I know T's all have different boundaries and limits when it comes to their self disclosure but since I have started with my new T who is very open and honest about their own life and beliefs it seems the more I don't know about them the more I want to know(not in a creepy way) just curiousity.
T1, I didn't know anything about, I never asked either but I was seeing her for ever a year and didn't know if she was married, she never gave opinions or advice and certainly didn't tell me anything about herself but my new T has been open about beliefs their marriage, even has their own website with blogs about their beliefs and human rights and I don't find myself thinking about T2 as much. Just wondering has anyone else had experience with this?

[geez]

T1 and T2 have given me self disclosures but only as they pertain to that moment and what we are discussing (parenting etc..). I have outright asked my T's questions about themselves like: What lead you to becoming a T?

I think knowing a little about them as it pertains to the discussion can make them seem more human. I think knowing more than less can be comforting at least for me. I wonder if there's a 'type of client' that would do better not knowing anything? Curious to see what others post.

My T doesn't self disclose. I do want to know, I have found things out on the Internet and yes the more I find out the more I want too know. I think though this is tranference. It's that missing part of who we are that we are searching for, hence why no matter how much we find out about another, it never feels enough because it's not what we're really desiring.

[bamapsych]

Originally Posted by button30

I know T's all have different boundaries and limits when it comes to their self disclosure but since I have started with my new T who is very open and honest about their own life and beliefs it seems the more I don't know about them the more I want to know(not in a creepy way) just curiousity.
T1, I didn't know anything about, I never asked either but I was seeing her for ever a year and didn't know if she was married, she never gave opinions or advice and certainly didn't tell me anything about herself but my new T has been open about beliefs their marriage, even has their own website with blogs about their beliefs and human rights and I don't find myself thinking about T2 as much. Just wondering has anyone else had experience with this?

In general, things that are "off limits" tend to spark our curiousity. Curiousity seems to make me obsess over those "off limits" things. T self-disclosure is good as long as it relates to what's being discussed in session. Most T's have haelthy boundaries around self-disclosure.

[WikidPissah]

I have never really wanted to know anything about any T I have had. I am a big "privacy" person. I value privacy at all costs, maybe because I never had it growing up.

Anyhow...current T self discloses too much. It bugs me because I have an image in my mind of his wife and his sons and I really don't want to.

[kiki86]

yes! my T1 is just like this. if it comes up or i ask specifically he will tell me his beliefs etc but when i get my T2 in 2 weeks i won't be asking any more because it's made the transference so much worse!!

[Perna]

It is hard to work on our own stuff; other people/side of the fence seems more interesting or distracting. In therapy, the only distraction we have from ourselves is our T.

In my opinion, wondering what they are thinking, doing, about their lives, is just the only way we have of avoiding our own work in that situation. It is human nature to wonder (so not wrong) but going beyond that, focusing on that is usually taking action away from ourselves and what we say we want to work on.

If one is concerned because they are married, straight, gay, have children, etc. and wonder/want a therapist like themselves or that they would be comfortable with; one expresses to the therapist, "I wonder if you are married, straight, gay, have children, etc. because I think I would be most comfortable with someone like myself. . ." and discusses that.

The thing about disclosure/non disclosure for me is that it does not matter; either way one has the "same" problem; the T discloses/does not disclose enough about themselves for me. That shows me that it's not the disclosure/non disclosure but my own response to it that I need to work with.

With my T, I did not ask questions, was very much don't ask/don't tell because I use the desire to know in myself to regulate how close/distant I keep another. Acknowledging I want to know (to myself and/or the other) makes me feel I have brought the person closer; researching the person on my own, does not necessarily feel like an acknowledging and the information feels like mine. However, wanting to know and researching without acknowledging to myself what I am doing means I can never get enough of the other, because the actual other is not allowed to be part of me and mine, part of the equation.

There are no shortcuts or controls to interacting with another. If I want intimacy, I have to ask for and accept intimacy or it does not happen at any level. And, in my world, imagination (being in my head) does not take the place of intimacy, as much as I would like it to. The opposite, demanding intimacy of another without acknowledging the other's "self"/actions (wanting to know about someone's private life as it they are a character in a movie or book, not a real person with desires of their own) does not seem to work either.

[critterlady]

I briefly went to a therapist just before I started seeing my T. She talked about herself a lot. At the end of 3 sessions, I knew more about her life than she did about mine. I couldn't take it and fired her.

I told T about it when I first started seeing him. I don't know if it's his normal mode, but he's rarely told me anything about himself. He does tell me what he thinks or feels about what I've said. I feel I know him very well from that perspective. I know almost nothing about him biographically. I know he's married and has kids, but I don't know how old they are or how many he has. I know where he went to school, because he has diplomas on his wall, but he's never talked about it. I know nothing about his family of origin or how he grew up.

I'm mildly curious. I'm almost certain he'd answer any specific questions I ask him. I don't have any desire to ask, though. I know enough about how he thinks that I think I know him pretty well.

I know minimal things about my T. I know basics, such as her education/degree. And I also know that she is married with no kids. Other than that, I'm pretty much clueless about her [and I've been in therapy with her for many years]. Then again, I've never been much of the type of person to get up the courage and ask her the questions I've always wanted to. Her minimal self-disclosure has bothered me throughout my time with her, but I'm slowly starting to realize that it might be what is best for our therapeutic relationship. Ts come in all shapes and sizes.

My current T does a great job in this domain for me. She does share some things with me -- but only as they directly relate to my therapy. She has shared that she doesn't have children in the context of my worrying about getting close to the end of childbearing years and not having a partner. She was talking about having a fulfilling life without children and explained that she got married at 42 to someone 10 years older, so children were out, but that she has a great relationship (i.e., this is possible for me). She also disclosed that she worked through a similar core issue as I have in her own therapy 20 years ago. This really helped to know that she had this issue and she was able to work through it--gives me more hope for myself to do this and I know that she just gets it. In general, when she goes on vacation, she does say where she goes--I think she mostly offers this information, but it nips in the bud any curiosity that I might have. She never shares anything that makes me uncomfortable for knowing. When I asked her about self-disclosing she said that she only shares things that she has worked through herself and always for my healing and not to help herself feel better about whatever the issue is.

All of my T's have self-disclosed to a degree that seemed natural and appropriate. They've all been family men, so I was aware of their spouses and children. We chatted about hobbies/vacations occasionally. And occasionally they used stories about their own lives in relation to what we were discussing. I need my T's to just be normal people who live their own lives, so this has worked well for me.

[bluemountains]

My t has shared some about herself. I know how old her son is and where he goes to school. I also know where she lives (not the specific address) because she always references stores in the area. We happen to live in the same community so we are familiar with the same experiences. These are things that come out in therapy, and I think she would share more if I asked, but I don't want her to do so. I prefer for our t/client relationship to evolve naturally, and if personal information in context to my healing is disclosed that is fine.
Bluemountains

My first T tried to be very secretive and when she did let things slip out it made me want to know more. New T is honest and discloses some things, in story format as it pertains to my life or like when he was expecting a baby, so if he cancelled I wouldn't take it personally. I prefer this, it seems like less of a Power over me.

[LoneWolfie]

[quote=button30;2457502]I know T's all have different boundaries and limits when it comes to their self disclosure but since I have started with my new T who is very open and honest about their own life and beliefs it seems the more I don't know about them the more I want to know(not in a creepy way) just curiousity.

When I was in therapy in my 20's the psychologist I saw never disclosed any personal information to me. I knew nothing about her, yet now she has a crapload of info online.lol

I am now seeing a psychiatrist and she has disclosed personal information if it pertains to what we are talking about. I also have an ACT worker/peer support person who sits in on our sessions, I am totally amazed at the information that has been shared with me. It has opened me eyes in that I am not the only one to go through tough times.

The more I learn the more I realize that I am not alone in my struggle.

[pbutton]

T2 told me a couple things about himself in my last session. I remember being irritated. I presume this is because I'd like to shut him out for being a person other than T1.

T1 shares things about himself when they're related to the discussion at hand. I don't think he and I would have much in common outside of therapy.

[Sunne]

My T self discloses a bit. I like knowing he's a real human being. We both talk and we both listen. He mostly talks about things that relate to me but sometimes he talks about himself. His dissertation, views on certain subjects, the psychology field (because I'm interested in going to Uni for this), his own shortcomings as they relate to mine a bit (not in great detail).

I think it helps to make our relationship closer. More 'real'. I think a lot of great work will be done by our willingness to relate to each other. This works for me.

[stopdog]

I don't have any trouble thinking of a therapist as a real person with idiot in-laws and add children and spouses who leave socks on the floor who they sometimes want to kill. As long as they do not act crazier than I am for the 50 minutes I am there. Sometimes they disclose but it is not a huge deal to me. Usually I just think -"why would I care or what difference does that make to me?"

Originally Posted by eastcoaster

My current T does a great job in this domain for me. She does share some things with me -- but only as they directly relate to my therapy. She has shared that she doesn't have children in the context of my worrying about getting close to the end of childbearing years and not having a partner. She was talking about having a fulfilling life without children and explained that she got married at 42 to someone 10 years older, so children were out, but that she has a great relationship (i.e., this is possible for me). She also disclosed that she worked through a similar core issue as I have in her own therapy 20 years ago. This really helped to know that she had this issue and she was able to work through it--gives me more hope for myself to do this and I know that she just gets it. In general, when she goes on vacation, she does say where she goes--I think she mostly offers this information, but it nips in the bud any curiosity that I might have. She never shares anything that makes me uncomfortable for knowing. When I asked her about self-disclosing she said that she only shares things that she has worked through herself and always for my healing and not to help herself feel better about whatever the issue is.

My t 2 does this if he thinks it will help me. He will talk about another client with the same issue and how they worked through it and it helps a lot

Lonewolfie I can relate to that it helps to know that others are going through the same stuff And like others said that it makes them more human.
T1 was very cold and distant I always felt like she looked down on me and seen me as inferior to her where as my new T is like a friend, treats me like an equal and we joke and laugh about things. T2 always asks if I would like some coffee T2 never judges or makes me feel bad like t1 did

[autotelica]

My therapist is not a private person. I know all of her grown children's names, what kind of work they do, where they live (her son lives in the around the corner from me), and what their personality quirks are. And stuff about her husband. She has introduced me to him and to one of her children (both whom happen to be kind of famous, so that was cool). Listening to her talk about family, I can guess who her favorites are and what kind of behaviors work her nerves. I also know that she was in therapy for a time and that the experience led her to become a therapist. Plus an assortment of random stories from her childhood, many of which are kind of funny.

I have a feeling, though, that she compartmentalizes her life so that she can appear to be very open to patients, without divulging too much personal information. Maybe she makes up stories, too. She does talk a lot, but it's not a big deal to me since that means I don't have to talk so much.

[Nightlight]

My T has always told me quite a lot. I think she's always been careful to tell me stories or things that will help me in some way. They almost always do, and it also makes me feel like we have a relationship. I'm so grateful that she's been so open and honest with me....and really quite generously shared a lot of herself with me. I've really needed that.

I've never really known anything about my T's and I'm cool with that. I only knew one had a daughter because she canceled once when the daughter was sick. I know my current one graduated from the same university I attended because she displays her diploma, and I know she has a daughter simply because of a discussion that pertained to the topic at hand.

I guess I'd rather not know personal information; it would make them seem to much like a friend and less like a therapist.

[lostmyway21]

My T discloses whatever I ask and its almost nothing. I don't like knowing a lot about him. I know the basics like his bday, the area he lives, he's married, his kids name and age, where he went to school, and why he became a therapist, and random stuff. Half of that info was very triggering for me and was a lot to work through. He also is very open and honest about when things come up. Like when his brother in law got had a seizure and he couldn't call me like we arranged, or when he has child care issues, dentist appointments. Idk life stuff just comes up in session sometimes. I don't mind. Finding out he had a kid was hard to work through because I have hardcore parental transference.

[Butterflies Are Free]

My T will share if she feels it will help my process. I have asked her questions over the years but more along the lines of, "Do you understand where I am coming from?" She has great boundaries and I don't usually have the need to know more than I should know.

[healed84]

My T self-discloses an appropriate amont. Not too much, not too little. I like the fact that I know a little about him. The details that I do know for the most part have been shared b/c it had something to do with twhat we were talking about at the time.