I am confused by therapy.
In the past two years I have seen three different t's, the first two were humanistis and inegretive and the last a clinical counselor.
All three have been very different, T one listened all the time, never expressed any of her feelings or advice or ever enlightened me with anything she would or did know. I was clueless as to what was happening but now I have realised I was severely depressed, going through PTSD and having a nervous breakdown and T1 never told me that I was going through all of this. She said that if I didn't take care of myself I would end up mentally ill. I actually thought I was going mad, my hands were shaking, I was crying all the time, I couldn't eat or sleep and the while T just listened, it wasn't very helpful as she never gave me any advice on how to take care of myself or advice on what was happening. I mean surely she knew this was what was happening to me? It would have helped if she had of told me and explained what I was going through was normal.
T2 tells me what to do, Leave home because my mum is abusing me, sleep with a man because I want to have a child, make it up with my ex. She has figured out a lot of things about me though in only five sessions. She reckons that I am drawn to these women who are abusive because something about me lets them treat me like this and part of me like it. She hasn't figured out why yet.
T3 is very insightful, if I tell her something happened she says oh thats because of this and that. She explains everything perfectly but is not the most sympathetic. I see her as more of a friend then a T and I feel weird seeing her in person. I tell her everything through email. She is a few years older than me and She swears a lot and talks normally not like a t, and I like this about her I feel like I can be myself around her and I am not trying to be somebody else like I was with the other T's. I had major transference with the other two t's and now its starting to develop with her and I am scared. Other two ts were older and more like moms.
I don't understand therapy and am confused by it all, I am wondering why I am even going anymore. I want to get to know T3 but everytime she emails me or texts me something happens and my barriers go up.

[CantExplain]

((30))

Originally Posted by button30

T3 is very insightful, if I tell her something happened she says oh thats because of this and that. She explains everything perfectly but is not the most sympathetic. I see her as more of a friend then a T and I feel weird seeing her in person. I tell her everything through email. She is a few years older than me and She swears a lot and talks normally not like a t, and I like this about her I feel like I can be myself around her and I am not trying to be somebody else like I was with the other T's. I had major transference with the other two t's and now its starting to develop with her and I am scared. Other two ts were older and more like moms.
I don't understand therapy and am confused by it all, I am wondering why I am even going anymore. I want to get to know T3 but everytime she emails me or texts me something happens and my barriers go up.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. It has taken me a really long time (years) and a lot of therapy to get the point of it. It is different for everyone, but I think one part is to just keep going until you get there. I think another thing might be to try to push past those barriers when you are aware they are popping up.

Have you been able to talk with T3 about the transference feelings coming up?

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

I am sorry you are having a hard time. It has taken me a really long time (years) and a lot of therapy to get the point of it. It is different for everyone, but I think one part is to just keep going until you get there. I think another thing might be to try to push past those barriers when you are aware they are popping up.

Have you been able to talk with T3 about the transference feelings coming up?

No we haven't discussed transference yet, I am afraid that she will terminate me like last t! She is very different to t1, cut it still scares me! I know this t is married so I no nothing can happen but I knew that anyway with t s that nothing can happen but because I didn't no whether u1 was married, divorced, gay or straight I kept obsessing over her! This t, I am afraid to even contact because of last t and our boundaries were blurred and messy eve to my own fault and a little of her fault too. This t wants me to email, she wants to her understand what is going on with me but I don't believe her that she cares enough to understand and I want to push her away! She is so nice and when I see her we talk but we talk about funny things and always end up laughing about people and their craziness:-) but I don't know how to move onto the hard stuff with her

Originally Posted by button30

No we haven't discussed transference yet, I am afraid that she will terminate me like last t! She is very different to t1, cut it still scares me! I know this t is married so I no nothing can happen but I knew that anyway with t s that nothing can happen but because I didn't no whether u1 was married, divorced, gay or straight I kept obsessing over her! This t, I am afraid to even contact because of last t and our boundaries were blurred and messy eve to my own fault and a little of her fault too. This t wants me to email, she wants to her understand what is going on with me but I don't believe her that she cares enough to understand and I want to push her away! She is so nice and when I see her we talk but we talk about funny things and always end up laughing about people and their craziness:-) but I don't know how to move onto the hard stuff with her

I know it is difficult to trust her care and concern, especially when you have experienced rejection from a T in the past. I think it is great that you are talking about this here. You sound like you really want to move past this and I believe you will find a way to do so when you are ready.

Since T3 wants you to email, do you think maybe emailing her some of your discussion here would be a possibility?

Sometimes all it takes to move on to the "hard stuff" is having the discussion with your T, that you are really not sure how to get there.

Originally Posted by Psychicbaby323

I know it is difficult to trust her care and concern, especially when you have experienced rejection from a T in the past. I think it is great that you are talking about this here. You sound like you really want to move past this and I believe you will find a way to do so when you are ready.

Since T3 wants you to email, do you think maybe emailing her some of your discussion here would be a possibility?

Sometimes all it takes to move on to the "hard stuff" is having the discussion with your T, that you are really not sure how to get there.

This is part of my whole problem is communication, I tell her everything by email and can't tell her anything in person. I would like to work on it with her though but it doesn't seem something I can do right now.
I have a huge problem expressing my needs and wants and with confrontation and everything. Sometimes I just sit there and say nothing to her and she just sits there quietly and watches me and I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I even hate people looking at me or noticing me. She always comments on what I am wearing, saying how nice it is and I never know what to say back and I just get embarrassed and look away. I would like to tell her she looks nice too but I think that would be inappropriate and the words wouldn't come out.

Originally Posted by button30

This is part of my whole problem is communication, I tell her everything by email and can't tell her anything in person. I would like to work on it with her though but it doesn't seem something I can do right now.
I have a huge problem expressing my needs and wants and with confrontation and everything. Sometimes I just sit there and say nothing to her and she just sits there quietly and watches me and I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I even hate people looking at me or noticing me. She always comments on what I am wearing, saying how nice it is and I never know what to say back and I just get embarrassed and look away. I would like to tell her she looks nice too but I think that would be inappropriate and the words wouldn't come out.

((((button30)))) I can completely relate to this. I was telling my T everything in email and on the phone then having mute/unproductive sessions. For me it just took time and having my T push me when he saw that email and other contact wasn't helping. He never told me to stop contacting him, he would just persist each time we spoke, that we needed to address the issues in person.

I really lack confidence and self worth and my reaction to T's compliments are the same as yours. Try not to be too hard on yourself. When you are ready you will know it.

I am sorry you are feeling the same! It's hard isn't it? Too trust and believe what people are telling you! I find it hard to believe what anyone tells me lately!