Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how (Part V)

If you read role call you will see how much of a wuss I am.

Words for you (according to me):

amazing
caring
kind
generous
confusing
hypocritical
blunt
nice
clever
intelligent
sneaky
warm
distant

you are a walking contradiction in many ways. you are a magnet. sometimes you atttract me... sometimes you repell me.

Dear T:
I am scared. I wish we had a session this week and not next week.
Me.

Dear T,
just got back from vacation and i had a great time . i go to the sea to breathe. five days of breathing. i wish i could live there.

please try to help me connect better this time. last time, i was just like we were having a conversation, not therapy. i need therapy. ps. i am going to attempt to leave in may 2013.

T

I am as scared to see you tomorrow, as I am scared not to see you.

I don't know what will happen and I don't know what to do.

I sure do not feel like going on.

this is the worst rupture we have had. going back is hard if i don't trust that you can help me ... if i go, it'll be more for closure than for help. i don't trust you to help me w/out hurting me. i don't trust you.

I dreamt about u last night. I was late to an appointment. Then it was a new office. I couldn't find your suite and I was late.

Maybe that's all my anxiety about therapy right there...

Dear T,
I miss you in between sessions and wish I could see you more than twice a week. I only feel safe when I am with you.

Sometimes I really don't understand people and when I try asking you about this it never seems to help the way I hope it will. I wish you could help me make better sense of them

Dear current T,
I will see you on Wed. I have struggled with this and that, thought about this and that, made progress, regressed, was empathic with others, pushed others away, got a bad blood report, and I have alot of information to download from my brain. My brain cannot hold anymore. I hope you are ready, although I'm not sure you know what you've gotten yourself into.

My suggestion:


Antimatter

my suggestion is your new T sticks around for the ride

but they don't have a smiley for that one, lol.

I concur.

i miss you

i want to talk to you now; i don't want to talk to you again
is that confuzzling or what!

No sleep. Anxiety-ridden. Time to put on the mask and go to work as if I had a viable self. If I am going to burn the candle at both ends, I need to find a hobby other than surfing the web and searching for physical diagnoses, etc. I'm a leper. I'm a tired leper.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

You are the best t ever and I am gonna miss you so much in these next weeks that it takes my breath away. I think that shows how important you are to me and how much I care about you! I love you!

I am really trying not to freak out that you haven't called me back since I called you LAST TUESDAY! Trying to remember that Thanksgiving was this past week and you were probably out of the office, but I am starting to feel like maybe you don't want to be bothered with me...Just call back and say you don't have time! Anything would be better than NOT hearing from you!

ok now I am freaking out because T just called me. Like maybe 5 minutes after I posted my previous post up there. I hope to god she is not on PC, she probably has better things to do, right? Right? Tell me I am overreacting. Right?

You are overreacting. I don't think T's have the time or the inclination to read here and try to decipher if a poster is their patient.

Omg! I am the same way! More than once, I hav posted something here, and the next minute, she has responded as if she has seen it. Like I posted about being nervous about wanting a hug here, and the next day in session, she asked me if I wanted a hug. Its hard for me to believe that its coincidence. It freaks me out. and the fact that my username is so obvious (thats my email i use with her, my iphone app usernames, etc.) It freaks me out.

I would like to say that you are overeacting, but I hav the same issue myself.

thanks guys! (i needed a kick in the pants, lol)

(((wolfin))) unless your t knows you are on here and your username way more than likely it was coincidence

miswimmy I thought your t knew you were here?

[quote=tigergirl;2733589

miswimmy I thought your t knew you were here? [/quote]

she knows I go on here. but i wasn't sure if she would actually check it or look for things I hav said... haha i would like to think that she doesn't have enough time. so she knows that i am here, but i dont know if she is here, and that unnerves me haha