Since we were getting close to the 100 page limit in the other thread, I started a new one. This is actually Part III of this thread! It sure looks like we have alot to tell our therapists, but we have trouble saying it, or we just don't want to tell them!

I have often wondered what therapists would say about what we (as the clients) really want to say.

[lostmyway21]

I'll go first..

Dear T,

I wish I could take back that email I just sent you. OMG ....PANIC

Dear T,

I am getting close to my 2 year anniversary with you. I have a feeling that is going to be very emotional for me. Will you do something special that week? I don't know what it is that I will need from you, but I would like for you to make me feel better about STILL being in therapy!!

Squiggle

[rainbow8]

Squiggle, it's my 2 year anniversary with T too but I don't think she cares and I'm embarrassed about it for some reason.

Dear T,

I feel like I screwed up today!! But so did you! Why did you say you wouldn't talk to me like I wanted you too. Why?????? I know why but I disagree.

I feel like a failure.

I heard you yawning at the end of the session. I didn't like that.

I'm fighting the attachment to you again. It's too familiar. I told you it felt different and that I'm not fighting it. I don't know which is the truth.

I hate the T relationship right now! You say you're not judging me. Of course, because it's your job not to judge me.

I feel sorry for myself and my stupid pattern. I hate it but I can't stop it. I have to accept it but I can't stand feeling so depressed after therapy. You know I want more from you that I can't have.

I want to quit. I can't tell you what's going on. it's all too much. I can't keep taking up so much of your time. I feel awful. so I'm going back to my old ways. I'm isolating. don't think I can go back to group. maybe I'll try tell you next session but I don't think I can. I'm sorry.

[Nelliecat]

Well, I didn't come in yesterday and do you know what? I don't miss you. Next session is supposed to be tomorrow. I'm feeling like a hard B**ch right now. I don't care what you say, it will take you a long time to get my trust back.

[lostmyway21]

Dear T,

I haven't cried in months, I don't even know if I can anymore. I wish I could come to our session tomorrow, sit down on the couch, crawl up into a ball and cry the ENTIRE session. Yup, that would be nice.

[Switch]

Dear T,

I see you tomorrow and I just don't want to.

I don't want to tell you I wanted to be beaten, and punished because I left the house a mess.

I don't want to tell you that I'm worried I studied the wrong thing.

I don't want to tell you that I keep freaking out about this essay, and the pain it causes me when I try to focus but my body doesn't want me to.

I don't want to tell you about me and my girlfriend, and how I'm dumb and make everything so awkward and feel that I'm letting her down as a girlfriend because I bail on her, or we're just really awkward when were together and she's the only one I really suck at when it comes to sex and I want to be better but I'm just a failure for her and I don't know how to tell her she should find someone safer for her, who can actually make her feel the way she deserves, both in bed and in life.

I don't want to tell you that I've been trying to have emotions again, but the only ones that seem to succeed are either anxiouse, or self defeating, or both.

I don't want to tell you, but I'm going to try. Why else do I pay you?

Switch

Wow... It says a lot about a person when they don't want to put their BS on their T because it might stress them out/they don't want to sound like they're whining.... despite that being their Ts job.

[Screenager]

I just sent you the most embarrassing e-mail in the history of mankind. I go back and forth between wanting you to reply and wanting to bang my head against the wall.
I'm such an idiot.

Well, I know what I want... I want you to reply, but this time it'll probably really take me ages to open your response!

Stupid mind screw!!

[nicoleb2]

Dear t,
I should probably be calling you again about my SI urges, but I can't. I've already bugged you too much this week, and it's only Wednesday

I hate that I feel this need to connect with you. Rationally, I know you're there. I know you're 'walking beside' me. We had a great session and I was really happy about that. But now? We're still a week away from our next session and I just want to hear back from you. Hear ANYTHING from you. Is that pathetic? I don't want to be clingy and needy, and yes I know I need more going on in my life - and that you HAVE a life - but for now, just a little email to say 'hey' or something? Please? It's not going to be that way that I need to be emotional/distressed to be acknowledged, is it? I guess I just wanted to share that I was happy this time.. a good mood is a big deal for me these days. I guess I'm confused, did I overstep? Lack of response makes me feel that way. IKR? Insecurityyyy. Ack, whatever. I need to get a Snickers... or something...

[Screenager]

Dear T,

I'm an idiot. Just forget about me.

You don't care about me. I'm fully aware of that now. I'm just a 50 min timeslot to you, just a paycheck, just a file. You probably laugh at my childish confessions, at my feelings for you, as you cuddle up against your boyfriend.

I hate life. Why isn't it fair?? Why can't I be happy for once? Everything else is going so damn miserably too; why can't I for once actually be with the woman I want?!

[lostmyway21]

Dear T,

Im pretty sure the four year old kid left in me wants to kick and scream and beg you not to leave next week. I have no idea why.

[precious things]

Dear T

My trust is fragile and will shatter on impact. Please handle with care.

Dear T, it really meant a lot that you accepted my art piece I gave you I wasn't sure I'd get the courage to ask if you wanted it or could accept it, I brought it and was just going to show you, but you were so genuinely interested in it and asked questions and seemed really pleased that I offered it to you. It seriously made my whole day.

[rainbow8]

Dear T,

I can't stop the hurt feelings. Maybe I should try to just feel them for once and not try to stop them? But then I have trouble functioning. I can't go a whole week without seeing you. I hate that feeling of wanting to be with you. I hate you! I love you too!

[nicoleb2]

Dear t,

It's 1:15am, I am having horrible SI urges and I cannot call you, nor would I if I could. I have bugged you too much this week already. I am hoping to make it through without cutting, but I can't call and bug you about it anymore

[mommyof2girls]

Dear T,

****sigh**** My heart still hurts.....

Better late than never thanks. Don't scare me like that!

[mommyof2girls]

Dear T,

I am really falling apart.....I can't take this pain.....UGH!!!!!

[Screenager]

You responded, and there's no way I'll read it. Even though I sooo want to. Ugh.

Hopefully tonight, when I might be a little drunk.

[nicoleb2]

Dear T,

Remember how I told you I am stupid and I hate myself? Guess what, I'm stupid, I cut again, deeper than I ever have. I probably should have had stitches, but too late now.
I don't know how to explain to you why I did it. I was so frustrated with the way things have been, I saw a utility knife my husband left out, and I cut.

[likewater]

((((Nicoleb))))

[Towanda]

I don't know what it is that I will need from you, but I would like for you to make me feel better about STILL being in therapy!!

Squiggle, if it will make you feel any better, I'm starting my 6th year in therapy with the same therapist! Yes I've made a lot of progress, yes I've addressed a lot of issues, but still have stuff to work on and new memories of SA that keep popping up. So don't feel bad. It takes time and energy and committment to heal.

[Towanda]

I'm embarrassed and feel foolish. I've been acting like a regressed, needy 10 yo seeking approval from her father where you're concerned and that's wrong. I'm an adult, and acting and feeling like a needy child is wrong. I need to keep my emotions in check, especially where you're concerned. Our relationship has been the center of my life and thoughts for the past several weeks, and that's not good. I've been depending on that relationship too much. I've given you too much power over my life. The kind of need I've been feeling, and the vulnerability I've been showing in session is for children. And I'm not a child - well, I can act and feel like one occasionally. I can heal her. I don't need to keep embarrassing myself and you. The self disclosure, total honesty, total vulnerability b-lls-it is for children. Adults need to self monitor and not blurt out every babbling thought and feeling that pops into their heads the way I have been.

I've got to stop depending on a T to meet my needs,, or to be there for me like a father. When I do that, unanswered email (like last week) from you translates into rejection from my dad. It hurts to need someone that much - you can be hurt too easily, as you're only human (one of you, 40 clients). I'm a grown woman, not a little girl, seeking her father's approval. I have to meet my own emotional needs, my own needs for approval through what I do everyday, and through my relationship with the important people in my life.

I need to grow up and keep my feelings in check. I've become, in therapy and with you, too needy, too emotional, too childish - I've let myself regress and let the wounded girl emerge. The teddy bear and the wounded child need to stay in the closet where they belong. I can't risk letting these new memories emerge - I'm done with therapy. I'm tired - I can't deal with you anymore.