[Silent_tsol]

I know I've been posting a lot. Apparently I can't find the lip zipper

So you may have read that T had to cancel appointment last week. So I've decided to mention (here) something that's been rattling around the brain lately. I'm afraid of T. And I don't think it has anything to do with her, maybe it's her t-ness. I'm afraid of doctors so maybe that's why. Or maybe it's more than that. I'm apprehensive about a lot of people. Maybe even most people, including people I know well. Maybe it's part of that transference thing. When she cancelled the appointment, I was reminded how I felt abandoned by ex. So along that line, I was always nervous around the idea of romantic relationships. I put them off for a while. Even when I was young I remember, not planning my wonderfully fantastic wedding, but wondering what the point of relationships of that fashion was. Just seemed like everyone got hurt - from the movies/TV shows I watched. So maybe that's why. Maybe I'm afraid of getting hurt. Maybe as a part of transference, maybe because I read too much.

Oh and NO, I don't intend to tell her this.

[mcl6136]

I'm not going to urge you to run out and tell her this.

Because I'm not going to run back to my "T" or coach or whatever. For me, disclosure is a kind of moving target...and I also deal with fear --of doctors, of some acquaintances, of lots of things.

Bringing everything up, all the time, in the face of transference and all manner of other things just isn't that realistic for me.

Sometimes the most I can do is to post here and keep returning here, let alone therapy.

And I don't think I'm alone in this.

So, if you don't feel like bringing this up, at this point, you at least have a little company here.

[stopdog]

I am afraid of the therapists. Not the exact woman sitting there, I can take her, but each week I am very afraid. I have told the one repeatedly. She is fairly useless about it.

[mcl6136]

I think that on some level, I am afraid of them also. I think that the blanker their look, the higher the fear level, which is why I felt like I did accomplish more with the "coach" who took a friendly neighbor approach (until I tripped her trigger with personal information, which was a careless blurt). And that's why I'm searching for a really collegial, casual and open style from a T. And in retrospect, the T that I interviewed who went on a bit much about himself now seems like a safe place for me.
I'm mystified, mostly, by those who have a warm, fuzzy feeling about their T. Increasingly, I see the whole undertaking as akin to a root canal.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I'm mystified, mostly, by those who have a warm, fuzzy feeling about their T. Increasingly, I see the whole undertaking as akin to a root canal.

With inadequate novacaine.

[Silent_tsol]

Thank you for helping me not feel like the crazy person for paying someone to scare the crap out of me on a weekly basis

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Silent_tsol

Thank you for helping me not feel like the crazy person for paying someone to scare the crap out of me on a weekly basis

don't mention it. I think there are others here, likely lurking, who feel the same.

olly olly oxenfree!

[unaluna]

I don't know what or who possessed me, but I bought the 1990 book, "How to love a nice guy" or something like that. cos like I said, I think my T is evil, like the cartoon, "I think my goldfish is evil", somehow he always squirms out of it at the end and it looks like it's just my imagination.

I never really thought much about what I wanted in a love r/s, I fretted more about what I didn't want. Anyway, she covers the usual ground about how we marry our mothers or our father, but then she takes it a step further and suggests we BECOME like one of our parents in a love r/s - and I was like, omg, I am SO my dad. Expecting nothing, doing everything, and not caring, just as long as I get mine and the other person stays. So freakin weird. New thread?

Originally Posted by mcl6136

I think there are others here, likely lurking, who feel the same.

olly olly oxenfree!

Guilty! I used to be quite afraid of my T, which seemed ridiculous because she's always been so warm and kind.. but I think I saw her as a bit of an authority figure. I've always had a kind of respect for authority figures, like teachers, that has me a little bit afraid of them.. always on my best behaviour!

Nowadays it feels like we're closer, know each other better.. and she feels more like a mother-figure/mentor/friend.. and I can be more comfortable to be 'my real self'.. but it took a while!

[Mike_J]

I have a "warm fuzzy feeling" with my therapist, OK maybe "warm fuzzy" is a bit of an understatement, but she also terrifies me, and I agree with others that the process of therapy is a lot like root canal with less than adequate Novocaine. But not getting the root canal in the long run is worse than having it done, Novocaine or not.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

I have a "warm fuzzy feeling" with my therapist, OK maybe "warm fuzzy" is a bit of an understatement, but she also terrifies me, and I agree with others that the process of therapy is a lot like root canal with less than adequate Novocaine. But not getting the root canal in the long run is worse than having it done, Novocaine or not.

I don't think it has to be a horror show in order to be effective. That's where the alliance really shows. I had a great T years ago, and although the sessions were not all sweetness and light, I trusted that I would come out of the dental chair without some hill billy gap toothed gummer thing.

These days, living in a rural area where mental health care is anybody's guess, I really really wonder.

[sittingatwatersedge]

once I got up my courage and told T2

that between sessions, i fear her; i fear her power, her knowledge, the realization that she could easily tie me into little knots and toss me out the window (well, if she had a window, that is ) and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.
To my secret horror, she gave a little nod.

But, I continued, when I see you, when I interface with you - I do not fear you.

go figure

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

once I got up my courage and told T2

that between sessions, i fear her; i fear her power, her knowledge, the realization that she could easily tie me into little knots and toss me out the window (well, if she had a window, that is ) and I wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.
To my secret horror, she gave a little nod.

But, I continued, when I see you, when I interface with you - I do not fear you.

go figure

I can sure understand. I think there is another dynamic at work: the whole revelation thing: Like when you first meet someone, over-share and then say.....GAH!!!!!

And therapy, in all its forms, seems to me to be a massive exercise in over-sharing.

Us intorverts just have a hard time with that.

[WikidPissah]

put me on the list of NO fuzzy wuzzy feelings. I am afraid of him, but then again I am afraid of most people. Root Canal w/no anesthetic is accurate.

[learning1]

i think i made a post a long time ago about going to therapy being like going to the dentist.

I am quite afraid of my most recent t and it's leading me to dislike him.