reason will just bring more pain to my heart. I don't know what to do. I wasn't expecting something like this to occur. My heart is hurting.

[rainbow_rose]

have you expressed your hurt, your concerns with your therapist? maybe there's some miscommunication between therapist & the receptionists that she could help clear up for you.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting.

[skeksi]

I would be a wreck over that, too! Do you do the scheduling after your appointment is finished? If so, could you ask your T to come out with you and let the office staff know it is okay to schedule you so far out? Of course, you know it is--and they know it is--but maybe having T say it will help it sink in. Maybe it would help just to tell T that it's upsetting to feel like you have to fight for every appointment. Then T can help you decide how to handle it.

The other thing is, when my T worked at a group practice, he would write regular clients into his appointment book himself. So he scheduled me several months out on his own. Maybe that's a possibility, too?

[yang0868]

Rainbow_rose: I've hinted it to T by saying that it seems like I shouldn't be scheduling appointments far out because I get this feeling that I'm hogging a lot of her appointment slots. She just said "Don't worry about it." Maybe I need to be more straighforward about it. I just can't see myself bad mouthing people. I don't want there to be a confrontation between T and her staff. I think they would really hate me for sure then. I tried to get out of seeing T on a weekly basis by trying to convince her that I think I don't need to see her every week. The truth is I just didn't want to deal with the hosility her staff show me every week. I go to therapy seeking safety. I end up feeling a mixture of hosility and safety. I hate it. T saw right pass it saying that she thinks "you need it" and encouraged me to come weekly. I was like saying "DAMN" in my head but T is right, I need her.

Skeksi: Yes, the scheduling is done right after I see T. She gives me the slip to schedule my next appointment and still I'm faced with this harsh attitude from her receptionists. You're right on about me feeling like I have to fight for every appointment. It's so exhausting. I'm not an assertive person. I just let them walk all over me. It's so hard for me to voice my needs to T. She's been nothing but great! I feel like I would be bothersome if I asked her to do that for me. I've been trying so hard to stand up to her staff but I'm not doing so well at it. I'm the type of person who avoids conflicts. I don't know what to do. The thought of being upfront about this to T frightens me.

T is not computer savy at all. Apparently she doesn't even know who's on her schedule. When her cilents show up, her staff page her. I found that really shocking. How would she know who to expect ahead of time then? I'm so confused.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by yang0868

Anywho, I told T this and she's ok with me having more than three appointments preappointed. She said "You have been very consistent with showing up so it's fine." I have yet to miss even a single appointment. So when I go see the receptionists to schedule a few weeks out, they start giving me an attitude saying I have so many appointments scheduled already and I'm "not allowed to have that many." I explained my situation to them many times and stated that my T was cool with it too but still I continue to be faced with this crap they give me.

Stop right there. Your T has let you down. She should have gone with you and explained to the receptionists in your presence that you were to have special treatment. She should not have sent you back to tangle with the receptionists on your own.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

I would tell her straight up what you said here: that you dont feel comfortable with her receptionists and that they give you a hard time when you want to schedule out more than three appointments. Tell her how it makes you feel when you come in. She should absolutely have no qualms about addressing it.

I had a regular physician (dermatologist) that told me to ask for HER when I would call to schedule an appointment with an urgent situation if they didnt try to work me in (which has happened in the past).

It would be better if you could try to deal with them yourself first so its not just like you are going behind their back. Dont be afraid to speak up. Thats probably why they treat you that way... no one ever says anything.

She should be correcting them, or better yet, going up and scheduling your appointments herself to set them straight. She doesnt need computer knowledge to do that... she can just go up and stand behind them while they do it.

[CantExplain]

For ANY business to have a bad receptionist is sheer incompetence.

[StrawberryFieldsss]

BTW OP I'm sorry you have to go through this. It makes me really angry. Some people are just jerks, to be honest. I've been in a similar place in the past... its no fun.

[SoupDragon]

This sounds like a really hard situation - it is really hard to go to see T's and I too would feel it doubly difficult if I had to get past the "guards" first. I think what you wrote in your post is really interesting and if there was anyway you could share this with T - I think it may be helpful for 2 reasons.

First T may have a better understanding of how hard it is for you and how unhelpful the receptionists are (it is strange that they have lots who do not show up for appointments - hmmm wonder why this is - crabby receptionists to get through maybe?).

Second - I think what you have written says alot about you and your difficulties - "Don't want to be a tell tale" "Don't want to get people into trouble" and I wonder whether there is benefit in working through these with T - There are crabby people anywhere and maybe if we all had practiced ways of dealing with them, certain aspects of life may be easier?

Could you write a letter to the receptionists detailing what your T has said about you being able to prearrange more appointments and show it to your T - maybe your T would put their name to it? Then you could show it to the receptionists every time you need to make an appointment so that they are aware of your T's approval of this.

Good luck - don't let them become a barrier to you going, sound like you have a great T. Soup

[yang0868]

CantExplain: Thanks so much for your response. I couldn't agree more about the incompetence part. I felt bad at first thinking that T's receptionists are mean but their continued hostility has confirmed their rudeness. I can't believe T works their when she’s so kind-hearted. Really? T has let me down?

Strawberry: Thanks so much for your understanding. I'm sorry to hear you've been through something similar to this and YES it's no fun at all. I just can’t find it in my heart to be mean to people when they haven’t done anything to offend me. Does this make sense?

Soup: Thanks for your deep insight. I laughed when you said "guards." I call them the "mean ladies" in my head but I think "guards" is much more accurate as to how I picture them. I was also pondering in the back of my mind as to why they have so many no shows too. You bring up a very good point. At first I thought it was just me who probably is a freakin b*&^% and that's why T's reps are mean to me but when I see other clients check in for the other Ts in the clinic, the reps are mean and cold to them too. So that was an eye opener for me.

Wow! I feel like you know me so well already. One of my core issues is lack of assertiveness. T knows this. I just have such a hard time asking for help. I know T won’t help unless I say something. Thanks for the idea. Geez, I just have to build up the courage now to tell T or ask T for help with this. I think life would be so much easier if I was assertive in the right way - that is.

About T, YES, she is so awesome. She listens to me and I think she cares. I didn’t want to get close to her but now I think I’m attached to her. If my gut feelings weren’t telling me that my T could be the one to help heal my heartache with me, then I wouldn’t have stayed this long with her to endure such harshness from her staff.

Thank you much for the luck I really need it.

Ok, I’ll figure out some way to tell T and let you guys know how it works out. Thanks again everyone and here's a hug

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by yang0868

Ok, I’ll figure out some way to tell T and let you guys know how it works out. Thanks again everyone and here's a hug

Massive group hug back to you yang - yes please let us know how you get on.

[yang0868]

I will Soup. Man, I hope T won't let me down.

[googley]

Yang-
My guess is that you are not the only one who is having a bad experience with the receptionists. Telling your T about your experience with them and their hostility will not only help you, but also help the other clients. My guess is that other clients feel like you and are hesitant to tell their Ts about their experiences. I worked as support staff at a hospital. The receptionists were polite and welcoming no matter what was going on. That is part of their job description. You are not a tattle-tale because you are speaking up for yourself. Your T will want to know that your experience with her receptionists is impacting your ability to work with her in session. She may never have told them, expecting them to believe you, that you could schedule more sessions. So she may need to tell them herself, and if she has already told them, need to tell them again.

I know I have a very hard time speaking up for myself when I am being treated incorrectly. I also have the voice of "don't be a tattle-tale" going through my head. My guess is that you have a hard time speaking up for yourself in other situations also, otherwise you would have spoken up before this. Think of this as practice for other times in your life when you need to speak up for yourself. Your T is not going to be mad at you. And your T will not tell the receptionists that it was you who let the Ts in the practice know that they were not doing their job.

If I had employees who were not doing their job (especially if they had contact with the public) I would hope that someone would tell me so that it could be addressed. Their behavior reflects on the practice.

You deserve to be respected and that is not happening.

[yang0868]

Googley: Thank you. Geez, I'm getting inspired by you guys. Boy, I wish I had the receptionists from your hospital at this clinic I go to. It never ocurred to me that T may want to know it's affecting my ability to work with her until you said it. I wonder if this has something to do with why it just doesn't ever feel right to tell T that I'm attached to her. It just doesn't feel safe there knowing that I have to deal with icky people before and after seeing T. I wish I didn't have these attachment feelings for T. It would of made it so much easier for me to run away and look for a different T but I really like my T and it has so been worth it - going through all the crap and mistreatment from T's rep just to get to see her.

Yes indeed I have a hard time speaking up for myself. I usually just let the other party have it their way. I know this is not a good thing because people have so taken advantage of me. I'll have to do lots of practicing then. Practice makes perfect huh? I hate the word "perfect."

I do hope T will not get mad at me and that she sets the reps there straight for the sake of all the clients who go there.
You're so kind for saying I deserve to be respected. It would be nice if they respected me because I can't think of anything I've done to offend them.

I've overlooked many annoying/rude things T's reps have done to me. I'll list a few for you guys:

1) When calling to remind me of my appointments, they keep asking for Mr. Yang when I told them several times I'm a girl. I've been going there once a week since December. It makes me think "Do I look and sound like a man or something?"

2) 9 out of 10 times I'll be given the rant on the 3 appointments rule only speech from the same people over and over. It makes me think "Do you not remember telling me this a week ago and the week before that?" Do you not remember what I said my T said?" It gets old fast.

3) One time one of the reps said "You have too many appointments scheduled already. You aren't allowed to schedule anymore." Then she went into the lecture on why they only really schedule three weeks out. The way she said it was harsh. Then I said "Nevermind." As I started to walk away she says "Wait, you can schedule one." I was like "WTF?????" in my head. Why did she give me all that grief and then when I walk away, she'd do what I needed -a DAMN appointment. That one really felt like a fight for an appointment.

4) Everytime I go, they always ask me for a copay. I know they are just doing their job but I've told them several times that I don't have copays - just a really high deductible. I feel like they have memory issues.

5)This one still bothers me. I showed up a hour early for my appointment once because I had my blood drawn. I didn't have somwhere else to be so I decided to go early. The rep gave me a questionaire to fill out and said "You have plenty of time to do this because you're not going to be seen early. Just so that you know." MAN!!! Did she assume that I assumed that I should be seeing early because I showed up a hour early for my appointment? She was way off. That was so unexpected. What the hell did she mean by that? I already knew I wasn't going to be seen early. She didn't need to say that.

6) This one just pisses me off. I showed up for an appointment and the rep says "I don't see you on the schedule." I told her that I do have an appointment because it was on my calendar and the appointment list they provided me with from the clinic. She didn't believe me and said "Sorry. You're not on here." I said "I do have one can you double check please?" Of course she didn't and wouldn't. I wanted to talk to T but I was too upset and I just walked away. At the next session with T I apologized for not being at session and told her she can just charge me for the missed session if I really did have a session. T said she wouldn't allow that to happen. T is so awesome.

Geez....all this crap I have to go through. Sorry, I just needed to vent. I've been keeping all this bottled inside.

Thanks again everyone for rooting me on.

[sunrise]

Yang, please share with your T about your difficulties with the receptionists. You are doing your T a favor by letting her know about her staff because they could be driving her clients away and degrading the success of her practice. Also, it is not "bad-mouthing" the receptionists if what you say about them is true. Bad-mouthing is when you say something bad about a person that is not true.

Side story: I had a dentist once who was a nice guy but his receptionists were rude and awful. I got stressed out every time I had to deal with them. Finally, I changed dentists to avoid the situation (he was an OK dentist but not great so it was worth the switch). One of the receptionists called me up to bawl me out for changing dentists! (She had got the request from the new dentist for my records.) She said it was unethical for the new dentist to "steal" me away, and she was going to "report" him to her employer. I said go right ahead but also please add that the reason I am leaving your employer's practice is because of all the problems I have had with you and other staff and I would be happy to return as his patient when he fixed that. She hung up on me. Anyway, just wanted to share that as an example of how staff can drive customers/clients away. You are really doing your T a big favor by telling her the facts.

Originally Posted by yang0868

I showed up for an appointment and the rep says "I don't see you on the schedule." I told her that I do have an appointment because it was on my calendar and the appointment list they provided me with from the clinic. She didn't believe me and said "Sorry. You're not on here." I said "I do have one can you double check please?" Of course she didn't and wouldn't. I wanted to talk to T but I was too upset and I just walked away. At the next session with T I apologized for not being at session and told her she can just charge me for the missed session if I really did have a session.

Ummm, why on earth would you apologize for missing the session or offer to pay for it? You didn't miss it--you were there on time. If anyone should offer to pay, it is T who should offer to pay you for the time you wasted... I hope that your sharing this experience with your T resulted in her reprimanding staff.

[yang0868]

Thanks Sunrise for sharing your side story with me. What you did was awesome. BTW, I'm a dental hygienist and that crap she feed you was a bunch of s*$&. I'm glad you didn't let her crap get to you. That's too bad you lost a good dentist due to his crappy staff. I hope I don't lose T due to the repetitive mistreatment I've been handed.

I was feeling bad at the time that if I really did have an appointment with T, I stood her up. So that's what I meant by paying for the session anyways. I felt bad that I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself so it was my fault for leaving T high and dry. Now I think about it, I should have asked to speak to T that day. It probably would have helped turn that receptionist's attitude around. T paying me? I would rather have that receptionist pay for wasting my time. T is so awesome though. She acknowledge the clinic's mistake and apologized. I felt it should have been that receptionist who should be doing the apologizing, not T.

I won't see T until Wednesday so I have some time to prepare.

[ChristineEsq]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Stop right there. Your T has let you down. She should have gone with you and explained to the receptionists in your presence that you were to have special treatment. She should not have sent you back to tangle with the receptionists on your own.

I'm with CantExplain here - it was my first instinct to wonder why your T didn't relay the special privileges/concession (as if it should even be one in the first place) to the receptionist. How else did she think it would be accomplished?

I also don't think you should have to put yourself through the worry of trying to explain the situation more emphatically to your T. It sounds to me like you spelled it out pretty clearly and tactfully for her - why should she wait until you're kicking and screaming to help you out with it? Furthermore, what the hell is wrong with these people that they make this blanket policy and penalize all patients for the flakiness of some? Are they running an elementary school or what?

The receptionists have absolutely no excuse for being rude to you - customer service is their effing job. If they don't like it, they can go be dishwashers or bill counters for bookies. (Or get some therapy of their own.)

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by yang0868

6) This one just pisses me off. I showed up for an appointment and the rep says "I don't see you on the schedule." I told her that I do have an appointment because it was on my calendar and the appointment list they provided me with from the clinic. She didn't believe me and said "Sorry. You're not on here." I said "I do have one can you double check please?" Of course she didn't and wouldn't. I wanted to talk to T but I was too upset and I just walked away. At the next session with T I apologized for not being at session and told her she can just charge me for the missed session if I really did have a session. T said she wouldn't allow that to happen. T is so awesome.

Maybe you do think of them as guards - you think of them as the "mean ladies" and in "Life is Beautiful" the father and son referred to the concentration camp guards as "the mean guys with guns". T's receptionists may not have actual guns, but they sure seem to snipe at the patients a lot. The clients they are working with are not coming to have their tires changed, some of them may have limited ability to cope with aggressive types, and they need to be treated with respect, not to mention compassion. sheesh.

ya know... this #6 ticks me off too... have you told T the real story of this incident? You could bring it up as an illustration of your need to develop self assertion (something I need also), but at same time she should get a big realization that something needs to be done about the front office (and if she doesn't seem to get that message, you could tell her, with no qualms). Hugs to you

[yang0868]

SAWE thank you for your input and motivation. Here's a hug to you too. I don't want to think of them as the "mean ladies" but their actions repeatedly show me that they are rude. I also see my PT and OT in the same clinic. They are located just directly across from the mental health section and the reps there are SO nice. The energy there is calm and very welcoming which completely shocked me that the reps in the mental health section/department (whatever it's called) would be completely the opposite.

You totally described me when you said "limited ability to cope with aggressive types." Yes I told T and she just apologized saying it was their mistake. Geez, the more we talk about this, the more I start thinking that T probably as let me down like what CantExplain and ChristineEsq said. Hm.....

Geez, two more days until I see T. Now I kinda want to bail and not go tell her how I really feel about her "guards."

[yang0868]

YOU GUYS!!! I DID IT!!! I told T about what the receptionists have been doing. It was just so awesome. She didn't let me down at all. I knew I could count on her. It all went down like this (I'm sharing parts that are straight to the point although more was disscussed):

T: Is there some other reason why you feel conflicted about doing therapy?
Me: Yes, but I don't want to talk about it.
T: I think it would help to talk about it.
Me: It's not you. It has never been you. If you weren't here, I wouldn't even come to this side.
T: Has someone done something to you?
Me: ......I'm sorry.....I just don't want to bad mouth anyone.
T: Is it the front desk?
Me: I nodded my head and said "Yes."
T: It is important for me to know who's doing this because if this is happening to you then it could be very likely that it is happening to someone else. I need to know so I would know if changes need to be made."

So I told T about the upsetting feelings I get especially about feeling like it's a "fight" for appointments to see her and it made me feel unwelcomed. T said she can override the policy regarding allowing just three appointments. She said I've been showing up for my appointments and she gets to decided how many appointments I can have scheduled out, not the reps. The pain in my heart subsided. Here' some more dialogue:

T: I still don't know who you're talking about.
Me: Some of them I don't know their names because they have their nametags turned around so I can't see their names but I remember how they look like. I won't tell you their names because I don't want to get them into trouble. I can tell you who I think has been really nice to me?
T: Sure.
Me: .....oh....there's two. (So I gave her the two names).
T nodded and said: "Yes, they're very professional."
Me: Yes, I think so too.

T then said that if they give me a hard time at the front desk again about scheduling out then tell them that T is fine with it and if they continue doing this to me to tell them to call her. MAN!!!! Why is T so COOL.

More dialogue:

Me: You make me feel so good.
T: Shucks! (snapped her figures at the same time
with a smile on her face). Wait, I hope I do make you feel good.
Me: Yes..........you do.

We both smiled at each other. Right there, I almost told her that I was attached to her. I held back though. I have a feeling she already knows I'm attached to her. Gosh! I REALLY like my T. I thought it was a really good session.

I can't believe I'm saying this but my heart was acutally free of pain for a few mintues.

So thank you all for your support!!! I don't think I could have done it without your support. Here's some massive hugs to you all

That's good to hear! Well done

[skeksi]

I'm glad you were brave and spoke up, and that you felt like it made a difference! Wonderful!

[googley]

That is so awesome to hear. I'm glad she was supportive when you talked about it. Hopefully it will be better next week when you go back.

[homealone]

I do not know how many therapist have failed because the misandry temps at the reception desk scared the hell out of me with vulgarity and their own hostility.
I'm stressed by having to go, and then I'm met with an abusive female with a personality d/o who has to talk down to me like a second grader because of their own inadequacies ......... and then when I walk in, the female professional writes I'm the one with dangerous potential and drops me.

I desperately wish I could find another real life person without some kind of license wanting $$$.$$ to simply explain how I'm supposed to react to overt female sexuality. Tom S. in Tn.

[yang0868]

Homealone: I'm sorry to hear you're going through such mistreatment.