[KazzaX]

Another one bites the dust!

Gonna have to get rid of this T. It is a bummer because I had a lot of hope. I have no idea why but my last 6 or 7 T's have always followed the same script! They say "do not generalise" but its hard not to when they all follow the same script!

I'm not sure why but the trigger that initialises the script is when they ask a question and I tell them about how I'm not interested in socialising or interacting with other people, I am just here to treat my depression. What is so WRONG with that?? Don't different people have different preferences in life? Is it a crime? They never told me being unique was a crime at school. They said the opposite - so why do I keep being punished for being unique?? The mind boggles!

[pbutton]

What is their response when you say you aren't interested in socializing? My T said "ok."

[CantExplain]

SPECULATION:

Perhaps what they mean is, "Can you be more specific? Can you give me an example of that?"

[Wren_]

what happens after you tell them that, that makes you want or need to leave?

So, when they try to get to know you better, you run the opposite direction? Is intimacy scary for you?

[pbutton]

I once told T that I didn't want to be his friend. He told me that he didn't want to be my friend either. LOL

[KazzaX]

The first sign you get from the script is the shock in their eyes. Then there is a little bit of disgust on their face but they usually realise this real quick and make their face look relaxed. Then after that, its their actions and words that all kinda give it away. The therapy kinda fizzles out and there is a nasty atmosphere in the air after the initial shock.

Intimacy is .. well to me it is unnecessary. I can understand it inside the therapy room because it is required to heal, but outside of there I don't believe its necessary and I'm not interested in it. Ofcourse everyone is different but I believe its just a personal taste of mine (much like how i LOVE chocolate but some people can't stand the stuff! crazy but true!).

[Wren_]

I suppose with many they are sort of taught that one of the "cures" for depression is socialising with others and having a network of support. I remember phoning a crisis line and being told to go out and join a class or just do something with others; right that's just what I needed so when you are there and talking about being depressed they might offer it as part of something that would help; only they don't get that what works for some or even many doesn't work for everyone

[sunrise]

I agree with tigergrrl. They may be Ts with limited experience who have had success in the past with depressed clients when they urged them to socialize more. With my first T, who I saw for depression, it was so useful when she stopped suggesting things to me that she thought would help because of books she read or other clients she treated and instead asked me what I could do to feel better. She didn't know what I needed and once she asked, I really appreciated that. (It had never occurred to me to identify what would help me until she asked. ) To start with, I identified one thing that would help me feel better and we worked on that steadily. Best work we did.

KazzaX, can you tell your T your impressions of her reaction to you when you say you don't want to socialize? Can you tell her you need something different? Can you tell her that her reaction makes you want to quit therapy? If you are to have success with this T, I think it''s important that she knows these things.

Originally Posted by KazzaX

Another one bites the dust!

Gonna have to get rid of this T. It is a bummer because I had a lot of hope. I have no idea why but my last 6 or 7 T's have always followed the same script! They say "do not generalise" but its hard not to when they all follow the same script!

I'm not sure why but the trigger that initialises the script is when they ask a question and I tell them about how I'm not interested in socialising or interacting with other people, I am just here to treat my depression. What is so WRONG with that?? Don't different people have different preferences in life? Is it a crime? They never told me being unique was a crime at school. They said the opposite - so why do I keep being punished for being unique?? The mind boggles!

The reason they're all following the same script is that it's a proven aspect of human beings that we all need emotional connection to other people. I know, I know - I thought I was an exception to that too. I spent almost 3 decades without close relationships with either sex - romantic OR friendship. However, through therapy, I've discovered that I am NOT the exception. I've been unable to let people get close to me so I decided I didn't need any of that intimacy crap, etc etc. What bs!!!! It IS a fact - I just had to rationalize the whole thing because I wasn't capable of it.

So when you say that you don't want any interaction with other people but just want to treat your depression, no wonder T's make a face. Has it ever occurred to you that part or a lot of your depression might be due to the fact that you don't want interaction with others, and it's going completely against human nature? I don't know the reasons for your depression, but I think I understand why you're getting that reaction from T after T. You can keep switching T's, but I don't think you're ever going to find one that says, "OK, kazzaX, every other member of the human race needs closeness with others except you - you are the only person on the planet who doesn't need other people!!! So let's tackle that depression, what say, and just leave other people out of it."

People like us have a major problem in that area, and eventually we need to realize that in that regard we're just like everyone else. But we're handicapped and it's a lot more difficult for us than other people. It comes naturally to so many! Not fair!!!!

Sorry to ramble - just my opinion, which is free, and you get what you pay for. I wish you only the best if you have to end one T r/s and find another one.

[Crescent Moon]

You are right on, Bunny.. your experience sounds just like mine! My therapist worked for a long, long time to coax me out of what she calls my 'cave.'

Kazza, I told T that if coming to therapy means I am to socialise more then I'm quitting. T just said, "I don't think therapy means you have to socialise more". 9yrs on that is still my mantra, Perhaps not as vehemently and T just says "you've never waviered from that have you". She doesn't interfere in that. She continues with doing therapy and allowing me to unfold as I will. Not as she wants me too.

[KazzaX]

The only thing is, I have socialised before. I did it for years. My depression was just as bad as it is now, except back then I had a nervous breakdown haha. The only reason I socialized before was because it was the "done thing" but eventually I realised it was basically just another full time job (on top of my real full time job) so I quit it. I got sick of pretending to have fun and pretending to care about everyones problems and I decided I was not going to fake it anymore. I was doing what seemed like 40 hours a week at a "socialising job" and I wasn't even getting paid!!! (not literally, i mean I got nothing out of it whatsoever). It was a huge relief to stop all that BS and it definitely reduced the stress and boredom in my life by 100000.

Thats what I mean when I say im not interested. I'm not scared of it, I'm not (insert other excuse here), it's boring, and I get nothing out of it, and there is only so long you can do something for other peoples benefit before you get sick of it and drop them. I'm just not interested. I know I'm not the only person in the world like this, I'm not the exception. There are plenty of people out there just like me!

Yup I get bored of it. We all have our own particular "bends". I find it overrated.

[KazzaX]

True true, EarthMamma!

The weird thing is, why does the T get irritated when I mentioned it? It's not like its a personal affront to her... why would you get angry that someone has a different taste to the average joe?

One thing i came up with is maybe she thought she had me figured out, had the treatment all planned etc. And me saying this made her think "oh damn, I got it wrong" and now she has to go and think up a whole new plan. I can see that being irritating. Maybe its more because of a practicality that is why she got irritated.

[unaluna]

isn't T putting the cart before the horse? I "socialized" yesterday, and it only pointed out to me how broken I still am. I almost got in two fights, one with a young mother carrying an infant because she wouldn't sit down. I couldn't sit while she and her husband, both carrying infants, were standing! The other fight was with a dancer who lit a cigarette then continued dancing, waving the cigarette WAY too close to a child dressed in polyester, while the child's mother just stood there. Sorry. Then my friend's friend said, "oh, you take care of everybody." idk, a bunch of gray-haired fat-arsed yuppies sitting on their butts can't give a chair to young mom and dad of infant twins? Who are we? Or stand up to a slutty smoker - the things she did with the girl's hula hoop! This is why I stay home, I can't go out without making a fool of myself. No one else was moved to act, just me. WHY ME???

[elliemay]

Well, if all of your therapists, 6 or 7 or so, have said the same thing, then maybe there is something to it.

Sounds to me as though you are missing a lot of opportunities to learn something about yourself and what you are capable of. I think it is quite hard to treat depression as independent from lifestyle, and an overhaul of thinking may be required to help you to feel better.

Part of therapy, I think, is letting go of preconceived notions and opening your mind to something different.

Close off nothing, anything and everything is possible.

It won't be easy for sure, in fact, in may outright suck, but maybe it's a shot, and a good one, at a better life - or at least symptom relief.

Kazza, I'm not sure therapist get upset their treatment isn't working. That sounds a little immature. I am introvert either because that is my natural setting or because of the abuse I suffered. But my therapist accepts everything about me, it's not for her to not accept. Therapy as she says is more about my inner world than my outer world. Some people spend their life socialising and are no nearer to knowing who they themselves are, others like me use therapy to learn about me.

[autotelica]

I don't know if you've received any specific personality disorder diagnosis, but I have: schizoid PD. It's essentially, "I don't want to socialize and I'm not bothered by it, thankyouverymuch!" And that's how I felt for most of my life. Now, after having been with my therapist, I'm more like, "I don't want to socialize, but I AM bothered by it! Help!" I've realized that my depression is related to not having an internal or external emotional support system. I'm more sensitive to things going awry because I don't have anyone to help me cope. One person--me--can only do so much.

It took a while for my therapist to diagnosis me. She knew what was wrong but didn't want to tell me. She later told me she was in denial, not wanting to believe that I was "that way". Ouch!

Making friends is still one of the goals on the table, and it's still one of those things I wince at when she brings it up. But we work on other things too. Like getting in touch with my feelings, learning how to handle other people's "complexities", and making connections to people on my own terms. These are lessons I need to learn for me to be able to avoid depression. If I make a friend, that will be great. But my therapist seems to understand that simply not having a friend is NOT why I'm in her office.

My therapist doesn't really *get* my schizoidism. She'll say stuff like "If you'd just make eye contact, you could make a friend!" And she'll tell me to join a class and "see what happens." Crazy talk. And yet I try to follow her advice and put in some effort, because who knows? I am not in therapy to just sit there like a log and not be challenged. I'm there to "stretch".

I don't believe in "natural" and "unnatural" stuff. It may be natural to make friends, but it's also natural to eat peanuts--and peanuts can kill you if you have an allergy.

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I suppose with many they are sort of taught that one of the "cures" for depression is socialising with others and having a network of support. I remember phoning a crisis line and being told to go out and join a class or just do something with others; right that's just what I needed so when you are there and talking about being depressed they might offer it as part of something that would help; only they don't get that what works for some or even many doesn't work for everyone

Thats exactly what T told me to do, go join a class or a group! I told her that I wanted to be on my own and not socialise and she said button, I am not letting you away with it this time. The nest time I see you, I want to hear that you have joined a cookery or drumming class
I have no interest in either lol, and she always told me too that she can't tell me what to do but she did there.....

Kazza X, this must be very frustrating for you. You are entitled to your beliefs and feelings and as therapists they are expected to accept you beliefs, if you don't want to socialise thats your business, they should get over it and try help you some other way with your depression. REally, sometimes I think that T's are more judgemental then us ordinary folks

[critterlady]

If 6 or 7 trained professionals reacted the same way to something I believed, I really think I'd have to start looking at my belief instead of saying that all of them are wrong. The likelihood of all of them being wrong and me being right is pretty slim.

When I was in a treatment centre we were expected to go to AA meetings. I did go to one close to me but the thought of attending others felt to much for me. The counsellor sat me down and read the riot act to me labelling my resistance as not really wanting to go to any length to get sober. I remember watching his distorted face and I felt bad about myself. Everyone I came across in alcohol recovery said the same thing. I couldn't get across how fearful I was of being with lots of other people. They weren't listening.

I left that treatment centre 9yrs ago. Never did get to many more AA meetings and guess what? I'm still sober.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

One thing i came up with is maybe she thought she had me figured out, had the treatment all planned etc. And me saying this made her think "oh damn, I got it wrong" and now she has to go and think up a whole new plan. I can see that being irritating. Maybe its more because of a practicality that is why she got irritated.

This sounds like a lot of mind-reading to me. I know because I do it too. You cannot know what someone else is thinking. You have to ask. It's perfectly fine to tell the T that you think this is the way she is thinking. But that does not mean it is true.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Kazzax - instead of just bailing on this T, maybe you could talk about how her suggestion and reaction to what you said affected you? Maybe she just doesn't fully understand that aspect of your personality yet.

I've been in a really low mood lately, and the previous two T's (and all the literature and self help crap out there) always prompted me to get out, do stuff, etc, when I'm feeling this way. I talked to my current (and wonderful) T two nights ago, and she told me that I have that coping skill down just fine and it's not working for me, so I need to try something different. Then, my T suggested that maybe what I need is to stop, let myself pay attention to my emotions, and actually experience them rather than trying to push them away. She asked me if I would find going out and socializing at all helpful and I honestly told her no - which she already knew. For me, I find that very stressful and I feel like I need to put on the "I'm fine" face, and for me, that makes my depression worse. T and I talked about that, and decided that for me, it's more important to stop distracting, and pay attention to what I'm feeling. This is new for me, but felt so much more right and so much more helpful than all the other advice I've gotten before. Maybe something similar would be more helpful for you, and maybe you could talk to your T about it and see if she can help you with that instead of just bailing at the first sign of conflict.