Ideas about Anger in Therapy

I was wondering if you guys had any tips for not getting angry in therapy. I think my therapy may be over after my outburst in the last session..lol.. but I am sure I'll come up again in any future therapy I have. So I need to nip it in the bud now.

Any tips? What do you guys do when you feel the white hot rage flowing through you?

PS: I did ask about the elastic band flicking method but my T just laughed and changed to subject so I assume its inappropriate to use in a session. But anything similar you guys can think of would be great!

eh, anger is explored in therapy not denied.

Yeah that's what caused me to go off my head last session. I end up getting even angrier if we try to explore it haha

I need something that can snap me back onto the planet earth before I do some real damage. Or avoid it in the first place. Either is good!

Maybe the issue is not so much that you need to not get angry as that you need to express the anger in a healthy manner? Or be able to get angry and still stay present and not get lost in the anger?

For me, fear is the emotion I tend to feel most, and I get lost in it. I've learned to tell my T "I'm feeling very afraid right now, can you please help me stay present?" If I ask my T for that, she will help me. Maybe yours would be willing to do something similar. Maybe you could tell your T "I'm feeling very angry right now, can you help me redirect that?"

Maybe start telling yourself the colors in the room? Not sure about anger, but it works for my panic attacks in therapy. I just start looking around and tell myself, ok, his pants are blue, the rug is brown, the chair is green, my shirt is orange...etc. Good Luck, it sounds like a really difficult thing to control.

I think there is a difference between feeling anger and acting anger out in a manner that frightens others. Could you perhaps tell the therapist when you first start feeling angry before it becomes out of control for you and perhaps they can help you with changing behaviors or thinking patterns when you feel angry and lead to being able to discuss it without the anger taking control of you so as to leave you unable to get any relief. I have gone into the therapist before and started by saying I am angry - for me, doing that immediately can help release some of the feeling of force of it and help keep me from adding to the already angry feelings without adding more frustration to it.

Well, they say that depression is anger turned inside. So I would not think it is healthy to supress it, but rather learn to how to get it out in healthy way.

I saw this thread and thought, I have nothing to contribute, I WISH I could get angry in T. But I have this same experience with fear, not that I feel it the most, but maybe it's #2 and anger is #1 behind it? So the fear is a little more accessible, but I do need T's help in staying present when it appears. Thanks, rhiannon.

My T use to say I was like a stuck thermostat, had no emotional regulation; everything was equal ("A wet towel on the bed is not a murder" -- was to me :-) and maybe you have some of that if you get angrier discussing what is making you angry. Presumably you are not angry about something in therapy, "words" aren't that angry-making on their own so you are probably thinking about and discussing something that happened before, in the past and thinking about it makes it present again? Does sound like you could use some help differentiating between what is happening in the present and your thoughts, memories, and feelings about something that happened before.

Its not that you end up getting angrier if you explore it, its that you end up becoming more aware of it. But that's the point of therapy.

I once left a session so angry I turned around and came back towards his closed door and gave it a sound kick. T said all of the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stood on end. Um, don't do what I did.

Then again, don't suppress it. Next time I might just start systematically removing the crap from his bookshelves. Nothing destructive but B@tSh i t crazy enough to change the conversation.

Thanks for your responses guys. Definitely a few things there for me to try!

I get angry in therapy because they keep telling me that the reason why I can't shower or wash my clothes or leave the house etc is simply because I'm lazy. Its been 2 more therapists recently that have said it. And when I repeat back to them what they said (sort of like "so what you're saying is that I'm lazy " etc) then they say "I'm sorry you misinterpreted what I said, I didn't mean that AT ALL", even though that was the whole point of what they were saying. Sort of playing with words. So then I go back the next week and discuss it and they STILL say "you misinterpreted what I said" and they push that envelope. Really irritates me. I feel very disrespected every time they do it. Not sure how many ways you can interpret the sentence "you are lazy". Do they think I am stupid or something? THAT is what makes me angry. I don't like it when people treat me like some sort of idiot, lol.

Thanks for the anger tips guys.

Is that actually what they said..."you are lazy"?? Or were they saying things like :"lack of motivation" and stuff like that?

I can't remember the actual words but what they were saying was along the lines of "you only have yourself to blame, if you put more effort into it you would be able to do it". Something like that. Sort of saying if I tried harder then I wouldn't have this problem.

What are you afraid you will do? Do you think you will be violent.
Shouting at T is permitted, perhaps even encouraged.

Yelling doesn't hurt anyone. I think I'd get up and pace, like I'm thinking of walking out but trying to give T a chance to talk me down.

You can try to start a session by saying, look, I want to talk about my habits but I'm worried I will get extremely angry at you. I'm tired of being told I'm lazy when that isn't the real story. --This way, T is prepped to be more careful, more caring in approach. Could that work?

I would definitely become violent. I have many times in the past and it never ends well, lol. Feels AWESOME but it isnt good in the grand sceheme of things. I'd prefer to just walk out and avoid anything like that happening!

I like the way you phrased that growlycat. I might use that. Maybe I could bring it up as a new topic instead of revisiting the old one, therefore I won't get angry. Anger has to be avoided at all costs because for me it leads to violence. Not good!!

Anger-I totally relate! ****fist bump*****

CHALLENGE: (Don't read if you don't want to be challenged.)

Is it possible there is a voice inside you saying you are lazy?
Perhaps repeating what a parent used to say?

This sounds like a classical case of cognitive distortion (hearing something other than what was said), particularly if it has happened with more than one T. This still happens to me from time to time.

I'm sure this is not what you believe and definitely not what you want to hear, but the mind can play tricks.

When I got sober I frightened the hell out of myself with a few fits of rage I flew into. My weed had kept me tamped down and w/o it I had a few episodes where I was a hair away from being the guy they hogtie on Cops. That phrase beside yourself--that was me. I felt like I was outside myself watching myself behaving in this terrifying way.

I got so scared of myself, what I was capable of, and what this behavior was gonna do to my relationships that I voluntarily took an anger management class.

They described anger as a secondary emotion--something we feel instead of feeling another emotion and described rage as an intoxicant of it's own. Rage gives me an illusion of being powerful, even though I am far from holding the reins when in its grasp.

And very often I would much rather have that illusion of power than feel the much more vulnerable emotion underlying the rage, such as, inadequacy, embarrassment, hurt, shame, loss, fear, anxiety, or frustration.

If I was in the situation you describe, I would feel embarrassed, hurt, frustrated, and inadequate. Those are all much more difficult to feel especially for someone who is used to numbing them out with rage.

What I found for myself, though, was that my rage was like the great and powerful Oz, and as soon as I started forcing myself to look at the negative emotions behind the curtain, the rage just started more and more to seem silly and began to lose its appeal.

That was just my experience. Yours could be different.

Well that is definitely possible because my parents always used to call me a lazy, useless bludger. Only thing is, i heard what my Ts said with my own two ears. I didn't just imagine it. It's not a hallucination or delusion (I hope.. I have enough problems already!! haha)

Can'texplain has a good point--- sometimes T's ask questions that are probing, they aren't meant as accusations but they sound that way because of our past experiences. If an abusive parent used to say a certain phrase let's just say "what did you do at school today?" , it might have been threatening back then because it meant the parent was just looking for a reason for a beat-down on you. Let's say you are in your 20's, and a T asks you "what did you do at school today"? --and they have no knowledge of what it means to you, it can seem scary, threatening. Someone can say stuff innocently, just to get a better understanding, but it can come across as a threat or judgement.

Well you definitely have it right there- it definitely is an intoxicant. It FEELS GREAT! But I have learnt that when I am in this state, I'm not merely standing up for myself, I become almost predatory. And I feel like that too when I'm in the middle of it. I feel a bit like an animal prowling the forest for its prey - and I ALWAYS get the kill. Good for me but not good for others. BTW I dont mean Kill as in literally, it's just some weird abstract simile that I thought of.

The only emotions I really get out of this "lazy and bad attitude" thing are anger and being offended. I don't feel inadequate or embarrassed or anything like that. Oh and frustration because I have been trying as hard as I can to get better.

I feel a bit like a paraplegic person when someone tells them they can't do tapdancing because they just aren't trying hard enough. Its a bit of a hardcore example but that is the only way to describe it. And I am also feeling irritation because all this time spent finger pointing at me for not trying hard enough and being lazy, could have been better spent trying to treat my mental illness. I don't believe blaming to be productive at all. You can point and blame until the cows come home but in the end you still need to actually treat the problem. It is a waste of time.

Ohhh I see what you mean. It had connotations back then but it doesn't anymore. That makes sense. I will look into this cognitive distortion thing. That could be something I am always doing, come to think of it. TY! It would explain why all the therapists say the same thing (according to my brain at least lol)

Good work!