Welcome to couch # 18

*sigh*

I don't remember the last time I cried so much in one day....and for it being about a flippin nightmare? How sad is that?

I bawled throughout much of my T appt today. We tried to make meaning of the nightmare...but I struggled with it. He wasn't sure if it was just the guilt from having so many plans that would require me being away from my daughter so much this month....or if it was the tapering down of the meds....or both.

T suggested some ideas - like connecting it to my dad's death and all the guilt I had about not being there, not being able to do something about it, etc....and that makes it similar to what my nightmare was about - except the nightmare was way way crazy and horrifying and about my daughter. UGH.

He suggested that maybe it was about me being afraid that I was going to suffer alone.

All of it had some measure of being valid...but I don't know.

He also talked about working towards a balance between me and my daughter....that I am trying to get out and do more - but then I get sucked into these things that end up becoming more pressure than enjoyable - because I suck at setting limits.

T seems to believe that when I make a decision to set limits with my paranormal group - to alleviate the pressure that I'm allowing to be put on me, that the nightmare will not return.

After the session, I popped a xanax, so I am feeling a little more numb. Thankfully. Because I didn't want to be a sobbing mess when I picked up my daughter after school.

I really need a good night's sleep....but I'm terrified to close my eyes. I don't think I'd survive reliving that nightmare again.

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MUE-take care of you tonight. Go easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Try to get the rest you need. Hugs.

hi all hows things tonight

Hi Granite. How are you.

i'm doing good hows you ttgb

Can't complain-busy day. Tired as all heck. Got any plans this weekend?

Wahhhhhh.... I really feel sick. I have been sleeping the last couple hours... Now H is warming me up some soup. I don't like being sick!

sorry you are feeling so sick i love tomato soup and alphabets when i dont feel good

i dont really know yet.i know i am going out tomorow night.how about you doing anything fun

So you put it down and walked away?

Nothing fun planned so far. Im gonna try to get out Saturday.

ummm umm I'm sorry i was in total panic mode and i completely forgot to look at her shoes but the carpet was cleaned. i promise ill try to remember next week

MUE
Healed - hope you feel better soon.
Hi Wiki, Granite, and TTGB

T was a disaster today. She was not gentle. At least I don't think so. I got so upset at the start I threw my journal on the floor. I have never done anything like that in t. Ugh. Maybe I'll write a post later.

Sometimes I get paranoid and think t knows I am on here, reads my posts before sessions and then does the opposite. I say she'll be gentle and get the complete opposite. I know totally paranoid.

Pretty bland session. Mostly because I didn't seem to want to share anything interesting.

Shoe report:

I wanted to say goodnight to everyone, sorry you had a bad T experience sconnie.

MUE I hope you sleep well. Healed I hope you heal quickly.

Those look a lot like my T's shoes. They just need to be scuffed up ever so slightly.

Good night!!! And thank you.

ugh, t has been wearing these same grey shoes all week, and t-shirts in 3, but shall we say 50 shades of gray? ugh, yuck, ptooey! i'm not playing this game anymore!

Grey is just plain boring. I would want to splatter paint on him.

Sleep tight Lola.

So, is it still considered drinking and e-mailing if the e-mail was composed before drinking commenced?

haha, i just woke up... i have a softball game in an hour..

iwould have to say it was of sound mind