Do you talk about sex with your therapist?

Is the therapist you are seeing, and talk about sex to, the same gender as you?

I wonder what they start to think when a client introduces into the session. And how do they get desensitized with tons of awkward topics during their medical school. Must be an awkwardly fun/painful journey to become a professional.

I'm trying to summon up the courage to work/talk through some sexual problems I have. I've talked to my partner about it first but I really need another insight. One unbiased, you know? But when I think about starting up the convo…. and who to talk to… what gender person I talk to and how much of a difference that makes…. I found both sexes awkward... like....

If I talk to a Female T, my experience with women in general, usually ask a lot of personal and intimate questions. Where I'm left going... Uhhhh..!

If I talk to a Male T, I get the opposite sex's opinion and what they experience as a person being of the opposite sex, but of course... it's awkward talking to the opposite sex.

BUT then again, both are awkward. What the heck!?

And how would a person bring it up? I mean, do you just walk in, sit down, say your "How are yous?" and then go straight into, "I want to talk about SEX!"

O_O... i don't see it happening.

Hi Colourbars,

My T is a male, and I am a female. It does seem to make it more awkward to talk about sex, but I specifically wanted a male, because I feel, in general, women are more judgmental.

Like you, I have a hard time finding the words to say. I end up trying (and failing!) to communicate by using a lot of innuendo, or leaving things half said. To be honest, it's not really working all that well for me. I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and just say what I'm thinking. But it's SO HARD. So, even though stumbling through and making my meaning unclear is not directly helpful right now, I think it will lead to me eventually being able to say the "real" words. Partly from exposure, and partly from feeling more comfortable with my T, as he continues to be supportive and not judge me.

How did I bring it up?

After asking for a topic change when I become uncomfortable with the current topic, he asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

And I said, "Let's talk about [boyfriend]. I'm feeling sorry for him."

and T said, "Why are you feeling sorry for him?"

and I said, (haltingly, stumbling-ly), "I feel bad for him because I'm not comfortable sleeping with him right now."

and T said, "Sleeping with him as in the same bed as him, or as in having sex with him?"

And I shook my head at the first and nodded at the second. And we were off.

So I guess what I'm suggesting is, one way to go about bringing it up, would be to state your general feeling, such as, "I'm feeling guilty lately." And when your T asks why, you can answer broadly, like maybe saying, "I don't feel like I'm meeting all my boyfriend's needs." And your T will probably ask for clarification with something like, "What needs do you feel you are not meeting?" And you could say, "in bed," or something. Work up to it that way. (I have no idea what your actual issue with sex is, so I was just using mine.)

Another option:
Someone else on here said before (and I wish I remembered where, or who) said that one good way to talk about difficult things is to start off by "talking about talking". By which I mean, start off with something like, "There's something I want to discuss with you, but I feel self-conscious bringing it up and I'm worried that you're going to judge me," or something. That's another way to "start" the conversation.

I'm personally against scripting an entire conversation, because you can almost never know EXACTLY what your T is going to say for more than a couple exchanges... (and if you do, why do you even pay to go?!) but hopefully these starting points will help you.

Older male T, middle aged f here. Sex talk awkward? Sure. Especially if he tries to guess where I'm going or even try to finish my sentences. What, you want to be taken from behind? Whaaa?? Where did that come from? How did what I was saying lead to that?
We haven't perfected this at all, but I'm alright with that.

Sometimes he will say something to share, make me feel better about my situation. And I keep thinking dear god no, I don't want to know this anecdote because it we be fodder for crazy thoughts when I least want to think of my T. Get out of my head!!

Two T's both male ... one he has mention the word sex once in a way that wasn't connected with me and I've referred to it once in an offhand way. I want to talk further but it's just never happened in a way that would feel comfortable for me. Other T is probably the best person in the world to talk about sex related issues with; he is entirely at ease which helps with my extreme unease. It used to start something like me having a complete breakdown and taking hours to ask one question, then moved to somewhere along the lines of "um, i know you can talk about this stuff but I hate it" and go from there; now it's much easier because I'm used to him; and easier again to initially raise in an email and then move to conversation.

My therapist is male - about the same age as I am. I'm seeing him in large part to heal from childhood sexual abuse, so yes, sexual topics have come up. It's awkward and I have a hard time discussing it, but I don't really think that's due to his gender. I think I'd have a hard time with anyone.

I don't mean to make light of the situation, but this part cracked me up.

My T is male (I'm a chick) and he's close to my age, a little older. I want to talk about my sex issues, but I am like a shut clam when it comes to bringing things up, especially this. Why is it so hard to talk about. I had T's before that just brought it up for me...but not current T. I once said something about my mastectomy and how H hasn't seen it because I always wear a tank when we are intimate. I thought that was enough to jump start the sex talk, but he had no comment.

My t is female,older, about my mums age and I am 20yo female. I usually bring up sex really randomly within the session. Sometimes at the very beginning, depending on the past week. I feel comfortable talking to my t because I don't think she would bring up anything awkward and make me feel uncomfortable and let's me take the lead about how much I want to disclose.
I also like getting an adult/parental perspective, she has kids around the same age so she's fairly cluey. I have NEVER discused sex with my parents, as they were bought up with the no sex before marriage additude.

No I don't. T once mentioned how I don't sexualise therapy like a lot of people do. I dunno why I don't, but I don't.

I only mentioned it once, mainly because it was the first time I'd actually had it (sex) in a number of years and I'd gone to stay with the guy. Also it had brought up issues about the difficulty in having more children and problems involving the child I currently have. It was clear that T was far more at ease with sex stuff than I am. I found it very embarrassing and it's not something I will bring up again unless I have to.

It comes up on occasion. (I'm female w/a male T.) I find most instances of talking about myself to be difficult and awkward. Sex doesn't really seem any more awkward than most other topics. I do feel like he makes me explain myself a lot though, like he doesn't understand where I'm coming from. That's annoying.

I do not have trouble talking about sex as an adult. The therapist has asked about it once or twice. I do not really find it all that pertinent to why I go see her, but I can talk about it. I am gay and she is straight which may or may not factor into it. Much easier than when she tries to talk about the possibility of crying in her office. (I agreed it was not impossible but highly improbable).

Possible trigger***

The other way sex has come up is in relation to csa when I was a small child. But there the sex parts are not particularly hard for me to talk about there either. The difficulty there is the insistence that I must feel something when I just do not.

Yes but it's a subject I tend to avoid if possible, just such a volatile topic

I mentioned sex with xT (Female), it was kinda weird, it looked like she didnt wanna talk about it. I brought up porn and masterbation, I thinks she was embarrased. As for new T (male), 5 years younger then me , we shall see. I also have lots of csa that will need to be discussed. I am a 38 year old lesbian, so I feel like it will be fine, he is hetro and married. As long as he doesnt have any lesbian questions, just out of curiosity.....

Then again, im all about educating people. I did have a weird thought the other day, what if he seemed aroused? Has theat ever happened to anyone with a male T? I typically dont get embarrased very easily but that would do it.

Lola- saw a study that something like 95% of male T's and 76% (?) of female T's report having sexual feelings about patients. I think it was on Psychcentral somewhere

Well T said that if he experienced any feelings toward or about me we would discuss it. I do not like attention from Males at all , in the sex realm, it makes me uncomfortable to be "seen" that way by men. If they flirt with me, or ask me out etc... so I hope he doesnt get those kinda feelings toward me.... I just wanna go fishing with the man. LOL

Yes, I talk about my low sex drive with practically every doctor I see, because I'm continuously looking for a solution. I just bring it up as a concern. I say "Something that is really bothering me is my low sex drive. I used to have a very high sex drive and 2 years ago it just crashed out of the blue. I used to want sex every day, now I'm lucky if I want it once a month."

I'm not embarrassed at all to talk about it, even though some of the doctors I see are also my professors, haha.

Eep. This is the topic I am least looking forward to coming up when I start seeing my therapist (hopefully in a month or two). I am in a wonderful monogamous marriage of more than a decade with no infidelity whatsoever, but because I have two or three times a year where my drive and impulses go off the charts for several weeks (ridiculously so), I'm thinking I'm going to be asked for details out of concern of it being a characteristic of BP II hypomania. Not sure how that whole conversation is going to go.

Maybe this is odd, but I'd kind of like to talk about it, though it's never been explored to any great extent and I'm too shy to take charge, there. My T is a little waffly about whether she will seem playful or uncomfortable.

I have mentioned low libido, as well as excessive libido due to a month of medication-induced hypomania, but we didn't delve.

She shows concern for the fact I'm a lesbian in a rather unfriendly environment. She asked if I'd ever experimented with women, and I mumbled something under my breath. At the time, I was about to leave for a semester abroad in London, and she said, "Well, what happens in London stays in London, right?"



Well played, T.

Just let her try to stop me!

No the topic has not been brought up, thought because of my childhood probably sex will be talked about allot. I feel embarrassed about it!

My and I are the same gender and I have brought it up to her on occasion when we talk about my husband. I don't go into detail -we just process through what goes on for me when there is a lack of it in my marriage.

T1 never had any problem talking about it all, she was very frank, open, open-minded ....... so that helped me feel a little more comfortable talking about sex stuff. Huh, as long as it wasn't the actual, mixed-up sexual feeling I had for HER, I was OK talking about sex!
T2, the topic came up sometimes, not because I brought anything up on purpose, it just came up, and she too never seemed ill at ease talking about anything I needed/decided to talk about. Sex never was my fave topic but I am much more matter of fact about than I used to be, so I guess my Ts and their open, comfortable attitudes toward the topic helped me learn to be more at ease with sex, sexuality, talking about it, etc. I have even made strides in being able to talk with H about stuff I like, don't like, am curious about!

I would like to talk to my T about sex, and I'm fairly certain she'd be fine with the conversation. However, I grew up around very repressed sexual attitudes...it was not talked about except in the most basic sense. It was not something one was supposed to enjoy, just something you either did for procreation or to make a man happy. I don't necessarily feel that way, but at the same time, I've never really had anyone I felt like I could talk about sex with. I've never felt like it was an "okay" topic to discuss. So, much as I would like to talk about sex, I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to bring it up in a session. It is relevant to other things I'm working on, so it wouldn't be just a gratuitous sex conversation.

It has been a recent topic of discussion because of compulsive behaviors that I have. Today T was all like "...do you have a way of... satisfying that urge with yourself without another... person?" awkwardly. I wanted to be like, yes I know how to masturbate, thank you. Instead, I nodded. It's always awkward for me to talk about and I have a lot of trouble being candid.

Ugh.. I dread talking about sex. I can talk about it with my girlfriends, or my husband (for the most part) but to talk about it with another male makes me very uncomfortable. T is male in his early 40s.. I am 27 female. The first time I have heard the word sex in my session (I have been in thearpy for about 4 months now) was talking about possible side effects of the celexa I am taking. He brought up lower sex drive, and I am sure I looked like this . And that is all he mentioned nothing further.

Now, I am contemplating talking to him about a sexual abuse incident that happend when I was a kid that I have only ever told my husband about. And I know that will lead into a convo about sex as a teen and now with my husband b/c it effects my sexual relationship then and now. I am not sure if I can even do it, I am sooo scared to!!