[growlycat]

Ugh, I just had an extra phone session with my T this morning (we are on opposite coasts.)

He is pushing me to push myself more. I'm phobic of driving but manage to get to work, shopping, dr.'s and errands but beyond that I'm frozen. Also, social anxiety--trying to get myself to get out there more. He wants me to focus on my health and self-care more---If I hear the virtues of a daily workout again i'll scream.

Today I feel like "old stuff" is making me feel needy. He wasn't in an indulgent mood, he was more "life coach" than "T" today. I should appreciate the pushing but I just want to feel cared for for a few days before tackling this crap. Sometimes I wish we would revisit "old stuff" but sometimes I think he sees limited value in discussing the past, which is strange to say about a T.

When you are pushed by T, are you able to do the work? Right now, I'm not

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Ugh, I just had an extra phone session with my T this morning (we are on opposite coasts.)

He is pushing me to push myself more. I'm phobic of driving but manage to get to work, shopping, dr.'s and errands but beyond that I'm frozen. Also, social anxiety--trying to get myself to get out there more. He wants me to focus on my health and self-care more---If I hear the virtues of a daily workout again i'll scream.

Today I feel like "old stuff" is making me feel needy. He wasn't in an indulgent mood, he was more "life coach" than "T" today. I should appreciate the pushing but I just want to feel cared for for a few days before tackling this crap. Sometimes I wish we would revisit "old stuff" but sometimes I think he sees limited value in discussing the past, which is strange to say about a T.

When you are pushed by T, are you able to do the work? Right now, I'm not

I do CBT so my T is like a constant life coach 2x a week and sometimes I hate it. Our sessions are all about goals. I can go into the past technically but he doesn't indulge in it. So it's not strange, your basically talking about my T. My T pushes me every session to complete my goals and sometimes I want to shove my goals down his throat. last session I was not able to do them, because my anxiety was so high and I was basically irrationally flipping out all week. He's understanding though and just adjusts to my moods and reworks my goals around my current moods. Or if I tell him not to bring up anything he will leave me alone and talk about nothing in particular the entire session. Can you tell your session to take it easy and have a light session with you maybe?

[growlycat]

Thanks LMW! I always saw CBT as something for healthier people, those who can tolerate frustration etc. My T is a Self-Psychology/Kohut kind of guy so I'm sometimes surprised with the hard line he can sometimes take w/me.

I've been lucky though, more often than not he can be very indulgent with my neediness, which I have found helpful.

Yeah I'd rather talk about my internal life than goals right now.

What made you decide that cbt was right for you?

[pbutton]

I wasn't adept at tolerating frustration before CBT. I am much better at it now.

When I am being pushed by T, I try to start to look at why I am telling myself that I can't change. It's not fun, but it is useful.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Thanks LMW! I always saw CBT as something for healthier people, those who can tolerate frustration etc. My T is a Self-Psychology/Kohut kind of guy so I'm sometimes surprised with the hard line he can sometimes take w/me.

I've been lucky though, more often than not he can be very indulgent with my neediness, which I have found helpful.

Yeah I'd rather talk about my internal life than goals right now.

What made you decide that cbt was right for you?

Well it's more like I chose him not the therapy style. I found him on psychology today a year early and he referred me to one of his therapist and I never showed. Something made me contact him a year later and he took me. It's kind of like it was meant to be. He says he's eclectic, and in a way he is, but his CBT dominates. Hes always been more than tolerant of my neediness. Umm I would say I'm a very far cry from one of T's healthy clients. He's so well versed with his CBT he's able to keep me under control...most of the time.

Originally Posted by growlycat

Ugh, I just had an extra phone session with my T this morning (we are on opposite coasts.)

He is pushing me to push myself more. I'm phobic of driving but manage to get to work, shopping, dr.'s and errands but beyond that I'm frozen. Also, social anxiety--trying to get myself to get out there more. He wants me to focus on my health and self-care more---If I hear the virtues of a daily workout again i'll scream.

Today I feel like "old stuff" is making me feel needy. He wasn't in an indulgent mood, he was more "life coach" than "T" today. I should appreciate the pushing but I just want to feel cared for for a few days before tackling this crap. Sometimes I wish we would revisit "old stuff" but sometimes I think he sees limited value in discussing the past, which is strange to say about a T.

When you are pushed by T, are you able to do the work? Right now, I'm not

No. When my T pushes too hard, I inadvertently burst into tears and shut down. Very little talking goes on after that. If she pushed in other areas, (not so sensitive/raw) then I would be willing to go there. But she keeps going for the raw one, and I really can't handle it.

[stopdog]

I usually push back or quit. They aren't the boss of me.

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I do CBT so my T is like a constant life coach 2x a week and sometimes I hate it. Our sessions are all about goals. I can go into the past technically but he doesn't indulge in it. So it's not strange, your basically talking about my T. My T pushes me every session to complete my goals and sometimes I want to shove my goals down his throat. last session I was not able to do them, because my anxiety was so high and I was basically irrationally flipping out all week. He's understanding though and just adjusts to my moods and reworks my goals around my current moods. Or if I tell him not to bring up anything he will leave me alone and talk about nothing in particular the entire session. Can you tell your session to take it easy and have a light session with you maybe?

CBT never worked for me. Maybe it was my old T's presentation? My idea of therapy is not to sit for 45 minutes filling out CBT paperwork. I hated it. I can buy a CBT self help book for a lot cheaper than therapy.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by TentativeConnection

CBT never worked for me. Maybe it was my old T's presentation? My idea of therapy is not to sit for 45 minutes filling out CBT paperwork. I hated it. I can buy a CBT self help book for a lot cheaper than therapy.

I never filled out a single paper in therapy? Not even on the first day.

I'm with Stopdog, if I get pushed ...i'll cut and run. I hate being TOLD what to do.

My T is also very CBT/REBT oriented, and I have also never filled out a worksheet for him. It doesn't have to be done that way, and I would wonder if a T really knows his stuff if he has to rely on worksheets for conducting therapy.

My T also stays very goal oriented, only going back into old stuff when it needs to be explored in relation to what is going on in my life right now. He's very "There's a time to explore the past, but the goal is to look at it and be able to leave it in the past so you can live a healthy and fulfilled life today." It has worked well for me.

T is definitely a pusher which is what I prefer. If he didn't push me to do what needs to be done, I'd still be stuck where I was years back.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

I'm with Stopdog, if I get pushed ...i'll cut and run. I hate being TOLD what to do.

My T never TELLS me what to do. He encourages me to take forward steps in a certain positive direction, when I resist. Isent that being pushed too? He would never tell me what to. In fact he always tells me I can only offer you suggestions not tell you what to do, tell me if you disagree.

[pbutton]

I never filled out any paperwork for CBT either.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Ugh, I just had an extra phone session with my T this morning (we are on opposite coasts.)

He is pushing me to push myself more. I'm phobic of driving but manage to get to work, shopping, dr.'s and errands but beyond that I'm frozen. Also, social anxiety--trying to get myself to get out there more. He wants me to focus on my health and self-care more---If I hear the virtues of a daily workout again i'll scream.

Today I feel like "old stuff" is making me feel needy. He wasn't in an indulgent mood, he was more "life coach" than "T" today. I should appreciate the pushing but I just want to feel cared for for a few days before tackling this crap. Sometimes I wish we would revisit "old stuff" but sometimes I think he sees limited value in discussing the past, which is strange to say about a T.

When you are pushed by T, are you able to do the work? Right now, I'm not

Sorry Growlycat. Getting pushed sucks, I know.

I am in a similar boat with old stuff. I've been very careful about bringing up the most difficult old stuff with my t because I sense he could be pushy enough to hurt too much, although sometimes he's supportive.

I have let the more difficult stuff from the past drop from the agenda in my mind as far as talking to t about it. My stuff from the past is not awful though. Does your t support you when you talk about your past? I hope so.

I think sometimes that whether t's are pushy or supportive is fairly random. They don't talk to us often enough to really match the pushiness or supportiveness to our day to day needs.

Anyway, I'm not exactly answering your question about doing the work. My t hasn't pushed me to do something specific, but I know I need to do the same things you're struggling over exercise, etc. I have had a harder time not sinking into depression when I'm being pushed sometimes, and then I don't do things like exercise and keep busy as much. I'm also trying to be gentle with myself more than I used to. My t never told me to do that but I listen to other people who are supportive to me, especially here on pc, and it helps me believe it's okay to do that. to be gentle with myself, I mean. even if I'm not doing the work as much as I think I should. I hope you will be able to be gentle with yourself and find a good balance with pushing yourself so that you come out feeling like you did the best you could. whether t manages to be well attuned to it or not.

[rainboots87]

Being pushed in the right way fires me up to show I can do it. It HAS to come from a compassionate place, but sometimes I do need to be told things directly. I don't always like it, but I know it helps me tremendously. I loved my old T's blend of challenges and compassion.

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by rainboots87

Being pushed in the right way fires me up to show I can do it. It HAS to come from a compassionate place, but sometimes I do need to be told things directly. I don't always like it, but I know it helps me tremendously. I loved my old T's blend of challenges and compassion.

I totally agree! When I'm being difficult and not wanting to attempt to accomplish anything.. he takes his time and makes tons of suggestions, and always asks if I agree. After I give him the dumb I didn't understand anything you just said look (when of course I did)... He ALWAYS says okay ORR you can just do nothing, and be stuck where you are at now? Do you like that idea better? Yeah that's his way of being direct.

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by lostmyway21

I totally agree! When I'm being difficult and not wanting to attempt to accomplish anything.. he takes his time and makes tons of suggestions, and always asks if I agree. After I give him the dumb I didn't understand anything you just said look (when of course I did)... He ALWAYS says okay ORR you can just do nothing, and be stuck where you are at now? Do you like that idea better? Yeah that's his way of being direct.

Yeah, once when I was being difficult with my dietitian, she was like "Well, if you don't need my help..." and I just had to laugh. My T was pretty good too at pointing out when I was refusing to change even though I obviously needed to do SOMEthing differently.

[autotelica]

My therapist's speciality is CBT, but I don't fill out paperwork. The only paper I fill out is my depression questionarre--which I do in the waiting room before session starts.

I think the way I avoid being pushed too hard is to "stretch" in my own way, on my own time. I know my therapist tracks progress by how much I stretch. If I can go in and say that I did so-and-so this week, without her telling me to do it, I think it prevents her from giving me stuff that don't feel like I could do.

I guess this is kind of cheating? I say this because I intentionally choose things to do that are "micro" stretches--things that aren't REALLY that tough for me to do. Maybe I just don't feel like doing them rather than I'm afraid to do them. But I pass them off as "stretches" anyway. Yeah, that is cheating. It's another way I subvert the system.

Another strategy I have is to do the homework she wants me to do...but only as much as I can. If I at least try, it shows I have some respect for her and the work we're doing. It also tells her what my limit is. If I don't do it at all, we never find out what part of the "task" is the actual hurdle.

I don't think CBT is necessarily for "healthier" people. I think it's useful for people who don't want to reflect on the past, though. Not all suffering is due to the past. And not everything in the past needs to be revisited and related to the present. Sometimes there is no "why" behind something. It just *is*. I don't like everything about CBT--especially the more brain-washing aspects of it--but I do like that it's practical and doesn't require an intense imagination or emotional life to work. I lucked out getting my therapist, I think, because I didn't intentionally seek out a CBT.

My therapist does come across as Suze Orman-ish sometimes, and I understand how that would annoy someone who's really really depressed (which I used to be). But sometimes I think I need a life coach more than a sounding board, because I am not very talkative or emotive. It's more about personality than how sick you are, in my opinion.

[healed84]

My T has pushed me a bit.. And I find it to piss me off intially, after I think about why he pushed me and what he is pushing me on, I find that I needed the push. However, pushing is not making me do something. It is still my life and therapy.. So, that is why I think I am fine with it.

[stopdog]

Pushing does not give me time to reflect and decide. They have to back off so I can consider it properly and decide how to respond.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by learning1

Sorry Growlycat. Getting pushed sucks, I know.

I am in a similar boat with old stuff. I've been very careful about bringing up the most difficult old stuff with my t because I sense he could be pushy enough to hurt too much, although sometimes he's supportive.

I have let the more difficult stuff from the past drop from the agenda in my mind as far as talking to t about it. My stuff from the past is not awful though. Does your t support you when you talk about your past? I hope so.

I think sometimes that whether t's are pushy or supportive is fairly random. They don't talk to us often enough to really match the pushiness or supportiveness to our day to day needs.

Anyway, I'm not exactly answering your question about doing the work. My t hasn't pushed me to do something specific, but I know I need to do the same things you're struggling over exercise, etc. I have had a harder time not sinking into depression when I'm being pushed sometimes, and then I don't do things like exercise and keep busy as much. I'm also trying to be gentle with myself more than I used to. My t never told me to do that but I listen to other people who are supportive to me, especially here on pc, and it helps me believe it's okay to do that. to be gentle with myself, I mean. even if I'm not doing the work as much as I think I should. I hope you will be able to be gentle with yourself and find a good balance with pushing yourself so that you come out feeling like you did the best you could. whether t manages to be well attuned to it or not.

Thanks for this! Yes, I know he is very supportive and it all comes from a good place. So I don't feel like this is an unkindness from him.

It is funny because for years he was of the "I-can't tell-you-what-to-do" T variety. I may have inadvertently "trained " him to tell me what to do. On some level i really want it, just not all of the time. Funny how that part of our working relationship has changed.

Thanks too for the "be gentle w/yourself", it is a good thing to remember. Childhood neglect has made it hard for me to recognize that i need something then act on it. I assumed for a long time I was never going to get certain things. Going to the dr, eating right, getting enough sleep etc do not come naturally to me.

Thank you, all of you on pc are helpful, especially on days when t and i don't synch.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I say this because I intentionally choose things to do that are "micro" stretches--things that aren't REALLY that tough for me to do. Maybe I just don't feel like doing them rather than I'm afraid to do them. But I pass them off as "stretches" anyway. Yeah, that is cheating. It's another way I subvert the system.

.

I love this---that has been my problem, I haven't been able to think of micro stretches on my own that I can do. My t will make suggestions but they all seem too overwhelming, and not micro enough!

Thanks for the cbt insight---I've never had cbt so I probably have a skewed vision of what it entails. Very goal oriented, very scary for me!!

My T's personality is great! He is funny and humble yet confident. Very caring, oddly mothering for a guy. Your Suze orman reference cracked me up. I like Suze but I think in person I'd give her a hard shove out of annoyance. (I think she is smart and admirable, I just don't know how a RL encounter would go!!

I think you have the beginnings of another thread--what celebrity reminds you of your T? (Can be personality not looks too) Mine? Poss John Lithgow, I adore my T but like JL I wouldn't bet on him in a street fight. :P

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Pushing does not give me time to reflect and decide. They have to back off so I can consider it properly and decide how to respond.

I don't like the pressure either. The only plus side, he doesn't push for an immediate reaction but he does expect me to make progress between sessions. I'm the kid who didn't do the homework

[lostmyway21]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I don't like the pressure either. The only plus side, he doesn't push for an immediate reaction but he does expect me to make progress between sessions. I'm the kid who didn't do the homework

Pffft I'm the kid that doesn't do the do the HW and doesn't study until the day before finals. Imagine how frustrating I am for a CBT oriented T.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I love this---that has been my problem, I haven't been able to think of micro stretches on my own that I can do. My t will make suggestions but they all seem too overwhelming, and not micro enough!

Thanks for the cbt insight---I've never had cbt so I probably have a skewed vision of what it entails. Very goal oriented, very scary for me!!

My T's personality is great! He is funny and humble yet confident. Very caring, oddly mothering for a guy. Your Suze orman reference cracked me up. I like Suze but I think in person I'd give her a hard shove out of annoyance. (I think she is smart and admirable, I just don't know how a RL encounter would go!!

I think you have the beginnings of another thread--what celebrity reminds you of your T? (Can be personality not looks too) Mine? Poss John Lithgow, I adore my T but like JL I wouldn't bet on him in a street fight. :P

I think I have misconceptions about talk therapy. I think I would feel totally lost and groundless if I had gone that route. I think it would bother me not knowing if I was just spinning my wheels or not. I like advice. I like being told what to do. I like "evidence" that I'm doing better. But obviously it works for lots of people, so I could probably get something out of it too.

I'd like a therapist like John Lithgow, I think. For some reason, when I think of male therapists I can only picture my shrink--who kind of gets on my nerves sometimes (but today he was nice, so I shouldn't crap on him too much).