Couch number 33!!!!!

I'm alive. I wish I could stop distancing myself from people. Too much going on, too much in my head. Maybe I should start journaling again. But then I feel like it should be heard, but I don't want to bother people with my rambling thoughts.

I wish I had the courage to do the things I need to but I'm too afraid. Also, waiting...waiting games suck. Next Tuesday I see a pdoc for the first time. I get to talk about my anxiety/ depression issues and push for an aspergers eval. That's going to be the hardest part for me. To lower my guard and stop hiding all my symptoms, so that I can get the most accurate help. To stop downplaying it all as if it's nothing- when in reality it's disabling.

sigh.

Granite-Sounds like you had a hard night. I hope you wake up feeling a little better today. Hugs.

Hello everyone else. I plan to continue my search for a life coach today, give my dogs a bath and clean the house. It's good that I'll be distracted because I'm reading things on here that are making me angry. I'm considering postponing my T session scheduled for tomorrow until I figure out what I need to say to her.

I had a dream where I was at college and all of a sudden I realized I wasn't crosseyed and I was so surprised that I woke up. So it seems to be true for distance but for reading I still have to close one eye. Still, an improvement. I might cancel my out of the way eye Dr appt this week. I have been doing eye exercises, one eye at a time, maybe those are helping. Anyway, I hope you all will celebrate with me. Yippee!!

Hank that is awesome! So happy for you!

Yay Hankstah! I really hope it is improving, that's awesome.

Jerz...maybe your t could do life coach type stuff on off weeks with you if you ask? It may be better doing it with the same person, and as you mentioned cheaper. Just a thought.

Granite...sorry about your son being so far, that would crush me. I wish I knew how to make you feel better.

I am dripping what will hopefully be my last IV, and then starting oral doses tomorrow. We received an offer on the house last night, more than what we were asking. They had several offers come in at once and these people wanted to stand out. So it looks like we will be moving quickly. It's really sinking in, and I am a bit sad. They are coming back today with their children.

Have a good day all.

Hankster-that is happy news

(((Wiki)))) I really really hope that this ends up being a blessing in disguise for you and your family. You deserve nothing but health, peace and happiness ahead and I really really hope you get it. Hugs hugs and more hugs

I just was flat out honest with my T. When she texted me back to tell me that she had no appointments open later in the week, I just said "That's okay, I will keep my appointment for tomorrow. To be honest, I was just not ready to see you after my meltdown last week, but it has to be worked thru" Those moments where I let out exactly what I am thinking at the moment are bitter sweet. Looks like I will have myself quite a session tomorrow.

Wikid - good luck with the changes

Jersey - good luck at the therapist's office

My dog is a bit unhappy. He just got a bath and smells good. He however feels as though he smelled just fine and didn't need a bath.

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wiki i am so sorry about your house. this must just suck so bad. i hope you will be able to find a beautiful house. just remember to pace yourself Chickie. moving is a big deal and tiring at it's best.

i think it will be OK jersey. i know it may feel uncomfortable but remember you T is there to help you

awww look at that face

He's cursing me. LOL

Morning all!

Sila, glad you're alive and hope things start improving.

Wikid, glad this is the last IV and I hope the oral stuff works with less inconvenience. I don't know what to say about the house. More than asking price is good, but I can imagine how sad it must be. Big hugs.

Jersey, good luck today!

granite, is the morning better than last evening for you?

morning stopdog. Do you have work today?

hey MKAC i am doing better this morning i just hate not having my boy around some times. thanks for asking. hows you doing?

I knew dogs could smile but I didn't know they could pout!!

Wait I take that back - my neighbor dog pouted when they took in a black lab puppy who stole all the attention. He was so pleased when I threw some treats right to him.

My dogs pout and sulk. I picked up a friend's little puppy and cuddled with it for a few minutes, and my younger dog turned his back to me and would not interact with me for a few hours. I bribed my way back into his good graces with a piece of bacon. He even snubbed lesser treats.

Courts and school are closed. Doing some much needed paperwork and billing. I am terrible at billing.

This is the first day I've felt really noticeably better from this wicked flu I caught from my daughter. I actually started calling it "influenza" because "flu" seemed too light and fluffy a word for how ill we were.

The last two days were the first time I went out and fed my horses since I got sick the weekend before (they had hay and they're on pasture so they weren't starving). Carrying the three five gallon buckets of wet feed had me completely exhausted and shaking. They were happy to see me anyway, and it is the coolest thing on the earth to hear the rumble and thunder of hooves as they gallop in from pasture.

Oh, last night on TV, there was a scene that had that sound of thundering hooves, and our young dog (a herding breed), came flying into the living room, all tense and ready to herd. LOL.

Mornin, couch peeps....

Jersey - I'm impressed with your text to T. Hope the session goes well.

Granite - (( HUGS )) - Having your son be away and be in the military is a hard adjustment, they grow up and change so much. But he is still your boy.

Sila - I'm glad you're taking this step with pdoc. It's hard, but your drive to let down your guard and let the issues be known so that you can get the help you need is a great step. (( HUGS ))

Wiki - Glad you're on the last IV. And that's great news and sad news about the house. Makes it all so very real. I am avoiding taking that step because it's just so huge.

Hankster - Woot Woot!

I am in migraine hell this morning....big time. A really bad one. And I hate how I feel after taking triptans, but I took one. So, not only am I suffering with a migraine, but I'm suffering with the awful side effects of the meds. The side effects usually go away in an hour or so. My head and face hurt so much that my teeth are throbbing. Ugh.

I'm supposed to be going to my sister's house today....not sure if that will happen.

MKAC - That's great that you're finally feeling better....the sound of excited horses must be amazing!

Mkac that's so funny about your dog! My cat, long ago, we had a wooden porch with steps, and on a certain music tape, it opens with walking up steps, across the porch and knocking on the door, and it fooled her every time we played it. She'd be like, There's someone here!! Answer the door!

hankster, are you still delivering the papers on Sundays?

I pooped out!!! I probably should go to the office and tell them I quit. It was giving me a bad attitude, like I didn't already have one. I don't know what's wrong with me. I would come home from T and be like, I have to go to the bathroom, I am not delivering the stupid papers, quit ruining my day. And like nobody was even talking to me!! Well no wonder, right?

My friend asked me about it at lunch last week. I was like, this is how I used to get into trouble. I hated the letter management sent out (about the papers) so much, I felt personally responsible for making things better. But it wasn't necessary, really. All I did was make myself look like a fool. Or at least undependable. Stupid, stupid, stupid! (My mantra!)

glad you are starting to feel better