How does the T relationship change with time?

DISCUSSION TOPIC:

How does the T relationship change with time?

Assuming the therapy is effective, you will grow emotionally. How will that affect the relationship?

I don't feel I can give you a complete answer as I've only been in T for 2 1/2 years and I'm only just scratched the surface of my problems.

In the beginnning I used to see my T as a mechanic, someone I paid to talk to, but over time he has ceased to be a nameless automaton and i can relate to him more like a friend. I mean I can trust him with intimate details, but we haven't covered the BIG STUFF yet. I've only just learned how to identify and name feelings and emotions.

Ask me again in 20 years.

I'm also not a lot of good as it has taken me 3 years to almost trust her. Now I can sit in silence for a session if I need to and it is relaxing not stressful. Also when she tells me I can do something, I tend to agree rather than getting angry.
She also rarely initiates anything and I am much better at asking for what I need, in identifying my needs and getting her to help me get them met. Again I suppose if I didn't trust her this wouldn't happen.
A friend of mine has moved on from the strong attachment phase I am in and said her relationship is completely different now. I can't think of her exact words but along the lines of more equal I think

I think the trust improves (it took me about 7 years to reach this point though!)

As the relationship develops both t and client are likely to change. Transference from client can become more entrenched as stuff from the past comes up and affects their reactions towards t. On the t side, counter transference can also take over in response to client's transference and/or their own subconscious issues. This can in some cases create re-enactments of the past which can be the making or the breaking of therapy depending on the level of awareness by t and how it is handled.

As the client changes emotionally trust can deepen, more risks can be taken by both t and client (some which pay off, some don't) and more genuine feelings come into the room as both parties really get to know one another. Feelings about the ending and saying goodbye can be hard.

In 2 years of therapy my t has changed a bit. Her essence is the same but she clearly has counter transference reactions to me and we've been caught in a few re-enactments but fortunately she is aware of them. I've gone through a lot of different feelings towards t - unfortunately some negative.

This is a tricky question for me.

Although my trust and security in my relationship with T has grown, I find that our relationship may actually prohibit me from making progress (if I let it). T even admits that we've become comfortable in the relationship which may have its limitations.

Also, early on in my therapy, I was quite open and honest about my experiences, etc. But I was emotionally detached so it was quite easy. Now that I am more in-tune with my feelings, it's excruciatingly difficult to talk about anything that I raised 4 years ago when I first began therapy.

It's a strange dynamic that evolves differently for most, I'd imagine, with some basic commonalities.

I am interested to see how things develop for me. At first I was very wary and afraid to open up, always second-guessing what he thought of me. I am starting to trust him more and feel more contained. I don't know what comes next.

I didn't see my T for several years and then saw her again and she had grown! It's good to realize that it works both ways, the T grows and changes over time too, not just the client.

OVer time, the client gleans information from observing the therapist, and then tries to see how that information might be useful to the client. Thus the client gets better at extracting the information.

Stopdog, you almost make it sound like a science experiment or spy exchange rather than a relationship? If your T really only an information provider to you? Can't you read a book and get the same information?

I do read books, but that does not seem like enough.

All relationships change with time.

If both parties have a vested interest in the relationship, each will adjust and change to keep the relationship of mutual benefit.

This is a bit like asking whether parents can have a valuable relationship with their children after they've grown. Well, the truth is that some can and some can't.

Or whether a marriage reaches an expiration date, or can continue to evolve in ways that enhance the partners. Some do and some don't.

I think it largely depends upon the authenticity of the relationship, the perceived benefits to the people involved, and the degree to which each person is willing to accept the risks of growth.

The only difference within a therapy relationship is if a point is reached when there is no longer any therapeutic benefit to be gained. At that point, the therapy should end. Whether the relationship also ends is a separate issue.

I had been seeing a T for about 1 year starting when I was diagnosed with BP, one day I went for session and she told me she felt we were finished. I was surprised and confused to the point when she asked me if I thought so , I said okay and left.
I hope this thread continues .

Other than I'm just more relaxed around T and he seems to sense this, I'm not sure I know yet how the relationship has changed. I do hope that he's more vested in the relationship with his long-term clients than he is with the shorter term ones though.

Punching holes through the blank slate?

What do you think made her say that? Did you feel ready???

I recently referred a friend to my T. It's been interesting seeing him through her eyes, and hearing about them kind of maneuvering, trying to get comfortable with each other. Their relationship in this beginning stage seems dramatically different than the beginning stages of my relationship with him.

Currently she's annoyed at him because he thinks certain aspects of her childhood were a bigger deal than she does. She wants to focus on different coping and behavioral skills pretty exclusively. It's interesting to me that he was pretty intensely skills focused with me in the beginning, and we slowly started getting more into the origins of my issues, whereas he is trying to get her to discuss the origins of the issues much more quickly. I'm wondering if that is because I was so intensely depressed at first that he thought I needed better coping skills before we got into the "hard" stuff.

I think it depends on the patient and the therapist. If there isn't a good fit, the relationship will go downhill. I thought my relationship with my xT was a good one, until now. Now I see it was wrought with pain that didn't have to be. He didn't 'get' me at all. I sat there the whole time, I knew deep down, but I wanted to preserve the relationship no matter what. I ended up being decimated by the termination. I am beginning to try to really trust my current T, who is a good fit, but the lasting effects from my last therapeutic relationship has left me not trusting myself. I do know that now my current therapeutic relationship is positive, therapeutic, and that my T is trustworthy and understands me. I don't think I could ever guess where this will lead, but it feels like it is going in the right direction.

I feel odd about the idea of a friend seeing my T and definitely wouldn't want to compare experiences as that wouldn't be healthy or helpful for me. I have enough transference and cognitive distortion to worry about as it is!

We talked about it first before I referred a friend to him. Also, he sees my mother in law (saw her before me and she referred me), and he has proven himself absolutely trustworthy about not accidentally sharing information. I didn't even know that she had the appointment right before me until we ran into each other near the elevator.

I trust her more. I tell her more. I am more and more comfortable around her. She is more a part of my life. I think she trusts me with more information about herself. We talk about more details of abuse and my life. Wehave a much closer relationship.

My relationship with my psychologist has gone from therapeutic to sheer boredom.

I only see him because I have to in order to get to see my psychiatrist. It's a racket to make money. If I don't see him I don't see the doc and I don't get my meds.

There's nothing left to discuss because there are a lot of things I'm afraid to tell either of them. I don't want to be locked up for how I think. I'm a law-abiding citizen but I don't think that would stop the system from doing the wrong thing. Yes, I'm paranoid.

I want to tell them about what I'm thinking and what the voices say but I can't. I'm not going to be locked up again. It's wrong.

So my sessions are topical. Once in a while we touch on something significant, but rarely.

It's hard to hold this all inside but I have to, so therapy has gone from very helpful to pointless because of the ramifications of complete disclosure.

No. I am not talking about information about/on the therapist. I don't actually care about having information on the therapist herself.

Great question! My relationship has shifted and grown, just as I keep growing. I have been working with my T for over 10 years. The attachment is stronger but I feel less dependent and I no longer try to "hide" anything. I now see both of us as equals even though she could be my mother(age wise), yet I still feel comfortable with the fact that she is the therapist. We are collaborating together on my recovery - I used to think that she had all the "power" but I know better now, lol. I see her as a wonderful human being(just like all of us) and have been able to take her off of the "throne". She makes mistakes, just like me and we repair any rupture and move on. I love her more and have more respect for her while still forging ahead with my life "outside" of therapy. I feel more comfortable being myself in sessions and am willing to challenge my T at times. I feared that I would "lose" my connection to her if I "grew" up, but the exact opposite has happened. I am able to get more of my needs met by staying in my adult self with her and she hasn't gone anywhere. Sorry for the long answer but I thought you started a great thread!