[Miswimmy1]

I am having a "family meeting" this morning with t. I know it's gonna be horrible. A lot of venting emotions, a lot of pent up bitterness out for all to see. I'm so nervous especially since this is such a bad time with my t going away. I really really don't want to go. Any pocket riders would be welcome. I don't wanna do it alone

[granite1]

ill jump in

[Ike McCaslin]

I'm in. Good luck.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I'm in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have my wand and Hedwig just in case you need them. . .

[taylor43]

Right in your pocket! (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))

[Miswimmy1]

It went awful. Just how I thought. It was a total "let's trash Anna and make her feel like a total failure". Fine. I'm a failure at life. I suck at therapy. I'm just a burden on everyone. I can't believe t is going away and she let them do this to me. I'm starting to think I'm not gonna make it these next weeks.

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

It went awful. Just how I thought. It was a total "let's trash Anna and make her feel like a total failure". Fine. I'm a failure at life. I suck at therapy. I'm just a burden on everyone. I can't believe t is going away and she let them do this to me. I'm starting to think I'm not gonna make it these next weeks.

What exactly did she "let" them "do" to you? Is some action being taken, or was this just a discussion?

[Miswimmy1]

She let them have their way! She basically said they are going to go about their lives and if u have panic attacks, that's ur problem and u have to deal with it on your own. She knows what my triggers are! And she basically made all of them moot.

Also, she just sat there and let them trash me. U aren't gonna see day to say progress! I'm making progress. A lot of its internal. Having to do with self worth and all that. Of course they dont see it. We don't even talk. It's so unfair that she let them do that to me. Call me a failure. When she knows I'm not

[adel34]

Swimmy,
I'm so sorry! Family therapy can be intense, I imagine particularly when you're a teenager. I say "imagine" because I didn't do therapy with my family until I was 20, and atthat point I was actually the one who initiated it. My sister, at the time and as recently as last year wanted no part in the process, and she was 15 at the time.
This is such hard timing. Know I'm thinking of you.

So she told you that you are essentially in charge of dealing with your own emotions? That would be accurate, right? I mean. The only person who can really deal with your own emotions is you. No one can "fix" them for you. We all have to learn to use coping techniques to deal with things in healthy ways. I don't see how what she is saying is really incorrect. Our triggers are OUR responsibility. We would like it if we could just tell everyone what our triggers are and it be THEIR responsibility to avoid them, but the world just doesn't work like that. Triggers are triggers because of OUR reactions, and it is OUR job to learn how to react in healthier ways to things that trigger us. We can't expect people to walk on egg shells around us or to fix things for us. (Understand, I'm going on the little information you have provided so far. I'm not trying to rag on you, but perhaps you can step back and see this from a more objective perspective.)

[Sannah]

Can't wait until you can discuss this with her.

[Miswimmy1]

I know. But shes throwing me in the deep end! We went from being all careful and accommodative to nothing! It's like a slap in the face. I can't deal with it right now!

How is she throwing you in the deep end? You keep talking in these general statements which makes me wonder if anything really "happened", if anything has really "changed", or if this is mostly perception and emotion on your part.

[Miswimmy1]

It did happen. She is supposeded to be on my side. It always happens. She institutes things; changes them, and then she leaves and I'm left alone to deal with it. She is nvr there to pick up the pieces

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

It did happen. She is supposeded to be on my side. It always happens. She institutes things; changes them, and then she leaves and I'm left alone to deal with it. She is nvr there to pick up the pieces

"It" happened? What is "it"? I'm not understanding. What did she institute, specifically, that she changed today? (And she hasn't "left"; she's having surgery and will be back in a few weeks unless that changed.) Is it her job to "pick up the pieces"? What would picking up the pieces look like to you? You aren't powerless here. What can YOU do to pick up the pieces for yourself or at least hold them together until she returns from her medical leave? Can you come up with a plan to help yourself?

[sittingatwatersedge]

I will come if not too late!!

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

"It" happened? What is "it"? I'm not understanding. What did she institute, specifically, that she changed today? (And she hasn't "left"; she's having surgery and will be back in a few weeks unless that changed.) Is it her job to "pick up the pieces"? What would picking up the pieces look like to you? You aren't powerless here. What can YOU do to pick up the pieces for yourself or at least hold them together until she returns from her medical leave? Can you come up with a plan to help yourself?

I have OCD. there are triggers. those cause panic attacks. my parents went on and on about little things that I do to try to avoid those triggers. that apparently get in the way of them living their lives (apparently i dont see it). my t, instead of trying to work things out, told them that they shouldn't dance around my triggers. that i have to deal with reprecussions of it all.

so she is setting me up to hav daily freak outs, but then she is going away. she isn't going to help me when those things to do happen. and when they do, its out of control. i hav no coping mechanisms to deal with the panic and the flowing emotions. then its between me ruining the house, or SI-ing, or whatever. and she isn't there to help me through it.

i do pick up the pieces as best as i can. i compulse. but she is saying taht i can't even do that anymore. so where am i left now? everyone always does this to me. they ruin my life when things are going fine, and then they aren't there to help me deal with the pain and panic and the hurt that comes with it. they are fine attacking me, but they aren't wiling to deal with the consequences. its like teasing a lion. at some point, they are going to snap and attack back.

Is there anywhere you can take a break and be alone while home ... Like a favorite room or a walk in the woods? ... When things are getting too much to handle perhaps go there?

Also, maybe find creative outlets for venting the anger that doesn't cause harm or damage to you or anyone or anything else? ... Batting Cages, Driving Range, Tennis Balls Upside a Brick or Concrete Wall?

Blow up punching clowns are my favorites ... They keep popping back up for more ... !!!

Or simply writing it all down in a journal ... Anything that helps distract us from doing other stuff that's just gonna make it worse ... !!!

Somewhere, sometime, we do have to learn how to self soothe ... The sooner the better ... If we don't, we're only going to cause ourself more harm and heartache in the longrun.

How is it your family's responsibility to keep you from "freaking out"? They really don't have that power, nor does your T.

I spent years and years trying to keep things a certain way in my house so that nothing would "trigger" my husband. It was crazy making for me to even think I had that kind of ability. You family can't prevent your anxiety or your triggers; neither can your T. The only person who has any real power to "deal" with your anxiety and triggers and symptoms is YOU. I know you don't want to hear that right now, but you are trying to make everyone around you responsible for your well-being, and they don't have that power or ability without completely wearing themselves out (and even then, it really won't work.)

You DO have ways to cope in a healthy way when your anxiety builds. Go swimming or for a brisk walk to physically work through some of those symptoms. Learn some meditation or mindfulness techniques if those might be of help to you. You can find mindfulness exercises and CD's/recordings online for free. You can do this, but right now you are planning to "freak out" every day and to "snap and attack back." How about planning to swim or walk or journal or meditate or draw or whatever that doesn't involve violence, destruction, or SI? YOU can come up with options IF YOU choose to use them.

[Miswimmy1]

Well then they should give me some time. Let me learn those ways to cope. Before piling it all on. How about that?

No better time to start than the present. Take life one day at a time; heck, take it one hour at a time. Don't let it be a pile. Handle things one little bit at a time so things don't "pile" up. You are looking a mile ahead of you and seeing a "pile" the size of a mountain; try just looking right in front of your toes to deal with the one little pebble right in front of you. Just deal with it; kick it out of the way. Pebbles don't turn into mountains unless you let them "pile" up in front of you.

[autotelica]

Miswimmy, you are on the road towards learning some valuable lessons.

Our pain is ours. No one else's. No one, not even our thereapists, are responsible for how we manage our pain.

They can't force us to take meds. They can't make us master the relaxation techniques they teach us. They cant make us believe all the feel-good stuff they fill our heads with.

So your therapist was right to let your folks have their say, just as she lets you have yours. She was also right when she said the responsibility is yours. And you have recently demonstrated this by making the executive decision to stop taking medication.

These are the hard lessons that eventually all of us learn. It is lonely being responsible, but with responsibility comes power.

[Miswimmy1]

About to go into my private session with t. Hopefully things will get talked about :/

[granite1]

good luck swimmy

[Butterflies Are Free]

I hope things go well. I know that when I get triggered(sometimes at work), I go through a list(in my mind) of positive things I can do to help myself. I had to learn what to do because I did not want other people to have to "go around me" - if something happened or was said that really bothered me, I would have to decide whether or not to share my feelings. Now, I actually posted earlier today about being triggered last night when my house alarm went off, so I know I don't deal with my triggers perfectly. I like the idea someone posted about taking a walk or getting involved in some type of an activity. I hope you had a good session with your T!