Am I ever going to find a T that can help me...thinking of giving up on therapy

Well, I guess I have given up on therapy for now...but I am really struggling with anxiety and some depression resulting from crap in my life combined with not being able to cope with my anxiety and low self-esteem. I have found one T who worked for me....but I was not able to stay with her because I moved. I've been to three different ones since then and it seems like the T that worked for me was the exception to the norm.

I don't know if maybe I am not articulating my needs in therapy clearly, or what. I had scheduling issues with my last T, a combination of me needing late afternoon appointments and her going out of town a lot, sometimes we wouldn't be able to set an appointment for until a month after the last appt. I also feel like, with some Ts, that I just get the kind of advice or observations that I would get from a friend trying to find the "right" thing to say to make me feel better (don't know if that makes sense). The T that worked for me seemed to have a lot of insights as to why my thought processes were the way they were, and some of the things I needed to do, but did so in a way that allowed me to learn and realize things for myself, without answers being "imposed" on me.

I'm really not sure what to do right now. I'm not sure what's worse, the thought of putting money and energy into yet another T that may or may not work for me, or going on for the rest of my life not being able to cope with my thoughts and feelings.

I just feel like the number one advice for people struggling with mental disorders is to seek professional help...and that's what I've been trying to do for the past couple years, and it's getting me nowhere. I am open to the idea that I am doing something wrong that is keeping me from benefiting from therapy. I also recognize this part in me that is afraid of, or resistant to, letting all of this go.

I guess just writing about this, and thinking about how much I'm torturing myself with my own mind, has made me want to not give up.

((Mistica))

I'm sorry that you're feeling discouraged

I wonder if you could contact your former T and see if she has any advice for you about choosing a new T.

I've had T's of different orientations and went looking for a particular kind of therapist this time. I called a psychoanalytic institute near me and asked for a referral because I wanted someone analytically oriented. So, I'm wondering if your previous T could direct you in choosing a T of the same orientation.

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Hi Mistica It sounds like you have had mixed experiences with your Therapists, so sorry to hear that. Sometimes it takes a while before you 'find' someone who you can relate to and who will meet your needs. It is well worth looking around and well worth the wait sometimes though I hear that maybe you really are ready to start your journey.

I found a wonderful Integrative/Humanistic therapist and am now doing a degree in the same modality . It was the first time in my life I was given autonomy, validation and total acceptance. Person/client-centred therapy underpins my clinical practice as this incorporates genuineness, unconditional positive regard and empathy. I offer a safe and trustworthy space in order to facilitate my client's growth. Being integrative, this allows me to incorporate other modalities as people are all unique and all have completely different needs depending on their up bringing and how they relate to themselves and others and even their world .

I guess the reason I am saying all this is that it may give you another option if you haven't already tried Integrative psychotherapy? It can be long and emotional work but so so worth it in the end You are allowed to be the 'professional' in the therapeutic relationship, we therapists learn so much from our clients. You teach us how your world is, how can we possibly know how it is for another? It is a gentle process for you to go at your own speed, dipping in and out of painful experiences. Most of all, it is important to be accepted for who you are. Anxiety and depression are coping mechanisms which allow people to survive through difficult times. Instead of shunning and pushing them away, they are embraced and are a part of who you are .

I hope this has been a little helpful. I still have so much to learn as I am in my third and final year of this degree course, my clients have taught me so much, theory just enhances how I can facilitate client's needs

Best wishes, I really hope you find the right T for you . Take care, Kerry xx

I would suggest to keep looking for the right T. It might be that awesome T might be a tough act to follow? Did it take some time for awesome T to become awesome? Did she have to get to know you first?

Thanks for all the hugs and support everyone.

opheliasorrow, it actually really did help me to read what you said about Integrative/Humanistic therapy. Something just clicked with me thinking of that orientation as a possible solution to my problems. I actually went back to my former Ts listing on a therapist database and she lists Humanistic, as well as some others. I did recognize some things that you mentioned in my former therapy. I still need to actually talk to her and find out if our therapy sessions were geared towards any particular orientation.

I actually don't remember taking too much of a long time adjusting to that particular T. Even in the intake phone call I remember something just clicking with me...I was having a hard time talking about my problems and she just said something really simple that summed up what I felt like I needed from therapy. Maybe I just have a really romanticized view of it looking back.

Every time I have an episode of extreme anxiety or depression or whatever I was going through yesterday, the next day I feel very logical and emotionally detached, as I do now.

I can really relate to this post- you summed up very much how I feel. Despite my numerous failed attempts at therapy I still have the urge to make that call and try again. And then I tell myself that there isn't help for me. I've tried. I've failed. I go about my days telling myself I'm okay, when really, I know I am not. It's just that I feel like I have to be okay because the help won't be there.

Maybe this is a natural coping mechanism. You can only take so much and your body just shuts it off for a bit?

(((precious things))) I hope you find the help that is out there for you. It's a lot to try to work out everything on your own. I keep trying it that way since therapy seems like too much of an effort with no progress with all these therapists I have gone to. But I'm not getting anywhere this way either. I don't know how to help since I'm having the same problem, but I hope for you to find healing and relief.

Probably is. What sucks is that I only feel a strong need to get some help for myself when I am having one of these episodes. I have periods of generally not feeling well that I just kind of tolerate. Now that I'm just past my latest episode and feeling sort of whatever, maybe even somewhat content, I don't feel like trying to find help right now. Argh.

Hello again Mistica My sense is that you have perhaps been overwhelmed with therapy at times? Go with your instincts A lot to be said about them. You will know when you are ready for therapy again - it may be that you either will or wont go again. The beauty of therapy and yourself is that you have the choice to do whatever you feel I wish you all the best with whatever your choice is. Like Sannah says sometimes our natural coping mechanisms kick in and our mind/body/soul allows us to know what we need and when we need it thanks to our 'ancient brain' and the part which has developed since. Take care, Kerry xx