[lotsofq]

I was wondering if anyone else had problems with eye contact. I never look at people in general, so it isn't just T. T says it is something that needs to be worked on, but I can't picture how that would go. I mean, am I just supposed to sit there and force myself to stare at someones eyes. I don't think I can do that and breath at the same time!

[critterlady]

I can make eye contact when T is talking, but I have a lot more trouble doing it when I'm talking. I'm starting to do it a little more. I just started slowly - glancing at him once in a while when I was speaking.

[canacrip]

I'm good about making eye contact. I think that if I don't, then the person I'm talking to won't believe me. Even so, I have a hard time with the T. It's too personal and sometimes hard to say and I tend to look down. I also get cold and it doesn't matter how warm it is at the time.

I couldn't even remember what my T looked like for a whole year because I never looked at her, only her feet and her toes. She had lovely feet though. It is hard to make eye contact whilst you are telling a stranger the most intimate parts of yourself. The eyes can give away so much. I myself have very sad eyes and people can alwys tell what mood I am in by looking at my eyes, so I think that by hiding my eyes from T she won't be able to see how I really feel. I know its silly.

[lotsofq]

Originally Posted by button30

I know its silly.

It's not silly, it is true. I know that my problem stems from my past and never feeling "good enough" to deserve to look at people in the eyes. But now, it is almost like I can't. It is something I will get over, I will make myself. I just don't know how I feel about being "treated" for it in therapy. I think that it is hard enough, adding the force of "having" to do it will just be harder.

Originally Posted by lotsofq

It's not silly, it is true. I know that my problem stems from my past and never feeling "good enough" to deserve to look at people in the eyes. But now, it is almost like I can't. It is something I will get over, I will make myself. I just don't know how I feel about being "treated" for it in therapy. I think that it is hard enough, adding the force of "having" to do it will just be harder.

I feel the exact same like I am beneath people and don't deserve to make eye contact with them...kinda like a slave.
I don't know why your T would make you do it. Did you tell T that it makes you uncomfortable. I mean Ts must have had training about eye contact and realise that not everyone is ok with it.

[lotsofq]

Originally Posted by button30

I feel the exact same like I am beneath people and don't deserve to make eye contact with them...kinda like a slave.
I don't know why your T would make you do it. Did you tell T that it makes you uncomfortable. I mean Ts must have had training about eye contact and realise that not everyone is ok with it.

T just said that we needed to work on it, at my timing. I am ready, I guess I am just scared.

Originally Posted by lotsofq

T just said that we needed to work on it, at my timing. I am ready, I guess I am just scared.

WE have to try these things, if only to please our T Little steps first and you will be ok

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by button30

I couldn't even remember what my T looked like for a whole year because I never looked at her, only her feet and her toes. She had lovely feet though.

laughed out loud there button!

But I totally get it! I spend a lot of time looking at my ts shoes too

[autotelica]

Maintaining eye contact is one of my on-going homework assignments.

Today she said I was doing well with it and asked if I knew what was behind the improvement. I didn't sense any improvement--but then again, I don't really sense that I have a serious eye contact issue. I mean, I know it could be better. But I don't think it's THAT bad.

[pbutton]

I hate eye contact. It makes it harder for me to think. Probably because it just piles on another layer of work for my hypervigilence. Plus I am not used to doing it. I realized last weekend that no one in my family makes eye contact. It's a learned thing for me.

[KazzaX]

I don't look people (or T) in the eyes unless I'm angry and have lost my temper. You can tell what people are thinking via their eyes and that's why I don't do it.... I'm not interested in what they are thinking! If it is important enough to talk about they will bring it up.

[CantExplain]

When I started, I had terrible problems looking T in the eye.
In group therapy it was even worse. I spent my first year looking at the ceiling.

Originally Posted by lotsofq

I was wondering if anyone else had problems with eye contact. I never look at people in general, so it isn't just T. T says it is something that needs to be worked on, but I can't picture how that would go. I mean, am I just supposed to sit there and force myself to stare at someones eyes. I don't think I can do that and breath at the same time!

eye contact makes me nervous as all ****. i do it. i try to maintain for awhile, but then I have to look away. i hope its not very obvious but it probably is.

I don't do eye contact with my T, I always look away from her, I thought it was only me that did this until I read this at least I know now that i'm not the only one that does this.

I have become much, much better at it over the last three weeks or so. I automatically look away when talking about some painful or personal or otherwise difficult subjects, when I'm too embarrassed to look T in the eye. By consciously seeking eye contact with T when I'm talking about subjects that are not quite so painful, and also when he is talking, I can actually notice an improvement; I was able to maintain eye contact for several minutes at a time today, even while talking about some fairly difficult stuff.

With other people I don't have that much of a problem keeping eye contact. I make sure to look my students in the eye when I talk to them, which gives me a lot of practice.

[lostmyway21]

The only time I can't make eye contact is when I dissociate or shutdown. Which makes it pretty obvious that I'm not with him anymore. Other wise I always make eye contact...it makes me feel connected.

[alone in the world]

Like alot of you I thought I was the only one not looking at their T. I tend to look beyond her or out the window. If she says something profound then I look at her but not for long periods. I also have found it interesting to guess what color polish she will use on her toes.

[wotchermuggle]

I have a hard time too. I find if I'm in a better mood, then it is easier. Depressed? It's almost impossible.

This cartoon makes me laugh to myself while I'm in session and staring at my therapists shoes. Really great strip if you google Therapy Tales.

http://talesoftherapy.wordpress.com/...erapy-tales-1/

[pbutton]

I purposely made eye contact today. I was telling him how no one in my family makes eye contact. It was interesting.

Then I went right back in to my usual mode.

[Indie'sOK]

My therapist is one of the only people I can make eye contact with that doesn't feel forced or unnatural. I mean, it's still uncomfortable (naturally), but it's just a bit easier with her.

[velcro003]

i make eye contact approximately 2-3 times per session. when she is holding the door and saying hi, usually when i'm nervous and can't talk for awhile, i just look at her and shrug and she smiles. every once in awhile i will glance...but mostly i stare straight ahead at a painting, or her rug, or just on my lap. She has never brought up the issue, so I guess she's ok that i never look at her It would be so weird and intimate and YUCK.

[lonelyplanet]

hey lotsofq I'm not going to sessions very long about 29 weeks I think. Mostly I can make eye contact when T talks to me, but at the beginning even when she did talk to me, I didn't look at her. I don't know why. It is getting better. I just try to do it a little bit at a time. When I talk to her I tend to look everywhere except at her. I'm not even really completely sure what she looks like to be honest. I know she wears really lovely shoes. If I met her in the street I would probably recognise her by her shoes. We'll just have to keep trying Hopefully it gets easier x

[QuietCat]

I always had a hard time with eye contact with T when I started out. It took over a year before I would do it for more than a few seconds at a time. He sometimes used to lean over to the side to catch my eye, which was sort of entertaining.

I still have a hard time keeping eye contact, but have noticed that if he's saying something I find particularly interesting I'll do it naturally.

[Miswimmy1]

I used to be so afraid to make eye contact. But then I looked up once and I saw that her eyes were kind. And genuine. And loving. And then when she cried for me, I knew that it was ok.

Now I try to make eye contact. I have a hard time cuz I'm ADHD and so it's hard to focus sometimes, but usually making eye contact brings me back into the conversation