Loordy, Lourdy the COUCH is 40....

There are times I thought my xT was laughing all the way to the bank... the only person who benefited from me being too stubburn to do things differently was T...

nothing lasts forever

Actually, if I had kept fighting with him, I would've gotten no where. The relationship between us very likely could've completely soured. If he had surrendered to me, we would've still been in that stupid ring, going around and around, doing the same stupid thing, and and for what? Just to do it?

Instead I told the horse to just go and take me with him. He obviously knew where he wanted to be, and it was somewhere I didn't know.

I learned a lot from that. It's too bad I don't ride anymore. Horses are great teachers really.

You ok rts?

Wishing I'd never accepted the homework from my T. He wants me draw the separation from my ex, drawings representing before, during and after. I have already cried so much the paper is almost mush, and I haven't even finished picture 1.

Maybe that was the point.

Horses are the best teachers. I find they reflect things back in such a genuine way.

My horse is very nervous and difficult, but also quite cheeky. I had to get the balance just right between being a firm leader and being reassuring. Though if I'd given in and let him choose what to do when he was fighting, he would have fallen apart (and he did when I made that mistake).

It must be the same in therapy. Totally different needs depending on the client? I'm not really sure about the whole control/ giving in to control thing in therapy. My therapist is allowed to guide me and I allow myself to be guided, if that's what I want and if I agree with where she's guiding me. Perhaps it was my horses after all that taught me to work in that sort of partnership.

RTS....that's not true, feelings are not facts and neither are realizations based on them.

I firmly believed that nothing would change in my life too, but it did change. Now I firmly believe that if things need to change, you have to keep fighting for it, and if you keep fighting, then something has begun to change. I think it's possible, even when you can't see it (and sometimes those other people can see what's possible, even when we can't).

I don't think blaming the client for being stubborn (or even the belief the client is stubborn) is helpful or even true. It simply takes different people different time to figure out the various paths. Some therapists are better companions on the journey than others and different clients choose different ones.

sorry for voicing my depressing thoughts... I deleted them so as not to bring down others...

I did not think they were depressing. Sorry you deleted them. I think this is an okay to post stuff like that if you want.

No need to be sorry, Ready. Let it all out, we can handle it. Sorry for your pain. I hope it will ease.

I agree with therapy being very analogous to training horses. I notice similarities in the way my T treats me and how I treated abused animals I was trying to rehabilitate.

The first abused horse I rehabilitated, we spent most of the first year working on her trusting me. She wanted to fight at first, and had put her last handler in the hospital for an extended time. We had some long, serious discussions before she realized that I was not going to harm her, and listening to me had rewards. Just because her life had been hard and horrible before, and things had always been that way, didn't mean it always had to be that way. But until she was able to allow herself to lower her guard, and listen to me and agree to try things my way, she was just stuck in this angry, fighting stance.

That is what I realized I had to at least try in therapy this time. Things had always been a certain way for me. I knew that I didn't want it to always be that way, and I had to try something different. I was willing to attempt a partnership with my T and try to figure out something new. This partnership feeling may be missing in some therapy relationships, or maybe the person involved may not be in a place where they are desperate enough to try something new or different.

I agree wholeheartedly with this, MKAC. The pain of not changing must be greater than the pain of changing in order for change to occur.

I think it's interesting that we go to therapists to help us understand ourselves and make changes to make our lives better, but then fight those therapists at every turn.

Good nite all. Slow night on the couch. It seems to pick up after it is condemned. A bunch of hooligans.

I'll leave you with this. Slowhand, with Dhani Harrison, Paul, Ringo, et al, at the Concert for George.

Night Ike....

I am having to learn that my way works for awhile but not forever and I must attempt to change.

I realize the need to change, myself. for my own good, but it is much easier to continue the same destructive behavior.

I've always wondered about the meaning of this song, What is behind it? I think Lefty sold out Pancho for "thirty pieces of silver" Judas style. What is your interpretation? Anybody? TVZ would never explain, and I understand that, art is subject to interpretarion and all that.

I guess I don't see it as the client fighting the therapist over change in general - but for me, I need to see that the change is not going to put me in a worse place than now, what that change is going to cost and if I (NOT the therapist) believe the cost of the change is worth it for ME. I may find that a change in some area is worth it, I may decide it is not. I actually do consider things, but the decision is mine and the time it takes me to decide is mine.

That one therapist has compared me to a cornered wounded wild animal.

That's the big difference, stopdog. I was at the end. I had reached the point where I had a really detailed plan and it seemed absolutely inevitable that I was going through with that plan. I didn't want to do that to my children, but was afraid I would just get too tired or overwhelmed and lose control.

I agree that is a difference.

Question to the couch for any willing to reply:

List one small thing that your parents did that you have or would be willing to forgive them for doing?

Made me take piano lessons.

I had to really stop and think hard there. I would say hitting me as it was the least damaging thing they did. Physically and emotionally.

I've forgotten what I've forgiven. And isn't that the point?

That was my T homework this week...