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#1
Apr 02, 2012, 09:14 AM
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Wow. What a weekend. I was triggered big time at work Friday by them doing some video recording and using the hot white lights. Totally sent me into PTSD horror mode. But my T was there for me and called me back.
This weekend I found some VERY solid information that confirms what I went through. But I am still fighting to keep grounded at work. I wrote my T and he is making time to see me tonight. I usually do not have late sessions because being out at night is a trigger. But we are supposed to do EMDR work around this junk and I just need that extra time to help compose.
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 Anonymous37917, Anonymous43209, ECHOES, geez, pbutton, SpiritRunner
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#2
Apr 02, 2012, 09:20 AM
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wow things are really comming up for you this weekend arnt they
  i hope this extra session helps.and try to get some rest when you can i can feel how tired you are from your other post.do you ever hike.my hubby made me go for a hike in the woods with him last weekend because i hadnt been out of the house it was a calm quiet time with him.i took pic and everything .it was ok.maybe you and your SO could try something like that.it was nice and calming for me
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BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
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#3
Apr 02, 2012, 09:20 AM
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Good luck to you WePow.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Apr 02, 2012, 10:32 AM
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Thanks guys. It just floors me to see that the monster was KNOWN to be a monster by his own peers, but so little was done to stop his evil rump!
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| geez, sittingatwatersedge
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#5
Apr 02, 2012, 10:44 AM
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Hope the extra session and EMDR lightens the load for you a bit WePow. Do something kind for yourself afterwards.
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never mind... |
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#6
Apr 02, 2012, 10:53 AM
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I hope it goes well for you. It sounds like a rough weekend.
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#7
Apr 02, 2012, 01:25 PM
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I hope your session goes well for you and you find some relief from your bad week!! GL!
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"You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance, every second." "You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!" - J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. |
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#8
Apr 03, 2012, 06:23 AM
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It was a very powerful EMDR session. He is a great T. I let myself look INTO his eyes for real... and I saw he did believe me and that was his truth.
I needed to see that. I go back today for the last half of processing through this crud.
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| anonymous31613, healed84, Sannah
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#9
Apr 04, 2012, 07:16 AM
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Well, my T double booked yesterday (his software is being crazy). And he was late because he had to see his own T for his stuff. I ran into his other client and at least was able to let her know he was at the doctors. She was very nice. I was going to let her have the time and just leave and she was going to go eat and come back after me. LOL both of us trying to be nice. But T was in a bad place and did the right thing and cancled both of us. Hee hee. Poor T . At least he is smart with stuff like that.
I did get to talk to him for about 5 min. He told her to call him and they will reschedule then he had me go in to do that. I felt kinda strange about that like I was in trouble somehow. T has me set to see him tommorow but it is during work time and my boss is out of the office. But I need to see him. I wrote and was going to say I would be OK. But I just about exploded on a customer at work on the phone - which is totally not cool. I am trying to stay grounded, but I am really not healthy right now since they came into work in my space and set up those camera filming lights trying to interview me and it shot me back to the dumb CSA filming junk!! URRRR!!! And I am on call this weekend which is a huge trigger anyway. I am dissociating again which gives me a major DID headache. And I keep wanting to self harm in a very serious way that could harm me for life - which is my intentions when I do it. So I am just trying to take it one hour at a time.
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| Anonymous43209, healed84, mortimer
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#10
Apr 04, 2012, 07:21 AM
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It's important that you look after yourself, and seeing him is part of that. Hope it goes well.
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#11
Apr 04, 2012, 07:36 AM
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(((Wepow)))
I am sorry you are in such a bad place right now. I hope all is back in order soon. Meanwhile, keep up your one hour, or maybe even one minute, at a time... Bluemountains |
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#12
Apr 04, 2012, 08:39 AM
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Thinking about you WePow- I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Please try to take some well deserved time for you.
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#13
Apr 04, 2012, 09:03 AM
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I decided to move my vacation time from December to 1/2 day today and all day Thursday. I just want to not be in the state I am in right now and know I can work through it.
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| geez, pbutton, sittingatwatersedge
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#14
Apr 04, 2012, 09:19 AM
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Sitting here at work waiting for the time to leave. I am so out of it. I took an extra anxiety pill and that is helping. But I hate PTSD. I sent my T about 5 emails so far! Poor T. :-) He is so good with me. I don't know how he does it.
I am so angry at those people who made those movies of us kids down in Florida!!! I am soooooo angry that there were so many red flags and people did not do what they should have done to stop them!!!! It is not fair. I found on line the confirmation about what was done to me and the other kids in Tampa in the 1970's. It all makes sense now. But it is not fair. Some of the kids later took their own lives. All because of that looser who abused his power for his own perversions. It is not right. It is so evil when people harm children. I HATE HATE HATE people who do those things to children!!!!!! I am not sure if I want to just go to the park by myself for 1/2 day today or if I am going to go home and spend time with my S/O. I want to escape but I am trying to escape myself and this anger and rage inside. I need to work through it. I must somehow get it out of me.
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| Anonymous37917, geez, healed84
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#15
Apr 05, 2012, 04:34 AM
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Quote:
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Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#16
Apr 05, 2012, 08:51 AM
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How are you doing WePow?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#17
Apr 05, 2012, 08:55 AM
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Very glad that you are using your vacation time now to take good care of yourself, WePow.
It is totally understandable and ok to feel angry. I'm angry for you. People see anger as such a negative thing but it can be a very powerful force for change, too. I hope you enjoyed the park and that your SO is being supportive. What are you up to on your vacation day today?
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#18
Apr 05, 2012, 09:04 AM
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**gentle hugs**
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#19
Apr 05, 2012, 09:51 AM
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#20
Apr 05, 2012, 11:19 AM
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WePow hope you are doing OK.
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“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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#21
Apr 05, 2012, 12:09 PM
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thinking about you today wepow i hope you are doing ok .
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
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#22
Apr 05, 2012, 04:46 PM
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My session today with T was very nice. It was calm and chatty. I needed that. I needed to just BE with my T. He was funny because he slipped a bit saying something and then said his filter was down. I was so happy when he did that because it felt like a gift he gave me. Like just for a small time he was just being who he was for extra real :-) He is a very wonderful human being and also a great therapist. So it was good to connect with him today and just relax inside around him. It was like I was able to trust our relationship to be good and healthy no matter what had happened during the week. And a whole lot had happened.
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| Anonymous32491, granite1, Kacey2, Sannah
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| geez, healed84, Kacey2, rainbow_rose
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#23
Apr 05, 2012, 07:39 PM
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Wepow you have been through so much. And you are just having stuff come up to surface all of the time. I believe this means you are getting stronger. Your mind is allowing it to surface because it knows you can handle it at this time. I completely understand that it sucks terribly and you are going through heck with your PTSD symptoms. I hope you can calm your body and find a little peace one hour at a time. Hugs girl, KC
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#24
Apr 06, 2012, 06:26 AM
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(((Kacey)))) You hit the nail on the head. Peace can only happen in the NOW.
Thank you for the reminder!
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#25
Apr 06, 2012, 09:03 AM
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(((( WePow ))))
Wow, you've had such a difficult week! I'm so glad that you were able to see T through it all...and that your last session was such a wonderful, connected session. "Peace can only happen in the NOW"....I LOVE that....
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Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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