[dismantle.repair]

I know a lot of people here reach out to their T's in between sessions...

1) Is it to keep a connection with them?
2) Do you get the feeling that you're talking to a whole different person sometimes?

It seems like my T vehemently tries to be ridiculously polite in emails, something T isn't really in real conversations (T does not mind calling my crap, which is great.)
I can see why, but it just strikes my as incredibly funny. I sometimes imagine I'm talking to another personality *face/palm*

[Emptty]

I reach out to my T through email all the time to stay connected and it took awhile but eventually I realized his email-self was the real him that did not show itself in session right away.

As for being polite... It could be that he doesn't want anything to be misinterpreted, or for legal purposes he does not want to look as if he spoke inappropriately to a client.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

I know a lot of people here reach out to their T's in between sessions...

1) Is it to keep a connection with them?
2) Do you get the feeling that you're talking to a whole different person sometimes?

It seems like my T vehemently tries to be ridiculously polite in emails, something T isn't really in real conversations (T does not mind calling my crap, which is great.)
I can see why, but it just strikes my as incredibly funny. I sometimes imagine I'm talking to another personality *face/palm*

I email for a lot of different reasons. When email privileges were discussed early in therapy, it was conditioned upon my agreeing to not expect a response.

Initially I emailed a lot because even without a response, it left me feeling like I had talked to her. During the phase of therapy where I was one big open wound, I wrote her a lot about my pain between sessions. I also often email her after therapy whenever a lightbulb goes off or I get an insight after I've left.

Whenever she responds, it's usually very brief. I think therapists, because of their training, are more acutely aware than most of us that there is an inherent danger in written communication because you can't hear tone of voice or see facial expressions. My guess is that this is why your therapist is so especially polite. He's protecting the relationship for your benefit by ensuring he doesn't inadvertently come off in a way that you interpret as hurtful.

[Snuffleupagus]

I have emailed a couple times with the specific intent of reinforcing our connection, and I state something along those lines explicitly in the email. Just getting a response is often satisfying enough in those cases.

Usually though, I'm writing to convey information about something significant that's happened or to relate an insight that's occurred to me, so we can delve right into those waters at the next session. Fifty minutes once a week is so short that I feel compelled to supplement it if I can.

Yes, her responses often sound stilted and overly formal--not like our in-person interactions. I expect this though because in my hmo emails are not confidential as in just being between the two of us. They become a part of my medical record, and any health care worker in the system can access my emails. I've often felt conflicted over using them for this reason, but I just kinda decided convenient communication w/ my T on a regular basis outweighs my privacy. If someone wants to look, they can have at it.

XT responded very clinically and not at all like she was in session,via email. I asked her why, she said words have no affect. So based on that it explained why they seemed mean, cold and harsh sometimes. Of course she was WRONG and current T emails like we are talking on a messenger...lol

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

1) Is it to keep a connection with them?

It is often for connection and sometimes to let her know about things going on between sessions. Also, I almost always write an "afterthoughts" email to process our sessions immediately afterward. Her policy is to reply to emails when I specifically ask for a response, though she often replies when I don't.

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

2) Do you get the feeling that you're talking to a whole different person sometimes?

Honestly, she seems to be the same through email and in session. She doesn't write a lot, so sometimes it might seem abrupt, but her words and tone are warm like in session. She does have a huge confidentiality clause as her signature, which, at this point in our relationship with her always pushing 'reply' to my emails and my address firmly in her contacts, it seems kind of silly. She did recently decide that because texts aren't as private I shouldn't send anything but scheduling texts--no more personal ones (she has an iPhone which pops up the message that anyone looking at the phone could potentially see--whether another client if it's on her desk or her husband if she's at home).

[rainbow8]

I think that yes, I email my T to keep the connection and also because I usually have a lot of reactions to my session and I want her to know what they are. Since our rule is that she doesn't email me back except for emails about scheduling (or my birthday when she sent me a surprise birthday greeting) I feel like it's not a burden on her for me to email her. All I ask is for her to read them.

I like to process my sessions via emails to her, at least the first day or two afterwards. Then I seem to be okay until my next session.

When my T used to respond to emails, I found her to be just as warm as she was in our sessions. She was briefer, though. She used to tell me that she agonized over what to write! It was important for her to say the "right" thing. She doesn't like emailing because, like others say, words can get misinterpreted. I used to be disappointed when she didn't address all of my concerns, so now I just write and write, knowing she won't address anything. It works for me.

I do email for connection and because with my life there is so much going on I can't always fit it in during sessions. The kids email a lot for positive reinforcement or attention between sessions, to make sure she is still there, still cares, etc.

My T doesn't really act different in email than she does in session, which I like. She's therapeutic but also very "real" and genuine.

I do email for top up. T is the same f2f or via email.

[ruby.vroom]

When I've been in therapy, I've emailed at times for the purpose of documenting things that I may later forget to bring up or choose not to bring up during future sessions, so they were out in the open and my therapist could guide the discussion to those matters.

The idea of maintaining a connection never occurred to me/wasn't a goal.

I e-mail for connection. I used to send a lot of "are you still there?" e-mails, and he would just write "I'm still here. See you Thursday" or whatever.

T is a little different in e-mails than in real life...but once he forwarded something to me, and it included a bunch of e-mail conversation between him and another therapist and I saw that weird-e-mail-T was the same with them as with me. I think sometimes people just write differently than they talk. T is definitely a better talker.

[WikidPissah]

I would email to express myself, because talking in session was very difficult for me. Emailing helped to give T a window into my heart.

[Towanda]

I'm so thankful for all your posts For the longest time my T was very stilted and formal in his emails, nothing like his warm and personable self in sessions, and it used to really upset me. I finally called him on it in a couple of really stormy sessions, and he has gotten a lot better. Your posts made me see that it wasn't just him, that other T's do the same thing - as someone said, maybe because emails become part of the medical record?

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

I know a lot of people here reach out to their T's in between sessions...

1) Is it to keep a connection with them?

That's almost always part of it ... some times that's the main reason and I don't always realize it until she answers.

Originally Posted by dismantle.repair

2) Do you get the feeling that you're talking to a whole different person sometimes?

no... it always sounds like her. she writes a lot like she talks.

Originally Posted by Towanda

Your posts made me see that it wasn't just him, that other T's do the same thing - as someone said, maybe because emails become part of the medical record?

Yes, this, and also what nightsky wrote - people are often different in writing (including email even though it is closer to speech than many forms of writing). This is the one thing in the world that I can say with confidence that I know something about - I spent several years of my life doing research on it. So don't interpret a cold-seeming email to mean that your T has turned cold. But if it is a problem, I think it's a good idea to bring it up with them.

[carly011]

I email my T. She actually suggested it...actually she told me i had to at first but now i do because i want to. She first started having me do it whenever i had the urge to cut. She really wanted me to journal but i never did, so she suggested me writing out emails and sending them to her. Especially because its easier for me to talk and get my feelings out in email. I still feel like im talking to the same person though haha. She told me i can email her as often as i need to, though i only do it like once a week maybe... i used to do it more.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by Towanda

I'm so thankful for all your posts For the longest time my T was very stilted and formal in his emails, nothing like his warm and personable self in sessions, and it used to really upset me. I finally called him on it in a couple of really stormy sessions, and he has gotten a lot better. Your posts made me see that it wasn't just him, that other T's do the same thing - as someone said, maybe because emails become part of the medical record?

Emails don't always become medical record. My T says he deletes ALL of mine because he has too. Why? I don't know. It's his practice. Maybe privacy laws?

[confuseduk]

I would hate to think my T would keep my emails and use them against me maybe I shouldn't e-mail anymore

[RiverX]

Its a good subject to bring up. I've had the same experience. I think Ts should clarify in advance which way the intend to play when it comes to email, so the person is prepared. Its ok to have a professional boundary, but it can be a culture shock when the person is usually warm, and they become clipped and formal : (

One T I had set the boundary by saying no emotional content to emails as that belongs in the session.

Thanks for all the sharing.

river

[SoupDragon]

I e-mailed because it was the only way I could share things with T. There would be lots of stuff whizzing around in my head and it was a relief to write it down and share it with T - T knows pretty much my whole story via e-mail.

It was nice to get his replies and maybe that did help me feel more connected between sessions, that he was still there and had not forgotton me.

However I now ban myself from e-mailing. It is not satisfying anymore, T will never talk about my e-mails in sessions, I know it is me that has to bring it up. But as I have told him by e-mail, the motivation to share these things has gone and that stuff just does not get talked about.

[pbutton]

I have banned myself from emailing. Last session I said I felt like an idiot after the last email I sent. He responded that I am constantly telling him I won't email anymore. I think THAT comment cured my little problem for good.

[WikidPissah]

I email to relay information. I am so bad at communicating verbally it is sometimes painful for others to watch. I blush, stutter, go silent, mumble...it's a mess. The first time I emailed him he told me he was surprised by my writing skills. He always responds to an email and is very brief, but supportive. Unlike myself, he writes like he speaks.

[Chopin99]

I email sometimes for connection, sometimes to ask a question, and sometimes to give information.

T definitely sounds colder via email than in person when she responds.