[Miswimmy1]

I'm like spiraling... I didn't go to school, I'm in trouble for that. All I wanted was to talk to t. And she texted saying she won't be able to talk for a while. What?!?! She is supposed to be there. She didn't even give me any coping strategies. I want to hurt myself. But I've been there. And if I start, I won't be able to stop. I'm so overwhelmed and so triggered. I don't trust anyone and I want to run away and never see anyone ever again. I should never have let myself trust again. It's too hard... And it doesn't end well.

Miswimmy... you should have went to school. You are now just stewing in your juices....so find something constructive to do until T can get back with you. She is not putting you off because she is mad or anything like that, she is at work and is working..... keep posting, but be safe

[rainbow8]

That's kind of mean of your T, in my opinion. She's showing you tough love. Is she usually like this?

If you HAD gone to school, it may have been a distraction for you. Any way you can still go, or is the day almost over for you? It's not really the best idea to skip school but I'm sure you know that.

Can you talk to ANYONE else in your life today who might help you? Are you close to anyone--friend or relative? What about the school counselor? I realize you didn't go to school, but it's just an idea.

When do you see your T next?
Until then, what can you DO to stop spiraling? Do you have any idea from reading posts here, or from therapy?

I hope others here can give you more specific things to do. If you're home, can you go to a gym or something? Or run around outside? Physical exercise may help get you out of your head!!

[Miswimmy1]

T doesn't work on Fridays. So I have no idea why she can't talk.

I don't have anyone else to talk to really.

[perseverance11]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I'm like spiraling... I didn't go to school, I'm in trouble for that. All I wanted was to talk to t. And she texted saying she won't be able to talk for a while. What?!?! She is supposed to be there. She didn't even give me any coping strategies. I want to hurt myself. But I've been there. And if I start, I won't be able to stop. I'm so overwhelmed and so triggered. I don't trust anyone and I want to run away and never see anyone ever again. I should never have let myself trust again. It's too hard... And it doesn't end well.

Hello Miswimmy1,

Like rainbow8 said, it is kind of mean of your T and I understand why you don't have any confidence in others right now.

Do something that you like to change your mind until your next T appointment and I suggest you to talk about that to your T or if not, to your friends.

If you don't have anyone to talk to, if you want to private message me to talk more about that, feel free to do it. I will listen carrefully and try to help you.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

T doesn't work on Fridays. So I have no idea why she can't talk.

I don't have anyone else to talk to really.

I'm sorry but I don't believe she is trying to be mean, we have no idea what is going on in her life right now...it could be a number of things. One time I was freaking out because my T wouldn't respond to an email, as quickly as I would have like and it turns out a friend of his had been killed. This is when I began to realize the difference between being there for me emotionally and always being there. They are human to and have the same daily crap happen as well. She will call you when she can. I do think a distraction is in order. You can PM me too if you need to.

[murray]

I agree Miswimmy. From everything you have ever written your T cares for your very much. Just because she isn't working doesn't mean that she is not getting back to you because she is being mean. Please stay safe and try to distract yourself. Does it help to watch silly videos or anything. I know sometimes just watching silly animal videos on youtube helps me to laugh and forget about all the crap that is bugging me.

[Miswimmy1]

I thought I was doing the right thing giving in and letting her help me. But I let myself go and she wasnt there to catch me... She sounded dismissive and cold. She acts like its all something I have control over. But if I could stop, I would. But I can't! She told me no school= no swimming. But that's like an outlet... And the one thing that might make me feel better....

[autotelica]

I think assuming your therapist is being mean is only contributing to your desperation.

I understand that you have abandonment issues. But I guess I don't understand how you can forget the wonderful pumpkin celebration that you just had with your therapist. Or the lovely session that you had with her previously.

Just because your therapist doesn't work on Fridays does not mean that she doesn't have other things to do that are majorly important to her. She will get back to you--I know she will! Just hold on and try to reflect on the good times you've just had with her. That's what memories are for--to save you from moments like this.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm not assuming she is being mean. I'm just saying that I'm frustrated and confused as to why she is never here in crisis. Even in session, she backs off when she sees me getting upset. So I never really have an issues in the session because she will switch topics. So I'm left alone to deal with all these things that I wish t was here for

Miswimmy, this is something you need to bring up with her as we dont truly know if you are seeing her as not being there and switching topics when you get upset or if it's truly how things are. We all have skewed perceptions about things and the best way to fix that is to go to the source and ask. Look at your tag line, this storm will pass too, you just have to ride it out and don't fuel it.

[autotelica]

Miswimmy, sometimes I've felt like I'm in dire straits but did not want to bother my therapist by phone. The thing that helped me was to imagine what she'd say and try to follow this imaginary advice.

Can you imagine what your therapist would say to you to calm you down?

[Miswimmy1]

She doesn't calm me. She sits there. And let's me be. Its like she doesn't care.

Perhaps your T is allowing you to find your own personal resources to learn to cope. Our T's can't always rescue us. They can't literally be there 24/7. She isn't being mean. She simply can't work with you right now -- for whatever reason. She could be involved in a myriad of things that require her attention today -- her day off.

Not going to school has left you alone to stew in your juices rather than being somewhere that could at least keep you distracted from "you" for a few hours. So, rather than sit there and stew. Go to school if the day isn't over; attend the rest of your classes. Or, pick out some good movies to watch. Or, go for a long walk to burn off that excess energy and agitation. You CAN find ways to cope right now without your T having to do it for you. That is what you need to discover for yourself today.

This anxiety will pass soon enough if you don't feed it by staying isolated and telling yourself you have no ability to find a way to cope through this. It IS in your power to find healthy ways to get through what you are feeling right now, but you have to make the decision to purposefully find those ways.

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

She doesn't calm me. She sits there. And let's me be. Its like she doesn't care.

But you seem to like her so much and in the past you have described her in such loving terms.

How is it that now she doesn't care? Surely there is something she does that makes you happy when she's around?

[Miswimmy1]

School is a whole other issue. I think u all think that I didn't go because of whats going on between my t and I. That is not the case. School is a different matter... Having to do with OCD triggers. I am working on that with t, but... Yeah that's been kind of of put on hold at the moment

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by autotelica

But you seem to like her so much and in the past you have described her in such loving terms.

How is it that now she doesn't care? Surely there is something she does that makes you happy when she's around?

I do love her. But we make each other happy when we are both happy. I guess. She is not the best in crisis, I have to say. But this doesn't come up often and so its not a biggie. But it's times like these that make me feel so unwanted and such a burden

(((((miswimmy))))) what about journaling or drawing to let out your pain as it distracts you?

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

T doesn't work on Fridays. So I have no idea why she can't talk.

I don't have anyone else to talk to really.

what are we chopped liver?????

Ya got us!

[autotelica]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I do love her. But we make each other happy when we are both happy. I guess. She is not the best in crisis, I have to say. But this doesn't come up often and so its not a biggie. But it's times like these that make me feel so unwanted and such a burden

I can relate to this.

I think the next time you see her, you should tell her you really need her to work with you on developing some coping techniques. You're in therapy not for the gift-exchanges and the Easter egg hunts, but so you can learn to keep yourself from falling apart. If she's only there for you during the happy times, she's not doing her job. So try to steer the ship and tell her you need her to work with you.

I know you have expressed fatigue with having "serious" sessions. I don't know if you're still feeling like this or not, or even if you ever told her. But as much as serious sessions suck sometimes, they serve a purpose.

[Miswimmy1]

Managed to quit crying... Now I'm just dead. I don't know what to do.

[Bill3]

What calming or coping techniques do you have?

Perhaps others here can offer techniques that work for them.

Here is something that I use:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2276767_do-f...breathing.html

[mcl6136]

hot bath warm cookies dog hug good book book a flight fly a kite write a letter tear it up curl your hair light a candle smell a spice get a film buy a skirt tell a friend where it hurts

What if your therapist is in the midst of a crisis of her own today?

Even if she's not, doncha think she deserves some "me" time too?

I know we pay them the big bucks, but to expect them to be all things for us all the time really isn't very fair.

Upon reflection, wouldn't you agree?

At any rate, I hope your day gets better.

[rainbow8]

I know how you feel. I think it's nightsky who used to post how to get through the bad times, 1 minute at a time. Just take it minute by minute. Crying is good. I've done a lot of it this week. Maybe now you can do something relaxing or distracting.

I hope this isn't triggering, but do you live with your parents? Do they know how bad you feel? I understand if you don't get along, but just wondering where they are in all of this. Please forgive me if my questions make you feel worse. I'm trying to help you get through this and asking out of caring.