[geez]

My husband and I have been going to marriage T and things have been going great.... that is until some old feelings that relate to abuse as a child come up for me. I THOUGHT I was DONE! with processing any and all feelings that relate to past CSA.

My question is this:
Do I seek to go back to my old T (she said the door was open if I needed to go back ........ yet a friend of mine called her to make an appt and she said she isn't taking new patients). Or do I ask my marriage T to be my T to help me process this crap that just came up (she works with individuals as well and ptsd). The weird part is both old T and marriage T have an office across the hall from one another and I feel attached to the old T while at the same time I don't ever want to see her/talk to her again. While old T helped me it was extremely painful to say goodbye to her after 3yrs of therapy and I'm not sure I could get anything more from her as a therapist. I think she took me to a great level in my life but I'm not sure what else she could do to help me on the subject of CSA. I am forever thankful for the role she filled for me and I do miss her but I feel I should look else where. Yet I miss her. At the same time it would feel awkward for me to see her if I walked out of the marriage T's office as a solo T (hope that makes sense). Am I making too much of a big deal over this??? Should I ask each T what they think or if they would feel comfortable either way ( I kind of like the marriage T and her style - she's different than old T and there's a great comfort I feel with both of them - I feel like I can connect to the marriage T as well as old T)? The marriage T said a few weeks back that I could talk to her or someone else like old T if I needed to process any more CSA (at the time I said no because I didn't think it was necessary and then bam this past week things have been coming up from out of nowhere).

What would you do?
Go back to old T or make marriage T your individual T - and feel awkward when seeing old T when coming out of the new T's office. Should I be discussing this with old T. It feels like I would be hurting old T's feelings if I chose to not go back to her. This all feels so weird!!!!

[kaliope]

The advantage of seeing old T is that she has your whole CSA history and could more quickly resolve the issues you are dealing with at the moment.

the disadvantage of going to marriage T for individual counseling is this would alter the balance of the relationship she has with you. would your husband begin questioning if she is on your side more because she knows you better, sees you more. gives you special treatment becuase you are going thru difficult issues. it is something that you have to consider.

it sounds like you had a great relationship with old T. she may not be taking new patients but you are not new. from wht you have written i dont think that you would be in therapy for very long if you are fearing getting attached. it sounds like you just need a tuneup.

maybe you could talk to marriage T about your feelings regarding this matter and she can help you sort out what would be best for you.

Good luck... Hugs.

[geez]

Originally Posted by kaliope

The advantage of seeing old T is that she has your whole CSA history and could more quickly resolve the issues you are dealing with at the moment.

the disadvantage of going to marriage T for individual counseling is this would alter the balance of the relationship she has with you. would your husband begin questioning if she is on your side more because she knows you better, sees you more. gives you special treatment becuase you are going thru difficult issues. it is something that you have to consider.

maybe you could talk to marriage T about your feelings regarding this matter and she can help you sort out what would be best for you.

Good luck... Hugs.

I don't think there would be a problem with a balance in the relationship of marriage t being my individual t. My husband and I have both been in the hot seat with the marriage T. I don't think it would be an issue for my husband. We are doing really well in marriage T and he has mentioned that he doesn't think I'm done with past CSA. He suggested me going back to old T or the marriage T if I wanted to.

In some way I don't know if it's communication style or just dumb luck but I feel like the marriage T was able to connect with me on a more direct level than the old T.

I think I'm going to call the marriage T to ask her opinion or wait till the next marriage therapy appt to discuss.

Something to think about for now. Thank you for posting your thoughts.

[stopdog]

I would find it odd if my partner or I were seeing the same person for couples counseling and then one of was seeing the person for individual counseling. Sort of like an imbalance. But that is just me. Also your old T may have a different policy about re-seeing an old client versus taking on a wholly new one.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by kaliope

The advantage of seeing old T is that she has your whole CSA history and could more quickly resolve the issues you are dealing with at the moment.

the disadvantage of going to marriage T for individual counseling is this would alter the balance of the relationship she has with you.

...

Good luck... Hugs.

I concur.

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by kaliope

The advantage of seeing old T is that she has your whole CSA history and could more quickly resolve the issues you are dealing with at the moment.

the disadvantage of going to marriage T for individual counseling is this would alter the balance of the relationship she has with you.

i agree with this as well. plus I wouldn't think you would be a 'new' patient/client, especially she said you could return.

just MHO.

It seems like you really want to see your marriage T solo for these issues but the only real thing stopping you is that you feel that you would hurt your old T's feelings if she saw you coming out of your marriage T's office.

You do not need to see a T out of obligation. You do not need to communicate anything to your old T out of obligation. I am sure that your old T would not be miffed in the slightest and in fact would see it as your private choice if you wanted to see your marriage T solo. It isn't about her failing, it's about you feeling that someone else is in a better position to help you now. If she happened to see you coming out of your marriage T's office, she might be a little surprised, but I doubt there would be any weirdness. If you wanted to preclude feeling that there might be, you could ask your marriage T to mention to her that you are doing this, and/or talk to marriage T about how you feel-- I am sure she would reassure you that your old T is a professional and wants the best for you.

Besides the advantages you've already mentioned, I could see that marriage T may be able to help you more efficiently with these solo issues because of her ability to "see" the dynamics and what troubles you in your relationship. She may be able to "connect the dots" in ways that someone who hasn't seen you with H could.

I do get the "I thought I was done dealing with my past." For me, it was almost 15 years later that my past decided to make its reappearance in my life. Obviously, you're a much quicker study than me

Anne

See who you WANT to see at this point. If that is the marriage T, then go for it. You can't make a decision based on possibly what maybe the old T might think. That's nuts.

As far as seeing the same T for marriage and individual therapy goes, it should be just fine. My husband and I see the same T for individual and for marriage counseling. It actually works out beautifully because he is well-versed in the dynamics of our relationship so he has insight into us as individuals that a T who only saw us individually would never get. Neither of us has ever felt like he sided with one or the other of us at all.

[geez]

Thank you all for posting your thoughts and ideas. I'm on the fence about it all and right now I'm thinking I'm going to call the marriage T and ask her opinion on if she would be willing to see me individually (if I choose so) and if there would be any sort of conflict being as she's the marriage T. Also I want to ask her if she thinks it would be better that I see old T as she has more of a history with me.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by 3rdTimesTheCharm

Besides the advantages you've already mentioned, I could see that marriage T may be able to help you more efficiently with these solo issues because of her ability to "see" the dynamics and what troubles you in your relationship. She may be able to "connect the dots" in ways that someone who hasn't seen you with H could.

I agree. Therapists who are trained in family systems therapy, for example, are able to see different client groupings from the same family, including individual members of a couple as well as the couple. It can be super helpful. There is another type of family therapy training, though, that doesn't allow for this and those Ts don't have the skills or philosophy for that sort of work. Could you ask your marriage T whether she would be able to see you individually if you wanted to? If she doesn't like to do that, she'll tell you. My T is family systems so he was able to see me individually for therapy as well as me and my husband for couples therapy and also the whole family (with our kids) a few times. It was super helpful.

Geez, because you've already done so much work on CSA, you may find that you just need a few sessions individually to resolve what's coming up, so it may be a brief course of therapy

Originally Posted by geez

I feel attached to the old T while at the same time I don't ever want to see her/talk to her again. While old T helped me it was extremely painful to say goodbye to her after 3yrs of therapy and I'm not sure I could get anything more from her as a therapist. I think she took me to a great level in my life but I'm not sure what else she could do to help me on the subject of CSA.

All of this makes me feel again that seeing the new T is the better option. You've ended therapy with the old T and been through that termination pain. Plus you don't think she could help further. Sounds like it points toward having a new T to help you right now, whether it is the family/marriage T you see with your H or even someone else if she won't see you individually.

Good luck. Couples counseling is hard! The past has a way of coming up... Hang in there.

[geez]

Sunrise everything your wrote makes complete sense and it has helped me make the decision to talk to the marriage T as a new T. I told the marriage T during the last appt with my husband that I am done with the past and CSA - so I thought . She told me she believed me but if at some point I ever thought it was an issue then she would recommend that I seek out talking to my past T or I can see her as an individual T. I'll check with her to see if her offer still stands. I think I would like to move on from the past and use the marriage T as an individual T... the bonus is she can see how my piece fits in with my marriage. A million thanks everyone! You have all given me food for thought. Now I just have to pick up the phone and call her as our next marriage counseling appt isn't for a couple of weeks (I can't sit with these feelings that long) - Gulp!!!!!!!!!

[geez]

Update! Since this post I talked to marriage T and she said as long as both my husband and I are seeing her she can't fill a dual roll by seeing me as a solo. She said if we were to stop marriage counseling and my husband were to sign something saying it would be ok for me to see her as a solo T then that would work but we couldn't see her again as a marriage T.
So.......

I called my old T to ask her a question or two to see if she would be most appropriate for me to see again. In the mean time marriage T is going to find a T I could compare to who specializes in PTSD and CSA. Wish me luck! Just when I thought I was done with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rainbow_rose]

good luck!!!