[lonelyplanet]

Hi guys, me again continuing with my diastrous session of last week.

I know I previously posted that I sent a long letter to my T and during session told her I wanted to finish. She didn't accept this and said I was making a decision whilst I was very angry. I left her office, not allowing her to open the door for me to leave, but I did say goodbye as I was leaving. She said see you next week same time Lonely. I said no you won't lol

Anyway, I sent the letter the next morning and hand delivered it to her office. She rang me that evening and left a message on my voice mail saying that she got the letter, appreciated it and would see me next Wednesday at the same time. PLEASE can someone tell me how can T appreciate a letter that had so much negative stuff in it about her. Thats my first question. Aswell, I really am getting very very anxious about going in on Wednesday (if I go). I keep arguing with myself. One minute I'm going to go, and the next minute I completely change my mind and say I'm not going. Can someone please TELL ME WHAT TO DO. T is going on two week vacation after this week.

I suppose there is nothing really anyone can say, I just wanted to get it out of my head, but I still can't make up my mind. I wish I wasn't so dependant on T I really do. I never wanted to be.

Have any of you ever had this problem, one minute your positive you'll go to session and the next minute you decide not to.

hugs x

[unaluna]

to my mind, there is nothing wrong with being dependent on T. you asked how can she 'appreciate' such a negative letter. this is more about you than her. if she has made mistakes - which all humans do, regardless - you can learn to deal with it; to still have her in your life even if she is not perfect. We HAD to run, before, at the first hint of imperfection, because what if this new person is (like) our victimiser? Chances are good your T is not your victimiser; you can talk about it here, check it out here, ensure your safety here until you can be sure of yourself. I will agree with dr phil on this, that if you're waffling every minute, then you are still involved (altho he says it re an H).

[stopdog]

You could tell the therapist you want to wait to go to another appointment after her vacation instead of this week. Take 3 weeks off and see how you feel. You can always cancel the three week out appointment if you feel like you don't want to go back and you have an appointment if you think you do. Therapists are not fazed by hostile letters. They do not take things personally and rarely admit to being wrong or making mistakes. They blame the client with labels.

lonley if skipping the appointment is something you may regret, as T is going on vacation I suggest you go. Is it possible some of the anger in the letter was due to her getting ready to leave you for 2 weeks?

Have any of you ever had this problem, one minute your positive you'll go to session and the next minute you decide not to.

Yes. Oh my yes. I can relate so much to this.

Here are my thoughts. I am not a T and don't have a lot of experience with going to therapy. But I read a lot, so I know a little anyway. I think that your T was completely sincere when she said she appreciated your letter. You told us about it - you were being honest and open, and that is what Ts (supposedly) appreciate most of all. She's a T, she knows that everything her clients say about her isn't necessarily about her. That she called you back shows that she is concerned for your well-being. My untutored opinion is that 1) this T is on your side, and 2) even though you are dependent on her right now it doesn't necessarily mean that you always will be dependent on her. So I would advise you to go. Especially since you know you won't see T for a couple of weeks after this session... my guess is that if you don't go you might fret about this more while she is gone, than if you do go.

Originally Posted by stopdog

They blame the client with labels.

This is not my experience. I agree that Ts tend not to admit to being wrong, but then, isn't it usual for Ts not to want to assign blame to anybody?

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by hankster

to my mind, there is nothing wrong with being dependent on T. you asked how can she 'appreciate' such a negative letter. this is more about you than her. if she has made mistakes - which all humans do, regardless - you can learn to deal with it; to still have her in your life even if she is not perfect. We HAD to run, before, at the first hint of imperfection, because what if this new person is (like) our victimiser? Chances are good your T is not your victimiser; you can talk about it here, check it out here, ensure your safety here until you can be sure of yourself. I will agree with dr phil on this, that if you're waffling every minute, then you are still involved (altho he says it re an H).

Thanks Hankster, I understand what your saying, but what I'm afraid of is that she is going to take out the letter and use it in Wednesday's session. I know she will and it scares the hell out of me. I cringe just thinking about it. I don't want to not go, but when I think about whats going to happen in session I dont want to go. This is what is so confusing. I'm such a mess. I do trust her I know I do, but I said I didn't in the letter. I said so much in the letter, but I just can't seem to say it in session. I mean I spent most of that session in silence. She wanted to know if I felt held in the silence, I don't even know what that means. All I felt was anger and embarrassment. I hate it when its silent. Thanks again Hankster its just good to vent I suppose.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by stopdog

You could tell the therapist you want to wait to go to another appointment after her vacation instead of this week. Take 3 weeks off and see how you feel. You can always cancel the three week out appointment if you feel like you don't want to go back and you have an appointment if you think you do. Therapists are not fazed by hostile letters. They do not take things personally and rarely admit to being wrong or making mistakes. They blame the client with labels.

Hey Stopdog I know I'm probably classed as being new to T, but I really hope your wrong on this and that she doesn't blame me because I have a label. Anyway, I suggested waiting until she came back but she wants me to go in before she goes, and I get it, because deep down I know she's right and I'm wrong. I know she's there to help me but I keep pushing her away. Thanks for your reply Stopdog

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

Yes. Oh my yes. I can relate so much to this.

Here are my thoughts. I am not a T and don't have a lot of experience with going to therapy. But I read a lot, so I know a little anyway. I think that your T was completely sincere when she said she appreciated your letter. You told us about it - you were being honest and open, and that is what Ts (supposedly) appreciate most of all. She's a T, she knows that everything her clients say about her isn't necessarily about her. That she called you back shows that she is concerned for your well-being. My untutored opinion is that 1) this T is on your side, and 2) even though you are dependent on her right now it doesn't necessarily mean that you always will be dependent on her. So I would advise you to go. Especially since you know you won't see T for a couple of weeks after this session... my guess is that if you don't go you might fret about this more while she is gone, than if you do go.

Hey Ap, I knew I could count on you to give me encouragement. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. Its good to know someone else went through this aswell and not only me. Everything I said in the letter was true, but it was true for me. It wasn't that I was saying bad things about her, just about the feelings I had about her. This probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but its just making me cringe now thinking of it. I still trust that what I said in the letter is true, except I told her I didn't trust her, and I think that was really a terrible thing to say, cos she has been building up the trust for a good few months, and to say that must have really hurt her. She sounded kind of annoyed onthe phone, but yep I think if I don't go, I will regret it. Maybe I should go, but OMG I'd say I'll be in bits all day Wednesday and probably not sleep on Tuesday night.

Have you any tips on how to actually start off when I sit down (will you come with me lol)

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

lonley if skipping the appointment is something you may regret, as T is going on vacation I suggest you go. Is it possible some of the anger in the letter was due to her getting ready to leave you for 2 weeks?

Hiya Lola yes I think so, also she has decided to change my day and time which I really was angry about, but I suppose now on reflection I know I was being unreasonable, but you see I didn't say all this in session I kept it and left the session angry and I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't talk. She got it out of me though so thats why she said i should go in this week and I know she's right. I have spent all my life being able to read people, by how they look or how they say things and loads of other things, but I just can't read T. I just can't and its really getting to me. One minute I like her and I mean I really like her and then bam I actually really can dislike her an awful lot. Its just horrible. I don't want to be like this I really don't and I don't want to be dependant on her or anyone, but it just seems to be happening, and its really very frightening becasue this has never happened to me before and I don't like it. What happens when she's gone and I'm left without her. If that happens then what do I do. Its very scary to be honest. She keeps saying that its okay to be dependant on her, but maybe it is for her, but its not for me. Does this make any sense. OMG I'm sooo losing it. I think I need a miracle lola I really do. This is all so confusing xxx Thanks for caring enough to reply I really appreciate it. Your a star xx

Lonely, I could have wrote the above post. I feel for you. I too have sensitive feelers, I read what they show not what they say. Turns out that's a really easy way to tell yourself the wrong thing because we have skewed thinking. We must not think about what ifs about the future, we must think about today, one day at a time. Just relax and let the attachment happen, ( sounds like were being taken over by aliens ) when its time to go...you both will know and it wont hurt like you think it will, because you will be in a different place, or so I read. Keep faith in the process that's all we have huh?

[lonelyplanet]

ok lola thanks so much for that. maybe ill give it a go. will have to see if T wants to continue tho cos she may have had enough of me by now. am gonna spend tomorrow worrying and dreading wednesday. sorry bout the typing am on my way home from work on the luas. quite a bumpy rie. hugs

Lonely NOT TEXTING AND/OR EMAILING while driving!

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

Lonely NOT TEXTING AND/OR EMAILING while driving!

lola you are a funny bunny. am on luas hence bumpy ride i dont drve but thank you for caring lol . you made me laugh out load. for sure people will think im cracked lol xx

Originally Posted by lonelyplanet

Hey Ap, I knew I could count on you to give me encouragement. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. Its good to know someone else went through this aswell and not only me. Everything I said in the letter was true, but it was true for me. It wasn't that I was saying bad things about her, just about the feelings I had about her. This probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but its just making me cringe now thinking of it. I still trust that what I said in the letter is true, except I told her I didn't trust her, and I think that was really a terrible thing to say, cos she has been building up the trust for a good few months, and to say that must have really hurt her. She sounded kind of annoyed onthe phone, but yep I think if I don't go, I will regret it. Maybe I should go, but OMG I'd say I'll be in bits all day Wednesday and probably not sleep on Tuesday night.

Have you any tips on how to actually start off when I sit down (will you come with me lol)

I'll definitely come with you on Wednesday! When is your appointment? Wed afternoon/evening? (Will you come with me tomorrow morning? )

Beginning is so hard. Personally, I have to focus on just being able to breathe for several minutes after sitting down. What I've tried doing the past couple of weeks is to plan my first sentence, and time it so it's something I can say on a single breath, and just take a deep breath and let it out. Write the sentence down on an index card if you're not sure you can get it out (that's advice that I've got from a friend in RL, but not yet followed )

And it makes perfect sense that you were talking about your feelings about her, rather than about her.

[stopdog]

Good luck with the appointment if you choose to go. Remember it is always your choice - not that of the therapist.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

I'll definitely come with you on Wednesday! When is your appointment? Wed afternoon/evening? (Will you come with me tomorrow morning? )

Beginning is so hard. Personally, I have to focus on just being able to breathe for several minutes after sitting down. What I've tried doing the past couple of weeks
is to plan my first sentence, and time it so it's something I can say on a single breath, and just take a deep breath and let it out. Write the sentence down on an index card if you're not sure you can get it out (that's advice that I've got from a friend in RL, but not yet followed ) o

And it makes perfect sense that you were talking about your feelings about her, rather than about her.

hey ap thanks so much. my session is wed one pm. im so glad you will be with me lol. of course ill vo to yours tomorrow what time is it at. our time is probably out by a few hrs depending what country you are in. let me know and ill make sure to be ready. i hope you arent like me and spend tonight worrying. ill be there nudging you on. thanks for your support ap it means so mu h xxxx

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Good luck with the appointment if you choose to go. Remember it is always your choice - not that of the therapist.

thanks stop dog. i think im gonna go with advice on here and try to go to my session. maybe it will be good for me even if its difficult and embarrassing. i might learn something about myself. i might not like it but i suppose thats what therapy is about figuring out the good and not so good about myself. ...... hopefully i wont bail at the last minute x

[sittingatwatersedge]

if you have room for me I'd come with you.

Tuesdays are popular T days....I'm in TOOOOOO - SHOTGUN

If you're riding luas I'm guessing you're an hour ahead of me (I'm in Sweden) My appt is at 10am Central European, so 9am BST. Thanks!

Originally Posted by Apteryx

If you're riding luas

ok seriously I thought that a fat fingered spelling of the word BUS.

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by Apteryx

If you're riding luas I'm guessing you're an hour ahead of me (I'm in Sweden) My appt is at 10am Central European, so 9am BST. Thanks!

ok hun im in ireland so im gonna go with ya. hugs lets do a seriously good session. if you do somethi.g thats hard so will i tomorro lol we can do it xxxxx

[lonelyplanet]

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

ok seriously I thought that a fat fingered spelling of the word BUS.

aw Ap yea i have fat finger problems but its an irish tram lol mmmmm fat finger disease theres worse labels i suppose lol your a
howl.

How did it go?