Freaking out that I forgot our appointment!

Since I am out for the summer, my appointment schedule with my therapist is a bit different. I missed my appointment today! I thought it was tomorrow. She sent me an email to see if I was okay since I didn't show up. I totally freaked out when I read it!

I called her right away to tell her that I thought it was tomorrow. We normally meet on Wednesdays. Then she reminded me that last week she told me we would have to meet on Tuesday this week. I went back to my notes and see that she did write that down for me.

She offered a phone conference, but I don't do well with that. She said we can keep in touch through email. Then she asked if there was something I needed to talk about today. I told her no. I was falling apart by now and didn't want to have a melt down on the phone!

When I hung up the phone, I totally lost it. I panicked big time. Why is it such a big deal that I missed an appointment? I had already thought about skipping this week since I was doing okay. Now that I am not having an appointment, I went crazy. What is wrong with me?

I even resorted to 'unhealthy' measures to calm down. It is ridiculous to be over reacting this way. I should be way past this kind of thing since I have been in therapy for more than 2 years. If I am going to react this way when something like this happens, I wonder if I need to quit therapy altogether. I can't take this kind of stuff!

Naturally you don't want to let T down.

But I think most of us have missed an appointment at some time or another, especially if the subconscious doesn't want to go.

Take care!

Ugh!!! I soooo understand those feelings. I feel the same exact way when I can't make it to a session or missed a session (happened once, I overslept)....SUCH an awful feeling. And difficult to understand because missing other types of appointments don't have that affect at all. I've been in therapy for over 3 years, and I still get those feelings. Know that you are not alone.

It IS startling. A couple of weeks ago, I called and asked for an extra appt because I was having family of origin issues. Then the night before the appt, I almost drowned saving the drowning guy. The next morning, i'm sitting in starbucks, lookIng right at my cellphone (on PC of course!) as the clock ticks past 10, and T calls, where are you, didn't we have a ten o'clock? My watch is 12 minutes fast, so I was thinking my phone time WAS my watch time and I still had 5 minutes. I felt like such a fool. T sounded absolutely hurt! Fortunately we were able to start and end 15 minutes later than scheduled. But I have ALL my appts on my phone, even tho they are "recurring meetings" and theoretically at the same time each week. I can't remember anything anymore. I still have this recurring nightmare about being in my hometown and needing to get back to my current city for my T appt and having transportation issues - it's funny, I even dream about the same made-up train station every time!

I feel like I have been sucked up into some kind of 'therapy whirlwind' that I can't get out of. It is a love/hate relationship for sure.

it sounds like transference about your feelings about your marriage. but leaving therapy isn't going to "relieve" you of your marriage. it sounds like you need to find some kind of relief at home. whether that means a vacation for just you, or with your husband, or getting temporary care your husband so you can have some respite - these might be things you want to look at while you're on summer break? or even finding out about all other daycare and transportation options for him. your real life is the whirlwind. Your day out for your daughter's graduation was so sweet for both of you.

Aw, I'm sorry you missed your appointment, Squiggle!

I completely relate to (and remember) the feelings you're going through now! Don't discount them as ridiculous - they're absolutely 100% valid and reasonable! Moreover it's totally understandable that you resorted back to using unhealthy measures to calm yourself, they've been habitual for so long now, and I'm sure we've all had a little 'relapse' into so-called 'bad' coping mechanisms - it's nothing to be ashamed of at all! As long as you stay safe, that's all we care about, lovely!

Is there anything we can do to help you ride this wave out until your next appointment?

I still cannot seem to shake this awful feeling. I cannot believe it is going to be another week before I meet with her again. She wants me to explore my feelings about this and why I have such a strong reaction to therapy. I really can't answer that because I don't know why I do.

I don't like this feeling, though. It makes me almost sick. I want to go to bed and just sleep. Not wake up for 3 days! Why would something as innocent as missing an appointment send me into such a deep despair and depression? I am way too strong of a person for that. Or so I thought I was?

What's the deal with judging whether you're 'strong' enough or not? We are emotional beings. If we were not, we would be robots. Every human being on earth has emotions - many people have suppressed or repressed theirs and so they come across as 'strong'. Is that what we want - a lot of 'strong' people who don't show their human side, their vulnerable side, their sensitive side? Not me. So, hopefully you're not 'way too strong of a person for that."

Missing an appointment is HUGE. When you thought about it being in your control, when you thought YOU had a choice whether to attend the session or not, that is quite a different thing than it being yanked away from you. Sure, you forgot, but it's the same thing as you being denied what you need.

I have grieved and suffered a lot when my T has to cancel because she's sick. I no longer beat myself up about those emotions. I allow myself to feel the sadness and the attachment. I am no longer ashamed of them. T knows I feel this way.

And I think by accepting those feelings, they have lessened a bit. Lately my reaction to having a longer separation from T is not as severe. I think it goes to that whole attachment theory. Feeling more and more secure with T allows me to express my feelings completely and also to tolerate her absence more.

Squiggle - just know this - you ARE strong. You keep on showing up to session even when you know it will be painful. And, also know this - many of us feel the same way when we miss session.

Lots of hugs coming your way... (((((((((hugs)))))))))

I'm the opposite, too intensely caring such that my T was away for 6-8 weeks once and I didn't remember what day/time we normally met so took the entire day off work and just went and sat in the hallway (we were in like an apartment/office building) all day (2-3 hours earlier than the appointment could possibly be) until she showed up! She showed up an hour early but was gracious enough to see me right away instead of making me wait another hour.

Accept that you do care! It's just a little quirk that goes with the territory, don't let it sidetrack you from more important concerns. I showed up early another time when my T had been away and was so early another therapist I knew came through the waiting area and joked with the receptionist, "Well, that answers that question" and I laughed too, correctly understanding they weren't sure when my T was coming back :-) but I was religiously there every time, on time so they could "set their watch" by me

I try to keep clear of my own coils? I refuse to tangle with the parts that are doing things unconsciously; if you were upset, don't bother berating yourself, it wasn't "you" it was your unconscious processes doing their thing and that is just information; you know you really really care about seeing T. If one reacts to the reactions things get all messy; it's like being afraid of being afraid (most of my problem).

It is getting closer to the day of our next appointment~Wednesday. I feel so embarrassed to see her. She knows (in detail) what I did because I wrote it all out in an email to her. I wanted her to know just how bad I reacted to getting the date wrong on our last appointment. I hate the transference, dependency, attachment thing!

I wonder what goes through her mind when she reads my emails, or when I talk with her in our sessions. She is human, so she has to have some of the same thoughts I have. I mean, if I had a client who freaked out like I did, I may have some "OMG she needs to get a grip" thoughts.

I know she wants to work on the stupid forgiveness thing. And the mindfulness stuff. I don't have the energy to do either. I don't want to do anything. I don't feel anything. Once I had the freak out moment and took care of that feeling (unhealthy as it was), I don't feel anything anymore. Blah and numb.

I sure don't need to start shutting down. While I am out for the summer, I need to do as much work as I can with her. I even thought about asking her for twice a week sessions. It will be a hit or miss thing because of her vacation time, but maybe I could do that a couple of weeks. It may help, it may not. I guess it is worth asking her.

I want to ask her if I can have a new pic of her and her family. The one I have was taken 4-5 years ago. I also want to ask her if there are other pics that she would feel comfortable showing me. I need to connect with her and see her as a real person. A mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, etc.....this is so important to me. Not sure why, but I need to make that connection with her. Seeing her as a 'real' person.

Sounds dumb to need that, but I do.

I hope you feel better today and your session goes well.

I would be startled by the forgetting too. Not only would I be very disappointed to miss a session, I think for me, it would make bring up a huge fear that my therapist would interpret it to mean that she/therapy isn't important to me. Even though I can imagine her dismissing it as just a human thing we all do - forgetting or getting even important things mixed up.

It's so understandable that you had your regular day - Wednesday - in your mind as your next appointment day.

These sound like your thoughts, Squiggle, not what your therapist will be thinking. My guess is your therapist understands that we're all human, we all forget things, and that our emotions are okay, whatever they are.

It makes sense to be upset about missing an appointment...therapy is a big deal, and it's SUPPOSED to be a big deal. We're doing important work that touches on our deepest fears, wishes, etc.

It sounds like you feel pressured to do "good work" in therapy since you have the summer off of work. I wonder if that pressure is making it even harder to miss an appointment? I know that when I would think "THIS is the time I need to do the biggest work" I tended to freak out and make things harder for myself...but if I could just let the work happen however it did, and trust that I'd be able to handle it, we were able to move forward. It's almost counterintuitive - relax and trust, and the hard work will happen.

I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.

This morning was freak out time again! I was getting ready to take care of an appointment for my husband. He makes a phone call to their office. Then comes in to tell me, "Oh, I got the date wrong. The appointment is tomorrow, Wednesday."

I was like, "TOMORROW!!! You mean I have to miss my appointment again???" I was totally starting to lose control at this point. I told him I couldn't take care of his appointment tomorrow, because he told me it was today!! He knows I see my therapist on Wednesdays (normally).

We were in a pickle though, because his appointment HAD to be done. (Medicaid stuff). Mine could wait, even though I wanted to scream thinking that I wasn't going to be able to make my session again.

I got on the phone and started making phone calls. The Medicaid office always wants you to leave a message!! So, I got in my car and drove to the office closest to my house. I told them the situation. They were nice about it and offered me an earlier appointment tomorrow so that I won't miss my 1:00 session with my therapist. Thank GOD!

What in the heck is wrong with me? I am really a well-put-together-person. I appear on the outside to be very calm and authoritative. On the inside, I feel like one of those lazer light shows. Lights bouncing off one thing to other. That is how my brain works. It is very busy and creative!

I think you handled the crisis very well! You may have been freaking out inside, but got on the ball and did what was necessary to resolve the situation so you could keep both appts. Good job!! Since there have been many times in my life when I would have fallen apart under these circumstances and just whined about how unfair it all was, I think maybe the best we can hope for is simply the ability to deal with whatever comes along. I know - I could do without all the inner turmoil too, but you handled it well.

Hope your appt tomorrow goes well..