[sconnie892]

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced wanting t to push them harder in sessions?

When I got home from my session tonight, I journaled intensely for about an hour and broke through some walls during writing. I came to the conclusion that I want t to push me to push through the "stuck feelings" I feel I am having in sessions. I want to have that kind of break through in session rather than an hour later when I am at home alone.

I know this sounds completely crazy since last session I was very down about being pushed hard and didn't even want to go back. But when I had that break through with journal writing tonight, I realized just how badly I want to get through these walls and work through these feelings with the support of t. Does this make any sense? Can I ask t to push harder? It feels odd to ask for that. I am afraid if I do ask I will regret it if t does push harder and then I feel horrible afterward.

[stopdog]

How would one of them push you harder? What is it you want them to do?

[growlycat]

I understand this...instead of bringing up soft topics I wish he'd ask about the hard stuff sometimes. Or if there is silence I need his help too.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

How would one of them push you harder? What is it you want them to do?

I presume she means 'ask the hard questions and don't stop until you get an answer."

[lostmyway21]

This is SO weird I just emailed my T last night and asked him to push me harder. Only thing is I know he will, so I have to be sure I want it. I usually hate it in the moment because he becomes very stubborn and doesnt let me get out of answering hard stuff, but in the end I feel more accomplished. I can definitely relate to this.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I presume she means 'ask the hard questions and don't stop until you get an answer."

Thanks. I really did not know what was meant or how it could be accomplished.

[sconnie892]

Yes, I meant ask the hard questions until you get an answer.

After I slept on what I posted, I realized part of my wanting t to push harder is so she could actually witness the breakthrough. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that is my people pleasing issues coming through. For some reason I want her to see the progress as it happens - I felt like she needs fulfillment from seeing the progress in person. But the goal is the progress and the breakthroughs, not her seeing them. It doesn't matter if they happen in a session or in-between sessions. The point is that I pushed through one of those walls and I am better for it. I finally understand what it means for therapy to be about working on being a better me.

That said, I still want t to keep pushing me in sessions. I don't want to lose momentum. I want to keep moving forward. I've been stuck for far too long.

I am the same. And my T can push Soooo HARD. But it always leads to good progress.

[become_UNmasked]

thats awesome that you made that connection with the people pleasing thing. not everyone would make that connection, keep up the good work. i'd let your t know of that breakthrough but still ask her to push you. :-)
kudos

Its no good being pushed if we're not ready. Therapy is like sports. You have to warm up or else if you just begin to run your hurt yourself and weaken rather than strengthen. Anxiety is sometimes my motivation behind wanting it to go quicker. The biggest and most permanent changes have taken time.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by earthmamma

Its no good being pushed if we're not ready. Therapy is like sports.

otherwise you could just go out and run a marathon first day, why not.

[sittingatwatersedge]

therapy is like sports?

Nice guys finish last??

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

therapy is like sports?

Nice guys finish last??

I smell a new thread...

[sittingatwatersedge]

Not me. If I finish last in therapy it will be because I *own* last place, not because I'm a nice guy.

on wanting to be pushed: I resent it, I need it, so it's yes and no at same time. I think the Ts have a word for this.... "ambivalence"

I want T2 to push me, when the day comes that I need a push; but when that day comes I also know I will push back.

Yes I should have added like athletes, clients who are having their emotions stretched need to warm up and not just try to run on a weak or damaged muscle. Does that make more sense?

[2or3things]

I sometimes have this feeling of wanting to ask T to push harder. I suspect I've scared her off of that, though. I'm pretty sure I appeared to only ever have one cheek in the chair for the first year and a half of T, at least, and most days I still feel like running a bit.

Anyway, so I think about asking her to go a little harder on me sometimes, because I do want to talk, but I do find it incredibly difficult, so I do feel like I need help. And I get what you're saying about people-pleasing, sconnie, cause I have a bit of that myself. Still...

I think my T would probably say that this is my process and I'm responsible for taking it where it needs to go. I mean, she can help, but she can't make me say/feel things I'm not ready to say/feel. That's a hard truth, because I also want her to rescue me or be my mom or whatever. I want to feel like she cares. But she's right (or, what I imagine her opinion to be is right). It's not something she can or should force me to do. It's all on me.

--2or3

PS: Take all this with a giant grain of salt, I guess, because I get hugely resentful and judgemental when people ask Ts for some form of caring and get it. Blech. I feel like I want and need caring, but also feel like I'm a grown adult who shouldn't be asking for it from a T. So I get angry or something when other people do.

PPS: Was this at all helpful? I really do hope so, or at least that it wasn't harmful.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

on wanting to be pushed: I resent it, I need it, so it's yes and no at same time. I think the Ts have a word for this.... "ambivalence"

I want T2 to push me, when the day comes that I need a push; but when that day comes I also know I will push back.

But even "pushing back" is progress. You've taken an internal conflict and made it a conflict between you and T. A lot of people are afraid of that, but it really is a step forward. Because when you clash with T, T can help you work out what it is about.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

But even "pushing back" is progress. You've taken an internal conflict and made it a conflict between you and T. A lot of people are afraid of that, but it really is a step forward. Because when you clash with T, T can help you work out what it is about.

Making an internal conflict a conflict with your t is progress? I thought it would work the other way around- taking the responsibility for whatever the ambivalence or internal conflict is about onesself. I am curious about this though

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by learning1

Making an internal conflict a conflict with your t is progress? I thought it would work the other way around- taking the responsibility for whatever the ambivalence or internal conflict is about onesself. I am curious about this though

If the conflict is internal, it is very hard for T is see what's going on.
Also, internal conflict is often non-verbal, and that makes it harder for both of you.

Of course, there are ways to examine an internal conflict without clashing with T.

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

If the conflict is internal, it is very hard for T is see what's going on.
Also, internal conflict is often non-verbal, and that makes it harder for both of you.

Of course, there are ways to examine an internal conflict without clashing with T.

I get this. My people pleasing issues were very internal for me - because I could not, not matter how hard or how many ways I tried, verbalize them to my t. So I became resistant and almost argumentative (at least I felt that way) with t. I would try to wiggle my way out of questions. It was my way of getting the internal conflict that I could not verbalize out there...I was able to say to my t "I have issues with pleasing people", but I could not verbally connect it with what was going on inside me emotionally. (That probably doesn't make any sense except to me.)