first my psych is all kisses and all interested in helping now she not even notice im pissed at her for her attitude. like... im quite clear showing it and ive been arriving late, wasnt she supposed to notice??? am i freaking paying someone to ignore me and dont give a **** about me like everyone else does??? whats the point of therapy anyway?? after all im complete screwed up in head according to personality test.. she doesnt want to give me diagnose but i recently read about borderline and asked her and she ignored my email lol borderline... awesome i come from supposedly depression to "oh ur a borderline nuts and if it wasnt for ur defense mechanisms u would be crazy by now". aint life grand or what?
this is more of a rant or wtv.. anyway. cheers

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by un_important

im quite clear showing it and ive been arriving late, wasnt she supposed to notice???

Have you told her how you feel?

i knew someone would ask that lol im not good at confrontational stuff and im afraid she gets worse.. this was all result of her being soooo damn friendly at beginning and now she doesnt like what she sees (i actually sent her an email asking that) and is not interested replying to my ****.

[autotelica]

Your therapist may be one of those that don't believe in personality disorders.

I know this doesn't make sense since she gave you that test. But my therapist gave me one too. When I asked if I had a PD, she gave me the line about not believing in them.

Or, she may also be like my therapist when she's actually telling the truth. She believes in them, but she doesn't like to give the diagnosis because of the stigma.

Either way, it sounds like you need your therapist to help you. Try to explain to her what's going on inside. You don't have to do it calmly, but you do have to use your words. They can't mind read, unfortunately.

After I confronted mine--not asking her if I had a PD but rather telling her that I knew I had one and that I knew she knew it--we were able to stop *****-footing around and actually get some work done.

yeah auto is the stigma she said... but i want to know the name.. but it has been frequent the attitude and i notice she gets upset when i get mad when i talk about stuff but is not towards her u know? other day she said "oh u get mad here but i understand blablabla" and i was like thinking to myself "no u dont, u act like everyone else"... just makes me sad caz in beginning she was sweet but now has changed and i dont even enjoy going there anymore...

Unfortunately you might have to grit your teeth and spell it all out for her... my therapist didn't seem to take any of my hints about things - I think sometimes they don't like to assume, you know?

Have you asked about if it's okay to email and if she got/read them? Some Ts don't like to communicate that way, or don't have time to send a reply... maybe she was waiting for you to bring these things up in person? It's horrible to feel ignored, but that might not be the case here...

I don't think it's about confrontation, but if you could try and have an honest stright-up conversation face-to-face, you might be able to clear some of these things up? Or, perhaps this T just isn't a good fit for you, sometimes people just don't 'click' with each other - if that's the case maybe try to find someone else who can help you? I'd be pretty sensitive to rejection too if I thought my T went cold on me after a personality test/diagnosis - but it might not be what it seems, you never know.

I wish you luck

[layla11]

Hi, I would get another therapist. But think about it, give yourself a few days and try to tell her how you feel. Think of it as pratice if another situation comes your way like this. I have a great deal of fear of confromtation. This kind of thing repeats itself in my life. Anyone, I feel threatened by. If you dont feel comfortable doing this then no problem either. You dont owe a excuse. My last Phyciatrist I didnt like, I told him this conversation is over and walked out on him. He was a real jerk. I have another one now I like her better.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can somewhat relate to this.....My t was much more caring towards me early on in therapy...and now seems to be more interested in challenging me. I'm sure he still cares, but is more interested in helping me to be more direct and assertive - and less enabling poor behaviors.

I, too, have issues with confrontation...so I used to send emails when I was upset with him or having trouble. After a particularly huge rupture we had about a year ago, he told me that if I am upset with him, I am to address it in person and NOT by email.

This last time around, he didn't even acknowledge my email.....and let me stew on it for a week....so that I could see how badly it feels to not address things in the moment, in the room....as a way to help encourage me to be more direct as it happens...instead of holding onto and it taking the "easy way out" by emailing him instead.

I understand that he's trying to help model healthy behavior.....it sux sometimes....

nah she replies but then in like 3rd she stops and most of time is important. like this time we were talking and i said "btw im borderline right?" she says "why the question?" i say "i think u mentioned that name other time but i didnt pay much attention and yest i was checking online..." she didnt reply so i clearly showed i was upset saying "good answer". u think she even answered today? she then ignores and asks about the appointment schedule. today she not even did that. but at afternoon i was like "i have to cancel tomo appoint caz i dont have money" u think she even talked about the subject or the fact im upset? lol she said "we can book wednesday if u can" but i dont think ill be going this week.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

Unfortunately you might have to grit your teeth and spell it all out for her... my therapist didn't seem to take any of my hints about things - I think sometimes they don't like to assume, you know?

Have you asked about if it's okay to email and if she got/read them? Some Ts don't like to communicate that way, or don't have time to send a reply... maybe she was waiting for you to bring these things up in person? It's horrible to feel ignored, but that might not be the case here...

I don't think it's about confrontation, but if you could try and have an honest stright-up conversation face-to-face, you might be able to clear some of these things up? Or, perhaps this T just isn't a good fit for you, sometimes people just don't 'click' with each other - if that's the case maybe try to find someone else who can help you? I'd be pretty sensitive to rejection too if I thought my T went cold on me after a personality test/diagnosis - but it might not be what it seems, you never know.

I wish you luck

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by un_important

yeah auto is the stigma she said... but i want to know the name..

I was hung up on the name too, but it's pointless. If you think you're borderline, then you have some idea what kinds of symptoms you're dealing with, right? Don't you care more about getting a handle on the symptoms than finding the right category to describe them?

Three years ago, my therapist finally relented and admitted I was schizoid. A couple of months ago, she changed her mind and told me I have Asperger's (which I don't wanna accept...lol). Guess what? Fairly soon, neither of those "names" will be in the DSM anymore. Does that mean I'm suddenly going to be perfectly normal and problem-free? No. It means I'll get another name. My therapy won't change though. Hopefully.

So your therapist doesn't want to name the 800-lb elephant in the room. I know how frustrating that is, but maybe at this point, naming you is not important. Maybe she wants to get to know you longer before pinning you with a label like "borderline".

You can find people who will give you a name the second you walk in the door, but their competency in treating people sucks.

hun shes low cost one fallen from sky for me and is not that i dont like her... her attitude has changed and i always get upset when that happens with people. sorry that happen hun

Originally Posted by layla11

Hi, I would get another therapist. But think about it, give yourself a few days and try to tell her how you feel. Think of it as pratice if another situation comes your way like this. I have a great deal of fear of confromtation. This kind of thing repeats itself in my life. Anyone, I feel threatened by. If you dont feel comfortable doing this then no problem either. You dont owe a excuse. My last Phyciatrist I didnt like, I told him this conversation is over and walked out on him. He was a real jerk. I have another one now I like her better.

i TOTALLY use emails to avoid situations lol *hi5s* :P so much easier huh?
yeah but i think as everyone she thought i was sweet girl and whatnot and now that im showing my anger she doesnt like what she sees. i noticed she was upset once by the way i talked.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I can somewhat relate to this.....My t was much more caring towards me early on in therapy...and now seems to be more interested in challenging me. I'm sure he still cares, but is more interested in helping me to be more direct and assertive - and less enabling poor behaviors.

I, too, have issues with confrontation...so I used to send emails when I was upset with him or having trouble. After a particularly huge rupture we had about a year ago, he told me that if I am upset with him, I am to address it in person and NOT by email.

This last time around, he didn't even acknowledge my email.....and let me stew on it for a week....so that I could see how badly it feels to not address things in the moment, in the room....as a way to help encourage me to be more direct as it happens...instead of holding onto and it taking the "easy way out" by emailing him instead.

I understand that he's trying to help model healthy behavior.....it sux sometimes....

u know why im so hung up? the MMPI test got me... sad/scared/shocked.......
she mentioned names like schizophrenia, paranoia, and then psychopathy (this one i was like ) i had big percentages on them. so im like wait a sec i thought i just had depression and now i might become a psychopath lol she said the fact i have big percentages is because i have some characteristics that are included in those categories but this couldnt be interpreted as diagnose of those. that didnt make me feel better. so yeah i prefer having a name than thinking about all this categories she mentioned if that even makes sense

Originally Posted by autotelica

I was hung up on the name too, but it's pointless. If you think you're borderline, then you have some idea what kinds of symptoms you're dealing with, right? Don't you care more about getting a handle on the symptoms than finding the right category to describe them?

Three years ago, my therapist finally relented and admitted I was schizoid. A couple of months ago, she changed her mind and told me I have Asperger's (which I don't wanna accept...lol). Guess what? Fairly soon, neither of those "names" will be in the DSM anymore. Does that mean I'm suddenly going to be perfectly normal and problem-free? No. It means I'll get another name. My therapy won't change though. Hopefully.

So your therapist doesn't want to name the 800-lb elephant in the room. I know how frustrating that is, but maybe at this point, naming you is not important. Maybe she wants to get to know you longer before pinning you with a label like "borderline".

You can find people who will give you a name the second you walk in the door, but their competency in treating people sucks.

[KazzaX]

Maybe she is one of those Ts that purposefully don't take hints so you gotta bring up the topic and talk about it. Sneaky but I can see why they do it. Just say to her "look, I need to know what PD you have diagnosed me as" and if she either tries to brush you off or change the topic or won't TELL you then you say "Well unfortunately that is not acceptable to me. Will you please give me an appropriate referral, as this is my last session, thank you".

Sometimes you have to just step up and tell it like it is, blunt force, to the face (verbally, I dont mean punch her!! haha). At least if she gives you a referral you will have some other T to try after you get rid of her. They usually give a referral if you insist because to not do so is considered "unprofessional" and they dont want to be known as that!

hahahahaha and yeah ur prob right. she must have seen it but wants me to say it. as i said before even if i wanted i cant afford to change. i hope i dont get to that point.

Originally Posted by KazzaX

Maybe she is one of those Ts that purposefully don't take hints so you gotta bring up the topic and talk about it. Sneaky but I can see why they do it. Just say to her "look, I need to know what PD you have diagnosed me as" and if she either tries to brush you off or change the topic or won't TELL you then you say "Well unfortunately that is not acceptable to me. Will you please give me an appropriate referral, as this is my last session, thank you".

Sometimes you have to just step up and tell it like it is, blunt force, to the face (verbally, I dont mean punch her!! haha). At least if she gives you a referral you will have some other T to try after you get rid of her. They usually give a referral if you insist because to not do so is considered "unprofessional" and they dont want to be known as that!

besides me not going to appoint the other week with the excuse of not having money today my psych has the nerves of asking at 10:30 what time would the appoint be? at 11 or 11:30? lololol she has soooo much interest in me and cares soooo much that not even remembered to ask me at least yest what time would it be! my none-existent life is ****ing hilarious!!!

Un Important, is it possible that your perception is skewed? By not going to T, you will have to wait even longer to find out. Is it possible that your acting out due to BPD being mentioned? You should go to T and talk, maybe this isn't a conversation she would like to have via email. You can end all the worrying by asking.

hi. the problem is she doesnt like what she sees now. she kept not showing interest in me anymore. she used to be the one sending me emails asking about things and being all sweet and whatnot now she not even bothers to freaking book the appointment right. and other thing, she had said before that if i didnt have money i could go and pay other time, do u think she said that when i told her i wouldnt go bc of money?
i didnt reply to her msg yet but i just feel like saying: i dont need to pay someone to not give a **** about me i have tons of people that do it for free!!
p.s.: that sentence is not true

[Sannah]

Sounds like you are doing a lot of mind reading? You don't know what she is thinking unless she tells you. I think that it would be really good to clear all of this stuff up with her in session. I had to learn to quit assuming. What I did was check all of my assumptions and guess what? I was always wrong! After awhile I realized what a waste of time it is to assume and mind read so now if someone doesn't tell me something I have no idea what they are thinking. It cured me of my assuming anything, once you get a 100% wrong track record. But to get started, you need to check all of your assumptions.

actions speak louder than words Sannah
and is official or shes quite dumb or i do really speak chinese. i sent an email saying isnt a bit late to ask that question? and she answers with sorry? what question??? lololol

[wotchermuggle]

Do you WANT to be diagnosed with BPD? Acting out is one way to get it. I mean, people come late to sessions and aren't diagnosed with it, but those type of temper-reactions can lead people towards the diagnosis.

Personally, even if I was BPD, I'd be trying hard not to have that diagnosis. Talk about the hugest stigma!

why the bdp came to the issue again? im complaining about her actions not that freaking question i made ages ago! and if i am bpd yeah i would like to know caz not knowing wont make it disappear!

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by un_important

actions speak louder than words Sannah
and is official or shes quite dumb or i do really speak chinese. i sent an email saying isnt a bit late to ask that question? and she answers with sorry? what question??? lololol

To be blatently honest, I am having a really difficult time understanding your posts. Perhaps that is the basis of additional miscommunication.

[rainbow_rose]

Originally Posted by un_important

actions speak louder than words Sannah

i feel this way too ... BUT ... actions are only part of the story - it leaves a lot to our perception (and imagination) - which is not always correct. sometimes i perceive people's action to mean they don't like me. ... which often is not true and their actions have nothing to do with me or my perception is just incorrect. this includes my therapist. direct communication is best.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by un_important

actions speak louder than words Sannah
and is official or shes quite dumb or i do really speak chinese. i sent an email saying isnt a bit late to ask that question? and she answers with sorry? what question??? lololol

Yes, you are still assuming what her actions mean. And I agree, I'm having a hard time understanding you too so there must be a lot of miscommunication.

This is something else I have learned, that misunderstanding is so incredibly common. On another thread here I wasn't understood several times. I made a statement and several people thought I meant something else. I had to keep clarifying what I meant. This happens because everyone is different with their experiences and perception. I can say a sentence and it will mean different things to different people depending upon their experiences and perception.

Also, in therapy transference and projection are incredibly common. A client projects their experiences onto the therapist.