[granite1]

my T brought this up last week telling me that i do this.i am having a hard time dealing with this on so many levels.i am left feeling that she thinks that everything i think isn't real.i just cant deal with this .i don't know if this is the truth if i should keep seeing her.i have just heard this all my life starting with the mother i don't want to hear it any more

does anyones Else's T talk to them about this, and how do you deal with it?do you feel it is as horrible as it all sounds to me

[pbutton]

I've talked a lot about cognitive distortions in my therapy.

It's not that what I think isn't real... it's more that the way I think things is hurting myself and is making my life hard. I have a really strong tendency to think I "know" what other people are thinking. And it is usually bad stuff. However, I don't actually know what people are thinking, and this pattern really hurts me.

I think reading The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns has really helped me.

Originally Posted by granite1

my T brought this up last week telling me that i do this.i am having a hard time dealing with this on so many levels.i am left feeling that she thinks that everything i think isn't real.i just cant deal with this .i don't know if this is the truth if i should keep seeing her.i have just heard this all my life starting with the mother i don't want to hear it any more

does anyones Else's T talk to them about this, and how do you deal with it?do you feel it is as horrible as it all sounds to me

My T. didn't bring it up. I brought it up to him. I read the 10 common cognitive distortions sticky in this forum and I found that I do about 8 of them. I don't find it horrible just disturbing ... No really I don't think about it as not being real...I just call it having to fill in the blanks of the unexplained craziness that was my childhood... my mind's way of trying to make logic out of total chaos. But now that the chaos is gone, its learning to undo the things our minds did just to survive. If you don't like the term cognitive distortions just use your own term for it...personally I call it and so does my t. now...my twisted thinking..

[rainbow8]

CBT Ts deal with cognitive distortions and twisted thinking. One of my Ts was that kind of T so we worked with it but I wanted to talk to her instead of writing out all of my twisted thinkingso we didn't do it so much after all.

But, granite, this method is only a tool. Your T is not saying that nothing you say is real. She's just telling you that many of your beliefs aren't based on what's rational. We all have twisted thinking!

The distortions are even a thread on this psychology forum. I don't know how to do links--afraid I'll lose this post, but look and see.

I'm big on all or nothing thinking. Black or white, no in between. That doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. You've said your T hates you. If you examine the evidence, you'll see that is not a fact. It's a distortion.

It's helpful to look at our twisted thinking and see where it's twisted, then try to untwist it. But you don't have to use this method if you're too overwhelmed with it right now. It's just ONE way of thinking about things differently and helping you feel better about yourself, NOT worse. It takes time; it's not something that is learned overnight, either.

If you don't think it's helpful right now, you can tell your T that, and that she's going too fast for you.

[crazycanbegood]

yeah she isn't saying what you think or say is a lie or not real. it is very much real and true to you. you are being sincere with her. how you view the world just may not be objective reality or it may not be the full picture.

[unaluna]

maybe we could do a cognitive distortions study thread. you know how sometimes things get slow on here and we're lookin for somethin to yak about?

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

maybe we could do a cognitive distortions study thread. you know how sometimes things get slow on here and we're lookin for somethin to yak about?

Slow? On here? I can barely keep up.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I can barely keep up.

That's because you actually HAVE a life! Sigh!

[Onward2wards]

The way I look at cognitive distortions (and yes I indulge in quite a few!) is that they are basically negative expectations based on past negative assumptions. Everybody does this to some extent.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

The way I look at cognitive distortions (and yes I indulge in quite a few!) is that they are basically negative expectations based on past negative assumptions. Everybody does this to some extent.

I tend to have positive distortions. I am always so willing to think the best of people and see positive intent or meaning where there is none. It gets me into trouble sometimes as I can fail to see that someone is a schmuck or trying to take advantage of me. I can get walked on really easily. I have to try to see things more realistically and not ascribe positive intent to every Tom, ****, or Harry.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by granite1

my T brought this up last week telling me that i do this.i am having a hard time dealing with this on so many levels.i am left feeling that she thinks that everything i think isn't real.i just cant deal with this .i don't know if this is the truth if i should keep seeing her.i have just heard this all my life starting with the mother i don't want to hear it any more

does anyones Else's T talk to them about this, and how do you deal with it?do you feel it is as horrible as it all sounds to me

It's hard to hear that what you are feeling maybe wrong. I mean it's what you feeling/thinking right? Aren't you entitled to it?

well, sitting with and challenging your thoughts is one of the fundamental tenets of growth.

Allowing yourself to see things in a different way is difficult, and you may need to simply "try it on" for a little while before you can embrace it.

It's not horrible. It's just new. I think it is a good new.

[lostmyway21]

I do CBT. I totally have cognitive distortions. One thing me and my T started using is an app called icbt. It identifies the negative thinking and distortions, and then makes youp change to positive ones. Then at end it gives option to email the entire event to your T. I would check it out its so helpful.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I've talked a lot about cognitive distortions in my therapy.

It's not that what I think isn't real... it's more that the way I think things is hurting myself and is making my life hard. I have a really strong tendency to think I "know" what other people are thinking. And it is usually bad stuff. However, I don't actually know what people are thinking, and this pattern really hurts me.

I think reading The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns has really helped me.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

My T. didn't bring it up. I brought it up to him. I read the 10 common cognitive distortions sticky in this forum and I found that I do about 8 of them. I don't find it horrible just disturbing ... No really I don't think about it as not being real...I just call it having to fill in the blanks of the unexplained craziness that was my childhood... my mind's way of trying to make logic out of total chaos. But now that the chaos is gone, its learning to undo the things our minds did just to survive. If you don't like the term cognitive distortions just use your own term for it...personally I call it and so does my t. now...my twisted thinking..

Originally Posted by crazycanbegood

yeah she isn't saying what you think or say is a lie or not real. it is very much real and true to you. you are being sincere with her. how you view the world just may not be objective reality or it may not be the full picture.

i have such a hard time getting past feeling like she is saying what i think isnt real.even my husband is saying what you all are saying but i cant seem to hear it.i'm scared to talk any more to mt T about it.i think it has to do with how the mother was or something but it is hard

[granite1]

Originally Posted by elliemay

It's hard to hear that what you are feeling maybe wrong. I mean it's what you feeling/thinking right? Aren't you entitled to it?

well, sitting with and challenging your thoughts is one of the fundamental tenets of growth.

Allowing yourself to see things in a different way is difficult, and you may need to simply "try it on" for a little while before you can embrace it.

It's not horrible. It's just new. I think it is a good new.

it is realy hard and i dont quite understand it.it seems i have heard this ll my life from the mother and other T but i just rejected it.i know they never used the term cognitive distortions bt i have always heard about all or nothing and black and white thinking from staff at the residential program it was always shoved in my face 24-7.and the mother was always about the attention thing and it isnt ever about me and to get real kind of thing.
i know i never ever gave any of this a chance andan completely scared to it just feels horrible

[granite1]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I do CBT. I totally have cognitive distortions. One thing me and my T started using is an app called icbt. It identifies the negative thinking and distortions, and then makes youp change to positive ones. Then at end it gives option to email the entire event to your T. I would check it out its so helpful.

lol i dont have a smart phone or anything like that and i'm not allowed to e-mail or text.sounds like kind of an interesting app

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

CBT Ts deal with cognitive distortions and twisted thinking. One of my Ts was that kind of T so we worked with it but I wanted to talk to her instead of writing out all of my twisted thinkingso we didn't do it so much after all.

But, granite, this method is only a tool. Your T is not saying that nothing you say is real. She's just telling you that many of your beliefs aren't based on what's rational. We all have twisted thinking!

The distortions are even a thread on this psychology forum. I don't know how to do links--afraid I'll lose this post, but look and see.

I'm big on all or nothing thinking. Black or white, no in between. That doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. You've said your T hates you. If you examine the evidence, you'll see that is not a fact. It's a distortion.

It's helpful to look at our twisted thinking and see where it's twisted, then try to untwist it. But you don't have to use this method if you're too overwhelmed with it right now. It's just ONE way of thinking about things differently and helping you feel better about yourself, NOT worse. It takes time; it's not something that is learned overnight, either.

If you don't think it's helpful right now, you can tell your T that, and that she's going too fast for you.

i dont really know what to think about it and my thinking.i am going to try to bring it up again and be able to talk about it some more with my T because if this is what she thinks is wrong with me she really needs to help me feel ok with it because i dont and dont know what to do with it

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I do CBT. I totally have cognitive distortions. One thing me and my T started using is an app called icbt. It identifies the negative thinking and distortions, and then makes youp change to positive ones. Then at end it gives option to email the entire event to your T. I would check it out its so helpful.

Me too! And I've totally found it very, very helpful and calming. I also added the 5 distortions that Velvet Cactus put on the "10 cognitive distortions..." thread at the top of the Psychotherapy page.

If you don't have a smartphone, there are CBT worksheets that you can print off the internet.

[granite1]

i am trying realy hard to trust my T that maybe she knows what she is doing but does this mean that everything i think about my past is wrong .i am so taking this to a whole new level and i always do this.in the past if a t even thought about saying the things she did last week i would have got very violent.i just wasnt ready to deal i dont understand why i am so scared and resistant to this. why does it feel so invalidating ,and why i am no not wanting to give up the way i look at things? why do they seem so right and true and a very deep part of me? and if it is all wrong then i must be .

Originally Posted by granite1

i am trying realy hard to trust my T that maybe she knows what she is doing but does this mean that everything i think about my past is wrong .i am so taking this to a whole new level and i always do this.in the past if a t even thought about saying the things she did last week i would have got very violent.i just wasnt ready to deal i dont understand why i am so scared and resistant to this. why does it feel so invalidating ,and why i am no not wanting to give up the way i look at things? why do they seem so right and true and a very deep part of me? and if it is all wrong then i must be .

Granite, I can only speak from my experience, but what I realized is that I learned from my parents to look at the world, others, and myself in ways that were at times unhealthy and made my life more challenging for me. Yes, *I* did this, but it was what I was taught.

An analogy: just like I was taught to speak English from my parents. Had I been taught to speak French, German, or Spanish by my parents and no English and had no means to learn English living in the US, it would have made things tough for me when I started school. Then in school I would have learned English from my teachers and classmates. My life in the US would have become easier.

The way that I was taught to look at the world and process information has indeed caused me pain and it's hard to change these things. *I* am not wrong, these thinking patterns make my life more challenging, so I have the opportunity to decide whether to change them. I look at other people whose behavior patterns and calmness with themselves I admire and I want to be like that - seem to have less pain in interactions (not that their lives are ideal, etc.). I always wondered, "what's wrong with me?" So I get what you're feeling, but then I realized with some hard work I can change the way I think and stop fighting w/ myself and others.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. For a while I blamed my parents - so angry at them for teaching me these negative patterns. I still am kind of mad, but I realized they didn't know any better. I want to be happier, less negative than they are hence I go to therapy to unlearn and relearn.

I hope that this helps and yes, it's scary as hell... Don't fight those scared feelings, they're natural.... The question is what will you do next? Could you try the CBT exercises out for a few days?

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by eastcoaster

Me too! And I've totally found it very, very helpful and calming. I also added the 5 distortions that Velvet Cactus put on the "10 cognitive distortions..." thread at the top of the Psychotherapy page.

If you don't have a smartphone, there are CBT worksheets that you can print off the internet.

Ive added them too! The app is so calming. My T says it does a great job or organizing my thoughts when they are all mixed up. I was often curious if any one else utilized it.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by granite1

my T brought this up last week telling me that i do this.i am having a hard time dealing with this on so many levels.i am left feeling that she thinks that everything i think isn't real.i just cant deal with this

((((((((((((((((((((((((( granite ))))))))))))))))))))))))) I have been in just this place. T1 was very big on cognitive distortions, tried twice to get me to keep a journal of them and twice I ended up going ballistic. I felt I was being asked to document the fact that every reaction I had was wrong and I wouldn't know the truth about any given situation if it came up and bit me. I didn't believe that and couldn't go on with it. Challenging the validity of ALL of your very thoughts, at every turn, is frightening and infuriating at same time.

You have the right to tell yr T this, and you don't HAVE to do any exercise you're given, if it doesn't feel right to you.

Having said all that, I will climb down off my soapbox and say that I do recognize the existence of cognitive distortions. There are a lot of people here on PC who worked through them and found great benefit in it.
hugs to you

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by granite1

i am trying realy hard to trust my T that maybe she knows what she is doing but does this mean that everything i think about my past is wrong .i am so taking this to a whole new level and i always do this.in the past if a t even thought about saying the things she did last week i would have got very violent.i just wasnt ready to deal i dont understand why i am so scared and resistant to this. why does it feel so invalidating ,and why i am no not wanting to give up the way i look at things? why do they seem so right and true and a very deep part of me? and if it is all wrong then i must be .

granite i do not think (not even a tiny bit) that your T is saying you are making things up or is wrong. I think T is saying that BECAUSe of how your mother treated you. Everyone does it, just to different degrees. It is not meant to invalidate, more to try and become more aware when you are "distorting" your thoughts and maybework on changing them- to make YOU feel better.

[velcro003]

I also agree w SAWE-i would resist against it too! I would ask T to talk about it more, so you can get a better understanding.

p.s. My T gave me this poem several months into our work. This helped me to not beat myself up over the cognitive distortion idea.

Relearning Loveliness

The bud
Stands for all things,
Even for those things that don’t flower,
For everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
Though sometimes it is necessary
To reteach a thing its loveliness,
To put a hand on the brow
Of the flower,
And retell it in words and in touch
It is lovely
Until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing.

-Galway Kinnell

[kitten16]

Yeah - therapists definitely feel that they're helping us out by pointing out our cognitive errors. And I get it, that we need to become aware of these things if our lives are to change at all. For instance, there are so many things that are simply OUT OF my control. I can't do ANYTHING about these things, except - change how I respond to them. The mind is the last bastion of individual freedom after all!

My father was a toxic asshat and he blighted my life. Now he's dead, and I can't change that. But I can change how I see him now, and what I make of the interaction we had when we were both alive. "There is always a new way to see things," as a fave writer of my once said. I cling to that, because the basic facts of what happened to me at my father's hands, and the fact that I can't call him to account anymore, won't ever change.

But I can change.

So I applaud the efforts of a T to try to restore balance to my often lopsided world view, which in my case is usually paranoia (everyone hates me, I'm a failure, I'm not as good as Bill, etc. etc.)

What I wonder about, though, is the sometimes clumsy way in which Ts bring this up. Sometimes a T should just make a private observation about what you're doing, and leave it there. I DON'T think Ts should always say whatever occurs to them about you, at the moment they have the thought. That's very clumsy, and it doesn't take into account the client's stage of development.

There's a gentler way to guide clients toward the realization that their patterns of thinking might not reflect reality. But just blurting out, "That's a cognitive distortion," isn't going to help most people in therapy.

And I really hate therapeutic jargon in session. A T shouldn't be larding their speech with crap like that too much.

I can do it if I want, of course! COGNITIVE DISTORTION, COGNITIVE DISTORTION, COGNITIVE DISTORTION! Hey, the client can do no wrong, right?

Good topic!